I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

Sent to me this morning by Tardisgurl:

Post the top five funny or most memorable moments at work:

5. The time a co-worker went spastic and knocked a fry basket fresh out of the fryer, smack into my bare upper arm (resulting in a 2nd degree burn).

4. Getting bit in the arse while I was bending over, by a twee Shetland pony.

3. Being threatened to be knifed by by some old fart redneck in Oklahoma, because I'd accidently dialed his number (wrong number).

2. Being tripped by the stable dog, and falling down the ramp into the manure spreader.

1. The face of my nun-boss at the convent, the time we were driving to pick up some donations, and she got pulled over by a policeman.

Post the top five holiday memories:

5. Sailing for the first time in my life, on a wooden Friesian sailboat, one weekend in June of 2001. That was...amazing.

4. Sitting on a pure white registered Arab mare, in Jan. of 2004, in the dunes above the Spynx, at 10 pm at night, just me and three other people, listening to the guard's radio below, blaring out Arabic rock music, and seeing the pyramids/spynx in the gathering dusk--awesome.

3. Sipping a fruity drink with an umbrella in it, then conga dancing with a belly dancer, a mob of college students, and some Japanese tourists (don't ask).

2. Going inside a newly discovered (and closed to the public) tomb, in the Valley of the Kings, and another new one (worker's tombs) at the Pyramids in Giza.

1. Sitting on an Icelandic pony in an ancient volcanic crater, on top of the world, in 2001, breathing in some of the cleanest air on the entire planet. That was the moment I realized my whole life had suddenly changed.

...that with my new work schedule taking effect next week, that I'm actually going to have FIVE DAYS off, in a row!

Last time I had FIVE days off all to once, was--jeez, when I was sick with borderline pneumonia, last year. Even with me being in hospital back in June, with the heart scare, I only took two days off--and only then 'cos I was lying in a blinking hospital bed.

What the hell am I going to do with myself, for five whole days?

Well, go horse riding, swimming. I can do that, I suppose. I'd love to do a picnic, but--picnics are absolutely no fun, on your own....really, how boring can it be, sitting at a picnic table eating a sandwich? I mean, I can do the al fresco thing, sitting on my balcony, for that matter.

Oh, I can go back to the Hyde to see the rest of the Degas exhibit. And, I suppose, I can putter about the apartment. There's a Dr Who story I've never got round to finishing, and there's some editing that needs doing...if it's not too hot. When there's a breeze wafting in the side window, the front room can be quite pleasant--when not, though--it's basically like you're a turkey roasting in a cooker.

There's a free concert in Lake George on Tuesday, I think, in Shephard's Park. Jeez--Saturday to Wednesday off. Wow. I've been working 6 days a week--sometimes 7, for so many years...it's fairly weird to be reasonably well, and employed, and have so much time off, you have no idea.

You know, there's a lot of truly brilliant young American college students, out there. And then, there's the...not so brill's...the barbie and ken, few fries short of a Happy Meal, how-the-hell-did-you-graduate-from-high-school types.

I had a few of those in some of my classes...these were all real situations, and the young people were all educated in New York state.

Examples:

In US State and Local Government class (a second-year level college political science course).

"There's 51 states, you're forgetting Puerto Rico."

Ey??

(Puerto Rico is a territory of the US, and was never a state)

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In American History from the Civil War to the Present:

"Who's Teddy Roosevelt?"

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In American Literature from the 18th Century to the mid 19th Century:

"Are we going to study Shakespere?"

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In World Literature to the Romantic era:

"I have the Monarch notes of Hamlet, can I read that instead?" (asked in all seriousness).

Erm--no. That kid lasted about 2 classes, as I recall.
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In News Writing and Reporting:

"Can we make up or re-write quotes to make the story sound better?"

Erm--no. (That kid's probably now working for the New York Times)

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In my 2 year community college, I did my liberal arts emphasis in theater (not planned, that's just how it worked out--and no regrets from me). Well, one of the half dozen courses I had to take was Intro to Theater.

So, Intro to Theater was boring as hell...all we did was sit around in the theater seats listening to lectures on lighting, stage directions, theater history...well, normally, it wold have been interesting--fascinating even, I normally would have loved it--- BUT our "temp"--an adjunct professor hired just for this class when the regular professor took ill---- had this really dull, lifeless droning monotone voice--ugh!!! He was bored with life and I guess he thought we should be bored together. Misery loves company.

We were supposed to do all this hands-on stuff, but half the time the prof just dicked around and the kids were out of control and...well, I did the tests and showed up for classes, and that got me an A.

It's not the first "temp" teacher I've had that was like that--my computer teacher bascially sat on his arse all semester doing god knows what, while we worked from the textbook--he didn't even answer questions, cos' he admitted he didn't have a clue what to do! Yeah, $300 per credit hour (this was a 3 credit class =$900) to be told to "look it up in the book." Charming.

But, yeah, I loved my theater courses...except for this one. This one felt like...torture. I got an A, but all you had to do to get that, was show up for classes and score good on the tests.

Anyway, our "temp" would give us a 15 minute quiz every Monday morning, on the material we went over the previous week...and the temp prof would go over the quiz ANSWERS just before giving us the quiz!

We'd just been briefed on stage lighting for that Monday's quiz--which we'd covered all the previous week, and, had a reading assignment for it, over the weekend. So, the temp prof goes over the answers before the quiz. A few seconds later, he passes us the quiz papers.

The prof left the room for a couple of minutes (either a trusting soul, or he didn't give a damn about cheating).

I'm sitting there in the theater seat in front of the college stage, dutifully writing down my answers...when I hear a whisper in my ear from the kid sitting behind me...."What's the answer to number three?"

I just shrugged. I didn't spend part of the 3 hours hanging around the dialysis centre early Saturday morning, (waiting for mum as she got her treatment), reading about theater lighting, so I could supply the answer to some mook who chose partying over studying. Sorry, tough cheese, you fail, deal with it.

A minute later, I hear him asking someone else, "What's a frenel again?"

Five minutes later, just before the prof comes back, I hear him whisper, "what's a profile spot do?"

Ey? What were you just doing five minutes ago???

Never mind, I. don't. want. to. know.

I will never forget that. I went to the loo right after, so I could have a laugh without drawing attention to myself or hurting anyone's feelings.

God, that was funny...and, kind of sad, when you think about it. The future of the United States, that kid. Scary stuff. Probably working for a bank, now.

I mean, how rubbish is that?

You get the answer to a short quiz (it ususally was only 10 or 15 questions) and can't remember it five minutes later...jeez. There's a Walmart employee or future politician in the making.