I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

I need to take my mind off of..things, so here's another stupid meme that was floating around my saved mail box.

It was either that, or get nosy and stare out the window to see what sort of furnishings the Bare Bones Furniture delivery guys are bringing to someone across the street--yes, my life has gotten just that dull...oooh, a blue recliner. Someone's going to be comfy while watching their tele.

1. When you were born, how much did you weigh?

Personally, I have to wonder about anyone who knows exactly what they weighed when born, ha-ha. I have no idea, I was underweight, cos' I was a premie, that's all I know.
.

2. What's you're sugar poison?

Soft ice cream cones or hot fudge sundaes.

3. If you had to choose between true love with someone for only a year, or a lifelong friendship, which would you choose?

That's a tough question. Presumably the year means he's gonna' love me and leave me--or vice-versa. I guess I'd go with the rest of my life as friends. I've never been in love anyway, so it's not like I'd be missing anything.

4. What, is your opinion, is the worst song ever?

Tho' it made #1, I really didn't like Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. The Macarena is a close runner-up, followed by the Pina Colada Song.

5. Who was your favorite teacher growing up and why?

Miss McDonough. 'Cos she wasn't your average teacher--I mean, she was old fashioned and very hands-on, and extremely creative...but strict, too. She was very much like the old-time one-room school house type of teacher. We did some really cool stuff in her class...even stunk up the school one time, during our Colonial period studies, by learning how to make hand cream from scratch, out of sheep's lanolin. Pee-ewww! Sometimes, instead of going to the gym to play during winter recess, she'd divide winter recess time by allowing us to play outdoors in the snow part of the week, and then sitting and reading to us from books--such as The Secret Garden (boring), or, doing cool crafts, like decorating tie pins with powdered paint and then firing it in a kiln. She also encouraged me to write more stories, and taught me how to type 'cos my crooked finger (and then unknown to me mild dsypraxia) made it hard for me to write--she's the ONLY teacher in my whole life, who not only didn't make a negative remark about my poor handwriting, but tried to help me, too.
.

6. What personal activity, when performed in public, bothers you the most?

Men and boys spitting on the sidewalk. That's just...beyond disgusting. No one uses handkerchefs or tissues anymore...why don't they just drop their trousers and poo on the sidewalk too, while they're at it?

7. Ok, there's a $50 bill lying on the ground. You pick it up. Dumbfounded by your incredible luck, what do you selfishly purchase?

Call the police. If no one claims it in x-number of days, it's mine...if I could spend it on anything, I'd buy either a Dr Who book, or some clothing. However-- If someone claims it, who desperately needed it...well, we're both the winner, as far as I'm concerned. Is that too old-fashioned of me? Well, pfft if it is. That's who I am.

8. Do you have a recurring nightmare? If so, explain.

Yeah, for years I have had dreams where I'm facing a tornado or fire (usually with my cats, past or present, and/or my late mum), or sometimes dreams involving lakes or rivers or canals--the nightmares often involve flooding or bridge collapse.

9. Name one place on Earth you would most like to live.

A small town, or the country somewhere...Northern New York, New England, Canada, Europe, doesn't matter. Not that I couldn't live in a city--I do, and I cold do so again...especially if the city had places I could go (museums, shops, parks, festivals) that were affordable.

10. What are you planning to do in the next two hours?

Take out a bin bag of kitty litter, change for work, go to work, meet with the HR person over my fate as an employee, then, if I'm not fired, go to work on collections calls till 9pm.

I just submitted my CV to a website, and my profile infor to zoominfo--god. 48 years old and no real marketable job skills, and not a hell of a lot to show for my life. I think I'm going to go and cry now.

American television network, "Fox," has just commissioned...a "real" reality television series!

The show, a dating programme, touted to be a cross between the weight loss show "Biggest loser," and the glamous dating programme, "The Batchelor," will be focused on what Fox says are "real" guys--meaning overweight or less than attractive men.

The programme is to be called, (in reference to the overweight), "More to Love."

Says Fox:

"For six years it's been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that's not what the dating world looks like," Fox president of alternative programing Mike Darnell said. "Why don't real women -- the women who watch these shows, for the most part -- have a chance to find love too?"

Fox claims that they believe that American audiences are worldly-wise enough these days, to embrace seeing "average looking," ordinary people on national television, as opposed to the beautiful, skinny and trendy--aka: perfect, looking people.

"It's so simple (an idea), but it's never been done before (on US television)."

Tonight I find out if I'm to be sacked or not. I wish I could just pull the covers over my head and disappear. I seriously don't know if I have the strength in me, to go through yet another crisis.

I was counting. Since Nov. 2005, I've had to deal with no less than 19 major to moderate crises to have to cope with--most of them on my own. I lived from Dec. 2005, to July 2006, literally--very, very literally, alone. No friends, no family, nobody.
I went from Nov. 2006, to May 2008, without once going more than 2 or 3 miles from the apartment I'm sitting in right now.

I'm not writing this for sympathy or to feel sorry for myself--but, to point out that I am a HUMAN BEING...I'm not some unfeeling machine. I have my LIMITS.

I just don't know how I'm going to take this, if I have just one more loss. I don't know if I'm going to cope, or going to just give up. I almost gave up in autumn of 2006. I was ready to give up last year when I thought I was about to be homeless...I sort of did give up last year. The fight--mostly--went out of me.

I guess I will see what I will see, tonight. These sort of situations don't exactly make you feel like a winner, though. I can see why no one will hire me for anything but drudge labour..I don't like myself much, anymore.

I have to say that any purse website that has to use SPAM to advertise, is TRASH. Only losers buy cheap Chinese knock-off's. I am all for protectionism! Buy British, Buy American, tell the Chinese to SOD OFF.

Xinzheng, Henan is home to the WORST company on the planet, who employs slave labour and kids, and sells crap that will fall apart at the first oppourtunity, and only a cheap mindless fool with no identity of her own, would buy their rubbish bags.

Earlier this week, in Virginia, hundreds of people reported a huge boom, preceeded by a streak of fire and a flash in the sky. Allegedly, this was caused by falling debris from a Russian spacecraft.

Okay, fine. But...

Earlier this month, TWO tremedous booms shook New York's lower Hudson Valley region, just north of New York City. The first mystery boom, was suppposedly so loud, it shook some houses like an earthquake, and ws heard in two seperate counties--Rockland and Westchester.

The loud booms occured on two seperate days--March 9th and 10th, and remain unexplained. Earthquake, sonic booms from military jets and falling space debris, were ruled out by authorities. However, there was some rain around in the early morning hours of the 10th, and the local National Weather Service office says there was a "slight possibility" of the boom heard on the 10th--which shook one man out of bed--that the noise on that day might have been thunder. However, there were no storms around on the 9th March, to account for the loud noise then. Local air force and coast guard stations, and airports all deny any activity that would have triggered a sonic boom. However the US Air Force Space Command in Colorado, did not return any calls regarding the possiblity of space activity.

Sounds like a job for Doctor Who!

The huge boom on the 9th March was heard in Yonkers, Eastchester, Bronxville, Tuckahoe and Scarsdale at 12:24 a.m. Saturday. The weather was clear.

Liz Holland, a Mount Kisco resident, told The Journal News over the weekend that she saw a bright yellow object streaking through the sky in a downward arc. Holland said "it wasn't huge, but bigger than a shooting star."

However, there was no confirmation of any meteor activity in that part of the sky that night.

The second boom, the 10th March--which reportedly also rattled windows, was heard in a wide area of Westchester county.

AND, more recently, on St. Patrick's Day (17th March), residents in a six-block area (street sections) Staten Island, NY (across the harbour from Manhattan) reported hearing a loud boom, as well. The explosion-like sound rattled windows shortly before 8pm at night. Police and fire departments responding to calls, found no evidence of any explosive activity, and no earthquakes or sonic booms were recorded as being in the area. However, an unnamed police spokesman did suggest that because of the limited area where the boom was heard, that it might have been someone setting off "fireworks."

MYSTEROUSLY,

Just a few days before the downstate New York incidents, on Wednesday, the Santa Cruz Sentinel also reported a similar noise in California's Central Valley - and another one 12 hours earlier in Orange County, Calififornia---an incident which also remains unsolved.

The rumbling, booming sound shook a woman out of bed, rattled windows, caused waves in a backyard swimming pool and set off car alarms. Sonic booms and an earthquake have both been ruled out.

“My garage door is double steel and it weighs about 500 lbs. It was rattling back and forth like a leaf in the wind for about 3 or 4 seconds.” Said one Universal City resident, who reported hearing the noise.

AND...

On 4th March of this year, In Idaho, residents reported three mysterious booms, occuring shortly after 5pm. At this same date, mysterious loud booms were also heard in Orange County, California. Neither of these incidents were in the area of any earthquakes or super-sonic aircraft activites.

In early February, in Georgia, a Mysterious boom was reported by residents near the town of Tignall. This boom was reported as being heard--and felt, over a 15 mile radius. One site said that some "theorists" believe that an asteroid may have caused that noise.

On on 8th Feb., this year, yet more mysterious booms rocked the Cape Fear region off the coast of North Carolina.

Like those in New York, these booms were heard in more than one county--three counties, to be exact. People calling the regional newspaper, reported they heard the booms and felt strong vibrations. One man said he thought his beach-front home was collapsing. Another said it shook her whole house.

A meteorologist at the National Weather Service office in Wilmington said reports of the booms or vibrations were widespread, coming from Rocky Point in Pender County to Leland in Brunswick County.

The Brunswick County 911 center's switchboard lit up with calls from people reporting explosions or loud booms. However a 911 distpatcher in another area, received no calls at all.

Mysterious booms known as "Seneca Guns" have been reported in the region for centuries. The name comes from a similar phenomenon in New York and Connecticut.

Legend has it that the Seneca Indians are getting their revenge with the guns that Europeans used to displace them.

More scientific explanations say the boom of the guns comes from earthquakes, material falling off the continental shelf, or pockets of hot air exploding like balloons.

"We have no idea what it was," said Michael Ross, the meteorologist at the weather service in Wilmington. "We felt the building kind of shake for just a split second."

Some scientists are attributing the North Carolina and California booms, to sound waves, traveling over the ocean. In the case of the California boom, some scientists think the sound wave may be similar to one that happened in 2006, which originated over a military training area, 120 miles off the Pacific coast from San Diego--known officially as "Warning area 291", which covers around 1 million square miles of ocean, and is off-limits to private flights or boating activity. The Navy denies any activity in that area. However, scientists are unsure if the sound wave this year--if it was a sound wave--was caused by military activity, or was a natural occurance.

Some people believe that the military is testing a top-secret spy plane or testing new weapons. Others say it is a natural phenomena, while a few point to outer space as the source of these mystery booms. Others prattle on about vernal equinoxes and magnetic shifts, and all sorts of weird stuff. One site suggested that it was radio waves from the HAARP project, or some such palaver. Yet another site said these booms are of "divine" origin.

Of course, while the nutjob conspiracy websites are having a field day, for the most part authorites are scratching their balls heads, wondering what is going on.

...I keep wondering how I'm going to handle gettng sacked. I survived so much the last three or four years, I guess I can survive this too--but honestly, I'm not that far away from the place where I won't want to survive any longer. I hope I never find that place--tho' I'd been on the cusp of that place once, and tottered towards the edge a few times--I don't know if I'll break or not, or what sort of event will finally fracture me into itty-bitty little pieces...I just don't like where my mind is, of late...or my body either, for that matter.

Recent press release from an audio book publisher, for which actor David Tennant (Dr Who/Hamlet/Casanova, etc.) recorded some of the great Bard's sonnets:

"Imagine David Tennant wooing you with Shakespeare’s immortal lines of love in his seductive Scottish accent..."

Oh dear God, let's not. "Seductive???" As in sexy? Tennant? That skinny walli-peeli bloke from Dr Who?

Scottish seduction--what, as in "Let me get a leg over Molly, and I'll show you something kinky to do with a haggis?"

I must be getting old. He's a lovely actor, and probably a nice man, but...seductive? Yeah, I'm truly past it now. I'm gonna' be an old maid forever, me.

Dreary morning here, but at least it ain't snowing. I was asked if I'm voting tomorrow--it's the elsection for US senator representing our part of the state of New York, to fill the seat left vacant when Sen. Clinton was made US Secretary of State. Very, very hotly contested election, with the die-hard "we-never-learn-from-our-mistakes-because-God-is-a-conservative-and-He-don't-make-no-mistakes" republicans pushing for the anti-stimulus, pro-tax cuts for the upper classes candidate Jim Tedisco, and a new pro-stimulus, pro-jobs, pro-farmer democratic challenger, named Murphy. Murphy's been really aggressive and Tedisco has been his usual arrogant self. Tho' I live (sadly) in a extremely pro-conservative (aka: Tory) redneck gun-loving, extreme patriotic (like the Nazi's were patriotic about the Third Reich) redneck, backwards, God-is-a-republican-so-"we"-can't be wrong, part of New York state....I think people are so fed up with the conservatives attitude that they are the only one's who know what's best for the rest of the country, and anyone who disagrees with them is a traitor. Again, pretty much like the Third Reich. So yeah, Murphy the Unknown Democrat, actually has a good shot. But...are New Yorker's fed up enough, to step outside their comfort zone bubbles, to elect someone new?

I won't be able to vote. I'm afraid that I'm extremely ill today. Oh, I'll survive. I can't take any more time off from work, so well or near-death, I have to go to work, or risk getting fired. Which really wouldn't do my health any good, being reduced to living on $820 a months. And believe me, the bastards at National Grid (may they roast in hell if there's any justice in the afterlife), would not hesitate to shut me off from my electric and gas.

Anyway, it's Monday, another week to get through. I'm having a mite of trouble with the old ticker today, so I have to stay in bed. I just found out yesterday that I'm out of bin bags--and I can't get any more until Friday, so I'll just have to be creative and maybe use shopping bags or something like that...or maybe the neighbours have one or two spare trash bags they can let me have, we'll see.

There's a bird chirping in the maple tree outside my front windows, and Flame is sitting on the radiator, looking around, trying to figure out just where that darned bird his. She's getting a bit frustrated, moving now to the balcony window, whinging to be let out..."I WANT that bird, ma!" It's a cardinal, I can hear it better now---tweeet...tweeet, twiiit, twit-twit-twit-twit.

Not doing so hot tonight--feel faint again, as I have for the past couple of days. Chest hurts and having trouble breathing a bit. I don't think it's serious, though, and I hope this passes soon. At any rate, trying to take it easy. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it, anyway. I have no way to go to a doctor, I'm flat broke...I have less than $2 until Friday morning. The only way to get to a doctor (short of going by a $400 private ambulance), is to walk. No huge deal when I'm healthy, but not exactly a joy, when I'm sick.

We had a fast-moving storm blow through about 2 horus ago. The lightning made me jump a few times, those abrupt blue flashes in the black night sky. We've not had a lightning storm in nearly 6 months! Not used to seeing it, anymore.

I wanted to write, but didn't get very far, alas. Finished the last few lines of chapter six, and began chap. seven. Usually, I push myself to write a complete chapter in one go, if possible...not possible tonight. Damn. I have some ideas, but they'll just have to wait...maybe not a bad thing. If I rush a story, sometimes it gets away from me, and goes in another direction--which may be the wrong one...or, it might simply get tedious with some unneeded dialogue of action--or in-action, if it bogs down in one scene too long.

Anyway, the story is in need of some serious editing on my part, and this is all I got out of 20 minutes of typing:

(last paragraph of chap. 6)---

Suddenly, the truck jerked into life, and speeded up, the engine sounding more like a race car, than a lorry. The Doctor quickly grabbed the wheel back from a startled Wilfred. But, it was too late. Another car, a Land Rover this time, was blocking the road ahead. The Doctor had no choice but to slam on the lorry's brakes--only, the vehicle, apparently, didn't have any. It kept going, right at the Land Rover. "Oh dear. That's not good, is it?" The Doctor muttered, disconcerted. There was nowhere to go, either, as one side of the road was flanked by a stone fence, the other by a deep drainage ditch.

CHAPTER SEVEN

As the they sped on towards the Land Rover, Wilf gripped the dashboard with white knuckles, staring ahead as if mesmerized. He yelled, "Stop! You'll get us killed!" Not sparing him a glance, the Doctor tried pumping the brakes, whinging, 'Doing my best! I may want us to stop, and you may want us to stop, and the driver of that car up there may want us to stop, but I'm afraid this old lorry doesn't--so hang on!" Donna's grandfather merely shook his head, and whispered, "And what good will that do?"

The lorry was about to broadside the Land Rover, the Doctor muttering, "Come on, come on, what are you waiting for? Move out of the way!" At the last possible second, the car blocking the road gunned forward, turning a hard right and speeding off, in front of the lorry. Both the Doctor and Wilf heaved identical sighs of relief. The Land Rover stayed in front of them, keeping pace with them without slowing down. It seemed to be escorting the Doctor and Wilf.

The sirens of the other police cars faded into the distance, as the Rover turned off onto a dirt track. His curiousity aroused, the Doctor decided to go along. "What's he playing at?" Wilf asked. Gripping the steering wheel tightly as they bounced over the rough dirt road, the Doctor merely gave an elaborate shrug. "Dunno'. He flashed Wilf a delighted grin. "Isn't that great? I love surprises." The old man only rolled his eyes and grunted. "Well at least one of us is happy."

(chapter 7 to be continued...)

I just got my lowest visitor numbers in over 2 years today. Ho-hum, that's the way it goes. Last year, I was averaging 800 to 1000+ visitors a day, now, less than 400...today, not even 300. Don't know what happened to make me lose 600 or 700 visitors, but, them's the breaks. Probably whinging too much...or, not enough stuff about David Tennant.

Now, well I know (seriously), that I COULD boost my stats considerably, but posting a full-frontal nude pic of David Tennant (Yes, I forgot to delete it, apparently).

But--I don't want to post a full-frontal nude pic of the actor...tho' I think I did once, as a joke, and then deleted the post. I really...well, it's hard to explain. Maybe it's the old Puritain American heritage, but I just am not comfortable doing that--and I think it would cheapen my blog--and thus, me, to do so, merely to boost my daily stats. And, again, maybe it's a bit old-fashioned, or uptight or whatever, but I feel like it would degrade my respect for myself, if I did that...and, cheapen my Whovian status, as well, I suppose. I don't ever want to be one of those "new" fans who take that grand old series down to the gutter, with trashy romance writing or pornographic imagery.

I may not be a fan-girl, but I do, very much, have a tremendous amount of respect for the man...maybe he wouldn't care, him being from a different culture and generation than I, well--a different world, really. But, it would matter to ME, and that's the whole point, isn't it? It's my journal-blog, and not the fan-girl's...and boys.

So, here's a pic of David Tennant--fully clothed--behind a bush, thank you very much. Meh. Pfft to the blog stats.

I lay down for a bit this afternoon, feeling a bit light-headed still...and woke three and a half hours later! Jeez--never even remembered falling asleep. I AM getting on a bit, aren't I? Gone right from middle age, straight into senility, no pause for menopause.

Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles, that's the way the Mickey mumbles.

After giving it a bit of throught, decided to nuke my dinner tonight in the microwave--meatloaf and mashed with Harvard sweet and sour beets. Meh, not what I planned but it'll do in a pinch.

I WAS going to do some writing today--there goes that plan down the old crapper. Well, maybe later tonight, if the mood strikes me. I've got to get a better (free) word processor tho', I really don't like OpenOffice very well.

This is a boring post, so I'll get off the blog and go play some cribbage online or something. By the way, does anyone reading this (assuming here, maybe no one will read this)..but if anyone is, I'm looking for a GOOD reliable free downloadable Monopoly game--one that doesn't need other players (not interactive). If anyone knows of one, let me know? I lost my Monopoly game when I moved here 2+ years ago, and never have been able to find an affordable--or even good--replacement, in any of the local shops--I was wondering if there was any good easy-to-use games online for free, that I don't have to worry about downloading (viruses, malware, etc. worry me. I don't like downloading stuff unless I'm fairly sure it's good).

My mind is a bit out of sorts today (not going to elaborate), so I think writing is out of the question, at least for the moment. I do need something to do. My eyes are also bothering me too much to read, but I can still see the computer screen kind of okay. I've got four meme's piled up in my saved e-mail, that were sent to me a while back by some well-wisher (ha-ha). Here's one of them:

___________________________________________________________________________________________

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was working on filling out paper work and getting financial aid to go back to college, living in a small mill town in the southern Adirondack mtns., working part-time, training to be a ride operator at a local amusement park, taking care of mum--who had started to become partly wheel-chair bound, and volunteering one day a week for the local Meals on Wheels programme, and looking into getting my own place (mum's social worker was talking about maybe putting mum into pensioner housing, and I was toying with the idea of renting a small cottage or getting a low-cost mortgage for a mobile home.)

What were you doing 1 year ago? My health took another nose-dive that winter, and I was reduced to working part-time, going hungry and just weeks away from being evicted...and thinking rather dark thoughts.

Five snacks you enjoy:

Chex snack mix cheddar flavour
cheese and crackers or pepperoni and crackers (or both)
movie theater butter flavour microwave popcorn
Honey-mustard Pringles
Pizza bites/pizza filled egg rolls

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

Lovely Agnes
Spanish is a Lovin' Tongue
Today
Angel From Montgomery
Goin' Away ( http://www.utahphillips.org/songbook/goinaway.html )

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Pay off debts

Help people who need it (food pantries, homeless, sick people etc.)

Buy a Ford Ranger or vintage pick up truck

Move either back to a small town or the country, or move to Europe somewhere--Scotland, Netherlands, Wales, etc. and become a citizen there.

Either go finish my education, start my own business, or train for some other type of work that I'd enjoy (and not have to worry about lack of living wage and/or job benefits).

What would you do if some man (or woman) pinched you in the bum?

I'd turn around, and give his balls a good squeeze, see how he likes it--fair play, ey?

Five things you'll do today:

Do a meme
eat
sleep
take the bin bags out to the bin
feed the cats

How is your eyesight?

Not totally blind yet--hopefully that will never happen, or is years away, but...it's not great, at the moment in my right eye. It's...OK, in my left eye, I think, though I'm still quite near-sighted of course.

Five random items currently in your wardrobe:

A brown/tan blouse
a navy blue sweat shirt with a design on it
a brown sweater (jumper)
a blue tee shirt
black high top trainers

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane?

About 10 or 12 hours, roughly, including time sitting on the runway.

Five favorite knick-knacks in your house:

One of my late mum's collectable cats (I kept some of her collection of cat figurines)
A 1940's chalkware "Empty Saddle" horse statue, with a leather western saddle from Denver Colorado.
an antique Japanese dancing boy figurine
my Edwardian treen hand-turned quill pot/vase with silk irises in it
My antique western brass-studded pony bridle

What is the best animal you'd ever seen up close?

I came face-to-face (almost literally) with a wild bull elk, while out hiking in Wyoming. He was magnificent! So dignified and graceful and proud.

Do you miss any part of your past?

Sure. I try real hard not to dwell on it so much. I think, as I get older, it's the little things I miss more than any big events...going shopping with my mum, sitting in the garage on a rainy day with the door open, listening to both the rain, and music on the radio (I WAS easily amused when I was young, wasn't I?), hanging out in the woods with my dogs, hanging out at the bowling alley, watching TV with my mum/family, just ordinary stuff, that I'll never do again.

Is there a special place in the town you grew up in, that remains dear to your heart?

Oh sure-- the Woolworth's soda fountain--well, the whole of Woolworths..it was a cool shop over here...sold everything from sodas, ice cream sundaes, hamburgers and hot dogs, to small pets, candy, tools, bolts of fabric, makeup (bought my first make up there) records, books, clothing, area rugs, lamps, household cleaners, toys--loved the toys. Yeah, believe it or not, lot of good memories of our local Woolies. The dinner lady at the soda fountain worked there for years and years, and knew my name. She never talked down to me, just 'cos I was a kid, she was so nice...she used to sometimes put an extra scoop of vanilla ice cream in my black cow (root beer float). I got a lamp from the 70's, from Woolies, on my desk...and until it broke 3 years ago and was irrepairably damanged, I had a framed print of some river scene in Wales, that I had for years and years, hanging on the walls of wherever I lived that I'd bought from Woolworth's in the early 80's.

Football or baseball?

Erm--can committing hari-kari be added to that list?

What's your bed size?

Ey?? Single, just like me.

Houseboat or Mansion?

Houseboat, in a heartbeat. I've been in mansions, not impressed, thanks. I'm the type that would think that living in a houseboat would be ten times cooler than living in a mansion.

Bagpipes or classical guitar?

Both--no really, I like both equally well.

It's teaming down rain this morning, rainy Sundays aren't a bad thing, though. I mean, makes me feel less guilty for not getting my backsides outside to enjoy a walk or whatever--mind you, I sometimes rather enjoy a walk in the rain--tho' it's not as pleasurable in the city, as it is in a pine forest or rolling meadowland or what have you.

I want to write some fan fiction today--SOMEDAY I will actually finish Evil Waters and, perhaps even Numbered Days. I wrote a Doctor/Martha story I slapped the title Numbered Days on, when I was quite ill with that dental/facial abscess (yes, the same one I have now, again--only not even a tenth as bad as back then), and was in the middle of it, when I was put in hospital...when I got out a bit better, I found I'd lost the thread...I was a complete blank as to where to go with the story...and sort of lost my interest in the story, overall.

I was surprised to see yesterday though, that I broke my visitor record on my Dr Who fan fiction blog on Wordpress. What's with that??? Why the sudden interest out of nowhere, for Dr Who fan fiction? Anyone have any ideas, why people would suddenly be hunting Dr Who fan fiction on the internet in droves? I mean, the searches for Dr Who fan fiction, seemed to have literally doubled overnight!

About once a week, I check my stats on my Dr Who fan-fic blog. On any given day, they run from zero visitors, to anywhere from 6, to 15, to 24. The highest visits have been about 30, with the record at 31, the first day I began the blog back on 31st May, 2008.

In the last 10 months, I've had all of 5 comments on my stories, so I don't really think many people actually read my blog--I think it's just people looking for stuff about David Tennant, or Who-porn, or easy-reader Who fics. This is going to sound pompous, even tho' I don't mean it to be, but I write regular stories, not easy-reader stuff. I MAY shorten paragraphs for stories intended for internet readers, from what I normally would have written in college, but I would rather be boiled in oil, than cater to lazy, whinging internet readers.

If I with my failing eyes, don't find actual, proper paragraphs too hard to read online, than I find the whinging of people--many of whom are half my age, just...disgusting. Sorry, going on about a pet peeve again. I shouldn't, I know. It IS a bit of a thorn in my side though--and, quite the opposite of people with "healthy" eyes, I find this single or double sentence paragraph crap, very hard and tedious to read--I can't read Dr Who books on the BBC's website, because they shorten the paragraphs so much (the BBC arrogantly lies about doing that, but I would bet you all my remaining possessions, that those novels didn't look like that in the paperbacks)...anyway...

I suspect that, though I shorten sentences--albeit if only marginally--and publish them in larger print when possible--I suspect that at lest some of my visitors looking for Who-fics, don't want to be bothered with reading a properly written story (grammar and spelling errors aside). This isn't a put-down, it's a fact. I left two Dr Who fan fiction websites, because I got really fed up with the pathetic mewling of lazy readers, chastising me for writing "too long" paragraphs (paragraphs about the same size as I am writing here, actually). It was genuinely sad for me, to have to learn about the reality of internet readers...and in a way, I feel quite sorry for them, for all the wonderful stories they miss out on, for no other reason than they are too afraid to take the time needed to read them.

I grew up, in the 60's and 70's, practically with my ear permanantly glued to a radio. Let's see how I stack up on this quiz (answers at the bottom of the page, but promise I WON'T cheat! In fact, I'll probably kick myself when I read the answers for some of the questions I missed. To be fair, some of these songs are from before I was born, and, well--my memory has gotten pretty crappy these days, truth to tell. Good thing I'm not an actor or a quiz show contestant! Also bear in mind, that it's going for 2 in the morning, over here.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Questions...can you complete the lyrics or guess the names of these songs?

What do you get with 16 tons? ANOTHER DAY OLDER AND DEEPER IN DEBT

Just kicking down the cobblestones looking for fun and...FEELIN' GROOVY

Who's the man in the funny papers we all know? (DON'T KNOW)

Those good ol' boys were drinking whiskey and...RYE AND SINGIN' THIS'LL BE THE DAY THAT I DIE

Just an old-fashioned love song coming down in...THREE PART HARMONY

Just call me angel of the...MORNING, ANGEL, JUST TOUCH MY CHEEK BEFORE YOU LEAVE ME, BABY

Another Saturday night and I ain't got...NOBODY, I GOT SOME MONEY 'CAUSE I JUST GOT PAID

Sometimes an April day will suddenly bring... (DON'T KNOW)

Who's the baddest man in the whole damn town? BAD, BAD LEROY BROWN

Where did Fats Domino find his thrill? ON BLUEBERRY HILL

Who was Van Morrison behind the stadium with? BROWN EYED GIRL

Build me up... BUTTERCUP

The Beach Boys wished they all could be...CALIFORNIA GIRLS (REALLY??) This question probably could be re-worded, ha-ha.

I don't care too much for money, money can't...BUY MY LOVE???

(Uh, ah, uh, ah) That's the sound of the men working on the...CHAIN GANG (or somebody who's had too much fiber in their diet)

Oh yeah, baby, what did the Big Bopper like? CHANTILLY LACE???

I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying and crazy for...(LOVING YOU??)

You saw me crying in the...THE RAIN?

What country music legend sang backup on Running Bear? (NO IDEA)

What was the Big Bopper's real name? (BEATS ME)

You are my reason to live, all I own I would give, just to have you adore me. (DON'T KNOW)

They got some crazy little women there and I'm gonna get me one. (DON'T REMEMBER)

Name the house in New Orleans that's been the ruin of many poor men. THE RISING SUN

Jimmy called me on the phone but I was gone and not at home. 'Cause I was parked all alone with darlin'... (DON'T KNOW)

I'm hooked on a feelin', I'm high on believin' that...THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME

You're my _____, that's what I call you. You know what to do with those eyes of blue. (DON'T KNOW)

That famous day in history the men of the 7th cavalry went riding on. And from the rear a voice was heard, a brave young man with a trembling word rang loud and clear. What am I doin' here? (HEARD IT A FEW TIMES ON THE OLDIES STATION, BUT NOT SURE--CUSTER'S LAST STAND??)

You're once, twice, three times a... LADY

Where, oh where, can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me. She's gone to Heaven so I've got to be good so...MEET HER WHEN I LEAVE THIS OLD WORLD(???)

_____, bring me a dream. Make him the cutest that I've ever seen. SANDMAN

Left standing in the lurch at a church where people saying, "My God, that's tough. She stood him up... (DON'T KNOW)

I sent my baby a telegram asking to be her man, begging her to come back home to me. Oh, I dotted the I's and I crossed the T's and begged her pretty please. Honey honey, come back home to me. (CAN'T REMEMBER)

_____, my baby's got me locked up in...(DON'T KNOW)

Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now. C'mon baby, do the...LOCOMOTION

Don't take your love away from me. Don't you leave my heart in misery. If you go then I'll be blue 'cause... BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Does your _____ lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? CHEWING GUM

Then if it don't work out, then if it don't work out, then you can tell me... (NO CLUE)

I know something about love, you've got to want it bad. If that guy's got into your blood, go out and get him. (NO IDEA)

You've got to give a little, take a little, and let your poor heart...(UGH. CAN'T REMEMBER)

You don't drive a big fat car. You don't look like a movie star. And on your money we won't go far. But, baby, you've.(DAMN IT! I USED TO LIKE THIS SONG, BUT i CAN'T MAKE IT PLAY IN MY HEAD! DAMN!!!! I'M GOING TO KICK MYSELF WHEN I READ THE ANSWERS, HA-HA)..

I took my troubles down to Madame Ruth. You know that gypsy with the...GOLD TOOTH?

My love for you will last til time itself is through. Oh my darling, oh my darling, this...(NO IDEA)

There's been a load of compromisin' on the road to my horizon. But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me... LIKE A REINSTONE COWBOY, RIDING OUT ON A HORSE IN A STAR-SPANGLED RODEO

Kiss me, kiss me, and when you do I know that you will miss me, miss me, if we ever say adieu. So kiss me, kiss me, make me tell you... I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU

Woke up this mornin' feelin' fine 'cause there was something special on my mind. Last night I met a new boy in the neighborhood...SOMETHING TELLS ME I'M INTO SOMETHING GOOD

There is nothing I wouldn't do just to...BE WITH YOU?

Your kiss was such a sacred thing to me. I can't believe it's just a burning memory. (DON'T KNOW)

The purpose of a man is to love a woman and the purpose of a woman is to love a man. SO COME ON BABY LET'S LOVE TODAY, COME ON BABY LET'S PLAY, THE GAME OF LOVE, LOVE, LA-LA-LA-LOVE

Our love's gonna be written down in history just like...(DUNNO')

When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go...DOWNTOWN

How gentle is the rain that falls softly on the meadow. Birds high up in the trees serenade the clouds with their melody. (CAN'T REMEMBER)

As I lie awake resting from the day, I hear the clock passing time away. Oh, I couldn't sleep for on my mind was the... (CAN'T REMEMBER)

Does she love me with all her heart? Should I worry when we're apart? It's a...(CAN'T REMEMBER)

In a pretty little church on a dilly dilly day you'll be wed in a dilly dilly dress of...
Come with me, my love, to the sea...THE SEA OF LOVE?

I'm going back someday, come what may, to...(GOSH, I KNOW IT, BUT CAN'T MAKE IT COME TO ME--THINK, NANCY, THINK! EUREKA! BLUE BAYOU BY LINDA RONSTANT!)

When the twilight is gone and no songbirds are singing. When the twilight is gone, you come into my heart. And here in my heart you will stay while I...TWIIGHT TIME?? (CAN'T REMEMBER THE NEXT BIT, THOUGH)

But we'll forgive them because we love them, after all is said and done. They're..(CAN'T REMEMBER). KMM

You were a girl of many charms. Oh, how I loved you in my arms. I never thought that you would ever go... (CAN'T REMEMBER)

And as long as my heart will beat, sweet lover, we'll always meet here in my..ROOM???

When I want you in my arms, when I want you and all of your charms, whenever I want you...
I hope and I pray that she'll hear my plea and maybe someday she'll come back to me. For here in my heart, there's a...(N0 IDEA)

I want, want you to know I love, I love you so. Please hold, hold me so tight, all through, all through the night. (CRAP, CAN'T MAKE THE DAMN SONG PLAY IN MY HEAD! ARRRGH!!)

_____, pleasant dreams and sleep tight, my love. May tomorrow be sunny and bright and bring you closer to me. (DON'T KNOW)

Then he rolled His big sleeves up and a brand new world began. He created a woman and lots of lovin' for a man. Whoa, yes, he did with just...LITTLE BIT OF CLAY?

I'm sorry, so sorry. Please accept my apology. But love was blind and I was...UNKIND?

