I really, really hate telling people I'm...well, a 48 year old virgin--who genuinely has never been kissed. Urrrgh. The reactions I get. I do everything I possibly can to avoid that little revelation.

You know, some of you younger folks reading this may not know this, but way back when, women were ill thought of, who were "sexually promiscuious." Now, in a complete about-face..thanks to a combination of the sexual revolution, the feminist movement running amuck and a break-down of civilized behaviour, I'm considered odd, for not having sex. I was born too late, I guess.

Not that some of these changes weren't a bad thing, in fact, they were indeed needed...but then, people lost control and now things are rather extremist, in my view...no balance, no rules, no depth, just run amuck and to hell with the consequences.

Well, no worries. I am who I am, and that's that.

Still, get a little tired of the looks--the disbeliving, askance look. Sucks, let me tell you...I wince every time. Do gays and lesbians have to go through this? When a gay comes out of the closet, do people disbelive him and try to talk him into going straight? Why does it genuinely bother people that I have no desire to be with a guy? I'm not a lesbian, I'm not sexually active, I'm just...me. This is who I am. Why do so many think that cause for jokes and pestering? Leave me alone! Just accept me...but so few do, you know.

I make people uncomfortable, sometimes. Maybe 'cos I really am "different." I'm a bit slow--I mean not totally stupid, or I wouldn't have managed being cum laude in college, or a 3.45 average, for nearly 2 years. Still, I am slightly slow--grasping ideas, picking up on jokes, learning new stuff, and I'm awkard in conversation, sometimes. And, that makes people uncomfortable, I suppose.

No, no one will ever send me flowers, no will look at me tenderly or hold me close and comfort me--and that's okay. I think I've always known I'd be alone, and I accept it...totally. I don't know if I could live with another person again, it's been so long on my own--four years!

I don't reckon for a second that I'm easy to live with, either. There's sides of me, and parts of me, that I never write about on here, and probably never will. And, some may be okay with those unrevealed sides of me, and others might shun all contact with me. Who knows? But...I don't want to know. I don't want to be hurt again, I've had more hurt than I can bear, and I don't want to open the door and leave myself vunerable like that. I truly do not believe that I will ever find love, I do not believe that love will ever find me--and that's just the way it is, and people should just leave it alone.