I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

I mean, I was just thinking about this--here's a guy, whom by all accounts, was offered the equivilent of 3 million dollars to stay on the job--and he turns it down!

I've never made more than $16,000 dollars a year in my life time--and that was 20 years ago--I've lost so much, and gone hungry and lived in the cold, and am under constant worry of one thing going wrong, and becoming homeless...and Tennant is so well-off, that he can turn down a bloomin' $3 million...it's almost impossible for me to fathom.

There's a man who is one lucky son of a gun, to never have to worry about anything "real," or to ever know hardship. I hope he never has to play a homeless man--think of the irnoy! And, he wouldn't have a clue, no matter how many homeless or poor people he interviewed...anyone who turns down that much money, really obviously never can.

This man can look like a homeless person--but he'll never be able to wrap his mind around the reality of it.

I'm going to take a moment to air one of my pet peeves, this morning. I hope you will forgive me indulging myself.

As some of you know, among other things, I battle with bi-polar disorder..pretty much on my own. My several requests to the health center for treatment, have gone pretty much ignored...plus, even if I could get it, I more often than not, cannot afford it...just the cab fare alone can run anywhere from 8 to 12 dollars, round trip--on top of a 20 dollar or more, co-pay...and I am very much on a low-income...I do partially fall into poverty guidelines for a single person--they wouldn't give me food stamps if I didn't, trust me. Six or ten dollars to me, would be basically like 60 or a 100 dollars to most of you, no exaggeratin.

Someone rather pointlessly wrote me the other day, that I "need to get therapy and medications." DOH. No shit Sherlock. But this is the same person who cannot gasp that I CANNOT AFFORD therapy and medications! This is the same person who is against people like me getting the medical help they need, because ONE person might not be able to get a needed bone marrow transplant--bullshit. THOUSANDS of Americans, every single day of the year, in every state, right here, and right now--many with cancer--cannot get the treatment they need, because they CAN'T AFFORD it...because we DON'T have free health care, like Canada, England, and other CIVILIZED nations. Over 46 million Americans go without a doctor, every single day in this country--and the TRUE reason they can't get help...is selfish greed on the part of their fellow Americans.

These so-called "enlightened" people hide their guilt behind STUPID excuses that free health care will be inadequate, or whatever. But, these are all, each and every one, people who HAVE health care. They've never in their pampered lives, ever had to literally suffer pain or illness, with no recourse--none, zero, nada--no help, for no other reason than there was no money to pay for tests, hospital care, etc. So, Americans like me get sick, we stay depressed, we die...all because of some selfish, ignorant and greedy people, who don't think my life, and the lives of nearly 50 million others, is worth them losing their cushy private insurance plans. THAT'S what it's about, not some mewling whinge about people not getting bone marrow transplants--it's about the whingers losing their own well-provided for health care...the old, "I've got mine, to hell with everyone else."

Sorry, it really makes me hate my country, sometimes, the selfish, ignorant bubble that many so-called "enlightened" Americans needlessly clothe themselves in...a bubble so flimsy and transparent, that cannot see it from the inside--it's only us genuinely suffering "outsiders," who are on the receiving end of their continuted reistance, that can.

Well, here it is, nearly noon time on my side of the Big Pond, and I've only been up an hour. I hate oversleeping, but had only had 4 hours sleep Friday, and last night, my hillbilly neighbours were celebrating Thanksgiving early--which for them, apparently, means roast turkey and several 24 packs of beer. "Oi!" I wanted to yell, "Stop trying to get the damned dog to sing!" For Christ's sake, it was blinking midnight, and they're all yelling--well, they always yell, that's their nomal mode of conversation, for some reason---to the dog, "sing, you bastard, come on!" F_ck. At least the teens upstairs quit early last night, there's that to be thankful for, at least.

I finally couldn't keep my eye open, and went to bed at 1am or so...their mean elderly dog was still howling and barking, and they were still laughing...and banging on something metal, not sure I want to know what the hell that was about....hillbillies. You know, I've been told by a southern transplant, a woman from South Carolina, that she sees more genuine, honest-to-god hillbillies up her in the mountains of New York, than she ever saw down south? And, I do believe her. I had genuine in-bred hillbillies living in my apartment building, in the small rural mill town I lived in, for my first five years up here. I'm not joking about the in-bred part, either...it's not a put-down, but a real fact. There's about two or three promenent familes up here in the Adirondacks, whom are actually known to be in-bred...a local college even did a research study on them. In fact, one family even has a hamlet in the mountains named after them, because they were practically the only one's who lived there, way back when--tho' they've spread out to other towns, now, hence my encounters with them.