1. The way you hold my hand. 2. Your laughing eyes. 3. The way you understand. 4. Your secret sighs. They're all part of... (NOT A CLUE)

Well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down. Where pretty girls are, well, you know that I'm around. I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cuz to me they're all the same. I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't...(IT'S--I THINK--FROM THE WANDERER BY DION, BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER)

Shoot me out of a cannon, I don't care. Let the people point at me and stare. I'll tell the world that woman, wherever she may be, that mean, fickle woman made a... (NEVER HEARD THESE LYRICS)

And my number is Beechwood... BEACHWOOD 45789

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Answers
another day older and deeper in debt
feelin' groovy
Alley Oop
rye
there part harmony
morning
nobody
showers
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
on Blueberry Hill
my brown-eyed girl
Buttercup Baby
California girls
buy me love
chain gang
Chantilly lace
loving you
chapel
George Jones
J.P. Richardson
'Til
Kansas City
Rising Sun
Norman
you're in love with me
baby blue
Please Mr. Custer
lady
I can see my baby when I leave this world
Mr. Sandman
No point in us remaining
Morse Code Of Love
Chains
locomotion
breakin' up is hard to do
chewing gum
goodbye
Tell Him
break a little
got what it takes
gold capped tooth
I swear is true
like a rhinestone cowboy
I'm in love with you
something tells me I'm into something good
be with you
Heartaches
Book Of Love
Romeo and Juliet
downtown
Lover's Concerto
image of the girl I hope to find
lover's question
lavender blue
the sea of love
Blue Bayou
pray
one in a million, a million to one
'cause I loved you so
deep purple dreams
all I have to do is dream
story untold
Come Softly To Me
Goodnight, my love
a hundred pounds of clay
too blind to see
sixteen reasons why I love you
even know my name
cryin' clown out of me
45789

For over two decades, in America, consumers were extolled the virtures of soft toilet paper, by a character named Mr. Whipple--a grocery store manager, who lady shoppers would always find standing by the Charmin toilet paper display, hugging a package of TP to his chest, squeezing it.

The tag line was, of course, that it was "squeezably soft." But, 25 years later, I wonder---would we be able to get away with this seemingly innocent advert, today? I mean, think about it--we're talking about a character who spends his day hugging these pillowy soft round rolls to his chest, squeezing them, like women's breasts....ew.

For some reason today, I thought of the old Roto Rooter jingle, from the 1970's..."Call Roto Rooter, thats-the-name, and away go troubles, down-the-drain."

How much totally useless CRAP do we harbour inside our brains for decades...I mean, what that knowledge good for? It's not like I can go on American Idol and belt it out for the judges, can I?

So, a deliciously lovely spring day today, actually got to be 62 F--our highest temp of the year, so far to date, so there's hope that true spring is not too far away. The ground is finally thawing, and the robins sometimes chirp at sunset. However, rain and wet snow in forecast for next two days--and not going to be seeing 60's again, for at least a week, if not two...or three...the weather here is so wonky and changable, one never knows.

Kismet?

I had been lying down 'cos I wasn't feeling great, but on feeling better I got up and went to close the balcony window--I'd let the cats out on the balcony for fresh air. I was standing there--when I saw my farm lady friend drive past--now, the window was closed, and she was driving by, but I gave a big wave, anyway--tho' assumed she'd never notice---she did! Not only that, but she stopped, backed up, and got out of the car. She shouted up at me, "Ya' wanna' go to Walmart with me?" And so--we did. We have a lot of fun at Walmart, goofing around. The other shoppers steer clear of us, because it's upstate New York and people are distrustful and even slightly paranoid, about anything outside their tiny bubble of experience...tho' some shoppers are nice, to be fair...but most just sort give us that "I'd better be nice to the crazy people or else," smile, and get the hell away from us, as fast as they can. I love it!

FINALLY! Someone who "gets" my sense of humour! It's so liberating, being around someone I can be truly be myself with, and be silly with, who isn't ashamed, or nervous or embarrassed to be around me (well, if she is, she hides it really well, bless her).

I mean, if you are going to run a dieting empire--WHY are they showing beautiful average-size or even skinny women? Why the hell not sell to the people most likely to use you? REAL overweight Women...

...one cannot but ask: are even the companies that push weight control, BIGOTED against the very people they are SUPPOSED to be helping???

Twits. Seriously--I mean, really seriously, do these advert women really look like they NEED to lose weight?

As opposed to showing pictures of REAL women in need of losing weight, for physical and emotional health--SERIOUS reasons-- and not some shallow obesity-phobic media-pressured vanity:

Gotta' wonder about some people.

I've noticed searches that really have to be by some dreamers or the completely delusional or desperate.

Like, people actually Googling for the next day's winning lottery numbers! Riiight.

David Tennant fans seaching for the actor's personal address, e-mail or phone number...yeah, I'm sure they're listed on Google. Gosh, hope it's 10 year old's doing the searching, and not some adult...then again, maybe the ten year old would have more COMMON SENSE?

And the one search term, "How can I have dinner with David Tennant?" Dress up as a haggis on Burns Night? Stalk him when he goes to a restaurant, then go sit in his lap and wait for the police to arrive? Jeez---.

One of my recent favs was: "Why can't I call my stolen mobile phone?" Erm--ey?

If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be?

Anyone but a republican/neo-conservative.

What is your favorite cereal?

Honey-nut Cherrios

Do you own any cowboy boots?

Always have, always will--tho' my two pairs of western riding boots aren't the traditional kind, which actually hurt my feet now--one pair of western "boots" are actually western riding oxfords (shoes) with a "riding" heels, and the other are my Ariat western jameson boots--which double as rambling and riding boots.

What is something you would never do in public?

Walk around with my hand stuck in someone's back pocket--call me old fashioned, but I think that just looks silly.

Have you ever had really strange dreams?

Sure, I think everyone does, at least once in their life.

Name a friend or loved one who has passed away.

My mum.

What’s your earliest memory?

My grandad, sitting on the back steps of his home, playing the nimblejack on his knee for me...that's a jointed wooden man my grandad made, about 6 inches tall (I think), that had a rod stuck out of his back, and grandad would have a flat wooden board across his knees, and make the nimblejack dance for me, in a sort of toy tap dance. I think I was about 2 or 3 years old, at the time. as

Have you ever cried over broken fingernail?

Erm--no.

Have you ever stepped in dog poo?

Unfortunately, yes. My neighbours don't clean up after their dog very well, sometimes.

Ever been attacked by bees?

yeah, hurt like you wouldn't believe--got stung a dozen times in my upper right arm, by yellowjackets while planting a black walnut sapling, when I was 17. Felt like a white-hot piece of metal had been thrust into my arm--my scream began in my gut, lingered in my chest and belted out so loud, that a neighbour heard me, in her kitchen, at the back of her house--two houses away! I'm not alergic, but I got hurt so bad, I was in bed for nearly a week.

Who is your all time hero--real life and fictional?

Real life-my mum. Fictional? Dr Who.

What colors do you think mix well?

Burgundy and mustard yellow

What did you eat recently?

I just ate a bowl of maple/brown sugar Cream of Wheat (like a very fine porage meal)

What was your favorite cartoon movie as a child?

Well, it was a live action/cartoon, like Roger Rabbit. It was a Disney movie called Bedknobs and Broomsticks, starring Angela Landsbury.

What’s your favorite movie now?

Arsenic and Old Lace

Do you paint your toenails?

No, I can't wear sandals or heels so why bother?

Is your computer a fast and awesome computer?

It's a computer, it...computes. I am so not a techno-geek.

What do you do, or want to do for a living?

I telemarket/collections. I want to...just do something useful...ideally write but that's out of the question.

If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back?

I've never had a first, so I don't have an ex.

Have you ever been a heart-breaker?

Absolutely not.

What’s your favorite instrument?

Hammer Dulcimer

What is a country you want to visit badly before you die?

UK (Scotland/Wales/England)

Have you made a bucket list?

what? What's a bucket list???

Have you ever licked a window before?

Not that I recall.

If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you?

No. Only because I had a very close friend who died, doing that (only not for 1000 dollars).

Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars?

No. Can't spend money in prison.

Do you wear slippers or socks?

Yes.

On some of the more obscrure forums, the rumours about the specials--well, some of these people seem a wee daft in the head, if you ask me.

I read where Rose is coming back with the alternative Doctor--which might be possible as a flashback, but I think Mr. Davies is a better writer than that...tho' he's not perfect (for instance, the Voyage of the Damned said that the Titanic crashing into earth would destroy the whole planet, whereas in Donna's alternate universe (series 4 episode 11), all it did was destory southern England. Whoops. Not a big deal, we got the point anyway)--still, unlike the extremely minor gaf of continuity in VotD/episode 11 (the Doctor could have exaggerated about the impact), it was made quite clear in episode 13, that Rose absoultely COULDN'T come back. Though I suppose, later on down the road, when things aren't so fresh in people's memories, that could be changed, if skillfully done.

Anyway, those are Rose shippers for you, I reckon.

I read where someone said that Britney Spears of all people, was going to be in one of specials. Don't think so--god, now that WOULD make me stop watching Dr Who! Gag me....

Oh, and the final episode is to be partly filmed in New York (NY state or NY City, no one specified.) I haven't heard a thing in the press about it, so if that's true, they are doing a fantastic job keeping mum about it. I lean towards doubting that though, with the BBC budget as it is, right now--but it would be delicious, thinking of Dr Who filming in my home state. How cool would that be? (For this fan-girl, anyway.) I doubt they'd be coming to my area though---tho' there have been several major motion pictures filmed here--Seabiscuit racing sequences and scenes from Billy Bathgate, were filmed at Saratoga Race Course, just 15 miles from here. I very nearly was an extra in Billy Bathgate. Robert Redford filmed the opening sequence of The Horse Whisperer, just a few miles outside the Adirondack town I was living in, at the time. They Filmed the cemetery scene in Jack Nicholson's movie, "Ironweed," almost literally in my backyard--I was actually out rambling in the 367 acre cemetery the day they filmed it, but I wasn't allowed anywhere near the shoot--wasn't a JN fan, anyway, at the time. The river scenes for the recent film, The Time Machine were filmed just outside of Albany, NY, in Athens--which is where my grandad lived before he died, and where my adopted sister was born.

Still, unless Dr Who needs billions of trees and rolling mountains as a backdrop, or they need a Queen Anne's war fort and reenactor extras---which we have plenty of, up here, what with Fort William Henry, Fort Ticonderoga and Saratoga Battlefield (well, the latter is a Revolutionary batttlefield, not French and Indian War.)--it's not unheard of, certain times of the year, to be standing at the till line in the Lake George Price Chopper supermarket, next to some bloke dressed in warpaint, breachclout and feathers, and another bloke dressed as a "redcoat," and hear them chatting casually about American Idol. (that actually did happen to me, once--that was rather surreal.)

Well, got off the subject, but that's what happens in a journal, sometimes. I didn't sleep at all well, and my attention is wanderng.

Let's see, other rumours...Oh, that the Doctor is going to tie a final thread together, about something unanswered that RTD wrote ages ago--but nothing specific is mentioned and it could be anything...??? That's an extremely ambiguious and generic rumour, if I ever heard one. There's a few loose ends--the master's ring sequence, where the mysterious woman picks it up, the mention of the Doctor's family--just loads of stuff.

Yeah, they say the Master's coming back.

Time War, supposed to be something about the Time War in the specials.

The Rani rumour just wont die--one person absolutely INSISTS that it was the Rani who picked up the Master's ring. Meh. The actress was good, but the character of the Rani--meh, I thought as a villian she was a bit Disney--ala Cruella Deville.

For 2010, the rumour is that Steven Moffatt won't do any old Dr Who monsters--NONSENSE. Dr Who without the Daleks? Or the Cybermen? Baloney!

So--the score so far today: Somewhat good news, possibly very grim news, and happy news.

And on that note, I am feeling very tired and very somber and am off to bed for the night..sit up and read, and try to sleep on that lumpy old mattress of mine, lol. Cheers.

______________________________________________________________________-

The BBC Press Office have released the following synopsis of the Doctor Who Easter Special, Planet Of The Dead:

When a London bus takes a detour to an alien world, the Doctor must join forces with the extraordinary Lady Christina, in this one-off seasonal special. But the mysterious planet holds terrifying secrets, hidden in the sand. And time is running out, as the deadly Swarm gets closer.
Planet Of The Dead features David Tennant as the Doctor, Michelle Ryan as Lady Christina and Lee Evans as Malcolm. It is written by Russell T Davies and Gareth Roberts.

There is sill no exact air date but it is expected to be shown on the Easter weekend of the 11th and 12th of April.

I picked up my pay check, and was asked if I wanted to work! For the past few months, we've been banned from making up missed hours, so I hadn't bothered to ask. I lost 2 1/2 hours work the other night, when I had my dizzy spell and and to hop it to the health clinic. So, I made up 1 3/4 hours, so almost a full pay check next week--and, I'm going to need it.

I paid the rent--but a week late, so now have to fork out $62.50 (10% of the rent) for the late fee. Shit. Sorry for the language, but the old owner only charge $25. Fricking get-rich-quick foreign (he's Australian) apartment tycoons. Oh, he's not a bad sort, but you have to admit, 10% of 625 dollars is really bollocks. (Again, pardon my French, but I'm really NOT in a good mood right now.)

My net worth, after paying out another $125 plus buying a few necessitites that I need to get me through the week, (7 items costing me $24! Blimey!) I now have a net worth--until a week from today, of $2.84

But wait, that's not all!

I got to work, and was told that I almost got fired this week, and that HR is meeting with me Tuesday. Apparently the health clinic never sent in my FMLA (family medical leave act) papers, and withou them, my azz is grazz. I'll have to live on 820 dollars a month, with 900 plus dollars in rent and bills. Maths was never my strong suit, but even a maths dummy like me, knows that arithmatic isn't going in the direction of being on the black side of the ledger!

I'm feeling a bit sick inside, right now. I might be fired for having too many sick days. Do people in other nations get fired for being sick? Probably. It's the 19th Century all over again, for many workers these days. I've been bringing in doctor's notes, but apparently that's not good enough. I've been doing my job when I am there, doing it as well as i can, making lots of sales, pushing for credit cards--and getting them when I can find someone that STILL uses credit cards and has a bank account---the number of people I speak to, that no longer have credit cards or checquing accounts, has more than DOUBLED in the last four or five months, from the last time I did collections. So, I'm not the only one in this boat--but the thing about poverty--is it is a great isolator.

That's why so many people are committing suicides, they feel isolated...no one wants to talk about it, people are ashamed, the terrible stigma of poverty, that terrible western notion that poverty = failure, that being on your uppers means you are weak, somehow, that you let go of your end of the load...which is poppycock, but, that's human nature, I suppose.

Leaving you with some words by my old "pal" Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Nature and books belong to the eye that sees them."

"Dream delivers us to dream, and there is no end to illusion."

"Life is a train of moods, like a string of beads, and as we pass through them they prove to be many-colored lenses which paint the world their own hue, and each shows only what lies in focus."

"When the mind opens, and reveals the laws which traverse the universe and makes things what they are, then shrinks the great world all at once to a mere illusion and fable of this mind."

"There is a crack in everything God has made."

"Men are born to write. The gardener saves every slip and seed and peachstone; his vocation is to be the planter of plants. Not less does the writer attend his affair. Whatever he beholds or experinces, come to him as a model and sits for his picture."

And this is really strange--havng been written a couple of decades before the turn of the 20th century:

"By his machines, man can dive and remain under water like a shark. Can fly like a hawk in the air; can see atoms like giant, can see the system of the universe like Uriel, the angel of the sun; can carry whatever loads a ton of coal can lift, can knock down cities with his fist of gunpowder"....."Ah, what a plastic little creature he is! so shifty! so adaptive! his body a crest of tools, and he making himself comfortable in every climate."

Well, I have to head out. I'm wearing a tee shirt today! Whoo-hoo! A few days ago, it was 14 F, and I felt like I was going to freeze my face off in the bitter winter wind. 6 days ago, it snowed--hard--for over an hour. Today, it's in the mid-50's F, sunny and...very spring like...even if there's still huge piles of snow across the street, in the shady spots...who cares? It's SPPPRRRING! Yeee-haaaaa!

So, I have to cash my pay check, and pay the overdue rent--or as much of it as I can. I can't pay the late fee. I have no idea how much this pay check will be, mind you. I hope against hope to find that lost money order, but I'm afraid I will have to throw in the towel, after two week's searching. It's only a little 3 room apartment, so it's not like I have a flippin' mansion to search through.

This is the final weekend for the New York State High School Basketball Championships. Loads of people in town from all over the state...and remember, you could fit Wales inside of New York--bit of a tight squeeze, but it could be done, I reckon. It takes roughly 6 hours to drive from the Massachusetts/Vermont border, to the Ontario Canada border, east-to-west, and about the same time, driving from New York City to the Quebec border. Of course, there's huge swaths of unpopulated areas, like here in the 40 million acre Adirondack State Park.

Well, I didn't set out to do a travel blog.

I do have to do the chores of cashing my cheque, paying the rent and shopping for what necessary things I can afford--not much, this week. I need soap and shampoo and bin bags, but I think I will just try to pinch the stuff out, until next week, and make do with what I have. No "treats" this week...not even a slice of pizza, or a new pair of socks.

That's fine. I don't mind. It's too delicious a day outside, for me to be bothered by the trivial. It's all old hat to me. Going to make myself a sandwich, then pootle off to the office, to pick up my weekly pay packet, so I can have a good laugh-or a cry--or both. Cheers.

Whoo-hoo! the state/county sent me good news in the post for a change--not hugely good news, but still...not complaining!

I'm getting another 24 dollars in food stamps, due to my increase in my Natl. Grid bill, and my decrease in weekly pay at work. It's may not be big, but still, $24 will buy some extra food, so pretty much, I will not have to buy much food now, out of my own pocket! It's still going to be VERY tight, budgeting, though. roughly $1100 a month in income, balanced against over $900 in bills...not good. It leaves me with less than $200 a month--to spend on laundry, medical, pet food, non-food purchases like shampoo and cleaners, bin bags, etc, and cab fare/bus fare...and if I lose time due to sickness--well, it will leave me with almost nothing left over, no lie. $150 to $200 may sound like plenty to cover all that--but, no. It's not. Not at today's prices.

I am never going to be able to afford mental health treatment, a dentist, eye care, and all that palaver with getting tests and whatnot for my other medical issues. No way. I'm telling you, my life is a dead-end. I am never going to get out of this. I totally threw away my life--however much I delighted in it, or how much it enriched me--threw away five years of my life, and put myself very much forever into debt, going back to college. I really believe I should have just stayed on the dole and not worked. I would be better off today, emotionally and physically. I am never going to have a career. I'll NEVER be a writer. People like me, we're hired to clean toilets and muck stalls, wash dishes, run amusement rides and telemarket. No one will ever look at me, and say, "gee, I should hire her, she'd make a crackerjack employee." No one will ever read something I've written on the internet, and say, "gee, I think I'll commission her to write for me." No. My previous employer was right about me--I'm office poo. I never get trained on new sales programmes at work, I'm never asked to do anything extra.

Well, at least I will eat good, in April. There's that to be thankful for. If I watch my funds carefully, I can probably use my food stamps 3 1/2 to 4 weeks out of the month, instead of the usual 2 or 2 1/2 half...if prices don't go up too much, and I can manage to get to the outlying shops (it's only $6 to $8 round trip for cab fare to the two supermarkets in this city, all other markets cost between $10 to $12+, if I happen to want to go to the lower-priced discount grocery stores)

Dear Editor and publisher and "journalists" of the Daily Mail:

You know, fat people have been treated like rubbish by the "perfect" people for decades. It's time for it to stop. Now. Today. This very second.

We have the power, we can do it.

I only get 10 min. breaks at work, so it doesn't allow me time to peruse The Times, The Guardian, The New York Times or Washington Post. It does allow me time to check out the "easy reader" stories in rags like the Sun and The Daily Mail.

One thing I've noted about the Mail, is that they HATE fat people. I mean, hate. Like the Nazi's hated the Jews, and Republican conservatives who hate anyone who isn't white anglo-saxon American and a gun owner, and homophobes (and a certain anti-Christ Kansas minister) hate gays, like the KKK hates blacks, and Christian Fundementalists hate anyone who's not a Christian Fundementalist, etc., etc., The Daily Mail seems to have a real problem with the overweight...esspecially, they seem to delight on picking on fat women, school kids and the poor...the most vulnerable--easy targets.

For example: if a female celebrity gains five extra pounds, she makes big headlines in the mail--as if the extra poundage was something to be abhored, much in the way people treated HIV patients back in the 1980's---fat, to those who work and publish the Daily Mail, is the new leprocy of the 21st century.

If someone is too overweight to work---because to work, would mean they might suffer ill health and/or DIE, rather than encouage people like this, to pursue a regain to health in a sensible fashion, like any INTELLIGENT, RESPONSIBLE human being would do---the Daily Mail instead, treats these unfortunate people, pretty much the way blacks were treated in the Deep South, 50 or 60 years ago---go to the back of the bus, don't drink from our water cooler, don't use our rest rooms, eat at a seperate table, live in a seperate area.

This sort of behaviour is so wrong, on just so many levels, that, in this day and age, it's staggering.

It takes courage to care. It takes balls and hair on your chest (assuming you're a guy), to do the right thing. It takes effort to be a hero, and stop and think about your words and actions, and how it may hurt an innocent person.

It takes NOTHING to do wrong. It takes ZERO to be mean.

The people at the Daily Mail--and EVERYONE like them...are ZEROS. I can't be any more honest and blunt than that.

So, we fat people, need to stand up for ourselves. STOP READING THE FLIPPING DAILY MAIL! Period. Let them know--if they hate fat people so much, then fat people will no longer read their rag. They won't buy anything from anyone who advertises in their rag...until the Mail stops their hate campaign against the fat.

We're human beings with extra poundage, but we ARE human beings. If you don't like us--too bad. Get some THERAPY. You are the one's who are insecure, NOT us! I'm fine with my weight. I am who I am, and if people don't like me, ONLY because I have more pound then they do---oh well. If you are so terrifed of fat people, go hide in a closet and suck your thumb, ya' big girl's blouses.

I am woman. I am fat. I have the power to write your advertisers and tell them I won't buy from anyone who condones weight discrimination. I will not be made to feel like a second-class citizen, based only on my looks, and not based on who I REALLY am, as a person. I am playwrite27. I am here to stay. So there, ya' close-minded, shallow, insecure little dimwads!

Very sincerely,

playwrite27

PS: It doesn't feel very good, having people you don't even know, calling you names, and treating you badly, does it?

I read where President Obmaa--whose one big promise on the campaign trail, was to ensure all Americans have acess to health care....has backpedaled.

The president now says he's NOT for socialized medicine, but for expanding health insurance doled out by employers---BIG PROBLEM: Many employers to escape having to invest in health insurance for their workers, FORCE employees to work under full time--that is, they make employees work under the full-time 40 hour work week...39 1/2 hours or less, so they don't have to pay for the required benefits...which they WOULD have to do, by law, with full-timer's.

ALSO, health insurance plan costs are taken from an employees PAY CHECK each week or once per month--this can cost an employee, as much as $125 to $250+ lost income, each month. For employees working at yearly salaries of under $20,000 a year--or far, far less than that...this is an unacceptable expense! This is money that doesn't go back into the local economy, it isn't being used to buy food, clothing or other necessities. And, besides the chunk out of an employee's pay packet, the employee may STILL have a co-pay when they visit the doctor, which can be anywhere from $20 to $150 dollars, depending on their insurance policy....which fluctuates.

AND, many private insurance companies refuse to pay for vital services--as President Obama himself acknowledged...yet, he still advocates America using this one-sided "care for the upper classes, no care for the lower middle class" system.

Is he a liar and wants to protect the multi-billion dollar private health care industry, or just hopelessly out of touch with reality?

A
- Available: Meh.
- Age: 48
- Annoyance: crap manners
- Animal: horse

B
- Beer: bleh, no.
- Birthday: end of Oct.
- Best Friends: yes, I have some
- Blind or Deaf: Bit of both.
- Best weather: Crisp sunny autumn days
- Believe in Magic: Nope.
- Believe in Santa: But of course, doesn't everyone?

C
- Candy: Take it or leave it.
- Colo(u)r!!! : Blue
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican Food: Mexican
- Cake or pie: cake
- Continent to visit: Europe
- Cheese: New York extra-sharp cheddar, or Cabot mild Vermont cheddar

D
- Day or Night: Day
- Dancing in the rain: maybe

E
- Eyes: brown
- Everyone's got: to die some day
- Ever failed a class: yup.

F
- First thoughts waking up: damn it cat, get yer tail outta' my face!
- Food: pizza/steak--or better, a steak pizza...how come nobody uses steak for pizza topping?

G
- Greatest Fear: homelessness or being sectioned
- Goals: not be homeless or sectioned
- Gum: not my bag
- Get along with your parents: both deceased

H
- Hair Color: brown/grey
- Height: 5'6"
- Happy: Meh. No.
- Holiday: What's that? I do holidays any longer.
- How do you want to die: in my sleep would be OK

I
- Ice Cream: coffee-chocolate swirl
- Instrument: rubbish at music, but took lessons in: recorder, guitar, cello, piano.

J
- Jewelry: one necklance, one pin, one bracelet, one pair earrings.
- Job : telemarketer
- Kids: No
- Kickboxing or karate: Neither--I'd be more likely to hurt myself, than my opponent.
- Keep a journal: Since high school---only now, instead of a notebook, I have this blog.

L
- Love: Not in the cards for me.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Sure.

M
- Milk flavor: Chocolate
- Movies: westerns, old films, historical, action-adventure, comedies, some sci-fi.
- Motion sickness: only if I can't see where I'm going, or if I try to read while a car is moving.
- McD’s or BK: Either, they both suck, yet I'm addicted to them...BK is better than McDonald's though...cos' I can have it, my way--have to pick the pickles off Mickydee's burgers all the time.

N
- Number: who cares?

O
- One wish: NHS for Americans

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Coke...Pepsi is slightly lighter and fizzier, I like the syrupy taste of Coke.
- Perfect Pizza : steak and onion (which no one makes)
- Piercings: no

Q
- Quail: never seen one, just pheasants.

R
- Reality tv: meh, not really my bag--tho' I did like Queer Eye and Top Chef on Bravo.
- Radio Station: WAMC public radio out of Albany, NY
- Roll your tongue in a circle: ey???
- Ring size: 6 I think...haven't bought any rings in years.

S
- Song: Stars by the Cranberries...love the message and the tune.
- Shoe size: USA 8 1/2 on left foot, 9 on right (due to permenant sprain on right foot)
-Salad Dressing: raspberry vinegarette, bleu cheese, sweet & sour poppyseed, or Thousand Island/Russian
- Sushi: Raw fish and seaweed? I'm too normal for that.
- Shower: No choice, don't have a bathtub in my flat
- Strawberries/Blueberries: wild strawberries

T
- Tattoos: no
- Time for bed: whenever.
- Thunderstorms: not crazy about them, got mildly zapped by lightning once.

U
- Unpredictable: Life

V
- Vacation spot: Iceland--I'm sooo-not a sand and sun kind of person!

W
- Weakness: disorganized
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you? Beats me.
- Worst feeling: feeling stupid
- Worst Weather: 90's F, with 100% humidity

X
- X-Rays: Yup, I could start my own photo studio

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: dafodils

Z
- Zoo animal: I haven't been to a zoo in over 35 years, I don't know. I remember I liked the giraffes, the bears, and foxes, and thought the okapi looked cool.

Our first proper fog this morning, a regular pea-souper. When I got up at 7.30am, I could barely see across the street, and still can't see more than a few houses down the way. The Presbyterian church is totally obliterated, as is the cancer clinic and some apartment houses.

We've had fog before, in 2009--but it was frozen fog. It was so bitterly cold..sub-zero, around -22 C or colder, that the fog froze, and was just dust-mote style ice crystals, floating in the sunshine. Bit odd, walking through that, as I recall, but quite beautiful, as well.

I'm home from work--bleurgh. People I called were bollocks tonight--I was ready to ring up arseholes annonymous and tell them to bring the padded truck. I SWEAR, if one more American lowlife bastard or bitch, screams and hurts my ear again--I'm taking them to court, and filing for compensation--I wish I'd been feeling well enough last week, to pursue a compensation claim--yes, that foul wild old mother from Kentucky, did actually physically damage my hear with her scream. Freak. What is it with Americans and violence??? This country should be turned into one massive santitarium. Technically, there's a recording of her, floating around out there, and I hope the office manager enjoys listening to that. We're not allowed to get upset when someone hurts us, or is seriously abusive--we're not human, you see. We're office fodder.

I had dinner of luke warm lasanga and a lettuce and cheese salad, played and petted the cats--whom were very happy to see me. The aparment was warm when I came home, and I checked--the themostat is working again--what the??? For the last couple of days, it was stuck on 59 F...sometimes 60 degrees...now, it's registering 74 F...even tho' it's only set at 65 F. Stupid thing. I'm still going to replace the batteries...no wonder my heating bill is so high now--it's not only the exhorbant gas bill, it's the flippin' wonky themostat.

I was going to write in an unfinished fan-fic story tonight--have some notes for the story running amuck in my head--but, suddenly having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Anyway, after the night I had--it doesn't make you feel real good about yourself, when total strangers abuse you, for merely doing your job--I'm not cold-calling, you see...every last one of these bozos did SOMETHING to be called for collections.

NO ONE twisted their arms, and THEY are the one's not reading the fine print, THEY are the one's not paying their bill and then naively expecting the company not to contact them for payment--I got one bitch screaming at me to "eff off you effing bastards" without even asking who I was or what I wanted--anyway, some bastard started screaming about "you people!" and wouldn't let me talk, so I just told him if he wasn't going to allow me to have a (civilized) conversation with him, I was going to have to hang up on him." And then there's the creepy people, who get inhumanly ballistic about you calling a wrong number--maybe I should write a story about insane shape-changing aliens, where they are trying to hide from the military in rural America, and go about killing people who dial their phone number or ring their doorbell by mistake...then again, maybe not. Some Americans are too weird even for aliens.

Arse. Feck. I HATE humanity sometimes, really I do. I can't help it. 40+ years of emotional abuse, doesn't gaurentee you a thick skin, but it can make you hate sometimes--even when you know it's wrong to feel that way.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Getting off an unpleasant subject--as I wrote, I wanted to write some more of Evil Waters in my Wordpress blog...but I have lost the "glow," and am only quite wrung out tonight. So, I'll do Tardisgurl's little writing meme. I've not really read it yet, so I'll see what this is about...meh--it's something to pass the time before bed. I'm nearly finished with my book. I'm re-reading Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorn...sort of creepy, in an early American, pre-Edgar Allen Poe kind of way.

Here's the meme:

Gosh, I hope I don't come off as sounding too egotistical here. I think I suck as a writer...really. At best, I think I'm average, if that.

1 Why do you write fanfic?

I enjoy writing (most of the time--it's time-consuming and a boatload of work, though)...and, I love Dr Who. I get ideas for stories, I write them down. It's a very pleasant way to pass the time, and sometimes people actually surprise me, and tell me they enjoy a story, and that's the icing on a very delicious cake. But, I don't have to have the icing--I just like "playing" with the Doctor, and seeing what situations I can write him into and out of. I like writing for each of the Doctor's--but Tennant's Doctor is so pliable, that's to the actor's skill, and such fun, too, that it's just fab writing stories for his Doctor. Since Donna came along, writing dialog is twice as fun as it used to be, as well.

That's the main reason, the secondary reason is that I worked so damn hard at my community college and at the four year college, to learn to write correctly--at an average level for Americans, at least--that I strive to keep working at it, even if I no longer get any sort of constructive feedback, like I did in school. (Which is just as well, because since becoming ill, I can't write properly to save my life, these days, stinking wonky brain.) Anyway, I never formally "studied" fiction writing--I have no training in writing plots or dialog (other than 1 playwriting course)...so, it's a challenge to me, to constantly tweak my fiction writing skills, which I do through Who-fics.

2 When did you write your first fanfic and which fandom was it for?

My first fan-fic...no lost forever, was written when I was in a local Dr Who fan-club based in northeastern New York state. There was going to be a special fan-fic issue (tho' it wasn't called fan-fic back then), and I wrote some rubbish with Tom Baker's Doctor, fighting aliens in Brighton Beach, of all places. I remember little of the plot. That was in the late 1980's, I think.

I didn't write another fan-fic again, until June of 2006, when I wrote a piece with Christopher Eccleston, Rose and Romana (I hated the thought of Romana dying in the Time War, her character was so brilliant)--set in pre-WWII Hollywood. I had only seen 3 episodes of Series 1, but had written an alien energy creature, who killed people by zapping their body energy away--by removing their faces! Imagine my shock when I saw Idiot's Lantern for the first time in late July of 2006! I deleted my story...tho' I think it may be floating around on some obscure internet fan-fic website some where still.

3 Which fandoms do you, or have you, written for?

Only Dr Who. I'm not really into fan-fic writing for other series/films.

4 Do you read much fanfic or do you mainly write?

Mainly write, tho' sometimes I come across some really brilliant work by other amatuer writers, and yes, I'll plunge into that. Unfortunately, I'm a serious fan--I mean, I am not a Rose shipper, and I love writing, and want to read a PROPER fiction story--not this easy-reader rubbish that's written in one or two sentence paragraphs--crap writing pandering to lazy internet slob readers. Sorry, but I really do mean that. And I won't say that I never have, but I do try to refrain from reading "Who-porn." It's degrading to a wonderful show--a show that's MEANT for children...that adults love it too, is a testiment to the writers, producers, actors and crew of the series, over the past 40+ years.

5 What comes easiest for you when writing?
(dialogue, descriptions, plot, characterizations, humour, angst...)

Oh, partly atmostphere/surroundings, and partly dialogue. I lean a lot on surroundings to not only help to tell a story--but to actually be part of the story...and to make the reader feel like they are there themselves, of course. Dialogue...always pretty easy, once I get into the character's head(s), it just happens. I don't know, mind you, if it works on the page, but I like to imagine it does--but whether my imagination reflects the reality--no clue, no one's ever really given me any feedback on dialogue--except once, and then a reader told me that the Doctor/Donna dialouge sounded "just like them." Which of course was my aim, so that was very flattering...and relieving.

6 Which genres do you mainly write? (action, angst, dark, drama, horror, humour...)

A little bit of everything, I suppose--that's why I love Dr Who so much--it can be anything and everything, or just a little of this or that--sky's the limit when you have a time traveling hero...with a sense of humour.

7 Which genres will you not write?

Romance. Bleck. I never have known romance, so it's silly for me to try and write about it, I think.

8 Are reader comments/responses important?

They mean the world to me! Not so much for my ego (tho' I'd be lying if a good review didn't boost my writer's ego a smigeon)--but for valuable feedback: did the story work, did it not work, is it true to the series/characters, etc?

Of course, I want to kick some commenters in the arse, when they nit-pick...."this sentence started with a quote, you're NOT supposed to do that." Up yer arse. I'm the writer, I can do whatever I want!

