I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

...and I'll be napping for Christmas. Had a quick lunch of cheese and crackers, checked my e-mails, played a little cribbage online....don't feel like doing much else.

The snow has changed to an icy misty rain-snow mix. Very dreary out there. I made five sales--but most of the calls between the sales were horrendous. People slamming phones in my ear, screaming, swearing at me, being sarcastic...assholes. One so-called lady from Georgia asked me snarkily, outright, before I could even say much to her: "Why are ewe Callin' me on Christmas eve? Are you JEWISH?" I told her, "No, I'm disabled and just trying to earn a living. Sorry my calling you has caused you such distress. Have a merry Christmas." Bitch.

Christmas sucks when you have to deal with the public--especially here in America, where basic human decency (formally known as civilized manners) has mostly been erradicated. If it weren't for my very kind friends, I would truly hate humanity. No, really. If it were not for the the lovely people I've never met, whom are so incredibly caring and supportive--people who mostly only know me through this blog--I probably would really feel nothng but hate and bitterness towards human kind. I'd probably just crawl into my shell and never come out again, and that's the genuine truth of it.

But, I'm crawling under the covers, anyway. Christmas eve for me, was always a magical time--time to be out and about, doing last minute shopping, getting ready for church, chatting with mum, going to church and meeting friends and neighbours...but it's all gone now, forever, and nothing I can do will ever bring it back, and I know some less than realistic people will tell me to just move on, but it's not as simplistic and cut and dried as that.

So, I'm just going to hunker down in my apartment tonight. sleep, read a book, write something, play cribbage watch Dr Who re-funs...in about an hour from now--I think--you lot in the UK will be watching Dr Who...me, I'll be napping. I was going to put on some Christmas music, but I think not. The tree is lit up with blue and white lights, the coloured lights on the balcony railing are on---but, I'm going to be turned off to Christmas tonight. It's just too...hard.

I'll deal with Christmas tomorrow.

Damn it! Two people just threw more spoilers at me...not meaning to, mind you. Shite.
Maybe I was right back in June, after all, when I got distraught over the shock of the regen scene in epidsode 12...maybe I'm just too damn attached to Doctor Who, and should just walk away...this time, forever, and never look at it again.

Yes, I'm THAT upset about everyone--from David Tennant, down to two of my Whovian friends---telling me what the Christmas special will be about. Even though I won't personally see it...perhaps in days, perhaps in months...still, it was something I so looked forward to, like some Christmas present I'd pined and longed for, for so very many months. Now...it's ruined. The surprises are flying out the window, fast and furious and there's not much point in me watching the damn thing, if I already know what's going to stinking happen, is there?

Move on, find some other thing to look forward to in life. Maybe it's time to change: give up Doctor Who, give up writing--maybe even blogging, and just...be what I really am...some 48 year old fat ugly broad, in a dead end job, in a backwater city in far northeastern New York, alone with her 3 cats and a room full of memories, knick-knacks, 100 books, 25 DVD's, 8 CD's and some good friends on the internet. That's me, that's all I am. Maybe I need to stop beng a Whovian, and just...be. Accept what I am, and just start existing, likee everyone else.

Sorry, it's Christmas eve, and I'm just so dreading another CE alone. Yeah, I've reduced it to initials, hoo-ray for me. That's about the size of it. I did toy with the idea of going to the CE service at the Presbyterian "cathedral" down the street...but last time I did that, I ended up practically bawling in the the middle of "Silent Night," 'cos I missed my mum so badly...never want to embarrass myself like that again! Plus, damn, going to chruch alone always makes me feel so rubbih at any time of the year, why make it worse for myself at Christmas?

It's not quite half-past 7. I have to go in a few minutes early today, on account of the rubbish weather---it's snowing again, of course. by the time all's said and done this afternoon, reckon we'll have a total of 18 inches on the ground out there, what with the continual snow fall of the last week or so. This is supposed to be it for a few days, though, thankfully.

Well, better 18 inches in dribbles and dabs, than all at once, I suppose--which still may happen sometime this winter, as it's supposed to be like this for the next several months. Yeah, we can get snow fall here at any time between October and May...some years we hardly get any...we had a "snow drought" in 2007, not getting more than an inch or two of snow from October, until Feburary 14th, when the "drought" abruptly ended with nearly 35 inches of snow in a single day.

It's 24 F, with heavy snowfall seeming to be alternating with a sort of snowy mist. Well, I have to go and eat something...not hungry, but I can't go all day without food, that wouldn't be great for my blood sugar, even worse t han eating a Milky Way bar.

I heard on the radio that Macy's is having a 70% off sale. Wow, poverty sucks, 'cos there's one sale I wouldn't mind shopping at. There was (and still is) a Macy's department store at the local mall, around 20 minutes drive from the home I grew up in. Mum used to take me shopping there as a special treat, when I was a teen. I got my special high school graduation necklace there, mum helping me pick out something that would go with my posh graduation dress--which strangely, i can't recall what that was...remember the necklace, totally cannot remember what I wore under my cap and gown!