In fact, celebrites like coming here (in the off-season especailly, when most of the tourists have gone home), because, unless he or she is a country music star or a famous race car driver, no one knows them. British and other foreign celebrites, who want to be left alone, should come here--but, they'd probably get their egos hurt, when no one pays any attention to them, ha-ha.

Yeah, from November to April, this place is dead as a doornail--well, except for the ski areas, like West Mountain (a mile or two outside this city where I'm at, is a ski mountain), and the bigger ski resorts: Gore resort, which is up the road about 20 or 25 so miles, in North Creek, and Whiteface in Lake Placid--home of two winter olympic games. Then there's the snowmobiler's, the ice fishermen--big, big boast for the local economy, for some rural towns-- and skaters, cross-country skiers and winter hikers, ice climbers and dog sledders, horseback riders and snowshoers...and shoppers...lots of shoppers, what with the million dollar big brand name outlet shops in Lake George, drawing in Canadian, New York City and European shoppers.

Yet, we certainly don't get the millions of tourists in winter, that we do from the end of May until mid-October. And, I've known of several major celebrites (John Travolta just to name one), come here, even live here, and pretty much no one pays them any mind, as long as they don't make a nuisence of themselves--which one or two have, and were essentially shown the door by the locals, and told not to let it hit them on their way out. Adirondackers can be very stoic about celebrites...they would be more impressed with you, if you said you'd shot an 8-point buck at 500 yards, than if you turned up in a limo, surrounded by a mob of papparizzi.

Anwyway, I'd every intention of going into work today--but my sore throat and congested chest are giving me doubts. Friday, my throat hurt so bad, I had to split my shift in half, because at the end of my first two hours, I was in so much agony, I dont' think I would have cared if a bus had run me down in the street. I still have an hour to decide. I also have to consider that I have no clean clothes to wear, after today, and, that I have to run around like a loon tomorrow, trying--I'd even say "praying," if I still believed in prayer--that my stupidity of paying the wrong bill, won't literally leave me in the cold and dark, for Christmas.

I'm trying real hard not to think about that.

I also need to seriously tidy the house...after eight weeks of fighting, first the flu...which became mild pneumonia, then getting this head cold, a week ago...well, the apartment looks a wee...yuck. I've been so knackered, I've just been doing the bare basics..and only half-arsed at that. I'd like to have a lovely, tidy apartment for the holidays, but if I have to run around like a loon when I'm not feeling my best...that's just not going to happen. I don't mind being alone, most of the time--but when I'm sick, or my mandic-depression gets the better of me (especially the depression part), I really do miss having someone here, to help me out a little. Maybe if I'd had someone, I wouldn't have paid the wrong bill, and not been in this stinking mess with National f'ing Grid.

Well, can't live on "maybe's" or "somedays," can we? I'm on my own, and that's that.

When I'd gone to see a local Adirondack mountain theatre company do "The Real Inspector Hound," and "Black Comedy" back to back, back in september, little did I know that I was seeing the results of something isnpired by the very play David Tennant had done.

In the programme, the director mentions that he took his inspiration for doing these two works, directly from Gregory Doran's lead. At the time I read it, I was vaugely aware that this was the same director who was working with Tennant, Patrick Stewart and the rest of the cast of Hamlet, as well as directing Tennant in Loves Labour's Lost.

However, until tonight, I never realized that Tennant himself was in the very play which inspired the production which was put on, in this little backwater city in northern New York state. Small world, ey? Not that knowing that, would have changed anything in regards as to how I viewed the play--tho', I suppose, in hindsight, had I known, I might have found myself trying to picture Tennant in one of the roles (because it's just so enthralling to see him dive into his characters), onstage, and that would have been pretty bad, as it would have taken my focus away from the story and the actors--who were all wonderful, by the way.

I was so overjoyed at being in a theater again, you have no idea. I hadn't been to a play--or any sort of performance, in about five years, so yes, it was a genuine joy, for me. And a great coupling of the two plays--Gregory Doran knew what he was about, I do have to agree with that.