9 Do you use a beta reader?

I thoughly dislike that term. It makes people sound like androids. I prefer calling a duck a duck--an editor. No, I tried a beta reader for a few months once---yeck! Never again! It turned out she was sort of pompous about it-- not so much as pointing out grammatical or continuity errors, but actually ordering me, without telling me WHY, to change scenes in the story, that simply didn't make any sense to me, and totally screwed up the flow and balance of the work--in other words, my first beta reader was more of a hindrence than a help (and pretty snobby and snarky, too)--no more beta readers, thanks! I'd love someone who is a mature and reasonably serious about writing, with some sort of background in English, who can advise and guide me in a reasonably sensible, polite manner...but not too serious, not someone who can't lighten up, sometimes.

10 Which is your favourite character to write fanfic for and why?

Besides the Doctor? Donna Noble--gosh, she's every bit as cheeky and flexible as the Doctor, so writing dialogue and situations for her--especially when they are having a two-handed conversation...well, it's a bit like what I call "tennis match' dialog--the conversation bouncing back and forth at a rapid-fire pace between them--or sometimes, just the opposite...the poingnant silences just seem more natural for me to write, between Donna and the Doctor.

11 Which are your favourite ships (including friendships) that you write the most?

"Ships?" Are we slaughtering the English language again, now? Idiots. Why people who say they love to write, then go about raping the language with shortcuts (I do it--I'm just as bad with my "tho'" and my "cos" I supoose). Again, Doctor/Donna. Donna's close to my own age, and she's a temp--I was a temp for several years for 3 different agencies, in my mid-20's-and her humour is so much like mine, her attitude--if not like mine, not all that far from it. Really, it's almost like writing ME, when I write Donna. Russell, I love you for inventing Donna. I want to have your kittens. Catherine Tate is a top notch comedian--but as an actress, she really just shines...she owned Donna, lock, stock and barrel.

12 Do you have characters that are so strongly established that they're in your heads?

Well, for about 2 years, I watched Dr Who series 1 and 2 (and part of 3) pretty much every single day, to the point where I could close my eyes and follow along with just the dialog...yes, DT's Doctor--and even a bit of Eccleston's, is very much in my head. They all are. I've seen them all, and the show is just so well written and acted (most of the time) over the past 40+ years, that it's gotten inside my head--whoo, better call the men in the white coats, ha-ha.

13 Which characters are you most comfortable doing a POV for? Which is the hardest?

Well, again, Donna...and the Doctor--though he's an alien, so it can be a bit more challenging, doing him, getting into his character's head, seeing through his eyes. Hardest? New characters--characters I completely made up, that are unique to me--that's REALLY hard. Again, very little fiction-writing experience...so I have to have a vision in my head, of what the character/alien looks like, sounds like, how he or she moves, what his/her/it's motives are--that's tough. It takes me twice as long to get the point of view of a "new" character in my head, than it does for an established one.

One of my blog friends doesn't seem to like me much, any longer. That's depressing. It's an overcast dreary day, matches my mood. I need a catalyst, something to boost me the hell out of this life--a job, a career, a new hobby, nicer weather, a new place to live, better income, some good news, a day away--SOMETHING...anything, really.

Well, I might as well wish for the sun to swap directions, and start rising in the west.

I haven't got the druthers inside me, anymore, to fight for change. I lost that last year, and I don't see it ever coming back...you never know, but...no. I'm super-glued to this life, and that's a fact I can't run away from.

Just because:

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

My uppper left lip. Handbrake fell off my 10-speed summer of '78, got caught in the spokes of the bike I was riding--bike went one way, I went the other...about 20 feet, roughly. Landed on my face, apparently (I have blackout between seeing the handbrake fall, and coming too with a mouthful of blood, so I don't remember), chipped a tooth, cut eyebrow, split lip wide open. Wasn't pretty.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR BEDROOM?

A small decorative mirror which is flanked by a small framed VerMeer print, a little framed reproduction Victorian print of two ancient Greek women. My old 1980's Tom Baker Dr Who/Target poster, framed Letter of Commendation from from my community college's English department, a tiny framed post card of David Tennant's Doctor (autographed). A commemorative decorative plate from my village's 50th anniversary celebration. Two autumn pics I took in the Adirondacks in a frame, and a Metropolitin Museum poster of a Tiffany stained glass window--showing a cascade/waterfall flanked by autumn trees, and a very small decorative modern print of an autumn scene.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
A...mobile phone? I'm so very much not into gagets---it's silver, small...whatever. It's a phone, it works, and that's all I care about.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

All sorts: pop, oldies, indie, folk, jazz, blues, classical, some rock.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

Between 7 and 7.30 pm on a weeknight, that's all I remember being told.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

A pizza, an ice-cold Coke, A Dr Who--something, more sleep, a Ford Ranger, a trip somewhere--anywhere, a new job, a new place to live, a better life (well, not a dead-end life, at any rate).

What I've got: none of the above!

7. WHO DO YOU MISS?

My mum. I feel guilty that I don't miss my dad often, but tho' I loved him very much, he really could mess up my head with his 'I love you come here--I can't be bothered go away' bullcrap all the time, and I don't miss that at all.

10. WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?

Today? Call me 'Fail.'

11. THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED:

Doctor Who--were you expecting me to say anything else???
.

12. THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

I don't know--the cab driver last night?

13. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?

No. Well, not of THE dark as such, but my night vision has become a bit crappy, so I don't like going immediately from brightness to dark, 'cos for a few seconds I'm utterly blind..makes me a wee nervous.

14. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

The state of New York when they took my tax refund I so desperately needed. I was going to use it to pay for an eye exam, the bastards.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE
COLOGNE / PERFUME?

I haven't been able to afford perfume in years. I used to go to the Bon Ton department store for my perfume, but that part of my life is gone now, so I've just learned to live without it.

16. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Seriously? I don't really care.

17. WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?

I'd love to be smart, but funny is better. Humour is the ultimate survival technique.

18. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?

Energy drinks taste like piss, coffee please.

19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?

Pepperoni.

20. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A pepperoni pizza or a (should I admit this?) Big Mac.

21. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD?

Some dickhead on the telephone, who wouldn't let me talk, but just sarcastically kept asking if I was a marketer--I wasn't I was the polite last-ditch effort for the company bill collector, that particular night. I put the bastard into the hardcore collection agency file, and serves him right, too, arse. If he's pissed off at me--whom makes every effort to be polite and understanding and helpful, wait till' the snarky, abrupt, rude India collections agency starts bugging him! POETIC JUSTICE.

22. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?

I'm rubbish at languages, I can say yes and no and thank you in half a dozen languages, a smattering of Spanish, a few extra words of French and Dutch, but that's my limit I'm afraid.

23. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?

That I personally remember? My grandad (mum's dad) gave me 'Bucky,' a buckskin coloured rocking horse, when I was about 3 or 4 years old, which I absolutely adored...that's where my love of horses came from, I suspect.

24. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?

I should smile, as the cowboy said. Hey, I'm a crotchety old maid, not anti-social. Do I "like" someone in the sexual sense? No, can't say I do, sorry.

25. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?

No.

26. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?

Not really, tho' I do like (but never have gone out of my way to purchase) Chico, Coldwater Creek, Bit and Bridle, Victoria Jones, Morgan Creek, Crazy Horse and Spenser Jeremy.

27. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?

An older model (1980's) Ford Ranger--nothing too posh, but preferably one in excellent condition.

28. WHAT COLOR IS IT?

Teal green/blue, dark royal blue or purple

29. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF EXERCISE?

Exercise? What's that? Well, horseback riding, naturally...but can't afford it--$25 an hour is a bit too steep for my wallet. Oh, and rambling...well, it was rambling before I hurt my foot--a sore foot sort of takes much of the pleasure out of walking. I used to enjoy horseshoe pitching and ten-pin bowling, but can't do that any longer, either, for practical purposes....(I sucked at bowling anyway)--and I'd say swimming, except I can't actually swim as such...I just paddle around on my back. I used to ride my bike all the time, but again, physical issues there now, and I used to snowshoe in winter, but sold my snowshoes, and a decent pair costs around $60 to $200+, depending on quality, type, materials used and size--and I'm heavy, so I'd need the big size...and decent bindings (straps), too.

30. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

I've never been in love, so sure--if I had the chance to know love, even knowing the person will be going out of my life--which is probably better than him leaving abruptly without warning, anyway--why not?

31. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?

I don't know---just jump in with both feet and tell them...oh, and show them as well, that's important I think, to take the time for them..go out of your way to do something nice for them...no reason, just because.

32. WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:

Seventy-seven

33. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?

Who the heck cares? Bald. It worked for Yul Brenner.

34. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?

The cab company

35. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?

Crap rude and insecure little people, who hurt total strangers emotionally and/or physically, 'cos they've got nothing else to show for their pathetic and meaningless lives. There. I said it and I'm glad.

35. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST?

Through school studies programmes, I've been to the Netherlands, Iceland and Egypt. Believe it or not, I had the most fun in Iceland--I was mainly on my own, and I got to do some cool stuff (tho' not everything I wanted to) and I just had a blast*. *(That's "Yank" slang for a really good time.)

36. YOUR WEAKNESSES?

OK, I publicly admit it--I am not proud of it, but sometimes I am a totally disorganized slob.

37. FRIES/CHIPS, RICE OR BEANS?

Tie between fries and rice. I like both. Beans--meh. I eat them, but I don't have them more than a few times a month--when I was really hurting for food, for weeks I practically lived on peanut butter, eggs and baked beans...took me a long time to enjoy eating eggs and beans again...and I still am not overly keen on peanut butter.

38. FIRST JOB?

My first ever job was at 14, waitressing tables for banquets and catered dinners at the local VFW (Veterns of Foreign Wars) post in our village. I got tips and free ice cream--which was cool, 'cos it was sqaures of vanilla ice cream with creme de menth poured over it. One of the very few occasions in my life, when I've actually had hard liquor (other than beer, wine or champagne).

39. EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE?

Gosh yeah, as kids, we (me, sis, other kids on our little street) were right brats.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?

Feeding the cats.

41. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I really don't care about that. I'm not fond of my chin and nose, but that's what I was born with, so there.

42. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME?

I wanted to share my boredom--why should I be the only one to suffer?

43. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?

My clothes, I guess...when I bother with dressing up instead of down.

44. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?

I don't drink, so that's a moot question.

45. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

It's seven months away--and I don't bother with my birthday any longer (no one to celebrate with).

46. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?

Exactly none.

47. WHERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

A Frank Sinatra song and a character from Little Women.

48. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?

Not since I was a wee child, if I ever did.

49. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?

Ey?

50. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?

A couple days ago.

51. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

No, I HATE my handwriting, always have. I have mild DCD (dyspraxia), and also a slightly crooked index finger on my right hand. I basically can only print like a young child, I can't even write cursively.

52. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

I tend to lean towards honey or maple ham, sometimes liverwurst or roast beef--depends largely on my mood. When they used to make it, 30 years ago, I used to adore maple loaf.

53. ANY BAD HABITS?

Yes. Procrastination...a lifelong thing, I'm afraid.

54. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?

I only own a handful of CD's--less than 6. I suppose it's the Monkee's live reunion CD...good music, but they guy's onstage banter is sort of embarrasing to listen to.

55. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Probably not.

56. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?

Of course! My sister was the black sheep of the family.

57. DO LOOKS MATTER?

To me, personally? Absolutely not. I've suffered too much emotional pain, to ever be that shallow. I cannot vouch for the rest of humanity, tho'.

58. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?

If possible, I just let rip. If not possible, I write.

59. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?

Gee, probably--please don't think I'm insane, I'm not...it's complicated. But, the Albany Rural Cemetery. It sits cheek-by-jowl to a physical place that will always be dear to my heart, a part of my heart and spirit and soul, part of who I am as a person today--and, unlike the place I'm thinking of, The ARC is never going to be destroyed by greedy developers.

60. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?

Oh, I used to be so damn naive. Life got in the way of that, unfortunately. And, while I am still fairly trusting, I tend to step away and ask questions a lot more than I used to, when I was younger.

61. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?

Well, I've answered this before, but it was Marx's Fort Apache Carry-all...with runner up being my Drowsey doll.

62. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE?

I'm not sure what this question is asking--I don't store numbers--but there's a "missed call" list that I've no clue how to erase.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Sure--but mostly only in a humourous situation. In regards to being nasty, no. I don't feel comfortable about rude sarcasm, because I simply find most "insult" sarcasim very degrading to the user....a childish and unintelligent reaction.

64. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?

Not really. Used to know the Episcopal bishops of Abany, NY--they were my backyard neighbours. Al Pachino's former secretary (who's now a PA for some Hollywood director or producer, from what my sister told me) was sister of one my best friend's, when I was in my teens/early 20's. I used to know her and her family quite well, 'cos they lived right across the street and I was always hanging out at their house.

65. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?

Hell, no. I can think of better ways to spend a night, thanks.

66. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A PLACE TO LIVE?

I used to just want somewhere quiet and near the outdoors (so I could just go out for a ramble without having to drive somewhere)...maybe with a porch or somewhere to sit outside, or with a nice view of a valley or mountains...that wsa the "fantasy," anyway.

Now? I'd settle for somewhere quiet at night, that is secure--that means that I don't get scared worrying about paying the rent or mortgage or whatever...and somewhere reasonably quiet at night, so I can get some rest--or work on writing without distractions...somewhere that's not a dump, where I can have my cats, go for a walk, I suppose. Maybe that's a fantasy too, I don't know.

A67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Used to be Dusty, couple of decades ago--don't have one now.

68. HOW MANY HATS DO YOU OWN? WHAT'S YOUR HAT SIZE?

I have several baseball caps, a couple of knit caps for winter, and a straw cowboy hat. (My felt cowboy hat was stolen in 2006, and I haven't been able to afford to replace it--I'm picky about my felt hats). By U.S. standards, my hat size has always been (since my early teens) 6 7/8.

69. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Hah...the way I tie my shoes, they generally un-tie themselves...but, no, actually I do have a tendency to just kick my shoes off at the end of the day--the relief! (Wearing most shoes hurts.)

70. WHERE YOU UPSET ABOUT STEVE IRWIN DYING?

Who? Oh, is that the crocodile guy? I think I was sorry he died, but I don't remember.

71. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Coffee-chocolate swirl, runners up are chocolate-peanut butter, and black raspberry.

72. ARE YOU LAZY?

Sometimes very much yes, sometimes very much no--manic depression and all that palaver.

73. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT?

I don't listen to radio much any longer (the stations where I live are pure crap), so I just listen to my own playlist player--on that, I'm most often favouring....Stars by the Cranberries, Henrietta and Old Black and Blue Eyes and Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis, There's Always Someone Cooler Than You by Ben Folds, Letter From America (accoustic version) by The Proclaimers, Nobody's Fool by Haircut 100, Island in the Sun by Weezer, Won't Give In by Finn Brothers, There She Goes, by the La's, Ruby by the Kaiser Chiefs, Misty Blue by Dorothy Moore, Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller, Mandy by Barry Manilow, Oh Happy Day by Ramsey Lewis and Donegal Rain by Andy M. Stewart, Gloria by Them, Sad Eyes by Robert John, Echo by Vertical Horizon, Drift Away by Dobie Gray, American Woman by the Guess Who, Canadian Rose by Blues Travler, Gasoline by Enter The Haggis and The Life of Riley by the Lightning Seeds.

74. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND?

I don't really have 'a' favourite band...I'm partial to The Fratellis, The Proclaimers, Enter The Haggis, Blues Traveler, The New Pornographers, Carbon Leaf, the La's, Runrig and The Kaiser Cheifs.

75. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?

All gone.

76. DO YOU WANT TO GO ANYWHERE SPECIAL THIS YEAR?

I'll settle for anywhere that's NOT Glens Falls...or Kentucky, or Minnesota...or Texas...or New Jersey.

77. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

My neighbour's across the hall (brother and sister) having another spat again, traffic on the street, "Won't give in" on the player.

78. LAST THING YOU ATE?

Cheeseburger last night...it's 1.30 in the afternoon, and I'm only now getting hungry.

79. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Cab dispatcher.

80. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE MORNING?

I don't really know--my hair?

81. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG:

Oh cripes. I'm not feeling very touchy-feely today. I'll take a pass, thank.

82. FAVORITE TWO THING TO HATE:

George W. bush and homopobes (I think they both qualify as "things.")

83. FAVORITE DRINK:

Coke Classic, ice cold, from a glass bottle.

84. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN

Ain't got one.

85. SPORTS YOU LIKE TO WATCH?

Golf, show jumping, harness racing, polo, reining/cow cutting/roping (western riding) events, ten pin bowling, sometimes local basketball or ice hockey.

86. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?

Brown--bit salt and pepper.

87. EYE COLOR?

Brown

88. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?

Yes, no choice in the matter.

89. SIBLINGS?

A slightly older sister.

90. FAVORITE MONTH(s)

May or October

91. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?

Bleh! No!

92. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?

Dr Who on DVD.

93. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?

None, they are all the same to me.

94. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

No, I can't picture anyone wanting to go out with me--seriously.

95. SUMMER OR WINTER?

God, after FIVE MONTHS of winter, I think I'm going to answer summer--tho' at heart I'm much more of a cold-weather person.

96. KISSES OR HUGS?

Hugs, I don't do kisses.

97. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE-NIGHT STANDS?

Beats me, I've never had either one.

98. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY?

Don't really have one, truth to tell.

99. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ASK YOU ON A DATE?

Everyone.

100. BOOKS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE TURNED INTO A FILM?

Gosh, I can think of several--Louis L'amour's The Walking Drum or Sitka, short film versons of stories such as Hawthorn's Young Goodman Brown, Raymond Chandler's Goldfish, or Mary Wilken Freeman's The Revolt of Mother. A film version of mysteries like The Samuri's Wife, Murder on the Appian Way or one of Kathy Reich's books would be something I'd watch, for certain, or a western based on Louis L'amour's To Tame A Land or The Sackett Brand.

http://www.fodey.com/generators/animated/talking_squirrel.asp

Had a bad dizzy spell at work, left a couple hours early. Severe sudden drop in blood pressure, apparently. That was odd. I got some meds and I'll be OK. I've been having very high blood pressure for weeks, but I guess the med I'm taking for it, did its job a little too well! It's extremely rare for me to have low blood pressure. Very probably not getting any sleep last night, didn't help things. Those little worms upstairs better not have another all-night party tonight, I desperately need the sleep.

I was asked if I wanted an ambulance, but they charge $400 a pop, just to show up--and I do mean, JUST to show up! No way, Jose! I took a cab to the clinic. Got bitched at for not taking care of myself again, tra-la. Meh. I hate being lectured by some bloke I don't know, like I'm stupid. Yeah, I'm low-income, not the sharpest tack in the carpet, but if I was asked to join and became a member of, Phi Theta Kappa in 2002, I don't think I can be classifed as needing to be talked to like I'm an infant! Tired of the well-off prats who think poor people are poor 'cos they're stupid. No. Sure, there's unedcuated poor people. There's deadbeats on the dole--but the REALITY is this: A large swath of poor people are poor due to circumstances beyond their control--and, the poorer you are, the less control you have over your life. Believe that!

Still, I'd only two weeks ago, FINALLY paid off the outstanding bill at the health clinic, now I'm in arrears for $15 dollars, 'cos I didn't have the whole co-pay, what with round trip cab fare, the meds and all that palaver. Damn. Life is a vicous little circle, ain't it?

I have a headache and still feel a bit weak and woozy, so off to bed shortly. Added to my woes is that there seems to be a film over my right eye, making it much harder for me to read and type than normal. Nothing to be done about it, so I have to try to cope as best I can, but it is a mild pain in the arse, let me tell you, trying to adjust to this sudden loss of vision.

I was going to make myself a nice meal tonight--chicken dijon, broccolli and rice pilaf--instead, I settled for something less time-consuming: a BBQ cheeseburger and some fries. Ah well. I suppose there's always tomorrow.

Tens of billions of US dollars have been handed out to failing banks. Yet, banks have not passed on that assistance to consumers!

Credit card holders in the USA, with bailout banks such as Chase, now face an additional 10 dollar finance charge EACH MONTH they carry any debt on their card.

Addirionally, the US government, spurred on by a finance brown-noser known as George W. Bush, has allowed student lenders to get extremely agressive over the collection of student debts--student loan companies and state and federal student lenders, can now garnish all or part of a worker's wages, witholding tax refunds, refusing to negotiate loan payments to something the debtor can actually afford, etc...skyrocketing MILLIONS of already struggling Americans further into poverty...

...AND, student debtors have NO recourse or say in this...thanks to the republicans, student debtors are the ONLY Americans who CANNOT file bankruptcy in regards to the debt. So, if a student--particularly adult learners, going back to college to GET OUT OF POVERTY, are unable to find decent-paying jobs, they are shoved BACK into DEEPER poverty, than before they decided to "better" their lives.

I find, that the US and state governments, to turn so aggresively vicious now, when people need money the most--money that would be better spent going back into local economies, than in the pockets of the bailout banks and government---well, that's just reprehensible.

I'm not saying the loans shouldn't be paid back, mind you.

These shady and poorly run creditors, are pretty much allowed to RUN AMUCK and do as they will--while I have no say, no recourse, no one to mediate for me. I just have to sit there, clench my fists and take it.

Has our president talked about righting these wrongs? No. Have the democrats? No. Certainly, the greed-driven, immature, completely selfish and grossly ignorant republicans won't EVER do anything to correct this.

This country is gone. A capitalistic democracy is fine. But, this extreme captialism run wild and unchecked, that has, for the last 20 or 25 years, been steadily fostered by the republicans, and other power mad greedy pig conservatives around the world, has turned America today, into something so ugly and greedy and mean, that I can't bring myself to love it any longer. Can I PLEASE leave this country behind, now?

...I won't talk to ANYONE from Minnesota, today. Dear God, last night, I had no less than FOUR of them---unnaturally uptight, slightly wired, totally off their rocker, Minnesotan's.

Now, people from Maine sometimes act a bit off their rocker--but in a cute way. People from Oklahoma are just certifiably insane, folks in Kentucky (and sometimes also Georgia) can be unbelievably rude. But...people in Minnesota--the craziness isn't so pronounced...it's like their coils are just a hair too tightly wound...but not enough to be actually interesting...well, I have to say this about calling Minnesotans, they are insane...but in a tediously boring sort of way.

More bad news in the post.

I got the notice yesterday--2 1/2 months later, that the state was witholding my tax check this year--during a recsession, yeah, way to go, state of New York, bully for you--prats.

Today, in the post--more bad news. I applied for some extra assistance from a local charity, in regards to my rapidly failing eyesight (I can barely see to type some days, my vision is getting so blurred in my right eye)--I was turned down again. Ironically, tho' I am poor enough to qualify for disability benefits, heating assistance, medicare and food stamps--I am told that I make "too much income," to get help restoring my vision. I'm screwed. America SUCKS. It's not a great nation when people who need doctors and other medical attention, are denied it for no other reason then they can't afford to pay--if this were some dictator's nation, or a third world nation, Americans would be damning them--but their own country...they don't have the courage to care about people in their own country. Greedy bastards. "I've got MINE, to hell with my neighbour who is dealing with cancer, or blindness or in excruciating pain. Let them suffer, I'M not paying for it!" Anti-socialized medicine Americans are just...bastards...dont' deserve to be called human.

Ignorant bastard politicians. There's this huge fight going on, for Secretary of State Clinton's vacated US Senate seat, between the incumbent anti-Obama republican, Jim Tedisco--who can't get over his hate for the new president, and has actually blocked funds the president wants to give us, to provide up to 200,000 new jobs in the state! His rival, the democrat, doesn't stand a chance here though--this town is so anti-democratic/conservative republican, they'd block funds to starving pensioners, if a democrat offered it. They still live with a macho, psuedo-patriotic Cold War attitude here. Many of the people here in politics, are hateful, ignornant, greedy, short-sighted, blinker-visioned, self-centered and living in a time capsule they don't seem inclined to get out of.

Good gravy, I've gotten several posts already, from droolers with nothing better to do. I didn't really read them, mind you--why waste valuable seconds of my life reading sheer rubbish vomited by some person who can't express themselves properly, even in a brief comment? So far, I got one from 2 bloggers pushing some rubbish websites that I'll never visit in a million years.

Yes, and no "full-moon" day would be complete without a "fan letter" to David Tennant posted on my comments. Yep, some DT fan girl (I think) who was bascially babbling her love for DT--I think, it didn't really make mush sense, other than the 50 million "I love you's," and the begging for the Sex God Known as David to write her. Yeah, that's going to happen on my blog...(snorts derisively).

What other losers today, oh yeah...and some post by a sexually insecure and/or mentally ill guy named King of the Rubbish, Lord of the Flies, Swamp in the Mud..or some stupid-arse user name. Doesn't think much of himself, does he? I was busy trying to fix the post he posted some comment to--but it was a wasted effort on his part, cos' not only DIDN'T I waste time reading his comment, I deleted the post entirely, 'cos something got messed up.

That's what I get for posting on no sleep--I spent 30 minutes posting some burger recipes, and realized I'd made a glaring error. I was going to fix it, but decided to just delete it and re-post it when I'm feeling better.

Well, it took a while, but I managed to close the balcony window. I let the cats out for fresh air--and Charlie wouldn't come in off the porch! He weighs around 15 pounds (around 1 stone, I think?) and it's no easy task to pick my little furry butterball up, let me tell you! I had to physically go out there, pick him up and plop him down on the living room carpet. Jeez. It's nice out, but still quite chilly, in the mid-40's F with a breeze.

Anyway, it just seems to be my day for getting it with nutjobs and screwballs...maybe tomorrow will be different--not necessarily better, but...different.

I haven't slept most of the night--the bastards upstairs kept waking me, every hour on the hour, stomping (literally) up and down their tiny flat, banging and thumbing on a regular basis, just for good measure--blimey! The little rugs even knocked down the loose ceiling panel again...not enough noise to call the cops about, but enough to wake me pretty regularly. I pretty much gave up trying to sleep at 4am, and just sat up in bed, reading. I have to work a long shift tomorrow night, and I have things that need doing (rather desperately, if I don't want my apartment to resemble a pig's-sty), and now I'll be down for the count for the rest of the day--and my health will likely suffer, as well. Sounds awful, but truly, sometimes I really do envy the dead.

And, to make things worse, my thermostat isn't working. It's 59 F in here, and dropping. The temperature gauge is stuck on 59, and won't budge an inch...well, I can get it to read 60 F, but then it mysteriously drops back on its own, to 59 again. It's 19 F outside, as I write this, according to my temperature gauge on the balcony, so it's not exactly spring-like. My thermostt says 59 F, but truthfully it feels like 40 or 50 F--brrrrr!!! Global warming my arse! I'll have to wait until Friday when I can buy some new batteries for it (it's a digital themostat, and a cheap piece of crap, at that), and hopefully that's all that's wrong with it. Thankfully, it's supposed to warm up a bit for the rest of the week, in the upper 40's to low 50's Fahrenheight, by Friday.

We haven't had 60+ F temp here, since maybe early November....will we ever have spring? I spoke to someone in Alabama last night, who'd been mowing his lawn. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that image---our ground here is still FROZEN SOLID...you'd need an pick ax to break it up! The grass is flattened down and uniformly brown.

I feel like rubbish, right now. Ever since one of the bastard's upstairs woke me at four, I've been fighting with nausea and mild heartburn...yet ironically, I'm actually famished. Go figure that out. I'd like a full breakfast--scrambled eggs, bacon, fried potatoes and toast--I'm settling for just the toast. Out of juice, don't feel like tea, will have to settle for milk or soda. Maybe some diet gingerale will settle my stomach.

It's just past 6.17 am, and the sky is only just getting light--a shade lighter than black, that pretty deep sapphire blue. It's been a long time since I watched a sunrise. I used to, when I was a teenager, get up to watch the sun come up. I would walk--if it was June or July, barefoot through the dew-drenched grass, getting the bottoms of my jeans soaking--go to the field next door to our home....it had once been a pasture, 75 or 100 years before...still had two "antique" apple trees growing there. I used to adore the continual and beautiful changes--not just the sky and the light--but the life around me...the various birds, squirrels, etc, all waking and greeting the day, one by one...and the feelings, too. I used to love how a sunrise made me feel, inside.

I'd go hang out by the trees, watching the sun slowly rise over the hills across the Hudson River...our village ran parallel to the river, on its west bank...our village started on the riverbank, and spread out up the nearby very low hills. I lived on one of the hills...sort of...actually, it was up the hill, and then down the hill partway to get to my little dead-end street--so I did live on the hill, and then, I didn't--confused yet?

So, soon as I'm done eating, it's back to bed for me. Hopefully my stomach will settle enough to permit sleep, if not, it's going to be one helluva' rough day!

I had this idea this afternoon, of incorporating a couple of little Dr Who gags I'd written (see one example below) into the unfinished story, Evil Waters. I had an idea to push the story further, and change it drastically...I thought I might throw out a red herring to any readers that happen along on Wordpress (so far all of two of them, as far as I know), and then shoot the story out into a whole new direction.

Also, I was going to put Captain Jack into the story (Donna's grandad is already in it)...but, one of the reasons I've never done a Torchwood charcter, is because I don't--well, I don't dislike Torchwood, it's just not..."me???" It's hard to put my finger on why, but Torchwood is slightly outside my comfort zone as a writer...not that I COULDN'T write Torchwood stuff, only that I rather not, unless I had to. It's really hard to explain, probably 'cos I don't totally understand my feelings, my own self. Maybe---Gwen? I can...sort of, loosely, relate to Gwen. Captain Jack makes me uncomfortable...and I haven't a clue why. Certainly, it's not homophobia. (Not with my previously having had two best friends who were a gay couple!) Maybe it's the character's seeming shallowness? I'm not saying the character is or isn't shallow, mind you, that's just my own perception. Maybe it's Barrowman's campy take on the character (and again, not that John Barrowman isn't a good actor, it's just my perceptions talking)...

...anyway, I think CJ's out. I think Gwen would be much more interesting for me to write---and, tho' too often if feels like a LOT of work when I'm writing--which is why I sometimes have long gaps inbetween stories/chapters, since I'm NOT paid to write or to work at writing or editing or whatever....I wouldn't want to write a character I don't feel at home with. After all, I AM doing this for pleasure (or as a way to pass the long hours alone without TV or internet). So, yeah, that stuff, and the gags.

I did a sort of "Who's on First" Abbott and Costello skit with the Doctor and K-9 and an alien, but I am wondering if that would be too Friday/Sunday Night Project for a straight-foward story...or even if the other project would be--the Dr has to kiss Gwen, and she acts like a fan-girl, so the Doctor ends up in some pub (only with an ordinary bloke instead of a hairy alien--or maybe some hairy guy from Leeds or Liverpool or some place in England that begins with an "L?" Meh--maybe the Doctor kissing Gwen would be too complicated. I don't do relationships/sex very often, 'cos they are a bit out of my league/experience.

Well, talking about MY crap Dr Who stories aside, I want to take a moment to congradulate Russell T. Davies, OBE and all the other hard-working folks who bring us Dr Who, on yet another BAFTA nomination. Well done, bravo! Well-earned and I'll be rooting for you (not that they'll ever read that, mind you, but I am genuinely thrilled for them).

"I'm so walli-peeli out here in the desert sun, that the crew doesn't need any reflectors when they film me, the sun just bounces off my whiteness."

Gag/story written for the 100 story/100 days Accord Hospice fund raiser in 2007:

The Doctor was visiting Slyther’s bar on Exostashia. He sat on a barstool, moodily staring into space. “What’ll it be?” A short, hairy humanoid asked. “Martian martini–shaken, not stirred,” The Doctor replied absently. “Troubles?” The bartender inquired.

Sipping his drink, the Doctor sighed. “It was only a genetic transfer! Humans! I mean, a little full-frontal osculation, and suddenly you’re practically engaged! You know, the average human spends over 350 hours of their life, kissing? And what is a kiss? Just an exchange of uni-sexual biological bacteria!” The bartender snorted. “That’s what my ex-wife used to say, about my snogging.”

We had some brand new hires show up for work today--dressed like SLOBS...all but one of the six people. I mean, slobs! Like, I wouldn't wear that shite going out to some dive bar on South Street. This IS an office! Even when we have casual dress, it's SUPPOSED to be nice casual dress....not underpants and butt/bum cracks showing.

Who the hell ever decided that cracks were attractive??? Was that person frickin' BLIND???

I swear, we had THREE young workers with their underpants clearly showing--the saggy jeans look is very hip still, in this jerkwater city, and TWO of them, had their cracks showing, as well--one of them a girl, her first night on the job!

Any other business--PROFESSIONAL business, would have ordered them home to change. Not mine...we old-timer's have to look nice, but the young kids can dress any way they want.

Effing company is turning into a shitehole. All those new hires, and not a SINGLE ONE over 25 years of age....80% showed up, dressed like, and looking like punks and yobbos. K-rist. I wish to hell I could get a job in a REAL office again, this place...it's going down the toilet so fast, it's unbelieveable.

So here it is, nearly 3pm. Firetrucks down on the next street--smoke alarm must have gone off in the big aparment building on the corner. Still not a cloud in the sky. I have to leave for work in an hour. Have to dress posh, too, 'cos a client is visiting. Meh.

There's a kid in the office, one of those teenage tykes who thinks it's cool to have his jeans hanging half-way down his arse with his underpants showing...I was stifling a larf at him the other day...he walked past...and kept reaching behind him to pull up his jeans. He actually wears that look to the office--blimey! I mean, it's normal for a teenager to look silly for the sake of pretending he (or she) is "different," (there's real different where something you do is truly unique to you, and there's pretenders--you're a prentender when there's 10 thousand or 10 million other kids doing the same thing you are)...anyway, wow. Office standards have changed immeasurably, in the last 20 years. I hate it when I have to look at bum cracks...bleh. It's yucky enough on a man, but on a woman??? Bleh. There's even once Eastenders reject in our office, that wears a stud in her bum crack--and shows it off. Double yeck.

I've learned to be pretty much okay--completely accepting if not totally approving---with this stuff of women having tattoos, and men wearing earrings--but, when the hell is enough, enough? (the same thing I was saying in the last 20 years, with wealth-gone-amuck attitudes--and look where that got the world today?)

I've been having chest pains all day. Damn. I can't afford any time off, so I'm ignoring it. I desperately need to pay the rent and the internet bill--and next month's huge new monthly electric bill---there's NO WAY I can skip out to the ER right now. I just have to pray it's merely indigestion...which is I hope more probable than I heart attack. I haven't been able to have my blood pressure checked--it's just NOT practical! I don't have a car, I CANNOT just nip out to the clinic or wherever, any time I feel like it...and I really can't spare the 6 dollars cab fare--no friggin' way. Anyone who doesn't understand that, can go soak their heads--and pray they never lose their cushy incomes and benefits..someone like that wouldn't last a week in the real world.

I need every penny I can get to pay the rent and other bills. I really have a serious hate for Americans who oppose NHS here. If I didn't have that $20+ co-pay, I'd go a lot more often. If I was blessed to have sick pay, I'd certainly go to a doctor more often.

