Well, the fate of my electric and gas service is in limbo for the next 24 hours or so. I have to go back to the social worker's office tomorrow, to see what their go-between at National Grid can do for me....I think, from past experience, MAYBE what will happen, is that they will cancel my budget agreement, demand the whole 500 to 1000 I owe. (I'm STILL paying off the bill from 2006, when my furnace died when it was 10 below zero outside, and the only heat I had was one little electric fire, which used up one hell of a lot of electricity, for a wee appliance!) anyway, NG will then send me a dissconnect notice, and then I go back to the social worker, and they apply for an emergency HEAP benefit...and then I reapply for the budget plan, and we're back to normal.

Or, none of the above, and I'm just screwed.

I say I owe between 500 and 1000, 'cos I've not looked lately--well, if you had my income, would you want to see that? Well, anyway, I pay the same amount 12 months a year, on the budget plan, which is far better for me, 'cos before that, it was mad, trying to come up with a monthly budget---one month the bill might be 70 dollars, and WHAM! The next month the bill might be over 300 bloomin' dollars! When you are on a low income, living quite literally from paycheck to paycheck...well, I have to tell you that sort of thing is definitely going to give you some sleepless nights.

So, wait and see at the moment.

I'll tell you what though, I'm so incredibly knackered now. Just took my temperature and I've a fever again. Lovely. Week 8, this is. God, I miss being 19. I could have brochitis, arthritis and a sprained ankle, and not turn a hair, just keep on going. Hell, even when I was 30, I was mucking stalls with sciatica in my back! Now, I get a blooming cold and it knocks me out and makes me feel like I'm ready for a bath chair. I'm telling you, you hit 45 and it's all downhill from there. ;)

So, since the social worker for New York State Office of the Aging, who helps me out 'cos I'm disabled---I only have a few grey hairs, I'm not quite there yet---, well since their office is at the other end of the hallway from my telemarketing office, I decided to go in for a couple of hours, make up some time for my day off. They put me on collections--which is my favourite..not 'cos I like telling people to cough up or else, actually I try real hard to be kind, which is usually productive.

I have to admit though. Some collections--or rather pre-collections, which is what we really are doing--have a little button on screen that you click on, "refuse to pay"--which only means that they get booted to the real collection agency, after we've had a go and failed. Well, it's really kind of petty I suppose, but sometimes, when I get a genuine arsehole from the hunting club or whatever, it is such a small, rather delicious pleasure, to click that little button--down the rubbish shoot you go, you stinking redneck bastard! You think I'm annoying, wait'll the REAL collections people start ringing you ten times a day--and they're from India, so just you try to understand what they're saying, Rambo! :))

No, I like it 'cos for one, I don't have to really sell anything--I hate selling, truth to tell--and also, it's got a much shorter script, so your not out there, beating a dead horse, flogging something for 5 or even ten minutes, rattling off all the advantages of the product. With collections, it's just: Hello, this is who I am, you owe this money, will you pay it today, oh you can/can't? well...yadda, yadda, yadda. Short, sweet and to the point, love those kinds of scripts...it's a hell of a lot easier on your voice, as well...and of course, a lot less pressue. The pressure to sell is enormous, and if you go a few hours without a sell, it can make you feel like rubbish. My businnes doesn't really do pep talks--in fact, what they usually call "training," is pretty laughable--just shove a new script into your hands, read it through once, and then jump on the phones and go do it...which is fine. I love a new script...well, anyone would, who has to say the same damned intermiable script, over and over every single day, for hours on end.

So, I've just made myself the most marvelous dinner of a hodgepodge tuna casserole that I threw together--I had a box of instant macaroni and cheese, and to it I added some tuna-fish, sour cream, a little milk, cream cheese, a little onion powder, some thawed frozen peas, and a dash of worcestershire sauce, mixed it together, heated it through and.... Yummy! Probably sounds disgusting to most of you, but I'd not eaten hardly a thing all day, so it was a meal fit for a queen, to me.

I've an idea for a new 10 minute play, germinating in my brain, that I've been making mental notes for all week--it's a serious play. I really prefer writing funny stuff (tho' nothing I've written is ever probably all that funny, really)... comedy is a joy for me to write, even if I don't have much talent in that area.

I came to realize that I've never once really dug deep and pulled out some of this angst that's inside me, and used it for dramatic purposes--and, maybe, like my not being able to do that with acting, maybe I'm just not able to open my own Pandora's box, period, not even in writing. But, I sort of would like to give it a go--I've tried once before, a horrible short play called, I think, "the boardwalk," which I posted on my misc. blog, but, I'm afraid I'm merely a very shallow and simplistic writer, and there are no great stories inside me, waiting to be written...and certainly they'll never be any plays, not ever.

And, and this weekend, I'm going to try and work on an unfinished Dr Who story, called, "Numbered Days," that's on my wordpress blog...so hopefully that will keep me busy. Really, that's really my only reason that I have left inside me, to continue writing--for my own pleasure.