I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

I'm not feeling very good towards myself right now, and I don't think blogging about it is going to help, so I will wish you all a good night, and perhaps I will see you tomorrow.

Well, now I've gone and done it. If anyone ever needed proof that I'm a total piece of shite loser, I've got it for you.

This morning, I posted what was left over from the extra Social Security funds that I had, to my sister, as she desperately needs it to help get my nephew out of the jam he's in. He's the only nephew I've got, and she and he are the only close relations I have left on the planet--so how could I not do that?

Yeah, well, stupid arse here just lost her pay check today. I mean, gone--as in I'll never see it again...and, it could take up to a week--or more, to get the funds back..and I literally just spent my last dollar on bus fare.

Yeah, I'm a f'ing loser, alright. No doubt about that.

And no, I can't just ask sis for the money back--it takes generally 3 or 4 just for a letter to get to her little rural post office, and then she has to drive into the city to bank the money--then another 3 or 4 days to send it back? LOL--I fucked.

well, I'm still feeling extremely knackered, but the extra rest seems to have helped the old dented noggin', an my headache is mostly gone, and so far I'm not all that light-headed and dizzy like I was, yesterday.

I must work a whole shift today, until 4pm, which I'm very much dreading as I'm still not feeling great and people that I call on Saturdays, especailly during a recession at Christmas, tend to be real prigs and boors (to put it into lady-like terms)--and then I have to trudge out into the bitter cold to pay a bill and buy some groceries and pet food...but, after that I do have 2 1/2 days off, which hopefully will be somewhat restful.

The high today is only supposed to be around 21 (-6 C), so I reckon I'll be wearing my thermal underwear and a sweater (jumper) today.

I've yet to have breakfast and have to leave for work in a half hour, so I'd best be on my way. Cheers.

12.6 °F / -10 °C
Clear
Windchill: 12 °F / -11 °C

My uncle once: let me drive his tow truck around his petrol station's car park, when I was about 11 years old (only about 20 feet).

Never in my life: have I ever been tempted to smoke pot, despite the urgings of my sister, classmates and co-workers.

When I was five: My mum's dad died

High school was: mostly a drag

I will never forget: sitting on the back of an Icelandic horse at the age of 40, inside an ancient volcanic crater, and having an arctic wind--cleanest air on the planet--blowing in my face, and suddenly realizing that I--who had never thought that I'd ever see another country-- was actually in bloomin' Iceland, and that my whole world as I had always known it, had just changed forever.

Once I met: several international Elvis impersonators, while doing interviews for a feature article for my college's newspaper.

There’s this girl I know: who once was Al Pacnio's secretary

Once at a bar: I yelled my lungs out chanting "USA, USA" during the now famous US-USSR hockey match during the 1980 winter olympics (definately not something I'd normally have done, as I wasn't into sports or bars)

By noon, I’m usually: working or blogging

Last night I watched: Unicorn and the Wasp on Youtube

If I only had: talent as a writer

Next time I go to church: Erm--I just gave up religion, and besides, I really hate going to church alone, it's too lonely.

What worries me most: losing what little income I have left

You’ll know I’m lying when: I tell you that I really hate Doctor Who and I think that Russell T. Davies is a lousy writer and that David Tennant couldn't act in a 2nd year chidren's play.

What I miss most about the 80’s is: disco

If I were a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: Titus Andronicus, ha-ha. Just kidding...I'm not sure, Isabella, maybe?

A better name for me would be: pass, I'm too tired to think of anything clever.

I have a hard time understanding: maths and technical stuff

If I ever go back to school: I would get my BA finally--or, barring that, I would throw common sense and caution out the window, and just do what I wanted to do, and study radio broadcasting

You know I like you if: I don't know, again, too tired to think of anything--hell, you'll know I like you, I make it pretty obvious.

Take my advice, never: wear pure wool socks when you have to walk through deep cold puddles with a leaky wellie on.