Anyway, I have to decide what outfit to wear tonight--I've several trouser suits--a plum one, my ye old black satan oriental motif one--the Mandarin jacket's getting rather threadbare after five years of wear, but people still complment me when I wear it--, and I've got my plain brown Chico trouser suit, my black bolero suit, and a teal blue velveteen shirt/slacks outfit. I was going to wear a dress--but still too cold for that. I don't actually own a posh coat to wear with a dress or suit, and it would look ridiculous, wearing a posh outfit with a very un-posh ordinary old jacket. I could wear just ordinary slacks and a blouse, I suppose. I don't work college fund drives much, and these are college clients, so they won't even be noticing me, anyway.

Meh, we'll see.

So, had a quick half a Stouffer's pepperoni French bread pizza and a diet root beer for lunch, now I gotta' go get ready to telemarket for 5 hours. I keep telling myself I'm very lucky to have a job, and that it's loads better than cleaning loo's for a living, still--some days, I wish I had a career that I loved....well, that's a wasted dream, and I don't dwell on it too much, except on days like today, when I'm not feeling my best, or on nights when so-called human beings that I dont' even know, are behaving like absolutely horrible little monsters on the telephone.

(She sighs) Gosh, I just realized how wrinkled my hands and arms are! When did that happen??? Not that I care, I've been turning grey for several years now, but jeez--how come I never noticed that I'm getting all wrinkly before? My powers of observation are dulling, I suppose. Not out in the world enough. I miss living in a small town, or in the country--so much more to do there, believe it or not. City's--bleh. If you don't drink or do pubs, and can't afford to go to concerts or plays and whatnot, what is there? Nothing. No place interesting to walk in my city, No one interesting to talk to (seriously, no.) I can't even find things to do to amuse myself here--no tourists to gawp at, not much nature, few really historic buildings...dull.

Now I'm frittering away my time blogging, when I should be changing for work. Stupid me. More guild and frustration. Nothing for it, I HAVE to go to work. Damn.

I used to love New York--I used to love being American. Now...shame, disgust, replace those once firm feelings of love and pride.

Yes, I'm angry with the state over taking my tax refund this year--99 dollars more than last year's which they DIDN'T take, being taken during a borderline depression, at a time when I can't pay my rent (due to an error on my part), and desperately NEED the money. I owed the money last year, and they didn't grab it, but this year--when New Yorker's need their refunds more than ever, the state allowed it. Greed-gutted ignornamuses.

New York also reduced health benefits for pensioners, poor families and the disabled--at a time when more people need these benefits than ever.

New York gave state worker's pay raises--some executive's getting as much as $30,000 extra in their pay packets, on the extremely flimsy--and quite frankly insulting, excuse that these people "work hard" and "deserve it." (A pay raise.) I've been working just has hard, for much less money and no benefits, over two years without a pay raise...don't I deserve it? No, 'cos I'm privately employed!

New York wants to add a "sugar" or "obesity" tax to beverages containing added sugar--thus raising the cost to consumers for soft drinks (which many poor people buy, because we CAN'T AFFORD more expensive bottled water, milk or 'natural' juices...a 2 liter bottle of soda can cost as little as 89 or 99 cents, whereas similar quantities of milk is n $2+ a half-gallon, water $2+ and juice $2+ And, anyone whom thinks a dollar more to a poor person isn't much, is naive to the point of being foolish.) Tap water in my city is horrid--tastes like it's been filtered through dirt...and, on more than one occasion, it's been polluted to the point where warnings had to be issued.

There is also talk about raising taxes on gasoline (petrol)...how ridiculous is that, in a state where transport and tourism are major industries?

New York wants to add some new taxes--in a recession. They are also talking about taking away some tax breaks for busineses--in a recession. Stupid doesn't even begin to cover it.

Also, and this last is so utterly tragic---last weekend, four severely mentally retarded patients died horribly in a fire, at one of the small private facilities which have sprung up all over, that took over from the state, when the state banned intitutional homes decades ago.

The ranch-style house in Wells, NY...up here in the Adirondack mountains, housed 16 patients. at 5.30am last weekend, the 1998 built home, caught fire. It was an electtrical fire, which shut down the sprinkler system. The home's back-up generator was too small to handle the sprinklers. There were only two staff on call...which apparently, is standard in many of these privately run homes.

The state has NO regulations in place, in regards to the number of staff. In fact, it has since been revealed, that many of these privately run homes, TELL staff to "keep going back in," to retrieve patients from a fire or other natural disater--staff with no training in firefighting, with no protective gear whatsoever, are in fact, TOLD to risk their lives to keep going back in to get patients.

Would I? Probably, would everyone? No, humans are humans--some would, some wouldn't. I have a mild phobia of fire, so that's why I say probably--I would hope that my need to save a life, would overcome my extreme fear of fire. I've put out fires before, scared to death while doing it, so I believe I would go back...but, still. I think it's rather cold of anyone, to tell an untrained person--someone---usually a lower class or lower-middle class worker making not much over minimum wage, in many cases (I speak from fact, because I've personally known several people who work for the company that owns many of these facilities)--to go back in to a burning building and get everyone out.

The state has done many cutbacks and hiring freezes--it is not being asked to investigate whether these cutbacks or hiring freezes had anything to do with 4 helpless people dying needlessly. If they are, then the state of New York, and the companies that DELIBERATELY understaff these little private homes (come on--two people are expected to get a dozen or more severely disabled people out of a burning building???)--well, they are guilty of manslaughter, in my eyes--all to save some money--money spent on pay raises for already overpaid state workers!

I went to bed a couple or three hours early last night, thinking I'd get up earlier...wrong. I slept over 12 hours!!! What's with that??? Mind you, I've slept so poorly these last several weeks, that I'd be churlish to whinge about having a good night's sleep.

Still, I'm not nearly as ill as I was...no idea why I slept so long or so soundly, but I guess I shouldn't knock it...only now, it's past 11am, and half my day is gone, like it never was. I don't care for that. That's why I never liked working overnight--I mean, I didn't hate it or anything..you work when you have to work, that's part of being an adult, still...when I did work overnight, and then slept half the day away, it felt like I was being robbed of days out of my life, like the world passed me by as I slept.

So, I really don't like sleeping late, even tho' I sometimes do. It's that automatic middle-class American work ethic guilt-trip, that's planted into us throughout our lives, that tells us subconciously, that we're lazy and bad if we sleep in an extra hour or two (or three or four) in the morning--whether we need the extra sleep or not.

Ah well, such is life. It's a nice day here, this Tuesday. Not a cloud in the sky, and 2 C temp. Chilly, but last night, walking home from work at 6pm, the wind chill temp here where I live, was about -6 C, and I felt like I was gonna' freeze my face off, by the time I got home! I went to bed around 9pm, 'cos I had a real bad case of the chills, and couldn't for the life of me shake them off. I was having mild chest pains (indigestion) and a headache, so I said to hell with it, took my meds and went to bed.

There's a strong wind, and even tho' right now it's 34 F, the wind chill is making it feel ten degrees colder than it is. There were some snow flurries around when I got up to...well, you know, around 6am, but the clouds have gone and hopefully it will warm up a bit by later this afternoon.

Before I went to bed last night, I got a rather rudely worded comment by a David Tennant fan girl--which was promptly deleted. Then, a mere few minutes later, she comes back, and tells me to "tell David" hello and can I get her his autograph, and what is he going to do when he leaves Dr Who....yadda, yadda, yaddda....

Jeez, the man hangs out with like, Kylie and other big superstars...he's not going to hang out with some fat disabled boring whingy part-time telemarketer from Glens Falls, NY. The man wouldn't even look at the likes of me--where the hell do these kids get off, thinking I know the man? I may be bi-polar yes, but damn...I am very much NOT delusional!!! I can safely say that I have NEVER had any fantasies about the wee guy...OK, well, there was that one little one, involving the Tardis, a kilt, a ten-inch banana and a big jar of Marshmallow Fluff....

As for what Tennant's plans are, well, my crystal ball is out for it's 10 year annual polish, but, I do happen to have some immaginary tarot cards here---oooh, I see Tennant in a starring role....as a Rab C. Nesbitt character on Eastenders...drinking his whiskey neat and showing his haggis off to any and all comers....he plays a drunken Scottish cook.

"Hi, I'm David Tennant. Let me show you ma'haggis."

All those people across the globe aside, who want to see David Tennant naked (not me, other people, he's too ribby/walli-peeli for me)...david tennant's girlfriend, e-mail, home address, phone number, david tennant porn, is or isn't he gay, his shoe size, hair gell/hair style name (I merely call it the "just stuck his finger in an electrical outlet" look), I do get some serch criteria that raises my eyebrow, sometimes...and what the heck, thought I'd share...

David Tennant topless---erm, not bottomless? I mean, I don't even think he has man-boobs? The man would make one helluva packet if he ever decided to pose for Playgirl!

Other, non-david tennant searches include:

Stop crying firefox upgrade
pantyhose doctor
doctor handjob
becoming a terrorist
doctor with pantyhose
How does ryanair work (very cheaply and rudely, from what I hear and read)
what does a screwdriver do? (depends on who's using it and what for)

My favourite today: "too people having sex naked." Erm--as opposed to doing fully buttoned and zipped?....this came from the southern states, hence the off spelling...and weird search criteria.

All those sex-related searches for MY blog...the 48 year old..well, you know. Wow, something's wrong here, don'cha think?

I'm paying 50 dollars a month for the priviledge of high speed--so I can watch videos and listen to music relatively uninterrupted, but some websites are so slow to load, I sometimes wonder if I'm really getting my money's worth!

I'm still getting tons of spammers and mindless twats who don't have anything remotely in common with me, who very probably don't even read a single word I type, and whom also very obviously only wish to "collect" people, on Twitter. Really think Twitter's got to go. Only 2 friends follow me on there--real friends, not the just-passing-through internet kind.

How ridiculous is it, that I cannot think of anything to write about today. OK, it's Monday, and nothing truly interesting ever seems to happen on a Monday--not in the mundane world, at any rate. Oh, wars will happen, crimes commited, horrifying accidents, politicians will rant and lie--OK, that's something we all do, at some point in our lives...but you have to admit, politicians just seem to do that with a certain style. Like they were born to it, like it's their God-given (or is that God-less) right.

But, I'm just a nobody--somebody has to be nobody and I've been elected by life to be part of that world. And...that's fine. I'm OK with that...just like I'm fine with being alone, and old maid. Sure, I get tired of it, sometimes, I get angry about it, I get scared and lonely and self-hating. I'm only human, not some all-powerful deity...or a republican.

Short of crime or disaster, nothing happens to the world's nobody's on a Monday. Well, that's my opinion. All this blog is, is my opinion. Nothing in this world is truly ever set in stone. That's the whole nature of the universe: change. We change, the seasons, politics, cultural tastes--even the sun and the stars are continually in flux. What I think today, may not be what I feel or think about tomorrow...and certainly, it's not what everybody thinks. I'm no guru, no spiritual leader--no leader of any sort. I'm just...me. I don't want to be anyone else, even tho' I genuinely hate myself, my life, my world, at times.

Part of me wants to see the world dead-on, eye-to-eye...and then there's the "old" me, the serenity loving nature girl, who wants to go beyond the petty and the mundne, and stand, open-armed, in the centre of the never-ending circle of the universe, and see everything, feel it, hear it, live it. Tho', truth to tell, these days, that latter part of me if very much supressed and hidden away in the past.

Curiosity is a goad for me...always has been. But, one which I've always had a hard time shairing. Perhaps that's another thing that drives me to write. To share my "why." When I meet someone, when I hear them speak, I don't so much care about the words, as what is making him or her say those words. What's going on in the background, that's causing them to say what they are? Out of the blue, some cab driver I didn't know, began telling me how excited she was that she and her daughter--whom is apparently about to have a baby--had been shairing a single room in a hotel, being homeless, and the driver was all excited because someone had just offered them seperate rooms in a house for less than what they'd been paying for the hotel room. I listened, agreed that it was a lovely stroke of luck...but was in the meantime trying to imagine how she'd been coping, cooped up in one room with a pregnant teenage daughter, as the driver seemed, besides happy, very relieved.

When I read a news story about politics, I read between the lines and try to disect what's NOT being said. When I see someone on the street, I wonder where they are going--if they look sad or happy, or preoccupied or just...blank, like a robot. And, it's not something I think about....it's just a natural thing to me...in fact, until today, I'd never really given it a lot of thought.

But, getting back to the whole point of this post--sorry, I sort of drifted off the point, which is truly one of my bad habits...my mum used to do that, take "the long way around the barn," to get to the point. I didn't like that--so why am I starting to do it???

Anyway, I find it ridiculous that there's huge whole universe out there, full of so much information, delights, pain, hardships, new things, old things---let's face it, in 2009, we have access to THOUSANDS of years of man-made buildings, information, history and writing, human interaction---not to mention of MILLIONS of miles of natural wonders, a ZILLION plus miles of universe...and I can't think of ANYTHING interesting to write about?

How sad is that? How pathetic am I? How small does that make me?

The BBC National Orchestra of Wales are recording the new Doctor Who soundtrack at their new home in the Wales Millennium Centre.

I once read somewhere, that "our dreams are meerely legends in the making." A bunch of tosh, but there ya' go...

I was told one of my meds would leave me with vivid dreams and they weren't kidding! I dreamed I was driving around by cab and bus--alternating between my home village of some 30 years ago (has it been that long since I moved away from my childhood home?) drifting between that place, and this place where I live in now...the two locations physically 50 miles apart in reality, murkily shifting together in my dream world...one minute on the main street of my village, the next here in this city, and then out in the mountains nearby here. Very strange. Too bad we can't do that in real life, how marvelous would that be?

But, as I was dreaming, I took a pause in my journeys to...eat? Yup. One minute I'm standing outside an abandoned snack bar--and the next, it's open for business...I go in and they are cooking the most marvelous hamburgers and fries (chips)...I mean, just gorgeous! And, all I can do though, is order a glass of Coca-Cola, because I am on a journey, and don't have time to eat or I may miss my bus---and, in my dream, I think I was, as I am now, a bit strapped---well, I must have been, if I wasn't driving my own car.

The dream came with a side effect---now I have a terrible craving. I've been having them half the week. Friday it was for a Big Mac (but settled for the Filet O' Fish special instead to save money)...Saturday I wanted pizza (but settled for a small sub--again to save money)...and then gave in to my craving for a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice cream Sat. night. Today, I want pizzz, a hot fudge sundae, AND a nice juicy hamburger and fries with a Coke.

What I got for lunch: a bologna sandwich...but, I do have steak for dinner, so it all evens out in the end.

God, it really is snowing to beat the band out there--meh, it'll melt. It's supposed to be in the upper 40's F by the end of the week, maybe even 50 F, which is always great, this time of year. Came out of our office building the other day, after picking up my big $70 pay packet, and watched a flock of Canada geese flying northeast towards Lake George. Good to see them back. I'm a sucker for wild geese, always makes me feel a bit wild and free myself, just hearing and watching them...not sure why, but it does, truly.

Anyway, I do Twitter--more out of boredom than any other reason. Twitter's not logical for me. I really don't have--and never desired to have--a "network" of friends. I have friends, and some of us are acquinted with each other, but I reject the idea of networking.

In fact, I naturally shy away from anything that seeks to turn humans into objects. And that's what a network really is, flayed alive to show it's insides. It's not about friends, it's about people using other people as a step ladder or a sugar-coated placebo or whatever.

But, the thing I dislike about Twitter is followers. Oh, I have a few--some total strangers that I never got 'round to blocking...only 2 friends are following me on Twitter, and that's fine by me.

Still, I get people I don't even know, every once in a while, out of the blue, deciding to follow me on Twitter. Why??? I mean, really---why?? I'm NOBODY. I mean, I have no life to speak of, I don't write anything earth-shattering, no nuggets of wisdom...some bitching and moaning, some talk about mundane stuff in my day, my health...why would a total stranger want to follow that?

Still, I will allow it if the person isn't following tons of people. I really do have a problem with people "following" me, whom are also, apparently, following 300 or 400 or even 900 or 1000+ people. POPPYCOCK. I have a hard time following a couple dozen people on my friend's lists....following severl hundred or even a 1000 plus peeople--IMPOSSIBLE. Unless you're some kind of super-human alien with a computer-like brain, I suppose.

These people are so disingenuious it honestly disgusts me. I don't want to be someone's tick mark, their little human knick-knack that they can put on the shelf and show off to the world--"See this, I have 1,987 people I follow, aren't I something speical?"

No. you're not! You are a poser, and pretender...or a super-human alien with a computer for a brain.

I don't want to prostitute myself for a poser. I live in the REAL...not a reality show, but the simple real, the every day ordinary, yet sometimes extraordinary REAL. Being followed or asked to be a friend, by someone who doesn't really MEAN it--that just cheapens my life and makes it even less meaningless than it sometimes already seems...WHY would I want to do that???

Well, it's nearly half-past 11 am here, and I'm going back to bed. My abscess is bothering me, and my jaw's achey...and really, I'm just really feeling pretty rubbish.

OH-MY-GOD. It's snowing! NO-NO-NO-NO-NO!!!! I'm soooo-sick of snow!!! It's been snowing since before bloody Christmas...GO AWAY. We don't want you anymore. I want spring, I want it NOW. Waaaaahhh---.

Okay, tantrum over. Blinking snow flurries. Well, it can't be March in the Adirondack mountains, without some snow--wonder if we'll have snow in April again...or even May--been known to happen. One year they had to shut down the carousel ride at the local Six Flags amusement park, 'cos a heavy snow fell in mid- May, just two weeks before the park opened, collapsing the carousel's awning. Then again, other years, we've had winter, two weeks of sping, followed by full-blown summer. Some years, it snows in May and if you go hiking in the mountains you might well still encounter piles of snow in the shadowed places--and then, there's some years you can compfortably wear a swimsuit and go swimming in the lake, in May! Crap shoot, that's what our weather is.

So, taking my achey jaw off to bed for a while, hoping the hyper teenage rugrats upstairs won't be bouncing themselvs and whatever furniture they still have left, off of my ceilings, and that Flame will stop howling long enough for me to get some actual rest...and sanity restored.

Cheers.

Woke to a dreary day...overcast and quite chilly--not frigid, though. About 0 C, which is of course, much better than the minus 22 C of just a few week's ago.

I hear a single deep resonant "BONG" from the Presby church down the way, must be ten am. I havent' even looked at a clock this morning.

So, day off. What will I do? Probably not a hell of a lot. I keep telling myself I should stop blogging. I've sort of stopped writing, of late. I get that way sometimes...I WANT to write, I tell myself I should crack open the word processor and write something--finish that DW story, Evil Waters (or even Numbered Days, which has been unfinished for well over a year now)..or that godawful play, Cheez and Mabs....that's the one that I literally dreamed up one night--in my sleep, title and all. I've never really done that, written something solely based on a dream I'd had. It's absolutely the worst, most shallow piece of poo you'd ever want to read, and I'm tempted to just erase it from Road Apples, making the one and only copy of the play disappear forever--but hey, nothing says in this life I have to be a "good" writer...actually, as writers go, I strongly suspect I have some rather horrid habits...certainly, a lot of what I do, goes against everything my professors taught me to do.

Yeah, sometimes I really think I should stop blogging. Turn off the computer and just get on with my life again--but, there's the rub, as they say: There's NOTHING to replace it. Just empty space. I can't just get in a car and go for a drive out of the city, away from this currently disgracefully untidy and crumbly old flat. I'm not a student any longer, with places to go and things to do and cool stuff to think about and learn. I can't take some cash and go shopping...well, not at the moment, at any rate. There's nothing to fill the gap. I live in my own tiny little world--a massive irony, when I sometimes rail about people insulating and isolating themselves, from the world around them...from REAL life, from learning and thinking and exploring the world around them. I am the pot calling the kettle black, me.

Sometimes I genuinely do not like myself. I hate my life, often to the point where I start to think of death as a holiday break. Oh, don't be alarmed, I don't mean that in the way it probably obviously sounds. It's just that when a person does land in the one place they never wanted to be--land with both feet seemingly permanently stuck in the concrete...it's pretty much impossible not to be slightly bitter, I suppose. I'm not made to be Little Miss Sunshine. In fact, I'm pretty sure that, if I'm still around 20 years from now, I'll be one hell of a crotchety old maid.

God, I'm getting all depressing again. Sorry. Flamey is STILL howling every five seconds. I could put her out on my wee balcony and use her as an air raid siren.

I know I need to do stuff around my flat today, but whether it will get done or not...meh. We'll see. My plans for going on a writing jag are probably not going to materialize. I'll likely drift through my day reading, blogging, playing cribbage online, and THINKING about writing and doing the household chores, if I'm true to form, today.

I live my life mired down in my own guilt, self-loating and frustration. I didn't used to be that way, but then, I've become a totally different person, of late.

Oh dear, no one wants to read this drivel on a Sunday morning, what am I thinking? Sorry. Maybe I'll just have my breaky and go back to sleep for a while.

Cats are driving me nuts tonight. Flame still yowling non-stop, Boots making me nervous by playing with his furry mouse near the electrical cord for one of the living room lamps, Charlie petulantly thowing himself down at my feet every time I try to walk through the apartment. Ugh...good thing it is that I love the wee beggers.

I was thinking (did you smell the smoke?) that I really haven't had much of a life--oh, more than some, but nearly as much as others. I mean, no relationships--ANY relationships, few close friendships (not in the physical right here, right now sense), I've never been on a bender, only once went out shopping with "the girls," never go to parties--I mean, ever. Never invited to weddings, anniversaries...don't buy make up, only go to the hair dressers once a year on average--twice if I'm really lucky. Rarely hang out with mates--sometimes not at all in the course of a year, sometimes only two or three times in a year. Don't go to pubs, rarely go to museums or festivals.

Sure, I've lived. I've been places and done things...but, not "normal" things, not things the average human takes for granted. And, I think that may be why I have such an impossible time writing fiction and plays---for one, I have a hard time opening my own emotional Pandora's box---it's really a very dark and unpleasant place inside me, one I hardly ever mention on here....and I don't want to...and I do. It's....complicated. Part of me knows I should open up and just deal with it, and maybe get on with my life, but the other part--

---well, I'm getting too personal in this post, and there's a certain two tin hat people on here (only two, thank heavens), who don't have the class to take a hike when they're asked, and I'd rather keep those two individuals out of crawling though my life, like winos poking through bins looking for discarded half-eaten hamburgers. (And you both KNOW who you are, I have a way to tell who is visiting my blog, so don't deny it.)

Anyway, It's past midnight, and I simply must go to bed. Jaw hurts from the infection...low fever too, I've discovered...just before I dropped and broke my one and only thermometer. What IS it with me breaking things today???

I can tell it's spring--the street cleaner when by this morning, brushing the dirt to the sides of the road. With as much as 2 or 3 inches of ice on the walks, car parks and elsewhere this winter, a LOT of sand and salt was put down. Come spring, it makes things really dirty and yucky looking. March in northeastern New York state, is the ugliest time of year. very ugly. The snow is melting off, plastered down brown grass, dusty walks and roads, frozen mud when it's cold out, deep mud when it's not--no leaves on the trees, no buds, nothing--winter without much snow. Oh, sometimes March has its moments, surely--a sunset, interesting cloud formations, stuff like that--but really, when it comes to mother nature, March is one ugly wench.

Twenty Questions Quiz:

1. Favourite pizza toppings?

Pepperoni, sliced Italian sausage, sliced Polish sausage, ham & pineapple, breaded eggplant, BBQ chicken, cheeseburger.

2. What's on your desk at home?

my computer (monitor, hard drive, speakers, webcam, earphones/mic), a tin of Fiebing's saddle soap, 7 one dollar bills, a half-full can of diet Mug root beer, my spode china mug that I use for a pen pot, a framed pic of my late mum and dad and my nephew taken about 5 or 6 years ago, a relistic looking toy Holstein cow, a tiny horseshoe (not for luck, but because a dear friend gave it to me) squeezy toy Dachund that I use for gripping in my hand (carpal arthritis), a 1 dollar off coupon for Van De Kamp's crunchy fish sticks, my old 1970's plastic Clydesdale horse lamp from Woolies. Bit cluttered, ain't it?

And, there's two bookshelves as well, with my 100 year old Popular Quotations book, my Oxford Book of Literary Ancedotes, my New Webster's Dictionary, a thesaurus, a book on grammar, my old news editing textbook, a book on poetic forms, and most of my other writing books--which I only rarely use, if I'm being totally truthful here. Also some misc. books like my North American Guide to Wildlife, Lynn Truss's book on manners (or rather a lack thereof) and books by or about Thoreau, R.W. Emerson, Wilde, Shaw, Shakespeare, and asst'd plays.

3. What did you do last that made you unhappy, what made you happy?

This morning I knocked my limited edition mini model horse off the book case and one of it's legs broke (no jokes about shooting it please, this really did upset me 'cos 1. I loved it, 2. it was expensive for a mini model, and 3. Cos' it is a limited edition, it is no longer available--and even if it was, I still can't replace it (I can't spare the $14, and I don't do e-bay).

Tonight, I chatted on skype with two of my friends and that made me very happy, after which I went down to Stewart's shop down the street a ways, for a hot fudge sundae with coffee ice cream, which also pleased me.

4. What did you do last night?

After 3 hours sleep, my Metformin did such a number on my stomach that I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I played cribbage online, read a book, spent 2 whole hours blogging some meaningless and stupid tosh about writing, until half past 4 in the morning.

5. Last time you ate takeaway?

This afternoon my co-workers at the office ordered subs from Quiznos. I had a small size "steakhouse beef dip" (a hot roast beef and Swiss cheese sub on a freshly toasted roll, with beef au jus dip on the side). The sandwich was good, but the service was crap, and I didn't get the beef dip because some prat didn't put the lid on the container properly, and it all leaked out of the bag--what a mess! And the delivery girl showed up with a large order and no cash for making change...last time we order takeaway from them!

6. What's your favourite colour, and do you wear it a lot? What colours do you wear most often?

Blue is my favourite colour, and yes, I sometimes do--I have several denim shirts, and a couple of blue plaid blouses, and some blue tee shirts...but that said, I don't wear it all the time. I have a whole slew of different colours I wear. Mainly though, blue, brown, burgundy and black...but I also have yellow, tan, teal, dark green, pink/burgundy plaid, white, etc.

7. What are you wearing now?

Why do you want to know? Do you lot have any idea how preverted that question might sound?
Well, I'm wearing a denim western shirt, a medium colour green rock and roll retro tee shirt, my poshest pair of jeans--the bling-bling Cosmopolitin jeans with tailored legs that have the embroidery up the outside of the calves and a few reinstones on the back pockets, and a pair of socks.

8. Quick: look to your left, then look away. What did you see?

My late dad's old table lamp (the only thing I have of his, other than his volunteer fireman's badges), my George Hoose oil on board cowboy painting, the cowboy motif trunk that holds my excess DVD's and VCR tapes, my antique dancing Japanese boy figureine, the cheap faux wood stand I got from Ames department store in 2001, that is supposed to look like an antique, my Edwardian treen quill pot that I use as a vase to hold some silk irises, a framed photo of my dad and his mum on my parent's wedding day in 1950 or '51, a framed reproduction antique floral print hanging on the wall.

9. Did you say "please" and "thank you" at least once today?

Quite a few times, actually...partly 'cos of my job, and partly 'cos that's simply the way I was raised...old habits and all that.

10. Doctor Who or Star Trek? And how often do you watch?

Star Trek? Get out! Dr who rules, baby, no contest! Well, Until June (S4 E12) of last year, I used to watch Dr Who quite literally every single day of the year--sometimes more than one episide, from summer of 2006 to 2008...then something happened, and I realized I was way too obsessed and backed off. I still adore Dr Who, but now I only watch it a few times a week, now.

11. If your life is ever made into a made-for-tv movie, who would play you?

As if most television isn't boring enough these days? You wanna' make my life into a film? Yikes. Well, probably Dawn French, I think she could carry it off, my life is a bit of a joke.

12. What's the most nerve-racking "close call" you've ever had?

Ah, probably twice in 2006, I was on the edge of being homeless--literally had weeks to find a new place to live and not much funds to do it with...tough to deal with on your own (tho' the second time I had my best friend lending me support)...and in 2008, I came within 2 week's of being evicted when I became too ill to work. Scary, scary times for me. Terrifying.

13. Name Seven features your ultimate dream house would have.

A screen porch or at least somewhere to sit and enjoy the fresh air...I do love a bit of fresh air.
A gas fireplace--always wanted one, love the ambiance.
A decent kitchen--nothing too posh, merely practical.
A bathtub--god, I miss having a nice hot soak in a tub! (I've only a very tiny shower stall here).
A little laundry room or nook for a washer, and possibly a dryer if I don't have an outdoor clothesline.
A dishwasher, must have a dishwasher (I once had a job where I used to wash dishes and scrub nasty pots and pans for a living at a resturant for as much as 10 hours a day, in my late teens, sort of lost my enthusiasm for washing up after that.)
Bookshelves, 'cos well, I do have a lot of books.

14. Restaurants: Italian or Mexican?

Well, both really, but I lean more towards Italian.

15. If you were to change anything about your life, right now, this moment, big or small, but would provide profound change, what would it be?

Right now? I'd have gone back to college earlier than 1999, so I could have finished that last year, or year and a half of my college education, and had a BA degree in communications (minor in writing) to put on my CV, instead of just a pretty much totally worthless AA in Liberal Arts/Humanities.

16. If you are doing this meme, you obviously have a blog. Do you like to write? And if yes, what makes you want to write?

Oh hell yes, I love to write, it's almost an obsession, a compulsion, with me, ever since I was a young girl. What makes me want to write? Nothing "makes" me...I just have a deep desire to express myself--my thoughts, observations, emotions--to others. It's my way of touching others without having any physical contact, I suppose.

17. How old do you look?

I'm 48, and unlike some women, I'm perfectly fine with looking 48...but some people think I'm in my late 30's or early 40's.

18. Are you waiting for something?

My damn life to change for the better. No, not really. I've accepted my lot in life--not happy about it, and yes, I do get a bit whingy sometimes, but...I am who I am, and this is where life has decreed me to be, and I don't see any catalysts coming along to change things, I am not going to win the lottery, I've no rich relations to leave me wads of money, I'm not going to ever get a well paying job or be famous (infamous maybe), and this isn't a reality show or a Frank Capra film.

19. Have you ever thought about converting your religion?

I was forced to be Catholic by my dad--for appearences sake, not because he was at all devout...he wasn't. At 18 I was told by mum that I was an adult (adult being legally 18 at that time period, in my state--you could drink, smoke, work anywhere you want, vote and be a soldier)--so anyway, at 21 or 21, after a year or two of deep reflection and consideration, I became a Presbyterian. Last year I became a semi-atheist.

20. Where does most of your family live?

My sister lives roughly 100 miles away, in Vermont, my nephew is about 50 miles away in the captial region of New York, Albany County. I have an uncle and aunt on my late dad's side in Saratoga Springs (if they're still alive) which is about 15 miles away, a cousin on my mum's side in Hudson NY about 100 miles away, If he's still alive, my mum's cousin (my cousin in Hudson's dad) in Florida. I've an aunt on my dad's side in Albany County, And dozens of cousins I've not seen or heard from pretty much in decades--if ever in my lifetime-- scattered all over New York state and the USA.

Ugh, one helluva rough night this ol' maid had, kiddos, let me tell you! I think I'd rather have high blood sugar than take Metformin...gosh, didn't my stomach half hurt? Still does, a bit. Genuinely felt like someone punched me in the gut!

Flame is in heat so badly, that I swear, tho' I adore her, I'm ready to have her put down, 'cos her continual melodramatic yowling and screeching is driving me barmy, and may get me evicted, if someone complains. Sadly, truth to tell, it would be over $150 cheaper to put her to sleep, as it would be to have her "fixed." It's not something I would ever do lightly though, only as an absolute last resort...I probably would allow myself to go insane first, if that's any indication of how I feel...oh, don't worry, Flamey is safe...I'm just tired and sick and miserable.

Well, it's really hard for me to figure out what to wear today. it's minus 3 C, at the moment...but supposed to rise 20 degrees by this afternoon.....so, what to wear? If I dress for the 40's F, I'll freeze my backsides off walking to work, but if I dress for 25 F like it is now, I'll melt from the heat in the office....guess I'd rather freeze than melt, so think I'll don a tee shirt or something, and merely wear a heavy coat I reckon. I'm a lot more tolerable of cold than I am of heat, being a native of northeastern New York.

So, gonna' try to shower change and force some food down me in a hurry, so I can take the dreaded meds. Have a good day all!

Ah well. Can't sleep. Have to be up for work no later than 8am, so Saturday will be an interesting day. The Metformin does a number on my stomach...dunno' know which is worse, the high blood sugar or the damn nausea and gas and...other stuff. Now when I lie down, I'm also getting brief dizziness at the back of my skull which, while not harmful as far as I know, is mildly disconcerting, so after 3 hours sleep, here I am, blogging away.

I had hoped to go to the farm this weekend...love milking the cows, and I'm not a sissy-girl when it comes to mud and manure...and getting licked head to toe by slimy cow tongues...oooh, is the old maid being kinky? Nah--you know, cow slobber makes for an excellent hair gel, and after messing about in the barn, my jacket usually needs a wash anyway...and this time, she's got her daughter and her family moving in with her--I assume they are losing their trailer home, which is a shame. I lost mine, so I can relate to that. But, at least they'll have a roof over their heads, and won't have to pay much rent--only 75 dollars a week to help her mum cover expenses while they stay there, so hopefully only having to pay $300 a month in rent (I pay more than double that, just for me) will help the three of them get back into their own home sooner than later...providing they really want to, that is. You never know about some people.

However, this does mean that over the weekend, I would have to share the four-bedroom home with a horse (his stall door opens into the home's basement) five cats, a dog, two parakeets, one 7 year old, a part-time farm hand, her son, her daughter, her son-in-law, my friend of course, and her partner. Meh--the more the merrier I say. God knows, I've lived in worse conditions than that, in my lifetime. Sleeping on a sofa isn't any thing new to me, and certainly I don't mind! Heaven knows how deeply I appreciate being able to get the hell away from these four walls, and this drab old city for a day or so.

You know, I would like to--and really, I should--write this weekend. I've two projects on the back of the hob...a bad play and an equally bad Dr Who fan-fic, and I've been woefully slack about writing. I get that way, sometimes. Sometimes the muse deserts me utterly--and sometimes, quite frankly, I just don't feel like it--since I don't write for a livng, I can just pass it off and be a slacker about it...sometimes writing really does feel like work...and I don't mind that, really I don't.

Despite the all-nighter's and the long commute every weekday, I almost always got an "A" though, so I guess I maybe I'm a night owl writer...and it does seem to be true, I do seem to get more....ooomph? More something, anyway, out of my writing, in the ungodly hours of the morning.

Writing essays--I got so, I could crank out a decent essay, on just about any subject (within my knowledge), at the drop of a hat, practically (and almost literally, sometimes) in my sleep. Research paper? No problemo. Feature article? Piece of cake--well, except the lead. I am total crap with leads (the headline that pulls readers into the story).