Then, when my name was drawn out of a hat by the St. Patrick's Club in our village--a club that only exisited to march in the city of Albany's annual St. Patrick's Day parade, and whom also staged a dinner dance on that day--someone for reasons of their own, nominated me to be "Miss Colleen" that year...without consulting me, mind you--and one Sunday in February of '79, I got a call out of the blue, congradulating me, for being selected. "Huh??? What???" was my only reaction...that seemed a bit ungracious at the time, in hindsight. But, mum was thrilled for me, and again, took me to Macy's to buy me a gift--another necklace, this time a pendant with a four leaf clover on it, and, while there, buying me the required long white gloves...the only pair I'd ever owned. Felt like I should be in Breakfast at Tiffany's wearing those! I had to wear the gloves to go with a fuux-fur trimmed green cape, and long green gown, which I was required had to wear for the parade, while sitting on my mobile thrown (get it? mobile throne?--oh, never mind) on the parade float...which developed a fault at the last minute, and I wound up sitting and doing the waving thing at the crowds, in the "rumble seat" of an old 1930's Model T roadster, in the end--

Anyway, loved shopping at Macy's. One year, about 25 or 30 years ago, someone gave me a 50 dollar gift certificate for Macy's for Chrismas, and I bought a gorgeous white real Irish (or Scottish, can't remember) sweater (jumper) on sale, with the money...had it for years, until mum accidentally washed it--and my lovely, lovely posh Pendelton wool sweater/jumper--which had an intricate and gorgeous native american design on it--in hot water...and yes, they both shrunk to the point where they MIGHT have fit a very skinny ten-year old...but not a 175 pound broadsholdered woman. Another year at Macy's, as a Christmas gift, she bought me this gray sweater/jumper with a horse on it, that I had treasured for years, until it got so worn out, it began falling apart.

Well, time to go and change into my working duds. Have a lovely Christmas all--may you be safe and warm and loved, on this holiday. Cheers. Nancy G. (playwrite27)

I wanted to finish chapter 3 in Evil Waters tonight, that stupid Dr Who fan-fic story I've been farting around with, but...it's too late. Nearly 11 and I have to get up at half-past six in the morning, so it'll have to wait until Christmas eve, or day, when I've got loads of time on my hands to screw around with some odd bits of writing I've left lying about, strewn around the internet, waiting to be finished...got a short play that needs work, as well as another Dr Who fan-fic, called "Numbered Days," which I began last winter just before surcumbing to a prolonged illness, and then I got hit with massive writer's block, upon returning home from hospital.

So, I'm sitting here, being a bad girl, having an after-dinner treat of one of those new dark chocolate mint Milky Way bars, in the mood to write SOMETHING, but whatever it is, it needs be short. Think I'll skip checking my blood sugar tonight, heh-heh, catch it up in the morning.

Excuse me for a second, while I rumage around in my brain to try and find something to write about....

Hmmm-hmmm-hmmm...let's just move those stale old tales of my holiday trips aside, and see what we can find, ey? Well, there's always...no, that subject's gotten rather dull and rusty, hasn't it? We'll just throw that away, then. Oh, I was wondering where I'd left my flugelhorn, now I remember...what's this? No, no, no, that subject belongs in my brain's bottom shelf, alongside the fart jokes and sexual ineuendo...there must be something in here I can write about....

AH HA! Eureka! I've found it!

You know, no one is perfect, right? I mean, you might have to search through a box of two dozen heads of slimy, brown and mushy heads of rotten lettuce, before you can find the perfectly green and crisp head, right? (And believe me, I HAVE had that experience...makes you want to pass up the salad bar for life, that).

I mean, let's face it: for every bullet mankind sends into womankind, to make another human being, how many of those will truly hit the mark? How many out of millions, will attain near-perfection...if any? Oh, some will go on to save lives, write and/or perform great things, spend their lives giving compassion and care to others, but how many humans will be...perfect?

None, probably. In that way, we're much like nature. In her own ways, nature has many near-perfections...but every single one has some kind of flaw. No perfect circles or squares exist in nature...at least, not so far as I've personally ever observed.

We're not MEANT to be perfect! Like nature, we're intended to be flawed, in both body and soul. So many humans strive for perfection...in looks, style, career, art. They are oblivious to one of nature's most basic truths. We strive to be the best we can be--which is all well and good, in fact, it's terrific. But, to strive for absolute perfection, to me, is simply bonkers. Can't be done..only because we're only human.

I just found out last week, that even with the US government "discount voucher" (which expires at the end of this week), that I still can't afford a digital converter box, as, even with the coupon, it's still going to run me over $50!

Let's see...pay 50 for my internet service...which I really need/use, or ditch the service adn pay $50 dollars for converter box, to get (maybe) 2 or 3 local TV stations?

Hello internet, goodbye telly...into the skip you go!

Whose daft idea was it, anyway, to turn off analog and force people who can't afford a converter, to ditch their televisions, during a full blown RECESSION? Morons.

...his name was "stud-muffin":