My ideal breakfast is: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried potatoes, well buttered toast and juice or a Coke.

If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: keep driving

Why won’t people: rejoin the human race and show some basic respect and manners?

The world could do without: empty-headed, narrow viewed bigots

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat mushrooms

My favorite blonds are: I don't think I know any blonds

If I do anything well, it’s: speak in front of people (providing that I actually have something to say)

And, by the way: I think Doctor Who is the coolest programme on the planet--Doctor Who rocks!
.

Though stanunch conservatives in Washington D.C. have voiced loud objectons over the US bailing out the American auto industry--which was once the country's top economic generator--President Bush has said that he's all for the bailout, and is urgently trying to come up with a viable solution that will be satisfactory to all parties.

Since his taking office 8 years ago, this marks the furthest shift the president has made, away from his party's stance, in all that time. The president has clearly marked a line in the sand, and has stepped well back from it. Republican senators have repeatedly stalled negotiations--which were set to be completed last week--by arguing over everything from how the plan would be policed, to how much would be lent, to what the money would be used for--seemingly to come up with a new objection at every turn, and deliberately stalling--for reasons as yet unknown--the ballout package.

Meanwhile, tens of thousands--possibly even millions--of jobs in North America and Europe, hang in the balance.

My take is, if this happens, Bush is making sure that it won't reflect on him, but on his party--which failed to support him during his last days in office.

My drunken hillbilly neighbour--who's also usually so tanked out on pain killers for his bad back, that he can't follow your conversation half the time-- has just taken on a part-time job as a driver for a local cab company...rigght. Well, reckon I'll be using the other cab service then.

So, I'm munching on some spinach and feta cheese pizza, playing some cribbage online (against the computer), and chillin' to some tunes on Pandora radio.

TITLE/ARTIST:

Mandy/ Barry Manilow
It's Going to Take Some Time/ The Carpenters
Alone Again (naturally) Gilbert O'Sullivan

Cotton fields/ Creedence Clearwater Revival
Brown Sugar/ Rolling stones
Ramblin' man/ dickey betts
Crossroads/ Cream
The old apartment/ barenaked ladies
Roll to Me/ Del Amitri
Liza Radley/ The Jam
Yellow/ Coldplay
Picture Book/ The Kinks
This is where it all ends/ Barenaked ladies
Sean/ The Proclaimers
I. O. U. / the La's
Steady As She Goes/ The Raconters
Weight of the world/ Tarkio
Letter from America/ The proclaimers
From Blown Speakers/ The New Pornographers
This is Such a Pity/ Weezer
Na na na naa/ The Kaiser Cheifs
More than a feeling/ Boston
We're an American Band/ Grand Funk Railroad
Prairie Town/ Randy Bachman
She's a Bad Mama Jama/ Carl Carlton
Get Down Tonight/ K.C. and the Sunshine Band
Theme from Shaft/ Issac Hayes (when we were kids, my sis used to always have this record on)
Shining Star/ Earth, Wind and Fire
Twentieth Century/ Pet Shop Boys
World/ New Order
Secret/ Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark
Paralyzed/ Rock Kills Kid
Last Train/ Travis
Lucky Man/ The Verve
Surfin' Safari/ The Beach Boys
Big Girls/ Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons
Glad All Over/ Dave Clark Five

(to end the night, I got all nostolgic and switched purely to stuff I was listening to in my teens and early 20's):

For Lovin' Me/ Gordon Lightfoot
Southern Cross/ Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
Kiss on my List/ Hull and Oates
Night Fever/ Bee Gees
Sail On/ The Commodores
I Love Only You/ Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Lookin' For Love/ Johnny Lee
Back Roads/ Kate Wolf (one of my top ten fav songs of all time--it sort of became my mantra)
Summer Roads/ Schooner fare
Don't Think Twice/ Ramblin' Jack
Garden Song/ Dave Mallett
Lady/ Kenny Rogers
Love So Right/ The Bee Gees
When I Wanted You/ Barry Manilow
Take It Easy/ The Eagles
Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'/ Journey
Sultans of Swing/ Dire Straights
Take it on the Run/ REO Speedwagon
Dance With Me/ Orleans (loved this song when it came out)
Long Train Runnin' /Doobie Brothers (ditto)
Hotel California/ The Eagles