That's the thing though, about writing. Choosing the right words. The right words, and, the right "flow," gosh, that's a lot tougher than it sounds.

I read Zane Grey's Call of the Canyon last week, and boy, was it dull. Oh, the plot wasn't bad, but that was the problem, there was a plot, but Grey kept putting road block to it, by getting carried away between being far too descriptive, and going off on his own personal turn of the century American Manifesto. I mean, I hear the Arizona high desert is truly lovely...but there comes a point when you kind of say all there is to say, and then you start getting repetitive...I'm sure I've done that, once or twice, tho' I try hard not to.

Something news broadcast, print news and public relations writing courses taught me--and it was a very tough lesson, believe you me--was the impact and importance of brevity. When you have to write in a 10 or 20 word lead, or a five minute recorded news show, or a 30 second public relations release, you really do have to choose exactly the right words--you need to get people interested instantaneously, and get them to watch and read, in as short a time as possible. Wow, that was really hard for me--it's sort of a love-hate thing...the writer in me adores the challenge--but at the same time, my creative side hates it. I love to linger over words, lovingly stroking out a portrait of words that brings the reader into the world I am creating on paper, internet or word processor.

I find creative writing especially difficult for me--fiction stories and plays (I don't know how to write film or TV scrips, alas, that was a forth year course, and I only got to 3rd year level before being forced to drop out for financial reasons).

What I do enjoy about fiction writing, is creating atmosphere, and writing dialog. I totally suck at plots. I am pain-staking in writing a story--trying to think, not only of the surroundings, but of little details, as well, such as a character putting on and taking off eyeglasses..writing that the character put them away in his pocket. I remember reading a Who-fic once, where the doctor was talking to someone, sans screwdriver, and then, viola! Without any lead up, the ol' Doc was sonicking a door open...with no lead in to tell us that he was even near a door, or that had his screwdriver on him, which is fine, if perhaps momentarily confusing. It's easier to do than you think. A writer has not only to develop characters, plots, atomosphere and situations, but I think a serious writer also really needs to get inside the reader's head--and, I imagine, if you are a pro, the editor's head, as well--you need to be a bit like a Boy Scout as a writer, and always look ahead and be prepared....see the story through someone else's mind besides your own.

I've read a few books, where the writer obviously knows what he or she is talking about, but never gets inside the reader's head, and therefore loses me right off the bat. This frequently happens in way of descriptions. I remember reading a sci-fi book once, and I got lost within the first few pages, because the writer arrogantly assumed that his readers were envisioning the same things as he himself was...bad habit, that.

Never, ever assume that you and your readers will automatically be on the same page. It's something I picked up writing a radio play for my broadcast writing/playwriting finals. I carefully listened to, and read about, old time radio writing. (We largely stopped broadcasting radio plays in the USA, in the early 60's, tho' there was Radio Mystery Theater in the late 70's and early 80's, presented by E.G. Marshall, and public radio did a series of Star Wars plays around that same time, but US radio today pretty much consists of only music, sports, religion, news, late-night call in shows, and (mostly) republican-based talk shows). Writing fiction for radio is real challenge! You have to be the listener's eyes and write not only the action directly into the dialoge of the actors, but descriptions as well, and of course, good acting and sound effects certainly helps!

When I do write fiction, I often like to use natural surroundings...such as the weather and/or the landscape, as part of the fabric of the story..not just to create mood, but almost as a character in itself. I want the reader to feel like he or she is right there. However, I try hard not to go Grey's route, and get carried away with reams of paragrpahs about rain or a sunset or a city street or what have you, blocking the flow of the story.

Flow is very, very important in a story. Connecting one sentence to another, one paragraph to another is part of that--but also, "flow" is also something more intangible...like the air current which lifts a leaf, and blows it down a dirt road. It's the cadence of the words...I don't mean we should all write like Shakespeare (wouldn't that be interesting, tho'?). But, I've seen first-time writers and young writers with wonderful and natural "flow," and vetern writers whose writing is as dry as the desert sands. Because it is, to me, so intangible, sometimes I feel I have "flow," and sometimes it alludes me utterly. I don't have the natural gift of some, I have to pretty much work at it, cross my fingers and hope what I write has that elusive rythym, rather than be tedious.

Dialog is great--being on my own a lot, I naturally listen to other people's conversations, just to enjoy the sound of other human's voices, sometimes. And, sometimes you pick up some interesting information...and often, not. It's amazing how really trivial and dull most everyday conversations are: "Hi, are you going to pick me up at four? Yes, I remembered to get the milk." "Are you still working night shifts now that you are only working part time?" But then, you may hear, "Security called police and she was arrested last night, she got busted for..." "That guy's such a jerk, he walked into the party wearing his underpants on his head..." (yes, I actually overheard that at a bus stop, one day). Writing dialog for Doctor Who isn't especially hard, I've watched it so many times, it only takes a moment for me to get the character's voices in my head--and no, I don't mean like a nutter hearing voices! However, writing dialog for a character I've totally made up on my own--that's a lot tougher. I have to completely visualize that character in my mind, in four dimentions--not just physically, but emotionally, intellectualy, etc.

Plot. I suck at plots. I know all through college I was told to take notes...I hate taking notes. I probably suck as a fiction writer, because I do often write "off the cuff," I don't like to overthink a story, I just like to sit down an do it---I'm a terribly impatient writer, and perhaps that's my downfall, as far as plots go. When I do decide to sit down and write--I don't like to let it go. I just want to write and write and get the damn thing done with. That's not a good thing--though, sometimes it works for me, instead of a against me. But, I'm lost when it comes to plots. I'm a 75% spontainous writer, I'm afraid. By and large--especially with Dr Who stories, truthfully, I merely make it up literally as I go along. Very bad girl, me.

That's not to say I never take notes. I do! But, usually that's because often I get an idea as I'm lying in bed at night, or at work during my break, or somewhere where I can't run to my computer and start plunging away into the story, slamming my ideas down into print. I take notes 'cos I've got shite for brains and can't remember jack squat half the time.

But, I have to say, that anyone who thinks writing isn't work--whether one is a pro, or someone like me, diddling about now and then--it very much is! OK, it's not shoveling manure, cleaning out dog kennels, washing and folding towels 7 days a week at the local Travelodge, telemarketing or cleaning loo's and emptying bins at a casino/race track, but it isn't always easy, and it's very time-consuming, and comes with its share of headaches--especially when you want and/or need to write, and can't think of a damn thing to say! That's not the best feeling in the world.

On that note, it's now half-past 4am...two hours to write this rubbish!!!

It is said that David Tennant's swan song as the Doctor will truly spectacular, featuring a bevy of stars to see him off--and I have no idea if this is fact or wishful thinking---AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW if it is fact, so PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT WITH SPOILERS, thanks!

Anyway, several rumours flying about...still the rumour of a USA filming, but again, no specifics, so I'm thinking it's just gossip.

It is believed that DT's send off will be, and I quote, "star-studded," with every single companion along for the ride, ala the end of Series 4. That would be a bit dull and repetitive I should think, but who knows what the esteemed Russell T. Davies, OBE, has tucked away in his busy head these days...maybe he himself doesn't know!

I personally don't know how that could possibly be done, without messing continuity or causing a slight jarring of the old suspension of disbelief--unless it's done as flashbacks, of course...flashbacks not being my favourite thing in the world, I dearly hope not.

It's said DT will be killed by Martians, but I've also heard it will be Daleks, and also that it will be an old enemy, like an Ice Warrior or Zygon or something like that. Take your pick...for all I know, Davies will have the doc, shot, stabbed, slimed, run over by a taxi, dragged by a horse, attacked by a pack of wild dogs, have a safe dropped on his head, and then strapped to a chair and forced to watch every single episode of The Jeremy Kyle Show, for good measure.

When I was a child, around 9, 10 or 12 years old, sometimes on Halloween, I'd give up all or part of my "candy route," and Trick or Treat for Unicef instead, carrying my little orange box, and asking for pocket change to help make other children's lives, children who didn't have candy or fancy dress costumes, a little bit better.

I still support Unicef today. I had planned, a few months ago, to be a Tap Project volunteer for World Water Week. Sadly, my health got in the way of that, this year. But, I still can tell you all what the Tap Project is all about, and, why it's of such urgent concern for all of us--whether we live in the USA, Canada, UK, France, Australia, South America or Africa.

In 2001, I was very blessed to be able to travel with other members of my community college, to another college in the city of Leeuwarden in the Netherlands, to study various aspects of the vital impact water has had, in both past and present, on humanity and the earth itself.

From practical things, like the availability of good, clean drinking water--and it's growing scarcity, to "water wars," to flood control, the part water has played in human evolution--from economic expansion, to providing food, power, travel, assisting good health, influencing our art and music, causing disease, destroying homes and lives, even bringing about wars and other conflicts--water has been a massive influance--and continues to be so, on the human race.

To Donate or find out more, go to: wwww.tapproject.org

Here's more information about the Tap Project, and I hope, after reading this, you'll please join me in supporting this most very worthy of causes.

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What is the Tap Project?
In 2007, the Tap Project was born in New York City based on a simple concept: restaurants would ask their patrons to donate $1 or more for the tap water they usually enjoy for free, and all funds raised would support UNICEF’s efforts to bring clean and accessible water to millions of children around the world.

Growing from just 300 New York City restaurants in 2007 to over 2,300 across the country in 2008, the Tap Project has quickly grown into a national movement. Restaurants, corporations, volunteers, advertising agencies, community groups, local governments and everyday diners participated to save millions of children’s lives.

During World Water Week, March 22-28, 2009, the Tap Project will once again raise vital donations and awareness for UNICEF’s water and sanitation programs. For every dollar raised, a child will have clean drinking water for 40 days. All funds raised support UNICEF’s efforts to bring clean and accessible water to millions of children around the world.

UNICEF’s Role
UNICEF has saved more children’s lives than any other humanitarian organization, and UNICEF is committed to doing whatever it takes to achieve the goal of reaching zero preventable deaths. Currently, UNICEF provides access to safe water and sanitation facilities while promoting safe hygiene practices in more than 90 countries. By 2015, UNICEF's goal is to reduce the number of people without safe water and basic sanitation by 50 percent.

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Well, did the laundry, cashed my pay check, did the shopping...now I'm just so exhausted, I don't know where to put myself. I hurt in places I forgot I had, hauling 3 bags and a basket of laundry up and down 2 flights of stairs, then shopping and hauling five bags of shopping upstairs, then my bin bags down to the skip in the rear car park....I got more exercise today than I've had all month!

Apparently Friday is a good day to go to the laundromat that--usually it's packed and finding a washer/dryer can be a challenge, but when I went in today, it was empty, I had the place to myself. That felt nice, no worries about getting a washer/dryer.

I was going to make dinner, but too damn tired, so I went to the fish mongers inside the supermarket and got one fried salmon patty and one fried Maryland-style crab cake, then bopped over to the takeaway department, and got two scoops of mashed potatoes, then got some sweet corn fritters--whole meal cost me about $5, and all I have to do is nuke it in the microwave to re-heat it. I used to make fried salmon patties for mum--just tinned boneless salmon mixed with bread crumbs and seasonings, shaped into round flat patties and fried--but it's nice to find I can buy one or two cheaply, without having to go to all the fuss, just for myself--and, the one's from the supermarket are actually cheaper than if I made them myself from scratch!

Well, I need to eat so I can take my meds, and then I think I might surf the net for a few minutes before having a lie down. Have a good night all.

Ah no, not again. Someone I know very causally--a fellow Who fan whom also is a massive Tennant fan (on another blog, not this one), just PM'd me, telling me she was admiring my new Feedjit widget on my Wordpress Dr Who fan-fic blog....and that she saw where I had two visits from someone in Cardiff..."maybe it was David!"

Erm--no. Maybe it was a Dalek, or a cyberman or the Master--it would be just as likely be one of those fictional characters, as DT or RTD or anyone else on Dr Who/BBC reading the flippin' thing!

Jeez, where do people get these ideas from? Talk about pulling facts from absolutely thin air. It was probably just some fan, looking to read some fan fiction to fill in the gap while waiting for the series to resume...or maybe one of those oversexed psuedo-whovians, looking for easy-reader Who-porn...definately not someone from the television programme. I should think they'd be up to their armpits in Dr Who stuff, without having to surf the net for more--especially fan fiction. 80% of fan fiction--including mine, is rather rubbish. The other 20% is brilliant through, I have to admit.

It's too bad that those 20% of good Who-fic authors will never get formally published---it would be nice if Dr Who had a bi-monthly fiction magazine, featuring well-written quality fan-fiction, but I don't foresee that ever happening. Too many people don't know how to properly write stories any longer--from horrid grammar, to bad plots, crap dialong, to this new rubbish of not writing in proper paragraphs.

Well, the Friday and Sunday lay offs are still in effect, so it's a day off for me...but not really. In about a half-hour or so, after my late breakfast (hey, it's my day off, so I'm just a bit of a layabout this morning) Around 1pm, I have to nip out to Midtown Plaza over across the Cooper's Cave Bridge in Saratoga County, to wash my disgustingly large pile of dirty's, go to the post office, and maybe treat myself to a Big Mac for lunch.

Then, it's back home for a bit of a rest, before nipping out to cash my pay check and buy cat food and some things I need, before coming home and making dinner.

Not the most restful or fun day off, but that's about par for the course with me. Traffic's horrid out on Glen street today! It's round one of the New York State High School Basketball Championships today...and Saturday, and then round two next weekend. I think this weekend is the girl's, and next week the boy's, but I'm not sure. Anyway, the roads are jammed, so it will be interesting to see if I can actually get a cab...that's why I miss having a car--besides trapping me here, pretty much, it makes it hard for me to do stuff in a timely fashion....it can add as much as an hour or more to the time it takes me to do everyday chores, like laundry or shopping or going to the post office. Like the flippin' half-arsed bus service, cab service in these parts is very, very iffy--you might get a cab within 15 or 20 minutes...or you might--not.

It's again a deliciously gorgeous winter day---OK, the calendar says spring, but folks are still skiing and snowmobiling in my part of the world, and tho' a lot of snow has melted in the open sunny areas, there's still huge piles of it lying about--and up north, certainly, the mountains have still largely got their snow pack, and the larger lakes still have ice and snow on them in places.

But, hoo-ray, tho' it's still very slightly chilly--about 6 C whe I woke this morning, it's good to wear my trainers and rambling boots again, and put away my big ol' snow boots for a change. I wore my trainers for the first time in five months yesterday! Whoo-hoo!!! Yesterday was the first time I went out, without having to worry about snow, ice, mud or huge cold puddles when I was walking. Felt lovely. And, I went to work in my tan corderoy blazer that I've not worn for 6 months, which I always thought made me look big, but everyone liked and said looked nice on me.

I'm still sick--weak and stuff like the past two days, but I will do my best not to overdo. I get along OK on my own--well, I HAVE to really, don't I? But sometimes yeah, I do miss having someone about for a bit of help now and then. God, tho' I've managed for a long time, to make on my own, today, I'd give an arm and a leg and part of the other arm, for some wee help with my laundry and housework, that's for sure...it's hard to admit that, but it's true. If my apartment ever had some blokes or ladies show up for a surprise makeover--ala our Queer Eye's "Fab Five," or one of those other home/life improvment shows on cable TV, they'd open my door, take one look around the place--and at me--and run away screaming in horror.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. The cats are fed so now it's my turn. Hope you all are having a fab Friday. Cheers!

The republicans--who mainly are respsponsible for the American recession which has lost--and continues to lose--millions of American jobs, are exerberating the issue, by point-blank refusing funds which would directly aid Americans whom desperately need the aid the most: the unemployed, elderly and legally disabled.

Republican governors in states such as Texas and Alaska and elsewhere across the country, are being ignorant obnoxious prats, and refusing MILLIONS of dollars in funds for programmes such as medicare and the expansion of unemployment benefits, because they don't want to behave like mature grown-ups, and take the responsibilty for programmes whose funds come with "strings attached" to them.

In other words, they want hand outs from the federal government, but they don't want to be told what the money can be used for---basically, republicans think that roads and pay raises for government workers, are more important than keeping poor kids and elderly pensioners from genuinely suffering and even dying--

---Oh,, and making sure that people on unemployment continue to receive checks--money which they use to feed and house themselves---and would rather see their state's numbers of poor and homeless expand--increasing money shelled out on welfare dole and social services, which will in the end, cost them much more, than if they just took the damn money and shut up about it.

Republicans are more dangerous to America's most vulnerable citizens, than any terrorist ever could be.

...cos' I had to call Kentucky AND Minnesota tonight...livestock and uptight prats, oh what a joy.

Every state you call, people are different. I call all 50 states, and, several times a year, every single Canadian province--even that weird named Eskimo province, Nunuvut or whatever it is, that most people in the lower 48 states have never even heard of.
I make hundreds of calls a day, 52 weeks a year. I don't get a week off unless I'm horribly ill. So, I think it's safe to say that I have a very firm grasp of the individual quirks of the residents of each state.

And yes, people are people and certainly, not everone in every state is like this...but an amazing number actually are. And anyone who refutes that is naive and never called all 50 states 52 weeks a year, for over 2 years running--or just plain living in an invisible isolated bubble of their own making.

Now, every state has its nice people, it's normal and sane people. But human nature being what it is, every state has its...quirks.

State by state:

Alaska: People are reasonably friendly, and fairly easy to deal with.

Alabama: the USA's number one most polite state, and, generally, a very friendly state

Arkansas: This state swings very roughly 50/50 with half acting like two-legged livestock, and the other half very polite and pleasnt.

Arizona: Ugh! I hate calling Arizona. While a rare few are nice, a large part of the population seems to have been born with silver spoon in their mouths and their heads stuck up their arses...very painful, so I reckon that's why so many of the blighter's are such snarky prats....lots of snarky pensiors...tons.

California: Well...it's a bit 50/50 as well, half are nice, and the other half are more or less like people in Arizona. Also, they don't have a lot of patience...not as impatient as New Yorker's, but still, they are full of self-importance, some of them.

Colorado: Meh, Colorado people aren't always easy to deal with. Most aren't outright rude, but they're not overly polite either--very reserved is what I'd say. Anyway, that is my general impression...at times they can be a bit abrupt--though not excessively so, by any means.

Connecticuit: Very reserved, often rude-but not violently so. Very distrustful and sometimes a bit abrupt...but like with every state I write about on here, there's nice folks too.

Delaware: I rarely call Delawre, but people seem more or less normal there.

District of Columbia: (Washington DC) for the murder capital of the USA, and a place with more homeless people than there are senators and congressmen put together, people in D.C. are usually reasonably nice and normal to deal with. (bear in mind, I talk to "regular" folks and not the movers and the shakers)

Florida: Yeck. I hate calling Florida almost as much as I dislike calling Arizona. Florida isn't as bad as Arizona, though, there are more nice people in Florida than Arizona...but, that said, there's a number of nutjobs, republicans, foreigners who get threatened by my daring to speak English to them when I cal, and, of course snarky pensioners.

Georgia: A bit like Arkansas...only 60/40...60 percent polite and nice, 40 percent rude two-legged livestock.

Hawaii: Ugh. Hawaiians aren't deliberately rude, it's some kind of cultural thing--but they don't have a lot of patience, they are annoyed to get calls from the Mainland, it seems...and they don't like to pay their bills or buy things over the phone...seriously, they don't.

Idaho: Most people in Idaho are pretty nice and friendly..the rest--aren't.

Illinois: I don't mind calling Illinois, most people are "normal," and while I get the odd obnoxious jerk, most people are just...normal.

Indiana: Meh...it's a mix between normal folks and rude one's...not overly polite or friendly, most aren't outright hostile or anything, though.

Iowa: another mix between normal and...meh. Again, not overly friendly, but usually not hostile.

Kansas: Not a bad state to call. Most people I call in Kansas are pretty polite, the others though are quite rude, though...sometimes hostile.

Kentucky: The one state I HATE calling. Oh, there's some very nice people in Kentucky--but they are vastly outnumbered by poorly educated, very violent-tempered, impatient, two-legged livestock, who behave more like Nazi's than Americans.

Lousiana: This state is pretty cool. Most of the people are very relaxed and laid back and pleasant to talk to--however, there's also the impatient and rude, just like Kentucy, to deal with at times.

Maine: Nutjob captial of the USA. They aren't terribly rude, but they aren't always very polite, either. Sometimes extrmely reserved, almost suspicious--and then, sometimes very open and talkative--it's a crap shoot who'll you'll get. Seriously, not joking, Mainer's are just a few bubbles off plumb--but, when they're nice, they are very, very nice...and they crack me up, sometimes, with their antics. I guess I sort of have a love-hate relationship with Mainer's.

Maryland: Sometimes uptight, sometimes friendly--it's like my state, I believe...very regional in the face they show to the outside world...one region of the state can be full of southern hospitiality, while another is almost New York-ish in the vibes that folks give off.

Massachusetts: These folks can be nice to deal with, but rude too. They are sometimes extremely rude and abrupt, and sometimes friendly and laid back--as with NY and Maryland, it's sort of regional.

Michigan: Generally, this is an OK state to deal with--but, since the recession, the men seem to have gotten more aggresive and whiney. Overall, people here are pretty normal, you get some really rude people here, sometimes, but I'd say 60 percent of the people, they answer the phone properly and talk to you like human beings.

Minnesota: Ugh--yeah, another state I could do without. People in Minnesota all are abrupt, snarky and a bit rude--okay, obnoxious, and quite frankly, 80% of them talk like they've their heads stuck up their bottoms. About 20% are genuinely nice, though.

Mississippi: Not a bad state to call. You get some rude uneducated little buggers (remember, bugger is NOT a swear word in my culture--it's like calling them a booger)...but overall, people are pleasant and relaxed.

Misouri: I actually usually enjoy calling this state--people here are just so friendly and easy-going to talk to. I mean, there are rude and obnoxious redneck types, but they are in the minority, thankfully.

Montana; This is another 50/50 state...some people being open and friendly, and the other half being suspicious and obnoxiously rude.

Nebraska: I don't like Nebraska. 80% act like they were raised by wolves...however, like with Minnesota, the other 20% are very decent folks and pleasant to meet.

Nevada: A lot like Montana. busy people, sometimes rude, sometimes nice, another crap shoot what type you'll get.

New Hamphire: When these folks are nice, they are genuinely nice--when they're not...meh, bunch of angry abrupt nutjobs.

New Jersey: This is another 50-50 state. Half are obnoxious pompous arses, and the other half, just nice normal folks.

New Mexico: A bit like the folks in Arizona, and a bit like the folks in Misouri...some are pompous, with their heads stuck up their bum, and then, some really pleasant to know.

New York: my homestate is extremely regional. Now, New York City, Northern and Western New york state, is reasonably normal and, in some areas, even openly friendly and gregarious...downstate New York, the Captial-Saratoga region...meh. They are extremely rude, often thoughtless, sometimes hateful, rushed, often paranoid and utterly full of their own self-importance. (I'm a native of the captial-saratoga region, so I speak from a lifetime of experience).

North Carolina: This is usually a nice state--you get some rude and obnoxious people, but over all, folks are reasonably normal and pleasant.

North Dakota: Most folks in North Dakota are pretty nice. Sometimes a bit abrupt, but mainly fairly normal.

Ohio: When folks in this state are nice, they are very nice---but they might just as likely be obnoxious--even a bit mad, at times (like the grown man who babbled "blah-blah-blah" to me than hung up, the other night).

Oklahoma: A very hostile state. Extremely so, at times. Though to be fair, there are a few nice people there...but one is just as likely to encounter those whom are quite aggresive, poorly educated and have crap for manners. I had a guy in this state, threaten to knife me, just for calling a wrong number. Does that sound "normal" to you?

Oregon: Generally, folks in Oregon are pretty laid back and pleasant...but when they're not, they are excessively rude.

Pennslyvania: about 30% of the people in this state are lovely to speak with. 50% are obnoxious, pompous jerks, 20% are nuttier than a Snickers bar...once had a guy ask me if he sounded like a guy that would fondle school girls.

Rhode Island: Pompous arses, but they have reasonbly good manners, so it's tolerable to speak with them.

South Carolina: Fairly normal folks, overall, neither overly friendly nor overly rude, generally reasonably polite.

South Dakota: Reasonably friendly people, not always polite, but neither are they obnoxious, as a rule.

Tennesse: about 50/50, with half being a delight to speak with, and the other half obnoxious uneducated boors.

Texas: When they are nice, they are very nice, tho' sometimes reserved. Often seem hurried, much like downstate New Yorkers, strangely enough. When they're not espeically nice--well, I can say that they are hostile and defensive, and have worse manners than your average cow.

Utah: Often abrupt and borderline hostile, not really outright rude, but definately not a friendly people...of course there are exceptions, and sometimes I get someone who is talkative and friendly, but that's the exception rather than the rule.

Vermont: Mildly hostile, often very reserved...not generally rude, but not always very polite, either. Most Vermonter's are pretty nice once you get to talking to them--but getting to that point can be hard...Vermonters are a very suspicous people (I went to school in VT and my sister lives there).

Virgina: Generally a nice enough state, but with its share of pompous arses.

Washington (state): Folks are pretty nice in Washington, tho' sometimes you get the upwardly mobiles wtih a very high opinion of themselves, who think talking snobby in a posh ultra-educated accent, annuciating every word perfectly (some of you know this type, I'm sure) because they think this will impress me (HA!!!)...erm--no. I laugh at over-enunciators...I've grown up around old money and new money, and I can very much tell the difference between the two, in a heartbeat.

West Virginia: Meh. Another 50/50 state...when they're nice, they are really pleasant to speak with--when not...two legged poorly educated livestock again.

Wisconson: The majority are pretty normal and average folks...some very rude people sometimes, but I suspect like with my state, it's a regional thing.

Wyoming: A lot of pompous arses with high opinions of themselves, but seldom get anyone horribly rude, just abrupt sometimes...and there's some very, very friendly people too, I might add. It's again, sort of 50/50 crap shoot, what type you'll get.

Well the Advil has helped the pain somewhat, going to take a stab at sleeping now. I'm getting ready to close down the computer, when I hear this strange noise--then realized it was my big ol' lard bum cat, Charlie, snoring in the bedroom! That cat snores so loud, you actually can hear him all the way in the lounge.

You can tell the nice weather in upon us...all the bloomin' boom boxes in the cars and pick up trucks are booming and vibrating away--Jeez! You know, I work on the third floor of what is, for this part of the world, quite a large 10 story office building, and you can hear--and FEEL the flippin' car stereos in there--and I don't even sit near the windows!

Speaking of cars, yesterday I was on the bus, and it made its stop at the Walmart, before heading on to the Mall. Well, this bus--a full size bus mind you, picked up some passengers and turned into the car park aisle to go to the exit, and what d'ya think? Some upwardly mobile trendy person, in an SUV comes up the aisle, blocking both sides, so the bus has to stop right in the middle of the turn! So, the prat with the SUV keeps going--until he forms what should have been an obvious conclusion--hey, an SUV taking up both sides of the aisle, is NOT going to squeeze past a full-size public transit bus!

You know the twat actually sat in his car, a full minute..I kid you not...looking all dazed and confused as to why he couldn't drive through a great big bus, with the bus driver muttering under her breath at him, before he--sort of--slowly backed his car up out of the way...and stopped, and then backed up some more.

I have a theory why these diddlebrained rich people buy SUV's: 1. they think they look very chic driving an expensive SUV, 2. They want people to know they are too upwardly mobile to be bothered with such petty palaver as high petrol prices and global warming, and 3. They actually think driving an SUV makes them safer--even tho' it's not the vehicle that makes you safe, but your driving skills...which obviously 8 out of 10 SUV owners haven't got a hell of a lot of.

The local bus VS the SUV:

There I was, having a nap before I go to work tonight--or, at least, TRYING to, when my phone woke me. Well, I had to get up to answer the phone anyway, so what the heck. Anyway, I couldn't find my phone (it had somehow managed to fall on the floor under my bed)...and so missed the call...when I checked my "missed calls" to see who the hell was ringing me up (I NEVER get phone calls, except from the health center or a telemarketer (irony, ey?)...and the number came up, all zeros: 000-000-0000, to be precise.

What the hell???

Apparently, nobody called me. Or is that a blocked or unlisted number I don't know about? Homeland security? Ghost phone? Very strange.

1. If you could retire tomorrow, what would you do?

On a low income, not a hell of a lot. Assuming I'd be on a fixed low income, probably not much of a difference from what I do now--I'd likely read more, write more...if I was well, I'd go walking more, visit museums (that didn't charge much admission), maybe do some volunteer work.

2. What was the one thing you enjoyed doing most around the house, when you were a child?

Playing with my cowboys and indians perhaps, or listening to music on the radio or phonograph.

3. Look out your nearest window, what do you see?

Some really odd and ominous looking huge cloud formations--the start at the bottom horizon, and push up about halfway into the sky, which seems really strange. They are to the south, over near the Hudson River side of the city, and across the border in Saratoga County...here by me though, it's mostly blue sky and sunshine, with some white puff-ball clouds.

4. Where would you like to be, right now?

In the UK, me and my 3 cats and my stuff, doing some job I enjoy, getting free medical care and hanging out with my really cool UK pals. Nah--I'm just being silly. Serious answer? I wish I were in the ER, but I can't afford to miss any more time at work, and I can't spare the extra cash for medical treatment, I just can't.

5. If you could buy any car, what would it be?

A purple or teal colour used Ford Ranger--automatic or 5 speed, doesnt matter....my little 5-speed 87 Ranger was fantastic on gas--sometimes getting almost 25 miles per gallon...which is fantastic for someone who likes to drive a lot, like me. Barring that, I'd lean towards a vintage Chevy pick up, or maybe, like I had in the early 90's, a 76 Dodge Adventurer pick up, on-the-collumn 3 speed gear shifter, gosh, I was fond of that truck--when I wasn't swearing at it for having the gears stick, the door not shut, the tailgate not stay up, the muffler fall off, the electrics go dead without warning, etc...then again, maybe not.

6. If you could go back to any point in time, what would it be?

Oh, that's a tough one! So much to choose from...maybe the signing of the Magna Carta? That one thing would end up changing and reshaping the world, in so many ways.

7. Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever seen one?

Yup, I do, and yes, I have...which is why I do, of course.

8. If you could solve any problem, which would you choose?

Wow, that's a tall order. It doesn't specify whether this is a personal problem, or a whole-world issue. Whole world wise, I think I'd focus on pollution. Clean air is important, but clean water is getting to be a serious problem...and of course, there's global warming, light pollution, noise pollution, illegal dumping...pollution is a massive problem, and quite frankly, I think if we reduce pollution, we'd see a reduction in the world's cancer rates, as well.

9. What was the first song you ever danced to?

I really don't remember. The only song I remember dancing to, was in 1978 or '79, on my first ever date in high school, dancing to "Hold The Line," by Toto, at party one of my high school clubs put on at somebody's home. Although, at my sister's wedding in 1975, I think I may have done the Alley Cat--which I probably shouldn't admit to.

10. Coffee or tea, and how do you like it served?

Coffee, generally, with lots of milk and never any sugar. Hate sugar in my coffee. I drink tea as well, just not as often. I prefer that served the opposite of my coffee, with sugar or honey, but no milk.

I have some friends that use facebook, but I stopped. You know, I cannot grasp people who have dozens--even a hudred or more "friends." Those aren't friends--they are "collectors." You are a virutal-reality friend...a human bit of bric-a-brac.

Someone's trolled through the blog, and randomly added you to their friends list, like some antiquer that's been given cash to buy stuff, browsing a parade of shops, and going in random shops, picking out the first things that appeal to them, without actually apprasing or appreciating the objects.

I'd rather have one or two or five or half a dozen truly good friends, than a hundred "collectors," any day. But...that's just my opinion.

I just got e-mailed two meme's, so since I've absoultely got nothing better to do before bedtime (other than make my bed and finish the washing up..meh, that can wait a few more minutes), so what the heck. This is an interesting meme, making one dig a bit deeper than the usual meaningless questions about what I like to eat or what celebrity I'd want to date (yeah, right), or what film I last watched...this one is a bit more--challenging?

This is a LONG one! This one feels more like an interview than a meme, to be quite honest.

________________________________________________________________________________________

1. What secret/surprising/personal goal (that is realistically achievable within the next 15 years) would you like to fulfill?

I really have come not to want to think that far. I don't know if I'll still be around. I tried thinking of my future, and planning for it, and got nothing in return but a few very pleasant--but apparently, largely wasted-- years at college, a suitcase load of disappointment, and tons of debt I likely will never be able to fully re-pay. I'll be content--I'll HAVE to be content-- if, 15 years from now, I'm less in debt, am still independent, and not homeless.

2. 2. Can you list an event in which you made a last minute decision or guess that significantly changed the path of your life?

Oh yes, there's several examples I can give, some big, some less signifcant. Chosing only one, I'll go with my college advisor telling me when I was signing up for 2nd semester courses my first year of college, that the liberal arts concentration selections I'd choosen (communications and art) was booked up, and I'd have to choose some other types of courses. I had a choice between theatre or phycology (I think, memory's a bit fuzzy)--anyway, with great trepidation, I choose theatre...acting 101, to be exact. I had NO previous connection with any sort of theater, other than allowing my high school to use my western saddle and some of my cowboy gear for their production of Oklahoma!, and playing the "Third Woman at the Well" in my church's Christmas musical one year.

I went on to take acting 102, intro to theater, playwriting, directing, as well as two non-credit "hands-on" courses, once as an actor in an actual production, and another time running sound effects for a mystery production....which was almost harder than the acting, cos sometimes the sound effects got a bit cranky and didn't quite do what they were supposed to--especially the blasted "gun" shots--(cap pistol caps laid on a brick and hit with a hammer)!

I'd never make the grade as an actor (truth to tell, I suck), and my directing skills were a bit..meh. But, the one thing i got out of those classes, the one thing I still carry around with me today, is the loss of my shyness. Oh, I still have my shy moments, but now, I have no qualms whatsoever, about clowning around in public (I seldom do though, 'cos people round here have NO proper sense of humour), and speaking in front of people, and...just talking to people. I used to hate talking to people...now, dang, can't get me to shut up--in fact, sometimes I wish I WOULD shut up. Yeah, I'm a whole lot more relaxed around people now, than I ever was, growing up. And I'm also not in the least afraid to try new stuff--which I used to be terrified to do, before I took theatre classes.

3. What is are unrealistic goal(s) (your secret dream or dreams) that you would love to come true, but are pretty sure it won’t ever happen?

Oh, that's pretty easy. I have two, really. Growing up, and even to this day, I always dreamed of working with horses or owning a horse. Well, I got my wish about working with them, briefly, in my early 30's, but physically, that's mostly impossible now, unless I found a desk job, or a job in a tack shop or something, and that's never gonna' happen.

Also--and I think this might be the first time I've ever said this outright, 'cos it's a tad embarrassing for me to admit, 'cos it's just so silly a wish...but, I secretly long to write Dr Who professionally, of course! Yes, it's a totally stupid and unrealistic dream, but there ya' go.

And, I used to dream of working with my voice for a living--like a presenter, or narrarator or something like that...how very daft, ey? Too fat and not pretty enough.

4. Who has had the most influence on your life and what did they teach you?

Well, gosh, that would be my mum! Mum always, always encouraged my curiosity and wide and varied interests, she taught me to love books and language--especially the classics and poetry. Also, she emphasized good manners and courteous behavior. She told me when she thought I was wrong, and thought I was right. She was always painfully honest with me, and let me learn from my mistakes--but was almost always supportive of my plans and goals, even when she didn't completely approve. She taught me to see people from the inside out, and even overlooked her own predjudices, when I admitted to dating (briefly) a black guy, and when she found out my new good friends were a gay couple, she merely raised an eyebrow and shrugged. And, unlike the rest of the family, when she found out I was bi-polar in the late 80's, she was totally OK with it.

5. You are on a deserted island. You are stranded with three people, for three months at a time (a different person each month--they just pop in from the space-time continum and pop out again, every 30 or 31 days) They can be from any point or time in history--(the coast guard are coming to rescue you but are busy at the moment dealing with a crashed spaceship from Mars). Other then family/friends/naval engineers, who is it?

Oh, that's a tough question, isn't it? Well, first would be Henry David Thoreau (cos' he survived at Walden Pond alright, with just the bare necessities, so we'd have a lot in common)..and he's a fellow transcendentalist, besides. Let's see, second up to bat would be Shakespeare--gosh, wouldn't that be something? I'd bet I'd learn a lot from that bloke! Third...hmm--after a month with Thoreau and Shakespere, I'd need to lighten up a bit--so maybe I'd choose either Dawn French or Russell T. Davies. Both seem to be good conversationalists, and I assume they'd have a sense of humour..and you'd need that on a deserted island, wouldn't you? Of course, this is assuming these folks would actually want to spend a month cooped up with me...and that's another story.

6. Name and describe 3 things on your mind lately. Is there any particular reason why you’re thinking about a particular thing?

1. My wobbly mind. It bothers me more than anyone can know or understand...and my health too, which is directly tied into that, in some ways.

2. The way my life's worked out. I try real hard not to care anymore, but I guess it's hard admitting total defeat.

3. Doctor Who. No really, I'm intensely curious about the last few episodes of Who (but studiously avoiding spoilers when and where I can)...and though it's totally none of my business, I do sort of wonder how Mr. Tennant is taking it...and *what did happen to the bloke's tooth? *(just kidding about that last one--that really is none of my business).

7. If you could go back to one moment in time and change it, what would the moment be and what would you change it from and to?

Now, I really dislike this question when it crops up on a blog, I'm not going to answer that. Sure, there's loads of stuff I wish I could change! Yet, what if I DO change something--who's to say it will make anything better? Maybe it will make it worse! Maybe it will change nothing, and that would make me feel just as bad, as if it worsened things.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve and is there anything that you can do or not do to stop other people from doing it?

People getting outraged and even violent, over a simple wrong number...or even just a phone call (that's not a heavy breather or other criminal behavior). It's just not a sane nor reasonable reaction. Sorry to say, that I think, short of committing genocide and starting all over with a fresh gene pool, consisting of those that are sane and have a modicum of common sense and common courtesy, no. I doubt that will ever change...If America's gene pool were a pond, it'd be so shallow, most of the fish would suffocate.

9. Who has been the most influential teachers in your life, and why did he or she or they, have such an impact on you?

Gosh, I've been blessed to have half a dozen good teachers. My 5th grade teacher, Miss McDonough (RIP) was wonderful--encouraged me to stretch my wings and take on projects I'd never have tried on my own. My archeology prof, Ms. H., she was fantastic. She helped me to grow as a student by teaching me good study habits, and I don't think I would have lasted past my first semester in college without her...and she lent me the courage to take that big step and apply for an overseas study course in the Netherlands--that course, that trip, totally changed my life, in so many ways. I was blessed to have her as a teacher, even though we are no longer friends (it's complicated). And, there's Peggy S. I never would have graduated college at all, if it wasn't for her--she helped me get through the maths requirement--which certainly I never ever would have done, between my dyscalculia and my mild numbers phobia, she was oh so patient with me--more patient than any maths teacher I ever had in my lifetime--and also a very, very interesting person to just talk to, as well.

10. What three things do you regret not learning to do?

1. write really well (as in professionally), and also learning fiction writing and film and TV script writing (for non news purposes), that's probably the twp only type sof writing I've never really studied, and, especially with the film writing, I've always been curious as to how to do that.

2. Driving a horse. I always wanted to learn how to drive a horse cart or carriage.

3. How to really act well. Acting 101 and 102 in a community college can be really enriching, but I never really felt like I had the chance to sink my teeth into it, like one might with a more concentrated course at a proper drama university.

11. What is your biggest fear?

Homelessness/loss of independece...followed closely by the US equivilent of being sectioned.

12. Would you stay where you are at, right now, or would you go somewhere else--and if you did go somewhere else, how do you think that would change your life?

Ah, another tough question. Well, certainly I don't want to stay where I'm at right now..but, i'm stuck with it. I'm all too painfully aware of the fact, that I can change my surroundings--and certainly, I'd love to change them...back to the country or a small town, or even to another (English speaking) country....that would be great! But...do I think it would change me? No, I carry myself wherever I go, my problems, my loneliness, my pain, my negatives..and my posititives. Perhaps if I had a different job--something I enjoyed, someone in my life to look out for me, maybe..but I don't see that in my future, I can't envision that at all, really. That would be too much like a Frank Capra film or a fairy tale, and there is no such thing, is there?

13. What is the answer to life, the universe, everything?

Use a tissue, don't sniffle when you have a dribbly nose, it clogs up your brain (and it sounds rather disgusting, as well)...oh, and listen to The Proclaimers.

14. What advice would you give the next generation?

Don't spit on the sidewalk, you're supposed to be human, not a camel or an alpaca!

Seriously? I'd tell them to read-read-read, and to write..to learn the English language, spend some time outdoors by themselves, to travel to places they've never been, meet people outside their circle of friends, oh, and for God's sake, learn about courtesy and respect, before it's too late and they become automatons.

15. What is one food that most people like that you do not like at all?

Mushrooms, everyone seems to like them, and I quite literally can't even stand to see or smell them, let alone eat the dang things.

16. Name one place in the world you would love to spend at least one month visiting? Is there anywhere on earth that is so repulsive to you that there is no amount of money that could convince you to visit it?

I think it would be a treat to visit Scotland or Wales or Ireland. Erm, repulsive? Oh yeah--Texas! Any state that houses George W. Bush is definately on my repulsive list, ha-ha.

17. What book have you just finished reading and why did you pick it up? Would you recommend it to others?

Call of the Canyon by Zane Grey. I just wanted something to read, I got it at a used book sale, I like westerns. Would I reccmmend it? No, not really. Oh, George W. Bush and most Neo-conservative insanely patriotic Americans would ADORE this book--all the author does throughout the ENTIRE book, is extoll the virtures of American M-E-N. He thinks American women best serve America barefoot and pregnant, and rails against modern (upper middle class) women (in-gasp--knee length dresses, no less!), and modern men and modern life--when he's not damning "modern" Americans, he spends pages in detailed descriptions of the Arizona scenery--to the point that you really want him to just shut up already and get on with the story.

It was written a few years after the Great War, and a lot of the book is also a grievence against the treatment of soldiers returning from France, and also against those who did not fight. It's a romance more than a western--but more than anything, it's sort of a pre-neo conservative manifesto--the sort of fella that would have been at home in the socialist-paranoia of the McCarthy era of the 50's, at home in the Socialist-terrorist paranoid George W. Bush era. The story wouldn't have been so bad, but wading through the combination of patently boring rhetoric, and overly-detailed geographic descriptions, made this book one I longed to finish, not to find the ending, but just to get to the end of the damn thing!

18. What did you have for your morning or evening meal (depending on what time of day it is as you are writing this), what made you decide to have what you did?

I made spaghetti bolonase with ricotta cheese sauce for dinner...because the meat was thawed, and because it's a good meal for a rainy late winter night (still winter here, alas).

19. Would you rather be financially well off, but unhappy, or a happy person who is always in need of money?

The person who orignally wrote this meme, has very obviously NEVER been poor! Sure, I'd rather be happy than rich...but it's nearly impossible to be happy when you're poor, 'cos your life hangs by such a thin thread all the time. I mean, if I had a STABLE SECURE existance and was always in need...I very probably could probably find a way to be happy...especially if I liked my job, and/or liked where I lived, I reckon.

20. What is the most comforting sound in the world to you and why?

Rain falling and nice music softly playing, when I'm snug and warm indoors...dunno' why, it just makes me feel relaxed and content.

21. What is your all time favorite book? Why?

Oh, that would be The Walking Drum by Louis L'amour. I just like it's combination of historical fact and action/adventure...it has everything--action, drama, romance, humour, mystery, factual information, cliff-hangers galore.

22. Share one of your most cherished "everyday" childhood memories.

My mum, sittng on my bed, reading to me.

23. What time is it where you are, and why are you doing this meme?

It's 25 after one in the morning, and I'm doing this, 'cos I'm up with a toothache and can't think of anything better to do.

24. Do you like Bond films, and if no, why?

Yes, I very much like Bond films.

25. Are you listening to music right now, and if yes, what are you listening to, and why did you choose that?

I'm listening to my Playlist player. It just finished playing Moonlight Serenade, and is now playing Henrietta by the Fratellis. Why? They are two of the 200 tracks I programmed into the player. I'd chosen songs and artists I like, obviously. I selected Moonlight Serenade for my list, 'cos I've been a Glenn Miller fan for about 30 years and good music is timeless. I chose Henrietta, 'cos I think The Fratellis have a really cool sound, and I merely enjoy listening to Henrietta.

So, let's play a guessing game! Leave a coment with your guess on how Tennant lost his tooth!

I say he's leaving Dr Who and his million pound BBC pay cheque behind, and, with no apparent work in the offing, the desperate actor has pulled the tooth and is flogging it to the fan-girls on e-baby. Current bid is 50p and a Mars bar.

The Proclaimers are here on my side of the pond, playing a few dates (missed them in New York, alas )

But, one can watch them during a live online broadcast! Ya-hoo!

I just got an e-mail with this info:

Hello,

A double whammy as two of The Proclaimers acoustic shows from SXSW
appear on Saturday 21st March with a live online broadcast from The
Bedford at Hilton Garden Inn, Austin at 11pm (CST) at
www.whereitsat.tv/bblive.html and at 12am Midnight (EST) on The
Network/Direct TV in USA, a one hour special recorded in Austin on
3/20, info at www.directv.com/DTVAPP/global/contentPage.jsp?assetId=P4500010

Back in spring of 2005, I was able to go to this auction--even if you aren't into horses, some of the antiques at this auction are museum quality pieces, and for anyone who enjoys seeing antique carriages, wagons, coaches, etc, it's a realy treat to inspect these old time modes of transport--in the heyday before everyone owned a car, up close and personal.

For the auction lover, this two-day event is nothing less than amazing itself--on Saturday, no less than four auctioneers going on at once. Under the canvas tent, on opposing sides simultainiously: two auctioneers, selling tack and misc. equestrian goods and smaller antiques and collectables--and, while that's happening, out in the open field, an auctioneer selling misc. "junk," and, while those three are doing their thing, there's yet another bloke near the wagon sheds, another auctioneer selling assorted carts, traps, wagons and carriges, that didn't sell on Friday night. Besides all that, there's also yet another auction, later on Saturday, selling horses, mules, horse trailers and hay.

Whew! Accomodations in the area aren't easy to find--the year we went, there were rich people helicoptering in to one of the posher hotels--but if you like horses, or antiques or are an auction buff--this is THE auction to visit, if you are able. And, if you are into collecting, or e-bay, the end of the day on Saturday, in the tent, can net you some fine bargains.

I have two nice antique prints hanging on my walls, which I bought at the auction for around $1 each--one a colour horse/dog print called "the happy family," in its original oak frame from the 1920's, and another, a black and white framed print from 1851. To cover expenses for going down there, from my personal collection, I sold a pair of antique sleigh plumes, red and gold horsehair, for around $60--making around a 25 dollar profit on them, which paid for about half the cost of my trip, and a pair of signed WWI era military spurs with their original straps, for around 40 dollars--netting me about a $30 profit, which paid for the other half of my expenses to go down there.

38th Annual Spring Auction of

Coaches, Carriages, Sleighs & Antiques

Over 200 catalogued vehicles

Friday, April 24 & Saturday, April 25, 2009

Lebanon Fairgrounds

80 Rocherty Rd. • Lebanon, PA 17042

Martin Auctioneers, Inc. (717) 354-6

STARTING 9 A.M. EACH DAY

A - Age:

48+

B - Band listening to right now:

Goo-Goo Dolls (Iris)

C - Career future:

None

D - Dad’s name:

Joseph

E - Easiest person to talk to:

My friend

F - Favorite type of shoe:

Growing up, it was cowboy boots, but these days I really dig comfy hiking/walking boots

G – Grapes or Grapefruit:

Neither, I have a genuine aversion to fresh fruit

H – Hometown:

Grew up in a village near Albany, NY

I – Instrumental talent:

I can't play music well, due to my dypraxia/DCD, but I've taken stabs at it, throughout my life, trying the cello, guitar, flute and piano, respectively...all a dismal failure.

J – Juice of choice:

Not fussy about juice, but I am fond of Kayem's pure concord grape juice, limeade, lemonade and also like "light" (1/2 calorie) plum juice.

K – Koala Bear or Panda Bear:

I don't have a preference.

L - Longest car ride ever:

In a bus, that would be from Albany, NY to Livingston, Montana--approx. 3 days (due to a bus break down). By car? Not sure, probably Ballston Spa, NY to New Holland, Pennslyvania, about five or six hours, roughly.

M – Middle name:

Silly

N - Number of jobs you’ve had:

Working since age 14, I'm not sure I have enough fingers--give me a minute to count....forget it, let's just give a ball park figure (not counting all the different individual temping jobs) of between 15 and 20.

O- OCD traits:

What the hell is OCD? Speak English for pity's sake

P - Parties you've been to recently:

Exactly...none. I never get invited to parties, ever.

Q - Quote:

"Do you have bad credit, or just bad taste?" ---Carson Kressley.

R - Reasons to smile:

Friends, Dr Who, my pets, sunshine and mild temps, anything new in my life (that's positive).

S - Song you sang last:

Angels From Montgomery

T - Time you wake up:

Working nights, so...whenever. Like to be up by 8am, but doesn't always work out that way.

U - Unknown fact about me:

Pass, if you don't already know, it's probably because I don't want to tell you.

V - Vegetable you hate:

Asparagus, not sure why but it makes me gag.

W - Worst habit:

Being disorganized.

X - X-rays you’ve had:

Head, neck, spine, chest, hands, knees, feet.

Y - Yummiest food my belly likes:

Pizza, Italian, Indian, Tex-Mex, prime rib/steak, home cooking/comfort food, junk food.

Z - Zodiac sign:

Who cares?

Fargo, North Dakota (I spent a week there, one night)

Newburgh, New York (ditto...and it's the armpit of the lower Hudson Valley)

Minneapolis, Minnesota (more nutjobs per mile than San Francisco)

Kentucky (they can bomb the whole state and it would be an improvemnt)

Texas (ditto.)

It's a murky, mild morning here, sun's shining through high clouds, looks like it might rain, later on.

This is my last public "private" post for at least a little while--from now on, because a certain two people I've politely asked not to visit my blog, have rudely ignored my request and perisisted, I'll only post personal stuff for friends. I don't like friend's only posts as a rule, as I generally have nothing to hide, but I really don't see any other way around it.

I will of course, continue to post non-personal things publicly on here, never fear. But, if any of you want to read more personal entries, you'll have have to be on my friend's list, sorry.

What a night. The nutjobs apparently escaped from the internet, and went over to the phones, instead.

Jeez. There was this bloke in Ohio--didn't even ask who it was, just said "Blah-blah-blah" and slammed the phone in my ear (his little boy answering the phone more intelligently than his dad, did...God, I hope it wasn't that poor mite's dad...imagine the damage to the family gene pool).

There was several people who were either in advanced senility, or whom really should stop smoking weed.

The worst calls of the night came from the not-so-great-state of Kentucky, where the fried chicken is better than the bulk of what passes for human beings down there. I really dread calling Kentucky. God, I swear, about 60% of the people I talk to down there, are the rottenest excuses for two-legged livestock I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. I speak from over two year's experience, so don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, ey? Junkyard dogs masqerading as human beings.

One redneck arse answered the phone like he was raised by wolves--whinging and barking like some mangy houndog, upset because I dared to call him at 8pm. God, Kentucky men are scared of being called by a lady at 8pm at night? I can see where some chav bastard like that, might be intimidated by a lady ringing him up on a telephone--telephones are scary to some men, and, polite people can be terrifying to neatherthals like that. Wasn't very manly, yelling at a woman for innocently calling you before the 9pm watershed, when you don't even ask what the person wants. I hope he's unemployed. I'd hate to think of trash like that, taking the job of a REAL man.

Sorry, I HATE my job. And anyone who hasn't telemarketed or regularly dealt with American trash (chavs), hasn't yet experienced life at it's lowest common denominator.

The worst call of the night, came from some old bitch in Kentucky, who's kids answered the phone, and then passed it on to her, whereupon, without so much as a "howdy," or a rude "what'dya want!" the old woman screamed at the very top of her lungs, 'GET OFFA' MY TELEPHONE!!!!!!' and slammed the phone in my ear.

She physcially hurt my ear, the old cow. I mean, it STILL hurs 2 hours later, and I can't hear so good out of it. I hope she gets effing strep throat for her efforts. I never try to wish harm on anyone, but some people...it's hard not to, ya'know what I mean?

I HATE AMERICA. There, I said it. I hate the people in this country, who wave a flag with one hand, and hurt fellow Americans who never did any harm to them--hurt them verbally or physically---I'm telling you, half of this nation is turning into a pack of dumb animals. I mean, that IS what animals do when they are upset--they lash out and hurt. They don't reason, they don't stop and question, they just react--last out violently, often over stupid shite that doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

I know there's probably people like this, all over the world. That's why I've given up my dream of living in the UK. No offfense, but I've become very aware that miserable hateful and violent reacting people, are over there, as well...and probably in the Netherlands, Iceland..everywhere. It's the de-evolution of the human race, taking place right before my eyes.

What would you consider some areas of your own expertise and/or deep interest:

Local history, antique saddles (mainly American), Dr Who, antique bottles, silk flower arranging, beginning/intermediate western horsemanship, writing.

How about other things that interest you, or that you enjoy, that you are not an expert on and/or deeply into?

Model railroads, theater, ancient hisory, music, art, books, political/social/enviromental issues, nature, old films, milking cows, rambling, horseshoe pitching, crazy golf, anything horse-related.

Regarding things you were/are deeply interested in or an expert on, how did you become interested in it?

In order then:

When i was about 17 or 18 years old, I became interested in local history, after a NY state historian visited mum's library to do some local research, after talking with her, I became intesnely interested and went off on my own--my reseach lasted about 3 or 4 years...I also researched other local events, and even was a volunteer tour guide for a local historic home for a while.

Bought my first genuine antique western saddle in the late 80's, restored it, and in the process got intensely interested in antique saddlery--at one point I owned 7 antique saddles, but had to sell them to pay for mum's funeral expenses. All I have left of my original collection is a 1900's western pony bridle, a late 1700's Spanish-Colonial horse bit, and a 1930's fox hunting riding crop.

Starting watching Dr Who on local PBS station in '83, and never stopped..well, until it was cancelled. I love it, still...tho' not as much as I used to, I guess.

I found my 1st antique bottle by accident, in a ravene near my home--mum brought home a book from her library about collecting antique bottles, and it was in there--I was hooked...for about 15 years. I even used to give tours at the National Bottle Museum.

I took a horitculture course as a adult learning class--night courses just for adults at the local vocational training centre. I started working with live flowers and even did some Christmas arrangements, but then shifted to silk flowers, and really got into it. I regularly used to enter my creations in the local county fair, and several times won the big prize...which never ceased to amaze me (and leave me a bit chuffed, as well). I've never done it for a living, though.

I started taking riding lessons in my early teens--western and English (hunt seat) lessons, but found I liked western riding best. I've never taken enough lessons all to once, to be advanced, and I'm not the most fit and/or coordinated person on the planet, but I have managed to graduated to a good beginner and an OK intermediate rider. I was only in one horseshow--a western show, where I placed second in western pleasure class.

I always enjoyed writing, but horses were my first love. When I got to stove up (and fat) for that to work out, I turned to my other passion--writing. I've taken tons of writing courses, but never finished my minor in writing, and therefore don't consider myself to be an expert. I've rarely been published and never in a major way. I will likely never be a professional writer, but I still like to dabble a bit, mostly writing Dr Who stories and plays no one will ever read.

You know what? I'm not going to get upset anymore, but morons foaming at the mouth like mad dogs on my blog, about situations or comments they know NOTHING about.

Two of the four people I've banned from my blog in the last 2 years, are back. Two people I've asked not to visit my blog any longer...and repeatedly have asked, now, of late. And yes, it upsets me. So what? I have a RIGHT to be upset. I am the VICTIM not the stalker. If I want to post about my unhappiness with these thoughtless (and possibly mentally ill) people, then...too bad. Deal with it, or get some therapy yourself.

And then, on the tails of that, a couple of lazy people who have NO CLUE of what the situation is about, come back to bother me about being upset with these weirdos. Why? Who cares what I think? I'm not anybody, and...I'm OKAY with that! Honestly, yeah, I've come to grips with my lot in life...yes, I get sad that I've wound up in the last place I want to be, but I HAVE accepted it.

Well, I'm not going to fight, I'm not going to get mad---as far as I'm concerned, the cowards aren't worth it. They are NOT going to get a rise out of me. I'm not going to have yet another TIA (mini-stroke) or whatever, getting upset over Swamp in the mud.

I am not sure why some psuedo-man would want to come on my blog and make me think he's a coward that hurts people he doesn't know, and doesn't think before he acts, but hey, that's his privledge.

I've said it before, I'll say it again--why the hell do people who don't like other people's posts, even bother to read them? It is such a big and wonderful world out there, why WASTE your life, reading a blog that makes you angry, when you can read a blog that can make you think, laugh, care, learn...posts that help you to enrich yourself?

So, yeah. I'll be strong. Certainly, I'm ten times stronger than swamp-in-the-mud and his ilk. So, from now on, I won't read the mindless blatherings of people who don't think before they speak, who have no clue about curiositiy, or compassion or questioning the world around them. No, won't give them power over me. I won't give the stalkers or the blog nutjobs power over me....I will DELETE them on the blog, I will delete them in the e-mails, I will delete them in the PM's, I will delete them wherever and wherever they raise their tiny little souls.

I am Nancy G. hear me roar.

...and got the manure on my bottom to prove it, ha-ha. You know, I actually used to let the girls chase the ponies round the field--jolly good fun, that. I mean, come on!

They've got four legs and we've got two...just who do you think is going to win THAT little contest?

Really though, get real... who wants to leave off chilling with their mates, to go and work with some whinging human, kicking you and hauling on your mouth, making you jump or run barrels or do countless lead changes or sidepasses or whatever, when you can hang around the field with your mates, eating and pooing and doing whatever the hell you please?

I adore this sketch by French and Saunders (whom I've only just today discovered, hence the double F&S posts)---this sketch is doubly funny for me, 'cos I've more or less lived it most of my life.

This is pretty much how I felt a week ago, when I saw the doctor (wow, yeah, a REAL doctor, imagine that...I was starting to think they were an endangered species for us poorer Yanks)...anyway...I just think Dawn French is absolutely brilliant. I love her and I think she's so hot and I want to have her babies...oh, no sorry. That's Pierce Brosnon...

...so, like I was saying, I genuinely think that Dawn French is THE best comic in the world today.

I've asked someone, more than once, to stay away from my blog, but this particular someone just keeps coming back, again and again, trolling through my life like some voyeur strolling along the red light district in Amsterdam.

Ah well. I will have no choice but to ignore it and hope you-know-who gets bored or better yet, realizes they have genuine problem and gets some therapy...though I do feel a tiny bit violated, for some reason....not a good thing for a former pedophile victim (there's something else juicy about my personal life, for this person to sink their teeth into, I suppose).

Mind you, I have no objection to people trolling my blog every day--that's fine, 'cos I've not asked them not to, and therein lies the big difference.

People are blind in so many ways sometimes.

I mean, often it's an innocent blindness that we all do: push the wrong button on the elevator/lift, look at a specials board in a resturant or pub and then ask what the specials are...have the bus come along with a big sign over the windscreen saying where it's bound, and then asking the driver where the bus is going....pushing on a door marked pull, going "In" through the "Out" door (though sometimes I do that just to be perverse), reading only the headline and/or only part of an article in a newspaper or skimming over a blog entry, and then leaving a comment that turns out to not have much to do with the actual content of the article or blog...things like that happen every day.

Momentary mental blindness. Modern people are probably the laziest thinkers of the ages...in too much of a hurry to stop and take stock. I don't mean that as an insult, but as a common everyday point of truth.

So, when I repeatedly ask someone something--from asking the boys upstairs to stop bouncing off the walls all hours till 3am, to asking someone to stay away from my blog--I suppose I shouldn't be surprised when I do have to ask more than once---the modern attention span is shorter than ever before, and I don't suppose it's entirely their fault, really.

That's right, boys and girls across the world, the republican party has learned NOTHING from their party's defeat, and instead, rather than show common sense and be proactive and courageous, and take any responsibility themselves, conservative republicans lash out in unthinking, unhelpful, hurtful and violent reaction.

Same old shit, different day.

This Iowa-born republican senator from America's "heartland" (which apparently doesn't have much heart at all), outright said that AIG execs should just admit they messed up and commit suicide.

Well, if the repubicans did that, there's be no one left in the senate...hmmmm--not a bad idea, that.

However, jokes aside, this is a horrid thing to say, especially in light of the increase of suicides and suicide/murders going on in the world since the recession began.

I don't condone the AIG people and their greed, but these are people--with wives and husband, mum's and dads and children. To suggest that a person should die for...what, being greedy? That's just....not much different than the attitude terrorists supposedly have for Americans, is it??

AND, (it's a big "and," hence the capital letters), who arrainged for the bailout money to be given to AIG with NO strings attached in the first place? That's riiiight---the REPUBLICANS.

I guess their tiny little minds were so busy thinking of violent deaths for people they don't like, that they just sort of conveniently forgot that little detail!

In other news involving rebublicans throwing temper tantrums, hurting innocent people, because the conservatives are not getting their way:

The governor of South Carolina, whose state is being given many millions in stimulus money, earmarked for financial aid for publicly-funded schools and colleges, and health care programs for the poor, disabled and pensioners----is going to turn down that aid, because, like a wee child not getting any sweets, he's refusing the aid money becsause the president won't give the governor these funds to do with as he wants--in this case to help pay off the state's heavy debts, and also to help pay for road repairs.

So, the state's most vulnerable citizens--kids, grannies, people in wheelchairs and teens/adults who want a better education so they can make a better life for themselves---well, they're sh_t out of luck, thanks to republican greed--and AIG execs are diferent...HOW???

1. Name the first five lines of Shakespeare that come into your head.

...an unperfect actor on the stage, who with his fear is put beside his part...

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in its petty pace from day to day...

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate...

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

To be or not to be, that is the question, whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

2. The last Shakespeare play you went to see on stage.

The only live performance of Shakespeare I've ever been blessed to see, was MacBeth at Shakespeare and Company in Lenox, Mass. That was for one of my theater courses, back around 6 or 7 years ago.

3. The last Shakespeare film homage or adaptation you watched at home or at the movies.

I confess I haven't seen a Shakespeare film in a while...it was probably Hamlet for my World Lit course in college, in summer of 2004.

.
4. What Shakespeare homage/adaptation/plays are on your to be read/seen list?

All of them, ha-ha. No really, I'd take anything I can get, ha-ha.

5. Name a favorite Shakespeare-inspired work.

I'm afraid I'm a bit of a dummy about Shakespeare anything, I have no idea...West Side Story??? (I never go to films)

6. Why do you think Shakespeare’s plays are still popular?

Well, they contain some of the most finely crafted writing in the history of the world, and, despite the passage of time, really, a lot of the characters could still be around today--take Hamelet, there's a story right out of the Daily Mail or the National Engurier, if you modernized the story to contemporary standards, and told it in plain ordinary modern English...which has been done, I think...tho' it's not so good in ordinary English than in it is with Shakespeare's gift for....sorry, I really am stupid 'cos suddenly I can't think of the word I want here, regarding rhyming.

Anyone know if it's normal for the prescription drug Metformin, to do a number on your stomach? I know it gives me... well...the "d" word, but my stomach's been making odd noises all night, and I feel horribly nauseous and just....rotten. It's next to impossible to get the night person on at the health centre's phone to call you back...I can't reach anyone there until 10 hours from now, really. I'm not eating dinner and won't take my evening dose of meds ('cos it has to be taken with food, and food's about the last thing I want).

I've been drinking some plum juice for my stomach (good for digestion), but it isn't helping...don't have any stomach meds on me, so I guess I'll just have to tough it out...not sure what's going on.

Dang! I cannot get a cab!!! I've been waiting over 40 min. for a cab--I called...and the cab broke down, and the flippin' dispatcher "forgot" to send another cab for me! Fan-friggin'-tastic! There goes my day, shot to hell. I'll have to go after work tonight, damn it....it would take too long to get there now, do the wash, check my blood pressure, go to the clinc, etc.., etc...! I'd just get home, and have to turn right around and trundle off to work, without time to hang things and put them away. Damn and blast! I really destest not having a car, sometimes--it really does trap you.

Yikes! STILL getting fan mail and notes for DT on blog and in e-mail! What the heck??? Roasting DT has TWO places where I tell people that it's a FAKE fan blog, and that DT doesn't read it, and not to leave notes...still, someone ignored the warnings, and skipped right to, a "we love ya' David!"

We love you David??? Erm--I'm so not skinny, so not sexy, can't act worth a damn, am not Scotish (tho' there is the mystery McLeod in the family, I wore a kilt once, know what "messages" are, like pipe music and have eaten haggis), and, most importantly of all, I don't have meat and two veg between my legs! I am not David Tennant! I honestly doubt DT and I would even be friends, even if I was Scottish, an actor and had meat and two veg between my legs---the man's so far removed from the world I live in, he might as well really have pitched up from Galifrey in a Tardis!

OK, fans, my name's Nancy, not David! I live in a jerkwater little city of 15,000 people, on the outskirts of a 40 million acre state park called the Adirondack Mountains, which is around 180 miles north of New York city, and about 160 miles south of Montreal, Canada.

I am very obviously not David Tennant...furthermore, I've not been out of this country since January of 2004, not out of NY state since New Year's day of 2006, and not been more than 2 miles from my own apartment, since Jan. of 2009---when I visited a dairy farm in the next county. My entire time in the UK, amounts to a 3 hour layover in Heathrow in 2004. I've acted in all of one play, ran sound effects in one play, and taken five college theater courses---at the local community college....which doesn't qualify me as a "theatrical" person...which I'm willing to bet most of DT's friend's are...involved in theater or in some other media or entertainment field. I'm an overweight, unattractive part-time telemarketer, living partly on benefits---do you really think Tennant would have someone like me, in his circle of friends??? Come on! A little reality in the picture, please!

David Tennant has never-ever been to my part of the world, as far as I've ever heard of....so how the hell would I even know the man???

It's Monday. Another deliciously gorgeous day, at freezing, 32 F, with the promise of being in the upper 40's F, later. Not a cloud in the sky within my line of vision, west and south out the windows here.

Have to pootle off to Aroxy laundromat to do my dirtys....the health center's just a few doors down across the street. I can't swing the co-pay of $20...well, I could, but that would leave me pretty well tapped out for the rest of the week, and while I'm well used to it, I'm not overly fond of having EPS (Empty Pockets Syndrome)...and quite frankly, paying them $20 just to check my BP and my temp--and likely have to wait around at least 30 min. for them to get 'round to it---well, quite frankly, that gets a bit up my nose. So, there's a druggist in the same building, that has one of those BP machines, so I figured, let the machine do it for free, and slip the nurse my BP so she can record it in my file...if they won't go for that, then, quite frankly, up theirs and screw my BP!

Still cannot locate the missing $125 money order. Tomorrow, no hope for it, I will post the $50 money order I have (that was meant to go to my internet provider), and half of this Friday's meager pay check (due to my being ordered not to work by the doctor)...hopefully, I pray that my yuppie bitch of a landlady will give me the 5 day grace period, and not charge me the 20% late fee....it used to be $25 the late fee, under my original landord, before he sold the building, now under the new owner, it's 20% of $625....bastards.

The building owner isn't a bad sort, really, and the landlady's hubby is actually very sweet, but sadly. that utltra-trendy, insanely upwardly mobile, bobbed hair cutted, morally bankrupt, grasping, selfish wench of a building manager holds the power here...she has the balls in the family, and the Calvin Kleins too...and she won't give them back to her emasculated hubby, I fear. She makes Catherine Tate's Nan character, look like a sweet little nun.

Well, most nuns really aren't that sweet...trust me, I have a history...2 years of it, actually. You have any idea how interesting it is, to be the only former Catholic (turned Presbyterian) to work in a Catholic convent/nurisng home for nuns? Well, I had my fun at times---especially when they forced me once, to say the Lord's Prayer...oh-ho, I was a naughty girl, saying the protestant Lord's Prayer at a Catholic service...quite a few raised eyebrows around me, that morning--but it worked, they never dragged me away from my job to go to a religious service again.

I wasn't going to blog this morning, really I wasn't, but I needed something to do while I ate my breakfast--a ham sandwich and some potato chips, and a diet Orange Crush soda. Meh, I just didn't feel like eggs or oatmeal (porage) today.

I won't be on here as much--at least until I feel better--but should anyone who actually be interested in such things, I suppose you can choose to read my Twitter blog if you're bent that way.

I will continue to post snippets on my daily activites, moods, feelings, health, etc., on Twitter daily. You don't have to join Twitter, as there's a Twitter widget at the bottom of this page. Cheers.

I'm scared, okay? Not quite as scared as I get when I am close to the brink of homelessness, but scared, nonetheless.

I'm seriously ill...it's sprung up on me, almost without me noticing it. People I know are looking at me strangely, telling me I'm pale, telling me I need to get more assistance (not gonna' happen...I'm in financial limbo--make too much for most state benefits, but far, far too little to pay for services.

I'm not at all afraid of death, doesn't bother me in the least. It's a holiday break for me, ha-ha. But, I am honestly scared of losing my independence. It really is all I have left worth living for. If I can't take care of myself (and the cats), what the hell is the point, any longer?

I'm having all I can do just to do mundane things: go to work, do my weekly shopping, go to the laundromat, do housework, etc. That's all my life, you know. Seriously, that's it. If I lose that, I'm nothing but a walking corpse.