Well, I went to bed shortly before six and woke around 9pm--god, I am getting old. I used to zone out early when I was a stable hand in my early 30's, especially in winter, when I'd been doing some seriously physical labour for 9 hours in bitter cold temps...sometimes 15 to 25 below zero, F. I can remember being so tired and cold, that I was hitting the sack after dinner, as early as 7pm, shivering in bed for hours after I got home, I'd get such a case of the chillblains--even my chillblains would get chillblains, sometimes, ha-ha.

But that's really the only time I remember going to bed after coming home from work, and napping a lot on my time off...until lately, that is. Oh sure, I'd sometimes get a bit tired in '06, working hard all day cleaning offices, or walking the three miles to work 7 days a week. doing laundry at the motel, but lately...I dunno', I feel so run down and weak...and it's not like talking on the phones is hard work--god, I've been doing phone work since I was a teenager! I can do voice work practically in my sleep, just throw a script at me and let me have at it, piece of cake...easiest work in the world...well, except selling, I really do suck at selling. I too much of a softie, maybe, I don't know. You really have to be a bit of a hard-arse, to be a good salesperson, in the telemarketing field. Or, maybe I just plain suck like a Hoover.

So, not sure what's been going on with my body, this past year or so. I mean, it's hard to walk, yeah, but I can still do stuff--probably stuff that I shouldn't do, like walk with a heavy laundry bag to the laundromat four streets away...suspect I might wind up like DT one of these days, re-aggravating my own slipped disk again--which hasn't bothered me in over 10 years, knock wood, tho' I did get a mild attack of my sciatica back when I moved in here two years ago. I have been very blessed on that score, and don't I know it!

Anyway, zoned out again for about 3 hours, and woke with far less of a headache, thankfully, and not quite as woozy. It's going for 11pm here, and I've not had any dinner--I didn't even eat lunch 'till around 5pm. So, put a frozen spinach and feta cheese pizza in the cooker, thought I'd munch on that before going back to bed for the night. I'm going to try to work a full 6 hour shift tomorrow--but it's going to be hell, I'm just that run down and worn out. Yes, I do wish sometimes that I wasn't alone--but, I know my good friends wish me well, and care about me--even tho' I may never get to meet them face to face.

Someone suggested I go live somewhere else, change my situation. Huh. Yeah, but where? No matter where I go, I'll still be me, I'll still be living check to check, broke more than not, sick, alone, maybe even jobless...how would that make my life better? I could move to another city or town, another state, even another country...not that that would ever be possible, but how would that change things for the better? I'd still be in the same crap life..maybe even worse off than I am now.

Not that I can afford to move--heck, I couldn't even afford to move across the street, let alone to another town or state or country! I can barely summon the energy to do my shopping and laundry--in fact some days of late, even leaving the apartment is something I dread...god, I'm in the one place I tried all my life to avoid being--I always loved being active and going places and doing stuff...I adored going back to college in my early 40's, with the theatre courses, archaeology, political science, writing classes and other stuff..espcially the international studies programmes--it was great! Both doing theater classes (which was weird, cos that's the last thing I ever thought I'd get to do) and going overseas for study (ditto on the weird bit), it genuinely changed me, it shifted me out into a broader world and changed who I am, forever.

And now, here I am, stuck in a permanent prison, always living on the edge of disaster, always scared--never stop being scared, 'cos one disaster, one slip, one more loss--and it could very much be the end of me. The end of all I have left in life to cling to--which is why I freak out over unpaid bills and missing time at work, the possiblity of getting fired, evicted, losing my disability, etc.

Well, I've rambled on a good bit more than I'd intended. Sorry if I've bored you.