So, if I seem overly sensative to snarky, totally petty and completely mentally lazy arseholes, coming onto my blog and bothering me with their stinking snippy and totally unneccessary comments, then....quite frankly, I don't want to blog any more! It's not worth it. I have to put up with these nasty pathetic garbage-headed little people on my job--I DO NOT have to put up with these wankers coming on to my blog.

Ignore them? HOW?? For Christ's sake, I have to read my comments, to know whether to delete them or not! Most of these little pisants are new to my blog, so I have no idea--until I look at them--whether these comments are from kind, caring, witty and intelligent people, or miserable, disappointed, humourless, lifeless little prats, do I?

I'm really struggling, of late, to find value in my life. It seriously doesn't help to be inundated with mindless prats whose only joy in their tiny little world, is being nasty to people they don't even know, about subjects they clearly have no true prospective about!

I'll blog, but I'm NOT blogging anything of any interest, any longer.

Until the unimaginative pests buzz off back to their own skips, I'll only blog stupid crap that means nothing. I won't blog about me, politics, social issues, david tennant, or even humourous stuff about everyday life--since some people can't seem to grasp humour very well (sassywinkbingo and some David Teannant fans, among them).

So, until the spoiled little brats leave, this blog will change. I won't be posting often, and when I do, it will be harmless fluff, that no one will take umbridge to.

I may of course, change my mind, if my health improves or if people really want the same old blog entries...but, I don't see that as a possibility. I'll still keep my roaasting david blog--haven't had any humourless wankers on there, in quite some time, so that's safe...and my recipe blog--I mean, what sort of loser complains about a recipe? So that's safe ground as well.

Anyway--yes, in a way, i'm leaving--in the sense that the content of this blog will change, and also that I won't post on here as much...at least for a while. But I didn't mean forever. Just until the miserable people find somewhere else to go.

I'm so unwell, I'm just not dealing with crap too well right now.

There are way to many odd and rude people crawling out of the woodwork right now. I QUIT. I am sick, I don't need this crap in my life right now. I'd rather be dead than have to put of with people I don't know, or don't hardly know--and whom don't know me, bothering me with their stupid BS.

Screw this. Blogging isn't worth it anymore. I'm not enjoying it any longer, I quit creative writing, no I'm giving up this blog. Life sucks and then you die.

ARE YOU AN UPTOWN GIRL OR A DOWNTOWN GIRL?

BLOGTHINGS: http://www.blogthings.com/areyouanuptowngirloradowntowngirlquiz/

You are a midtown girl!

You love so many things, you don't fit into any one label.
Your city girl persona goes to a fancy restaurant one night and a dive bar the next.

You can fit in almost anywhere. You feel equally comfortable in jeans and a little black dress.
You are unpretentious. You are neither a snob nor a hipster. You're just you.

PLEASE stop reading my blog. I've asked nicely as possible, a while ago. Yet I find you've come back again. Sorry, but you are seriously starting to freak me out. You aren't a bad person, but you do seem unnaturally attached to me, and that's not the sort of friendship I want. I really don't know why, when someone's asked you politely to leave, you insist on returning. I'm sure there's lots of other people in blog land who would love you to read their personal blog posts every day, but quite frankly, this has been going on for ages, and I really just want you to please, please stop...it's...just not normal.

Just took a peek at my yahoo mail in-box. Ah, no, not again!

Yup, some fan girl (at least, I assume it's a girl), sent FOUR e-mails (2 identical) to David Tennant....why my e-mail in box???

As we all know by now, I don't have a clue about DT, Tennant could be an uptight prat, or a sex-crazed drunken lout, for all I know! Here's a snippet of the letter, for your amusement...I, however, as you can guess, was NOT amused...though I did try to send her a nice reply, that she's totally got the wrong e-amil...not even the right continent!

Hi david!

I hope you dont mind my sending you this my friend anna sent it to me shes 15 and says she has a cousin who works for doctor who in wales do you know cath? that's her cousin in cardiff anyway i really want to tell you how much i love you and i was wondering if you could rite me sometimes I think it would be really nice if we could be friends i think we have lots in common and even though i am in 6th form, we could still be friends couldnt we? I hug your picture every night and say good night to you even if you dont know it i want to be your best friend ever can you pls give me your phone number so we cn talk? That wold be the best thing that ever happened to me I want to become an actress so maybe I can work with you some day I think you r the best actor ever in the world and i want to be friends with you forever pls pls write back I am giving you my address and phone number so we can talk.

love,
(name withheld)

Cripes! I am rather tired of being told how pale I look! I'm not Scottish! (yuk-yuk)

Guess I'm not my usual wintery rosy-cheeked self. Wow, it was a tough 4 hours today--not the work, just to keep from not passing out in my chair. God, I'm tired to death of feeling rubbish. I walked the backway, home, trying to enjoy the beautiful sunshine--it's still a bit chilly, in the 20's, F, up our way in the state--I'm told it's nearly 8 C, down in Albany, well, whoop-de-doo. It's still very much winter, here. Some bloke on the phone, from up in Chazy--which is way up north near the Canada border, he told me it was 8 Fahrenheight there overnight, so I guess I shouldn't complain, 'cos it felt like 14 F, when I went to work this morning.

Tho' I felt less than myself after work, I strolled the back streets home, 'cos the sidewalks are FINALLY free of ice, thank gooodness. Despite the nip in the air, it really is a deliciously gorgeous day out there. Makes me wish I had a car and money, so I could go somewhere and hang out...nothing strenuous of course, I mean, no ten pin bowling or sno-tubing or rambling about on snowshoes..or even a walk through the mall, Just, I don't know, a stroll through the Hyde Collection museum to see their new exhibit of old master prints from the 16th century, or along the shores of Lake George, that would be lovely.

I had to turn my player up full blast. the mooks next door are drunk again, talking so loud (mind you, they are across the hall with the door shut), that I can literally hear every single word they are saying (he's railing about the money he lost on some horse race at the moment, she's--his sister that lives with him-- nagging him about spending his money on the horses)--so, not sure now is the most opportune time for me to try for a lie down to rest.

I have to have some lunch. I am getting a bit depressed from all the people telling me I need someone to help me take care of myself. Damn. I've been totally on my own for over 3 years now, and am still alive and surviving, despite all the crap that rains on me periodically (anyone who happens to have actually kept track of my blog since Sept. 06, is well versed on this).

I have to rest before I tear the apartment apart trying to find the missing $125. I didn't mail it to someone else--I posted nothing since getting the money orders for the rent, so I can't have done that, this time. If it's still here, and hasn't accidently gone out with the rubbish, I suppose I'll find it--dear god, I hope I do, before the 20th, or I'm effed.

So, after an egg salad sandwich and a lie down with a book to fortify myself, I'm going to be spending much of the rest of the day, rumaging through drawers, under beds, through the dirty laundry and coat pockets, behind furniture, etc. Such a fun life I lead, would make a great BBC drama...meh--I think not. God, I am an idiot in my old age...how did I manage, in the space of just 6 or 7 years, to go from a straight A college student, to a drooling moron? Just lucky, I guess.

It's a balmy 16 F outside, with a windchill temp of 14....and the weather man said it's supposed to be milder this weekend? As opposed to what? Antartica??? Well, at least there's no blizzard---today's the big St. Patrick's Day parade in the captial city of Albany, New York...it's either usually mild or having a raging blizzard..and yes, they do march during major snowstorms around here--one year a foot of snow fell during the parade. Not crazy Irish, either...my late dad was 100% first generation Polish-American, and he was our village's Grand Marshall for our parade entry, one year. He had to wear a top hat and a sash and everything. When you figure that out, let me know. I was Miss Colleen of 1979--got to wear the long gloves, the tiara and the green cape with the fur collar, and ride in a Model T car (the float with my throne on it broke)---at least, unlike dad, I had a mum with some celtic blood in her...part Irish, with a hint of Scot--maybe (the great McLeod mystery). Clackner, I think, was the Irish name in her family.

So, today's the big day for the parade in Albany. At 9am, it's 22 F down there, 50 miles away--strange how an hour's drive can make such a vast difference in temperatures--tho' Albany's only a few feet above sea level--right smack in the center of the Upper Hudson Valley, and we're closer to the Hudson headwaters coming down from the mountains, about 400 feet higher up than that, here in the City of Glens Falls. The parade doesn't start until 11am I think, so maybe it will warm up by then...or else the pipers in kilts and pom-pom girls in their short skirts, are going to be a wee blue in the legs, this afternoon.

Well, I'm still ill, but hopefully on the mend. Fever this morning, but my blood sugar is down--it was 271, now it's 204...and tho' my heart is still racing at rest, the chest pain and palps are gone. I'm still incredibly tired tho--thankfully, not to the point where I literally feel like I'm going to fall over, so that's an improvment. I'm not sure how they can think I had a TIA--which is caused by a blood clot passing through the brain, without any tests. It could be anything. Yes, I've had numbness--but, I get that from my old back injury, or from other injuries invloving nerves--even my bad foot, sometimes goes numb! My bad vision--I have retinitis pigmentosa--and yes, I am getting a tad more blind in my right eye...but not enough to make a big deal out of it, I've adjusted, and am seriously near-sighted...the doctor didn't even LOOK at my chart, before he pronounced that I may have had a mini-stroke!

No tests, no look at my chart...just poked and prodded me a bit, took a long listen to my heart, lectured me for minutes that I can't be too poor to afford low-cost meds (bullshite doctors don't know jack squat about the real world out there)...and made his declairation. I dislike that health centre so much, you have no idea. I miss my old doctor at Evergreen health...no lectures, just genuine care and concern...they were so nice there. Never too busy that they forgot my name, and always looked at my chart, too, before asking me anything. What kind of rubbish health centre refuses to allow patients to see a real doctor?

I mean, I've been going there for exactly a year this month--and this week was the first time I'd ever actually SEEN a doctor there, let alone been looked at by one! If I want to see an actual proper doctor, I literally have to go to the hosptial ER! And the physician's assistants? Bah--the nurses at the health centre are ten times better than the PA's--which is what I get instead of a doctor, a PA. Seriously? I'd rather have a nurse, 'cos truth-to-tell, they are so much more courteous and professional than the PA's...from the care, right down to the bedside manner.

Well, I am not feeling great, and then am totally stressed out...can't find that lost money order--can't believe I've done it again!!! I'm scared...and no one, please, no one tell me I shouldn't be scared! None of you have ever lost control of your brain fuctions/memory, so don't patronize me, please, I beg of you. Seriously, DON'T. None of you have a clue how terrifying this can be. My independece, my mind, is all I have left in this life. I have no relationships, no family to speak of, virtually no life outside these four walls I dwell in...all I have is my thoughts and words and ability to look after myself on my own....and now, I steadily seem to be losing even that. No, sorry, but no one reading this has no idea of the genuine cold sweat-type fear I am feeling.

I am trying very, very hard to remain calm and not freak out or anything...but scared? Hell yes, I'm scared.

Well, it's late and I have to be off to work. I'd rather go back to bed, quite honestly, but I seriously need the 4 hours pay. My pay check next week will be, maybe, $50...if I work today. I just hope it's something "easy," like collections or a survey....I have a seriously hard time concentrating lately...even on a script I know by heart....which in itself is rather scary...but not much I can do about it. I can't possibly afford to quit my job--it wouldn't mean a raise in my disability check--I'd still get the same amount--which would only pay my rent and my internet bill, and part of the electric/gas bill...without leaving me a single red cent towards pet food, personal care items (shampoo, etc), bin bags, household cleaners, laundromat, etc. So, quitting my job to get well, that's NOT an option, so please don't suggest that!

So, sick or not, I have to schlep off to work now. Hope you lot all have a good day. Cheers.

I'm telling youlot, this bloke is no more gay, than this old maid is a nymphomanic!

Jeez--I hope wee randy David "studmuffin" Tennant didn't hurt his blinking back doin' that!

It seems my city of Glens Falls, isn't the only place where idiots can be found...these two news stories from down in the Southern US:

A woman in Alabama, who ran a 10 child day care centre, accidently gave the wee tots some windscreen washer fluid, after mistakingly putting the fluid in the fridge, thinking it was a plastic jug of fruit-flavoured soft drink...a type of fruit flavoured sugary drink. One child remains hospitalized in serious condition. A chemical in the fluid can cause blindness and comas.

Sugary fruit drinks:

Windshield wiper fluid:

____________________________________________________________________--

In other news, a woman in Arkansas, whose job it was to clean out cages in a Vet's office, decided her boss, the veterninarian, needed to "chill out," and put some tranquilzers in his morning cofeee (shades of the film, 9 to 5--life imitating art?). She was duly arrested after the vet realized something was wrong, after taking a few sips. do'ya think?

Ice cream...not just ice cream though...some Starbuck's Mocha Frappuchino--coffee/chocolate swirl ice cream, with hot fudge sauce, whipped cream, and a marachino cherry on top.

Not going to get...but, one can dream...some people drink, some people do drugs...I do hot fudge sundaes and soft ice crem cones.

I just got a note from the landlord--I sent the rent--but with only ONE money order--they got the $500 one, but the $125 one is missing from the envelope! Now WHAT???

I know I've been out of it with this stinking illness--had a minor heart jump today in the cab, that scared the pants off me--but damnit! I hope I can find the missing money order! I have another money order for $50 for the internet bill, that isn't made out yet--but where would I come up with the other $75...my pay check was for around $80 this week (10 more than I expected)...and I've gone and spent some of it, on cat food and deodorant and washing up liquid...and cab fare. Damn it!! If I don't pay it by 20th March, it's a 20% late fee! That's 20 percent of 625 dollars!!!

I have to calm down befroe I have a real stroke...please let the damn thing be lying around somewhere! How could I be so stinking careless???? I HATE myself! I HATE my life!!!

Highlight things I've done:

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s adult's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (only about 100-200 feet)
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 American states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (and my DVD's, LOL)
57. Pretended to be a superhero (ahem, Dr Who)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie** (I was supposed to be an extra in Billy Bathgate, but it didn't work out)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house (well, a 14x70 foot 1995 mobile home in '01)
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children - briefly
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Written articles for a major publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Ridden a bike
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone (do fractures count??)
114. Gone on an African safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (30+ years ago)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet (wild garter snake)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to university
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (just a fish)
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream (when I was a stable hand at 30, and in my early 40's when I first bought my trailer and was getting my first straight A's in school and going overseas to study for 2 wks...I was in 7th heaven!)
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care** (was getting mum ready for that, but she passed away first)
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (a b&w photo I took in 2004, of a three legged dog standing next to a vintage gas pump--sold it for $5)
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ** (almost got talked into going to radio broadcasting school)
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life (preformed the Heimlech maneuver on my mum once, and later also applied a tornequete, and stopped some severe bleeding she was having.)

The following businesses in the USA have filed for bankruptcy and are sinking fast into the murky waters of a global depression (I personally feel we are in a mild to moderate depression)

Trump Entertainment (Donald Trump's group of casinos)

Peanut Corporation of America (not the economy, but salmonella outbreak)

Midway Games (Long famous for its pinball and other arcade games, incl. video game Mortal Kombat)

Magna Entertainment--which owns not only casinos, but famous Pimlico race course, home to the second jewel of American horse racing's Triple Crown (The Kentucy Derby, the Preakness, the Belmont), the Preakness Stakes.

Monaco Coach, famous makers of holiday caravans, such as the Rambler and Safari.

Robins Brothers Jeweley chain--prominent for their engagement rings

Ritz Camera centers (over 1000 shops in the USA)

The Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper

GM Saab

Nortel Networks

Apex Silver Mines

Young Broadcasting, Inc (TV stations)

Muzak----FINALLY, no more canned elevator/lift music!

Circuit City Electronics chain of shops

Journal Register newspapers

Lyondell Chemical Corporation

Cornerstone Ministries Investments

Linens 'n Things chain of shops

Frontier Airlines

Shaper Image chain of shops

Delta Airlines

Kittyhawk Air Cargo

Oasys Mobile

Champion auto parts

Bally Total Fitness centres

Bayonne Medical Center in Bayonne New Jersey

Coach Industries--which owns my hometown's long-time local paper, the Times-Union (I used to deliver their now-defunct evening edition, the Knickerbocker News, when I was a teen)

Northwest Airlines

Krispy Kreme donuts

Quaker Fabric

Aegis Mortgage

All-American semiconductor

Oak Street Mortgage

Wild West World theme park and it's wild west supper club in Kansas--including a Hopalong Cassidy museum.

Pending or on a watch list: Six Flags, Blockbuster Video, Sears department stores, Talbots department store, Ann Taylor shops,

Oh dear.

Six Flags theme parks---whom owns a massive tourist attraction in my area, and is a major sesaonal employer (I've worked for them myself in the past), has announced that it will probably be going into bankruptcy. They have the choice of doing it now, or being forced into it at August--the height of the tourist season in this part of New York.

This is the theme park that owns a number of parks in the USA, and a couple in Europe...including Six Flags-Great Escape, in Lake George, NY. This theme park in Lake George only just installed a brand new ride--shipped in from New Orleans, to replace the Rainbow ride, which had been subject to a fatal accident in a European park some time ago. SF-Great Escape, also had only just built a huge rustic-looking log-cabin style hotel (in keeping with the Adirondack mountain theme)--which also includes inside, an indoor water park...across the road, in the theme park..which boasts five roller coasters and dozens of other rides--there are also half a dozen different entertainment shows, and also an outdoor water park.

Besides the new year-round resort hotel with the indoor water park, Great Escape-Six Flags also totally re-did the parking system--forcing patrons to pay to park their cars, for the first time in it's 50 year history (the park started out as a local attraction called "Storytown" in the late 50's)--this on top of the $30+ admission fee. It also made parking more difficult for the handicapped, by putting in a confusing parking system (this according to complaints by locals), and made it harder for people to access the main entrance, by putting in a long overhead walkway that actually made some patrons have to walk farther to the park entrance--not very appealling on a blistering hot or rainy day!

In the 90's, the park expanded it's typical last weekend of May to 1st weekend of Sept. schedule, to include an Oktoberfest in late Sept., and Fright Fest in the month of October. This year, they have (or had) plans to open up the park for the Christmas season (sans most rides) for entertainment venues, light shows, ice skating and other winter activities.

In it's greed to make more and more and more money out of the limited tourist season in this part of the world (last weekend of May to 1st weekend Sept.--but mainly, July and August), Six Flags seems to have seriously over-extended itself. And, while some people decided they didn't care if Six Flags upped the cost of admission and started charging them parking fees--others that I know of, opted to go elsewhere, last summer...or paid the $2 round trip for the trolley bus to the park, and which saved them as much as 8 dollars.

Of over 2000 Americans polled, around 80% have said they've been to a Six Flags theme park.

Six Flags properties were overvalued in the real estate market, they over spent in areas of new contruction, and of course raising fees and costs for their customers, in a climate of fast-dwindling disposible incomes...it was a disaster of Six Flag's own making...and here in the north country--where local governments have bent over and kissed the backsides of Six Flags for years...it's a potential economic disaster in the making, for us.

Flamey has a thin coat, so she HATES being cold. Here she is, lolling in front of the radiator on a cold winter's night in January.

*(In the Foreground, that's a photo of my mum as a teenager during WWII,...mum once told me that her cousin, who was stationed in Hawaii, bought the necklace she's wearing just a day or so before the attack on Pearl Harbor, and for some reason, mum never was comfortable about wearing it.)

...New York state has taken my tax refund, I presume, since I've never gotten it--it's been 2 months..tho' you think they'd notify me about it??? I used to love New York state...it's literally half of my cultral, historic and ancestral heritage...but, of late, they've turned it into a bit of a joke...first the republican Gov. Pataki, spending like there was no tomorrow--and of course, there very much was---then the now-disgraced lying and womanizing Eliot Spitzer...and his successor, former leutenant-governor Patterson...what an unrealistic, incompenant mook he's turned out to be!

New York is the highest-taxed state in the nation, one of the highest-spending states in the nation, and it's falling apart at the seams...and no one is trying to stop it, and very few are working to help the ever-increasing ranks of New York's poor...but, actually, they are making it harder, but cracking down on debtors (like student loan recipients) and ADDING aand INCREASING more taxes for consumers to pay!

I do owe the money for the student loans, and under normal circumstances, I wouldn't begrudge the state withholding my taxes--if they told me they were. But, in a recession, is that wise? This is money which, in part (what I didn't save), would have gone back into the local economy--including probably, sales tax! So, the state education department gets my 100+ dollars...but the state loses the tax, and a local business or two, may lose a sale...in a borderline depression.

The man's a MOOK!!!!

I tried to move to Vermont at one point, to the Rutland area, but besides the lack of jobs and public transport, there was also the issue that housing, utilites and other things, are much higher in Vermont--tho' petrol was, at the time 10 cents less per gallon, than the state of New York.

Well, it's payday...and not much for it. My pay check is only going to be about $70...and will likely be about $50, next week. I had money enough to get by...but the $30 for the doctor's last night--and yesterday I had to pay for a cab to have my BP checked at the pharmach (yes, I was told there would be a co-pay at the health centre, just to have my BP checks--$12! Screw that!!!) anyway..that was $6 cab fre...and the iron pills came in, and THOSE were $14!! So there about another $20...in the space of a couple of days, just in medical costs/transport, I went from a net worth of just a bit over $50, to $12!

I wouldn't be so bad off--in fact, I'd be doing just fine, all things considered, but my food stamps were reduced again this month--by about $50...they were supposed to only be reduced in February, but I found out a week ago, that for some reason, it's April before I get an increase...not sure why. Plus, the cab fare from the county offices, and cab fare to Social Security (I couldn't reach them on the phone, so I had to toodle out to the 'burbs, to see someone in person)...those two fares alone took up roughly $30. It doesn't take much, let me tell you, to send you from riches to rags....but try going from rags to riches? Nearly impossible!! Everytime I get my hands on surplus cash--something BAD always happens, and POOF!! Viola, I'm in the crapper again.

So, out of my paycheck today, I have to do laundry (usually about $20 to $25 with cab fare included), buy a $20 top up card for my phone, buy a few groceries, go get my BP checked again (supposed to check it daily) and post a small package to my sister in Vermont (her birthday's next week)...oh, and the doctor wants me to start taking vitamins...yeah, I'll just nip out back to the money tree, and pluck off a few extra bills then. Damn.

And as you can tell by my writing, my brain still isn't fuctioning like it should, tho' thankfully I'm not feeling like I was going to keel over, like I was early this week. It'll take awhile for the metformin and atenlol and ferrous sulfate to work, I guess.

DO IT WITH DAVID--SUPPORT RED NOSE DAY!

"Look! I'm such a hottie, my nose is glowink!"

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Come on, give in to temptation and lick him...erm--I mean, click it!

Ooohhh--yeah, you know you wanna' just click that link, go on, you can do it, just like David, you can show that you truly have the courage to care.... www.rednoseday.com

"I'm not the type of lad to kiss and smell."

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PLEASE support Red Nose Day! Go to: http://www.rednoseday.com

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Is it me, or have the crackpots just been seeming to spring out of the woodwork on my blog of late? I've had to delete more comments in the last 2 weeks, than I've had to, in the last several months!

And, I've gotten some odd e-mails from people I don't know, as well...and the person I asked to leave my blog a while back, is apparently roaming through my blog posts again--

--and anyone who doesn't find that a bit creepy, is either blissfully naive about such things...or has a life and doesn't have time to dwell on people you've asked to stay off your blog, who keep coming back to repeatedly browse through your posts, like some voyeur former neighbour, breaking into your house to read your diary and see if you've left a pair of grotty panties under the bed.

Half a dozen times now, I've heard on DW forums and elsewhere on the net, that David Tennant was injured after being attacked by those cowardly and sexually insecure men known as homophobes--mistakingly thinking that the metrosexual-dressing Tennant, was gay (hint: gay men don't generally date women, which Tennant obviously does).

There's zero news in the papers about it, and I've a strong opinion, that, like with the idiotic "Queen is dead" rumour back at the end of the year, which was started on IM, Skype, Twitter, Facebook or some other servce--this is just some mindless drooler's idea of getting attention for him or herself, and not at all true.

Sad to see people so desperate for attention, that they need to tell hurtful, upsetting and/or spiteful lies about people...very, very patheically sad indeed. Why can't these lazy-brains get a hobby or something...such a big wonderful world out there, so full of amazing things to see and learn about and do for yourself-- and this is all people can find to do with their time? The human race is doomed, I tell you.

As if to make the point that I live in the little dark whole on the bottom of nowhere, the local newspaper had this in it:

A disabled man was arrested in a local supermarket for purse-snatching. Apparently, the overweight man--who was wearing unique headgear in the survelence video...in this case, what police say is an "English driving cap"--something your average man about town in these parts, most definately doesn't wear...baseball caps and knit hats--with a smattering of Stetsons thrown in-- being the height of male haute couture in this part of New York state.

Anyway, the man allegedly snagged a pensioner's purse while she had stepped away from her shopping trolley, when she suddenly felt unwell. The purse was later found just a few streets away from the disabled man's home, with two blank checks and a debit card missing, none of which has yet to be recovered. Police circulated the man's picture--taken by CCTV as he was grabbing the purse and hiding it under his coat.

A former co-worker at his previous job fingered the man--but before police could nab him, the man went shopping again---that's right, at the SAME grocery store...where he actually stopped and confided in a clerk that he was the man in the news photo, but claimed he was innocent. The clerk did not inform store security--but, store security spotted the man as he was at the till, and called city police. Despite the overwhelming evidence, the theif maintains his innocence.

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A teen in a rural town near the Vermont border made fake 20 dollar bills on his computer--and then tried to buy drugs from a Vermont drug dealer with them...the drug dealer chased the boy out of the dealer's home.

The 19 year old was arrested after he then tried to spend the conterfeit cash at local businesses. The boy has prior arrests, mainly for underage drinking, and likely will be ordered into a drug and alcohol rehab programme.

In similar news, a woman from the Adirondack town of Ticonderoga near the shores of Lake Champlain, was arrested in our local mall for passing off fake ten dollar bills to buy goods in Victoria's Secret ligerie shop, and the Bon Ton department store....after being arrested at the mall, police found the woman in possession of $3000 (about 1500 pounds) of REAL money. What the hell...???

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....having to post notices in my blog headers to cover my backsides, over this crap where the BBC is cracking down on DT imposters on the internet--not that I've EVER claimed such, but what with all the notes I get, asking DT for autographs, or worse, asking ME to ask DT for autographs, the love letters, etc, I have to cover myself by posting notes in my two blogs, cautioning readers that Tennant has never read my blogs (as far as I'm aware of, NOBODY from Tennant's circle, or Dr Who/BBC has EVER encountered one of my blogs).

How truly bizzare it feels for me, a total nobody...part time telemarketer, on benefits, whose big day out in my life, is a trip to a dairy farm 8 miles away, or the 7 mile trolley ride to Lake George in summer, for ice cream! Me, living in the bottom-arse of nowhere in northern New York state, getting autograph requests for some actor living 3000 miles away, in a country I've never stepped foot in (not counting 3 hrs. inside of Heathrow).

This really just takes the biscuit, but with all my other problems right now, I really don't need some prat from the BBC, whom has nothing better to do than protect Tennant's image, breathing down my neck for something I didn't do.

Oh, and I got a PM today, from some fan I do not know, asking ME, if I know if David Tennant is gay! WTF??? How the heck would I know??? This is really starting to get out of hand. I don't blame the bloke for leaving Dr Who...this is NUTS.

Rumour--and I do mean, rumour, not fact--rumour has it, that the Scottish actor David Tennant, who allegedly has auditioned for a role in Taggart some 16 times in his career, is now being lined up for a part in the long-time Scottish crime drama. Whether the actor is actually going to take on the role--a part as yet unknown--is unclear at this time.

Now, I've turned away from religion...don't disrespect it, not entirely shed my beliefs, but...for reasons of my own, decided that I couldn't adhere to them with sincerity any longer.

There was a cross in the sky, earlier this morning, a perfect cross, made of two jet contrails, way up in the pale blue and white atmosphere. Being human, our eyes see what our minds and hearts and souls, tell us to see. To some, it is just two contrails. On any other occasion, I might view them as an X marking the spot, where two planes full of people on seperate journeys, crossed paths...separate entities, at seperate times, going in seperate directions--but with the same purpose.

Today, for some reason, I first throught of it as a cross. I wonder why that is?

Why does the human eye, so often see so much more in objects and every day things, than just what they are? It is some connection to an emotional-memory trigger in our brain synapses? It is something more? A connection from the eye to the soul--if we have a soul, or to our hearts? What is this amazing thing that happens, when we see something ordinary, and turn it into something extraordinary?

It has been revealed by the US government that discrimation claims by employees rose 15% in 2008.

Racism is still the #1 complaint on the job, averaging over 35% of the total complaints received last year, or just under 34,000 complaints.

By far the biggest complaints were filed by older workers--nearly 30% --or nearly 25,000 complaints, were discrimination complaints of employers discrimating against their aging workers...that is anyone over the age of 40, by current legal standards.

But, sadly, other cases of abuse and discrimination also jumped, in the areas of race and gender. As if that wasn't bad enough, complaints of retailation by companies against whistleblowers and other workers, who were merely trying to follow laws and rules, and also simply trying to be good citizens, and do the morally and/or ethically right thing.

It is believed that the increase in complaints by older workers, may be tied to companies trying to get out of the red, by letting go of older employees--who usually are paid a higher salary and have more benefits, depending on how long they've been with the company.

As budgets tighten, and businesses begin more and more, to see their workers less as human beings, and more of a commodity to be exploited, this trend will only continue--unless the US govenment cracks down harder on businesses....unlikely, in the current climate, where a govenmennt in a major recession bordering depression, will likely be too scared of rocking the businesses' already floundering corporate boats.

I had a call from the health centre. They want to check me out some more...seems there's concern that I may have actually had a tiny stroke already. Not sure how they'd know this, only seeing me for 15 minutes or so, and not having taken any blood tests or x-rays or anything of the sort. It would possibly account for the brain problems...tho' I still think it may be from a middle age female problem, or my bi-polar worsening, or perhaps even just a bad case of too much isolation from human interaction, for too prolonged a period.

It'll be weeks down the road before I can start in on the tests, quite a backlog of appointments I am told. Still, I always was prepared for kidney failure--even the possiblity of cancer, but the thought of having a stroke at my age, simply never occured to me.

Oh dear. Oh dearie, dearie me. I've just got another e-mail (and I'll discuss THAT, in a moment), from "MrsDavidTennant."

I said in a previous post, that Mrs. DT (in her dreams), chastised me rather soundly and very rudely, and said she and her friends were boycotting my 3 blogs (for the record, I actually have 7 blogs, not counting Twitter--tho' I certainly don't post in all of them on a daily, or even monthly, basis).

Well, I looked at my stats, since the "boycott" and my stats on this blog are unchanged, the stats on Roasting David blog actually went up, and, while I had a few days with no visitors on my Who's Stories blog on wordpress, two days ago, I got my second-highest views since 31st May of last year--29...and even today, I had 6 views, so don't think there's many fan-girls behind this so-called boycott...and if anything, I've had more support from some really nice DT fans, than I've had annoyingly rude and/or arrogant comments from the "bad" DT fans.

But, getting back to this so-called boycott of my wordpress blog...the messages are coming in my yahoo in-box...the address of which is listed on the bottom of the homepage of my wordpress blog. As far as I am aware of, it's the ONLY place this address is listed! So basically, MrsDT had, apparently, read the whole first page to get to the bottom, to find my "throwaway" e-mail address (the one I use when giving out my e-mail address to business and such, to help avoid spam clogging my other two e-mail addresses).

So, if she's boycotting my blog, why did she bother to read it??

Anyway, this whole DT fan thing is really getting so bizzare. Most of the fans I encounter are really terrific, but theres a bout 25% out there, that are truly off their collective rockers. I'm getting so, I'm leery of posting any news about DT--I try to get around that, by including info about Dr Who, but still....I think one of my friends is right, I should just make like a Dalek and delete these snarky people...from my blogs, I mean, ha-ha.

Sent to me by Tardisgurl, with her best wishes...this one's a two-part meme.

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If you had unlimited funds and time, name five places you would visit this year.

Scotland
Wales
England
Iceland
Nova Scotia

Would you go with anyone, or travel alone?

Unless it's some sort of package tour, I'd likely be off on my own.

Five people you'd like to have travel with you?

Five people who'd actually want to travel with me, I suppose. I'm not overly picky about traveling companions, as long as they are courteous (and don't hog the room key when I've got traveller's illness, or take advantage of me, etc.) and also don't get so wasted on drink they make an loud-mouthed arse of themselves.

Three celebrities you'd not mind traveling with?

Ey? Me, travel with a celebrity? Riiight. Someone whom is genuinely interested in his or her surroundings, isn't an egotistical arse that needs to be waited on and/or fawned over every second of the day, isn't embarrassed to be seen with someone like me, and hopefully has a decent sense of humour. I don't care what the celebrity looks like, or whom he or she is, as long as we get along and manage to have a good time.

Besides the clothing you were wearing, if you could only take ten other items on a trip, what would they be?

Medications/first aid items, to manage any health issues
extra pair of clean underwear,
a book to read for those long waits around airports and whatever,
deodarant,
comfortable shoes
hairbrush
shampoo/body wash combo
small roll toilet paper
watch or travel size alarm clock
razor (don't ask)

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

I used to be a morning person as a teenager, and in my 20's, but as I've gotten older and my life has changed considerably, pretty much the door can swing both ways. I still prefer mornings to late night hours, but I'm not very picky about it, any longer.

When you dress for the day, what goes on first?

Usually socks.

What would you do if your pants accidentally split out in the seat during the work day?

I actually had that happen one time, when I was a fetching a drowning dog out of an icy-cold pond. I didn't know I'd even spilt my trousers (bum-to-knee), until I'd thawed out in my heated pick up truck. I had to stop for petrol on the way home, so I merely tied my anorak around my waist. Barring that, I'm quite sure I'd have improvised something, like stuffing newspapers or rags down what was left of my jeans.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

1 pair loafers
1 pair dress shoes
1 pair dress shoes/western riding oxfords
1 pair slippers
1 old (very old) pair leather Native American style beaded deerskin moccasins
1 pair rambling/dress boots
1 pair black rubber wellies
2 pairs of trainers
1 pair of leaky snow boots

10 pairs of shoes, sounds about normal for me.

What do you decide first when getting dressed for the day - which shoes you want to wear on a particular day and then find an outfit to match or pick clothes first and then the shoes?

Honestly, I go for the weather and/or the situation. Obviously, I'm going to dress completely different for the office, than if I'm just out doing my weekly chores. So, I guess first I decide on the weather and then on the situation...then, I decide what I feel like "being" that day: posh or casual, cowgirl or slob. Yeah, I think about matching, but I don't, like, stand there, agonizing for twenty minutes, hemming and hawing over whether that brown jumper will go with those posh black jeans...if it works, I wear it, if not, I try something else. I'm not very "girly" in that respect, I suppose.

If you had to give up something that you LOVE from your diet for the rest of your life - what would it be and how would you decide on that item?

I've sort of had to do that. I don't eat ice cream nearly as much as I used to, nor do I drink regular Coke or Pepsi, as much as I used to.

If you were sent overseas for a month of *training* for your job (all expenses paid but your spouse or significant other could NOT go with you) would you be excited, (at least a little) or would you dread it? Would you think of it as an adventure or would you as a *punishment* for having to go in the first place?

I don't have a spouse or a partner or even a one-night-stand. I do have the three cats though. I would think of--and always have thought of--an overseas trip as an adventure...I'd worry terribly about my pets though, and miss them something awful, they are my "family," after all.

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PART II

What are your top 3 favorite foods?

Pizza, chicken with butter curry sauce, steak

What was the last book you read? Briefly describe it, and would you recommend it?

Still reading Call of the Canyon. It's a bit slow, but, it offers interesting insights into Zane Grey's attitude towards "modern" women (early flappers) and the changing times of the post WWI era, and paints some beautiful pictures of the high desert scenery of old Arizona...but, not sure the modern reader would enjoy it, as it does spend more time on descriptions and male posturing towards women, than it spends on the actual plot of the story: a war vet leaves behind his spoiled Manhattan socialite fiance, to go out west and become a sheep rancher, and she eventually follows him out there, and it's sort of like oil and water, at first, between the spoiled girl and her now-rugged outdoorsman hubby-to-be. And, there's a little girl rivalry thrown in, between a neighbour girl and the man's fiance. Pretty dull reading by modern standards, but engaging, nonetheless.

Name 3 favorite places that you've been to in your own country?

The Albany Rural Cemetery (No, really, it's lovely there, unchanged in spots for over 100 yrs)
The Metropolitin Museum of Art in New York City
Yellowstone Canyon/Lower falls--breathtaking! (see pic--it really does look like that)

Three favorite places elsewhere?

Iceland
pyramids at Giza
Ijssemeer, Friesland NL

What are your favorite 3 sports (to watch or participate in)?

Horseback riding, horsehoe pitching, crazy golf--for playing. Watching: golf, basketball, show jumping

What was the last movie you watched and would you recommend it?

I watched "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town." It's the original, with Gary Cooper--at the height of his career, not the rubbish Adam Sandler put out...Sandler is no Gary Cooper.

List 3 things you can see outside of the nearest window.

Blue sky with some white clouds, bare treetops swaying in the wind, the slightly swaybacked slate roof of the old brick doctor's office down on the next corner opposite me.

Where was the last place you went?

Housecalls Pharmacy on Broad Street.

What are your top 3 favorite “good causes” or charities?

I have quite a few causes/charities that I care about (see list on sidebar of this blog), but here's my top three:

National Kidney Foundation
Cancer research
Local food pantries

What was the last thing you did for someone else?

I gave my farm lady friend a gift of a little baby Holstein calf toy figure, as a way of thanking her for having me over, and inviting me again, to her farm...and for doing my taxes for me, for free.

Name 3 things that you've done, that you'd never believed you'd actually do:

Ride a camel in Egypt
Sail a sailboat in the Netherlands
sit on a horse in an ancient volcanic crater in Iceland

Three things you'd like to do, but dont' believe you ever will?

Meet a Dr Who actor and/or tour a Dr Who set
Be a published writer
Live in the UK

Name 3 things on your bedside table.

Because the room is so small, my bedside table is at the foot of my bed. Let's see...a small glass tiffany lamp with a hummingbird motif, my ye olde ancient alarm-clock radio, a photo of my late mum.

Describe or name the last piece of art you looked at.

A print of a hot air balloon over the Adirondack Mountains, that was on the wall of the health centre.

What are the top 3 things that your job requires you to think about?

Making sales, getting credit cards or cheques for those sales, not getting pissed off at morons, assholes and people with less manners than your average livestock.

What was the last musical or theatrical event that you attended?

The Real Inspector Hound/Black Comedy, at the Wood Theatre here, back in Sept. 08

What are the first 3 things you would do for yourself, if you won the lottery (NOT counting donating to charity or giving money away)?

Hire someone to help me manage/pay off debts, arrange to live somewhere else, and either work on getting my physical/mental health back or go back to college/get better job training, so I can actually support myself at a job I enjoy (or at least, am good at).
.

What are the top 3 things that you wish you could do?

Write well enough for me to have an agent and be published
Make enough money to have a car again, or to move where there's better public transport, so I'm not so trapped in one place all the time.
Finish my education and get my BA, or at least, go back to school to learn a trade that I'd enjoy and be good at.

No Dr Who skit for Red Nose day this year, but....David Tennant will be co-hosting the first hour of Red Nose day, starting at 7pm GMT. And...there will be an appearence by an off-shoot of the series, with a skit involving The Sarah Jane Adventures.

I will be promoting Red Nose Day, Friday 13th March, on my Roasting David Tennant blog, with captions relating to Red Nose Day, and links for the donation site.

Well, I've been told off work for a day or two, doctor's orders....said I'm headed for a stroke if I "don't rest and take better care of myself." Meh, I've been trying to ignore being sick, 'cos I just honestly don't care, all that much....but, that said, I can handle a heart attack, kidney failure, those sorts of things...but being incapacitated by a stroke, that's something I wouldn't want.

Sometimes, it's hard enough just managing to do my more mundane chores around here on my own--don't want to think about what the rest of my life would be like, if I lost more body functions...or my brain went even more wonky than it's doing now. The idea of being helpless, terrifies me every bit as much as the thught of being homeless.

I slept until half-past noon...something I've rarely done, unless I've been up all night, working or from pain or illness, or kept up by noise--storm, neighbours, etc.

I feel...odd, woozy..like my head's going to explode, but other than that, I will be okay. I have to go later and (hopefully) get my new medications. Another 6 dollars down the drain. The doctor wants me to go in Saturday, and get my BP checked again...but I forgot to ask if I have to pay the $20 co-pay to do that--and, will I have to sit and wait for hours, 'cos I do have to work Saturday...still have bills to pay, can't let them go...I was only just getting caught up with one or two of them.

I woke to check my blog....found two spammers and some uptight young nutjob have left comments on my blog. I am considering deleting my blog...just thinking about it. Too many uptight nutjobs and spammers perusing it, of late. Is anyone even reading my blogs? I admit, I haven't exactly been writing anything riveting, of late. I'm not getting as much pleasure from writing as I used to---OK, well, I'm not getting as much pleasure from anything, as I used to. I'm miserable, and I haven't a clue why.

I don't think I should blog anything more today--and least not anything personal. No one wants to read this crap.

I had two co-workers tonight, make me realize how backwards the human race is spiraling, in the way of our very language.

One co-worker was puzzled, when a man he was calling said that he couldn't accomodate my co-worker at that time. My co-worker, a young man in his early 20's, didn't have a clue what accomodate meant.

Another co-worker, a woman in her late 50's, said she hated the word, "converse." She didn't like it when someone said they were "conversing" with someone.

Alllriiighty then.

What with texting, Twitter, and all the other short-cuts for proper English out there, I'm guessing that within 100 years, the lovely English language, the one Shakespeare used to blissfully harmonious effect to the ears and soul, the language that not only gave us poetry, but gave us the Magna Carta, The Declaration of Independece, the I have a Dream speech, The Retreat from Flanders speech, and oh, so very much more.

I have a feeling that, in 100 years time, the English language will be once again, reduced to grunts and belches. Fart once for yes, twice for no--a long fart being the equivilent to "up yours."

...oh yeah. And my nite was really swell---I got to work, and all of the sudden, some young guy is calling me over---it's effing "joe," from upstairs...that's right, one of the rugrats has started working in my office..THE rugrat, actually. The one that's about five bricks shy of a load.

He was really upset with me, for calling the cops---I wasn't the only one who'd called the cops, and told him. He kept coming over to me, and bothering me while I'm working the phones, saying, "why didn't you call me?" Because, you pea-brained twit, I've BEEN calling you, knocking on your door, the manager's been calling you---and you just DON'T GET IT! For over a year this crap has been going on. I told him that the manager just said to call the police, and that's what I did.

Drunken hyper ADD kid, is upset with me??? Gee, what a shame. You know what he said he was doing, at half-past midnight the other night? Cleaning out his closet--he was dropping wooden hangers on the wooden floor....well, from my ceiling's point of view, it was like he was repeatedly dropping pool cues on the wooden floor. Brainless boy just doesn't get it! He genuinely didn't understand why I---whom, like most non-nite owl people---was trying to sleep, would be upset about that! Effing arse.

I swear to god, if I wasn't so desperate for money, I'd quit that job--they'll hire anybody who can make phone sales. We may be on the 3rd floor, but we might as well be in a boiler room somewhere.

Left work early, sick...very, very weak. Went...very reluctantly, to the health centre. They took one look at me and rushed me through. No hours to wait this time. The nurse was kind, but as usual, the doctor or pa or whatever he was, seemed more bent on humiliating me, than treating me.

Sorry if any of you reading this is in the health profession, but I really have come to detest most of the health workers I come in contact with. I've had a lifetime of being embarrassed, talked to like I'm five years old (what IS it, with people equating poverty with low IQ levels???) I tried to tell the doc that I wasn't taking my meds 'cos I just plain couldn't afford it any more--it's NOT the cost of the meds, it's getting in a cab--and when the flippin' morons at the drug store, tell you it's ready, when it's not...more cab fare. Eff that...and then there's, besides the cab fare, the co-pay at the health centre..etc, etc....it adds up, to someone on a what's called a "fixed" income, even 5 dollars can be "expensive."

Effing health care people. THEY have money, THEY have good health insurance, it's totally beyond their ken that other's DON'T. Effing bastards. I HATE them. I hate feeling my face turn red from the embarrassment. 48 years being made to feel stupid, invisible, ugly, a second-class citizen...I'm putting my foot down and saying I'd rather have a flippin' stroke, then go on living this way, and being treated this way. There's worse things then dying...and I know most of you, like with being physically alone, cannot fathom what I'm saying--and be grateful that you don't understand---but it's true...there are worse things one can go through in life, than dying.

Quite frankly, I just stopped going to a doctor 'cos I just don't give a sh_t any more! It's just me and the cats. I've lost my place in the world. I don't belong anywhere any more. Not that I've ever really fit in, but now...I'm adrift. I can't go backwards, and I am totally unable to go forwards...isn't a part of me dead already, in some small way?

Oh heck, this is getting too depressing. Anyway, went to get my meds for my diabetes/blood pressure, and after waiting 20 min., the pharmacist tells me "there's a problem" with my insurance, and I need to come back tomorrow afternoong. F_ck. Another 6 dollars in cab fare.

I went through $27 tonight, and I didn't even BUY anything. Stinking co-pays and cab fare...stinking doctor standing their like an arrogant fop, lecturing me like a stinking parrot, over and over throughout the whole exam--he didn't even draw any bloods, by the way-- about how "cheap" medicine is. Bastards. I'd rather have the stroke, than that. I really would. I'm sick of being treated like garbage, just because....oh, who cares?

Anyway, I get home, only to find that some lying fan girl (she claims she's 18, but if her writing is an example of a typical 18 year old's these days, the human race is screwed)--anyway, David Tennant drooler is asking DT--on MY blog, for his autograph for her friend's birthday or something like that--and giving out her name and ADDRESS on my blog!!! WTF???

I was so not amused. I had to go in and erase her address...what kind of twit posts their address on a blog for everyone to see??? Seriously, I was naive as a teen, and I wasn't any rocket scientist--hell, I'm not much smarter now, but I don't remember doing anything quite that...silly. And what the hell leads these airheads to think that DT even reads this blog? The man is a workaholic, I sometimes wonder how he finds the time to tie his shoelaces, let alone time to read the blog of some nobody living in the middle of nowwhere, 3000 miles away. How insane is that???

Anyway, I've been ordered off work for a day or two, to rest. More money out of my pocket. Fan-friggin'-tastic. No, not exactly whistling zip-pedee-do-dah, right now.

...I don't want to cause havoc or turmoil, I want to just shake up the world, and tell it to chill out, take a breath, look around, find some beauty or laughter to cut through the pain, and stress, the anger and frustration, the loneliness and the heartbreak.

...going to the laundromat this morning. Damn it! I just went downstairs to bring up the post, and got so light-headed coming back upstairs, that this time I actually did fall down.l..or rather up, as I fell forward, not backward, thank god.

Damn, damn, damn! I can't stand this! I NEED to get on with my life...I NEED clean underpants! It's not funny....okay, that last bit probably did sound odd. Sadly, 'tis true. I'll have to wash my erm-delicates in the kitchen sink, lay 'em over radiator, then blow dry them with a hair dryer, later. Really not giving me the giggles, this. I am NOT going to hospital, I refuse. I am NOT going to lie there for hours and hours and hours, all alone, naught to do but literally stare at the ceiling, with some stinking needles stuck in me, listening to people moaning, bitching and whinging...and then there's also all the moaning and whinging noises the patient's make, as well.

Cripes, I'm tired of this life.

I'm staying away from posting anything about David Tennant from now on...dear heaven's no more crazed DT fans, lecturing me on every little facet about the wee guy's life...lovely actor, but really..he's just a guy...I'll never get these women who fawn over the man like he's some kind of god-like David, and not merely a Glasgow David. Ah well, guess I'm just too old and crotchety....god, if I'm like that now, what'll I be like ten years from now, in my late 50's???

Anyway, I'm told that Dr Who will be filming somewhere in the USA later this month. However, word of caution---the young man who insisted on this (he couldn't tell me where this so-called filming was taking place though), either could not, or would not say where he heard this, or how he came about this information, so anytime I don't feel there's any FACTS to back up a rumour, I chalk it up as just that: rumour. Not fact. So take it as that, ey?

After a good night's sleep I'm feeling marginally better. Still weak, but that mystery fever that's been plauging me for the better part of two weeks, is nearly gone.

Had breakfast and now off to laundromat. Dreary day, cold with a few flakes of snow in the air. White rooftops again...spring is still so far away, it seems like it's never going to come. It's -1 C, a the moment, so not cold out by my standards...still, wouldn't mind a day or two in the 50's F.

Anyway, we're to get heavy rain tomorrrow, mixed with snow. We're under a flood watch in my part of the world, for a few days. We rarely get any bad flooding, but sometimes the streams run over their banks, and the Hudson and Mohawk rivers cause some minor flooding, what with rain and snow melt. As I write this, the city is messing about with some of the higher snow banks on the street corners, trying to clear them off, to leave the sewer grates free for the runoff, to prevent flooding here. Usually my street corner, and the next corner down, get some minor flooding--usually no more than 6 or 8 inches or so of water, though...nothing a stout pair of wellies can't handle.

In other words, another dull Tuesdays in the little hole in the bottom of nowhere, known as Glens Falls. Have to work an extra hour tonight--go in an hour early, so I must get on. Cheers.

The latest issue of Western Horseman came in the post today.

It had a real estate advert in the classifieds, that grabbed my immediate attention.

Although it's not been said, the recession has seemed to hit home with one major American western icon: Roy Rogers.

The western film, television and radio star, who also owned a string of fast food resturants named after him, had is own ranch--almost as famous as the man himself, called the Double R Bar Ranch.

The long-time star, whose heyday was in the 40's and 50's, but whom continued to be popular with western fans for decades--even after his death, lived on the ranch for the last 30 years of his life. He shared the ranch with his equally famous wife, Dale and his famous palomino horse, Trigger Jr., which he had stuffed and mounted and put on display, after the animal's death. The star had a huge family, whom shared the ranch with him.

Accordng to his estate, which is selling the ranch, the land is 67+ acres, on the high California desert, backing up to the Mojave River. Its sale will include: the main ranch house, a museum house filled with Roger's memorabilia, a 17 stall stable, a red barn that Roy allegedly built with his own two hands, a horse racing track, Rogers' original buckboard and other antique carriages, and more...the "more" likely including Trigger Jr.

The property is being shown by appointment to serious buyers, by Regency real estate brokers in Mission Viejo, California. No price is listed for the property. It's a given that it will likely be in the multi-million price range, I suspect.

ROGERS' RED BARN AS IT APPEARS TODAY:

THE RESTAURANT CHAIN:

It's snowing to beat the band out there--big heavy wet flakes...too warm for it to cover the main road (since the city plowed, it's just wet slushy), but not warm enough for it to change to rain, so the walks are covered.

Was supposed to do laundry this am, but I am finding that I'm still rather ill. Woke Light-headed and quite faint. Oh dear, and I've lost my day off, partially. I have to work 4 to 6 tonight. Mind you, I'm glad to have my hours back, but no work still on Fridays, so I have to shift the extra hours partly to my day off, and partly work an extra hour on Tuesdays and Wednesdays...not complaining, but it's hard when all you want to do is lie down and sleep...my heart, even at reast, is beating out a rumba.

Going to make for a long day, this.

I mentioned in my post, "Lost," about feeling alone.

I don't mean that I am alone, in the sense that I have no friends. I have more friends now, than I've ever had in my entire life--and wonderful friends they are, too. Magnificent friends, and I do feel truly blessed, really I do.

Thing is, I AM ALONE. Physically, sensory, alone. And...no one "gets" it. Not one of my friends, not one of my co-workers, not one of my acquaintences...no one.

There is NO ONE here. No ohter human being has stepped foot inside my apartment for over SIX MONTHS. No one. Not another living soul.

In this apartment, which I spend so much of my life in on a daily basis, no person has touched me. No person has spoken to me, nor have I spoken to another human being here....in over six months. Can any of you even begin to imagine what that's like? Can you?

In this three-room apartment, the only living thing I've touched has been my cats. The only living thing I've spoken to, physically face-to-face, is my cats. (Don't count pizza delivery men, people at the wrong door looking for a neighbour, and the hillbilly's next door who usually just want something from me, like borrowing my phone.)

There are no close friends here, there is no family. I speak to my sister maybe four or five times a year--sometimes not even that. I have not PHYSICALLY seen any of my few remaining relations since New Year's day of 2006. Can ANY of you even begin to imagine that???

When I went to my co-worker's farm back in Janurary, that was the FIRST TIME I'd hung out and chatted with human being for longer than a FIFTEEN MINUTES, since November of 2005. I am NOT exaggerating, I'm being quite literal. I am not very good at making friends, I'm a bit of an outsider, I don't fit into what people expectations of me are, I suppose. I'm too different...or maybe it's my personality, or my looks, that scares people away from me. Maybe I've grown so inured to isolation, that without thinking, I isolate myself automatically...but, deep down, people just don't generally want to make friends with me. Whether it's how I act, or poor social skills, or my physical appearence or mental projection, I really don't know, and there's no one who can tell me, so that's that.

I KNOW I'm not alone, in the sense that I have friends! Trust me, I love my friends, you guys are the best, and I don't feel like I deserve to be so blessed.

Yet, the fact that I've yet to meet or speak to anyone, who truly understands the pain of PHYSICAL isolation...makes me very, very sad...and, in a way, happy as well--I'm glad no one else has had to feel this way. I'm glad it's a place most of you will never have to go to. Still, it can be frustrating, when people tell me they know what it's like to be alone, or that I'm not physically alone. I'm not whinging about this, please believe that. Honestly, I'm not.

I've long since adjusted to the physical isolation. It's only that sometimes, I feel sort of hollow inside, like a part of me is missing, lost forever...and I just have to accept that I'll never completely be able to convey to anyone, what if feels like to deal with continual isolation--not just loneliness, by lack of physical human interaction, for days or weeks on end.

You know, it's a good thing we don't take our spam e-mails personally, if we did, we might start developing a complex!

I mean, just this weekend alone, if I'd choosen to take them to heart, I would have e-mails telling me that I'm: fat, wrinkled, have way too many shoes, yellow teeth, I'm not educated enough, and that I'm in serious need of debt couciling--and a better job (well, actually those two are probably pretty close to the truth).

Also, I'm informed that a woman named Ashley can "bend" for me "in ways" I "wouldn't believe," the blackerry I didn't order is ready, someone named bootylicious has junk in her trunk, Amber is on her webcam and wants to show me stuff that would probably make an old maid like me go blind in the other eye, that my laptop I never ordered is being processessed, That pink is apparently quite hot right now, that a storm is coming--better look out Daleks! Oh, and that my footlocker stuff that I also never ordered is being processed, and that my Nintendo wii that I never ordered is about to be delivered.

And...that my roomba is ready. Oh good, now I can get ready to roooooooomba....what the hell is a roomba? Some housewife wants to lay me--sorry, not oriented that way (being a genuine old maid, I'm sort of sexual Switzerland). I've been rewarded with three nights in Cancun....but I don't like the Bahamas (she whines), I wanna' got to Iceland! (No, really, I would.) Oh, and I can meet "someone sexy" tonight.....in Glens Falls? Pfft. I-Don't-Think-So!

Of late, I've felt like I'm drifting, moving at loose ends away from all I've known, all I've dreamed and hoped for, all I've truly cared for and wanted out of life. My life feels like a fistful of sand, sifting through my fingers, and the path I walk, like dunes of sand, shifting continually between the winds of the storms of change, and the stagnant air of a merciless sun.

I put one foot, on the convoluted path of my life, and the sands shift, and I find myself either mired to the knees, or being forced into the direction I very most dread going to.

I am lost, looking for a guide to hold my hand, but know that I am stranded in an empty land, devoid of life. The friendly faces in passing, are on a train journey, waving to me as they pass...sometimes slowing down to touch me...but not physically. Physically, there's no one here with me on my journey, it is a hell I must face alone, truding through the arid landscape, without pause, without looking ahead, and with only occasional glimpses behind...just putting one foot in front of the other, until a time comes, when I can go no further, and only then shall I lie down to rest and close my eyes to the pain and loneliness.

My loss of writing skills really does bother me, you know. I used to turn out near-perfect copy...now...stupid mistakes more and more and more. Dropping a letter, dyslexic writing, mis-punctuation and/or spelling..today, I totally forgot how to spell succumb. I mean, totally. not a clue whether it was spelled sur, ser, etc. it was more frustrating than most you could possibly imiagine.

Do I have some kind of brain problem? Is it my eyes? Is it my anemia or some other problem I have? What the hell is making me write like this...even my thoughts are becoming more and more disjointed. I don't expect any of you to understand, and that's ok, honest...but I'm genuinely scared. There's no one on the planet I can talk to about this, so I'm blogging about it. Really, it's fine if you don't "get it," I just need to say it, before I explode from the fear and frustration of it all.

About mid-week, last week, I received a rather rudely worded message from an incensed DT fan girl, stating that some DT fans were going to boycott both my Roasting David Tennant blog on this website, and my Dr Who fiction blog on Wordpress. Whatever...I wrote back to her that considering that, regarding the Wordpress blog, I already average less than 20 readers a day--and more frequently, zero to five readers a day...and only have had 5 comments from readers regarding my stories, in the past seven months, that a boycott of my fiction blog would be rather pointless, but I wasn't going to tell her not to, if it made her feel better.

So, what happened then?

My stats on Roasting David actually went UP (ironically while I wasn't posting anything on there), and, i went a day or two on my who-fic blog with zero visits, but then, had a day with 14 visits, and today there's been about 3 or 4 visits, so I guess the boycott was a bust.

so much for the power of DT (nutjob) fans, ey?

Hello all, Thanks for your kind words of support yesterday. I'm still unwell--very weak, but a bit better today. Spending the day resting, and doing some light chores in between. Blogged a few recipes, and now saying to hell with the diabetes and noshing on some Starbuck's mocha-frappachino (coffee-chocolate swirl) ice cream.

After basically passing out for five hours last yesterday afternoon, I found myself unable to sleep last night very well, stayed up late and re-did the design of my Who's stories fan fiction blog on Wordpress, then dug up a mess of Sloppy Joe recipes for my Not a TV Chef blog...tried to find a pic for Roasting David Tennant...couldn't find one that made me think of a good punch line, so passed that off until today sometime, perhaps. I played some cribbage online--lost 4 games before I won one, and watched a Dr Who video, before finally succumbing to sleep.

Someone sent me another meme today. Since I can't think of anything particularly interesting to write about, what the heck...

_____________________________________________________________________________-

The too many freaking questions--alas I have no life, meme:

1. What do you add to your coffee?

Just milk or cream.

2. What are you reading now?

I only just finished an old early 90's paperback mystery called "Hardscape," now I'm reading "The Call of The Canyon" by Zane Grey

3. Do you own a gun?

Hell no, guns are for cops, soldiers, gangsta's, terrorists and paranoid losers...my mind is my weapon, baby.

.
4. Are you registered to vote?

Yup

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

Nope.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

Love 'em!

7. Favorite Christmas Song?

Don't really have one.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Whatever I have on hand...juice, soda, tea.

9. Can you do push ups?

Heck no. I couldn't do pushups when I was 18, let alone at 48.

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?

I never really had a boyfriend/girlfriend...never dated anyone long enough to get that far.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery?

A silver filagree heart pendant, with a small round blue paua shell in the centre, that my late mum had given me.

12. Favorite hobby?

Used to be a tie between collecting antique saddles and other horse-related antiques and model railroads, but I had to give it up...now, it's mostly writing Dr Who fics and collecting mini-model horses.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?

Oh puh-lease. No one has ever idolized me, thank god.

14. Do you have ADD?

No, but my other illness does have one or two of the same symptoms, as ADD.

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?

I'm hoplessly disorganized.

16. What’s your Middle name?

Beth

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.

God, this ice cream is good
What's Boot's looking at out the window?
I wish I didn't have to go to the laundromat tomorrow.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.

Chicken biryani ready meal
bottle of apple-flavour sweet tea
tins of cat food

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink.

Diet sodas
tropical or cherry flavoured sparkling waters
Various juices

20. Current worry right now?

The usual: finances, my job, my mental and physcial health, finding a new place to live this summer.

21. What side do you dress to?

What? What's that mean??? i dress any way I want...one of the perks of living alone.

22. Favorite place to be?

In the outdoors, or anyplace new

23. How did you bring in the New Year?

I don't. Like all holidays these past years, it's just another day to me, that's all.

24. Where would you like to go?

Even with all its problems and issues, I'd still like to live in the UK.

25. Name three school courses you'd like to take again:

Acting 102
Western Horsmanship
Creative writing

26. What magazines do you read the most?

Western Horseman, Model Railroading, Carnegie

27. What color shirt are you wearing right now?

Dark (Navy) blue.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

I've never had the privliedge of sleeping on satan sheets, so I can't answer that. I'm rather fond of flannel sheets, though.

29. Can you whistle?

After a fashion.

30. Favorite colors(s)?

Blue, green, teal, brown, burgundy, purple.

31. Could you be a pirate?

Silly question--what is this, Monty Python or a meme?

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?

I only rarely sing in the shower, but if I do, it's usuall a folk song or a pop song

33. Favorite girls name?

Greeaat, another juvenile question! Don't have one.

34. Favorite boy’s name?

Ditto.

35. What’s in your pocket right now?

Largely air and lint..they're empty.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?

I don't remember.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?

An western-style motif my mum specially ordered for me--she used the flat sheets to make matching curtains.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?

Toss up between my prolapsed disk/pinched nerve in the early 90's that nearly put me in a wheelchair, or my grade 3 sprain that ripped the hell out of my foot in 2007, leaving me permanently lamed.

39. Do you love where you live?

If there is a little hole in the bottom of the universe, that's where I'm living now. Let me put it this way, I'd gladly trade my mangy apartment in Glens Falls, for a beach house on the Lake of Fire in Hell. Any takers?

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?

On very old one that I never use.

41. Who is your loudest friend?

I don't have any loud friends, thank God.

42. How many pets do you have?

Three.

43. Does anyone have a crush on you?

No one has ever had a crush on me, as far as I'm aware of.

44. What are the most fun things you ever did?

Wow, that's a long list!

Sail a sailboat in the Netherlands
Go fishing with my mum
Take an acting course(s)
Ride a camel
Ride a horse in the desert above the Spynx at night
Ride a horse in Iceland
Ride a horse, period.
Sledding when I was a kid
Berry picking (ditto)
Visit museums all over
Milk cows
hanging out with friends
Taking a one-step painting course
Going on picnics
Touring historic homes with my mum
playing in a monopoly tournement
playing in a horsehoe pitching tornement (only once, didn't do well)
Watcing Doctor Who
Hanging around a stable
ditto theater
going for drives in the country (back before recessions, global warming, etc)
Going to a play
Watching harness racing at the track
Walking around Times Square and other parts of New York City
hanging around Harvard Square in Cambrige one nice Saturday
working as a handicapped riding volunteer
Dance with a belly dancer in a conga line
Looking at or buying old saddles
Writing Dr Who or a play
Visit ancient tombs
Spending the summer hanging out in Yellowstone Natl. Park in '80
Helping out at the BBC's traveling Dr Who exhibit in '88
Going to Dr Who/Sci-fi conventions in the 80's
Whitewater rafting
Visiting the Friesian horse centre in Drenthe/Friesland.
Go up in a hot air balloon
Driving a pony cart
Interviewing Elvis impersonators from all over the world for my college's newspaper
Traveling someplace new
Learning something new and interesting
giving historical tours at museums
Tour a Banana freighter
Shopping for used or new books
Clothes shopping
Rambling in the woods
Playing crazy golf, bowling,...OK, basically anything that gets me outta' the house, ha-ha.

45. What are your favorite books?

The Walking Drum, Cannery Row, Wuthering Heights, Lady in the Lake, Rebecca, To Tame A Land, A Murder on the Appian Way, Sting of the Zygons, Ivanhoe, Robin Hood, Essays by Emerson, Walden, Morning Moods (poetry), Desire Under the Elms, Oliver Twist, The Prince and the Pauper, Sabriel, The Samuri's Wife, The Revolt of Mother and Other Stories, A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, The Age of Kings, Charge of the Light Brigade, The Great Gatsby, Meditations by Marcus Aureleous, Man on Horseback, Nickel and Dimed, The Writer's Tale, A Rare Benedictine, Death Du Jour, Young Goodman Brown, Long Ride Home, Afraid To Ride, Dark Thicket, Notes From a Small Island, Lone Cowboy, Complete Guide to North American Wildlife.

46. What is your favorite candy?

Reese's peanut butter cups

47. Favorite sports team?

None

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?

I doubt I'll have a funeral, no life insurance, and possibly no one to bury me, if my sister preceeds me.

Nothing too depressing, my life's been depressing enough...

Stars by the Cranberries, Join with us, by The Feeling, Closing Time by Semisonic, Song of Wyoming by John Denver, Mr. Blue Sky by the Delgados.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?

Somethng.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

Flamey's got tuna breath--bleh. (she was licking me)

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?

Yes....and scream a lot...and maybe say something a bit rude too...I'm not overly fond of roller coasters. I've been scared for real once too often, to enjoy being scared, even for "fun."

3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding?

My 20's, I guess, about 20 or 25 years ago...tho' I was tempted this winter, just to have something to do. Didn't quite get 'round to it, tho'.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?

I'm an old maid, I sleep with my cats...erm--but not in THAT way.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yup, been there, done that, and if anyone doesn't believe me, don't ask me then.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?

I don't think I've much of an imagination, but I guess I'm a lot more creative than intellectual.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?

I think very probably, but a jury thought otherwise, and since I wasn't privy to the actual facts of the case, I think it's a bit daft for me to say aye, yes or no on the subject.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

Who???

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?

Of course-- I once got an A in my political science "State and Local Government" course in college, back in 2002. That said, not as much as I SHOULD know about politics--especially when it comes to overseas politics and political structure..bit more in the dark than I'd like, when it comes to this minister or that policy, etc. And, as I don't have access to tele any longer, and don't listen to public radio as much as I used to, I probably don't have quite as strong a grasp on the current political situation as I normally would do.

10. Do you know how to play poker?

Yup. Five card and seven card stud, and Texas Hold'em...even was teaching mum five card stud, at her hospital bedside, a few weeks before she died. I've never once played for money, though.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Oh yes, in college a few times, at finals time or when I had a lengthy mid-term or research paper due. There was my first long-distance trip away from home to the western states, the bus ride to Wyoming in 1980 when I was too excited to sleep, and my first trip overseas I was also too excited to sleep (I LOVE going to new places and seeing new things), and of course the weekend my mum was dying, didn't exactly get much sleep, then, either.

12. What’s your favorite commercial?

I don't get television. I like the Budwiser beer Clydesdale horse adverts, they're pretty funny.

13. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Oh, I think Bobby Sherman? He was a pop singer who also starred in a TV series loosely based on the musical, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers--the series was a drama/western called called, "Here Come the Brides." Ironically, my last very mild "crush" (if you can call it that at that age) was on Richard Dean Anderson back in the early 90's...and he too, did a very short-lived TV drama series in the early 80's, also loosely based on the Seven Brides musical.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?

No, why would I do something that patently stupid for?

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?

If I did, I wouldn't tell you, would I?

16. Horse racing or auto sports?

Horse racing.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes...don't really pay much attention to them, unless they are genuinely scary or disturbing---or just plain weird.

19. What’s the one thing on your mind?

I'd like to think I have more than one thing on my mind, thanks. Actually, right now, I'm hoping the brats upstairs will be quiet tonight...had to call the cops on them last night. Past midnight it was, and they were yelling and dropping some wooden stuff with a loud clatter, (sounded remarkably like they were dropping several pool cues on their linoleum floor), repeatedly for about 15 or 20 minutes, arguing about something...three police cars showed up...whoa. Apparently, someone else in the building had rung the police, right on the heels of me. The cops were polite to me, for a nice change.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?

Not in the cabs, it's not required by law. In someone's car, yes..it's the law in my state, and they could be pulled over and given a ticket, if I'm not wearing my belt...but i was wearing belts in the 70's, long before it became a law. One of my neighbours when I was a child, fell out an open car door that wasn't shut properly, as it was going round a corner, and suffered an extremely nasty injury to her leg...I started wearing a belt after that.

21. What talent do you wish you had?

I wish i could act, or maybe paint. Either one would be a lovely talent to have, I should think.

22. Do you like Sushi?

Dear me, no. Raw fish and seaweed? I'd rather starve.

23. What do you wear to bed?

pyjamas or a night shirt...unless it's over 85 F in my room, then...well, I'm au natural.

24. Do you truly hate anyone?

Despite my rants on my blog, really, only one person in my life has earned my true hate, and he's dead so I've (mostly) put that to rest. I'm not Mary Poppins or Pollyana or Mother Teresa...I do have a strong dislike for some people though.

25. If you could have dinner with one famous person, who would that be?

I don't know. I assume this means a living person. Jimmy Carter? Dawn French? Russell T. Davies? Beats me.

26. Do you know anyone in jail?

Unfortunately, my nephew. He violated his parole by not showing up for work. Stupid git. Both his parents have been in jail...my sister, and my ex-con ex-bother-in-law...I was hoping their son wouldn't follow in his parent's footsteps, but...mind you, doesn't change my love for him. I still care about him very much, and think maybe he will turn out all right, in the end. I hope so.

27. What food do you find disgusting?

Mushrooms. Can't even stand the sight of them, let alone the taste or smell.

28. Do you have any weird food fetishes?

Yes. I really do thoroughly dislike eating fresh fruit. I MIGHT snack on an apple a few times a year. Even eat an orange in a pinch if I'm desperate...but seriously, I hate eating fresh fruit, dunno' why...makes me gag.

29. Have you ever been in a car accident?

Yes.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?

Nope.