That's how many people have kidney disease in the United States today--that's six million more than just ten years ago...or about 13 percent of the present population of the USA.

Our kidney's serve an important function. They purify our blood, keep our bones and tissues healthy and, help to keep our blood pressure at a normal level.

Normally, most of us have two kidneys--fist-size organs found in our back, below the ribcage.

Most kidney disease is helped along by diabetes and high blood pressure--which is what makes me such a prime candiate for the illness, as I have both issues, at the present time. Women prone to urinary tract infections, should also have their kidney's tested, periodically

Anyone, at any age whatsoever, can develop kidney disease. If your kidneys cease to function, you have only two options: go on dialysis, or get a kidney transplant.

The kidneys filter around 200 liters of our blood, every single day. When they stop working, all the bad stuff in our blood, stays there...which would kill us, eventually, without the assistance of a dialysis machine.

What is dialysis?

This is where a patient lays down on a reclining chair, and is hooked up to a dialysis machine. This machine does the work that the kidneys normally would do. It pumps the blood out of the patient, filters it through the machine--removing waste, salt and extra water. It also maintains a safe level of chemicals in the blood, such as potassium and sodium. Regular dialysis also helps to control blood pressure, as well. The machine does all this, and then pumps the blood back into the patient again. The average time for this is roughly 3 hours, give or take an hour or two.

Patients often have to go for treatment three times a week. Dialysis is done either in hospital, or, as with my mum, inside a special treatment centre, just for kidney patients. Wherever they go, the nursing staff are always attentive to patient's needs, and patients are kept as comfortable as possilbe, often with access to a televison and/or reading matierals, and someone to see to their needs, such as getting them some coffee or water. Yet, with the advent of new medical technology, dialysis can also be done at home, by the patient, whom is carefully trained and monitored by medical staff.

Some of the effects of this disease on patients include: vomiting, nausea, loss of bodily functions/control, diaarrea, loss of appetite, severe weakness or dizziness.

People most at risk for developing kidney failure, include people who have a family history of the disease (such as myself), and also people who have high blood pressure and/or diabetes.

Kidney disease isn't always fatal. Some kinds of acute kidney failure get better after treatment. In some cases of acute kidney failure, dialysis may only be needed for a short time until the kidneys get better.

However, for those who have chronic kidney failure, the outlook is much more grim:

In chronic or end stage kidney failure, your kidneys do not get better and you will need dialysis for the rest of your life. If your doctor says you are a candidate, you may choose to be placed on a waiting list for a new kidney.

But, this disease is preventable, in many cases. By drinking plenty of water each day, carefully monitoring your blood pressure, trying to make heathy food choices, and exercising regularly, you have a much better chance of never developing this disease.

Of course, there are extenuating circumstances, such as being born with on enlarged kidney, like my mum was. Though mum sometimes had high blood pressure, she didn't have diabetes.

Other problems that can develop in your kidneys, include: kidney stones, urinary tract infections, kidney cancer and prostate cancer. If you have a family history of any of these diseases, tell your doctor.

Some causes of kidney cancer can be:

smoking, obesity, occupational hazards--such as exposure on the job to certain types of chemicals--some types of radiation therapy and long-term dialysis treatment.

For more information in the USA, go to the National Kidney Foundations website: http://www.kidney.org/

In the UK, visit the website of the UK's National Kidney Federation: http://www.kidney.org.uk/

Dialysis machine in use on a patient:

"I'm tellin' you officer, the fan-girls ripped the clothes right off'a ma' body, and then, when they saw you, they all ran away! That was awful...I was kinda' hopin' they'd hang around for a while."

Another party night in my aprtment building, and sleep shall likely elude me again. I won't likely get to "sleep in" until MAYBE Tuesday morning.

Anyway, I'm quite upset over the prospect of another December with massive worries weighing me down--this time, not illness, or a lay off--but, like last year, I worry about having my electric and gas shut off...National Grid has more and more of late, turned into a bit of a monster, about that. And this cold can literally kill you...not that I've not slept in the cold before. Many's the morning I've poked my head out from the covers, able to see my own breath inside my bedroom. You do get used to it.

Still, I dream of a holiday without cares and worries...dont' suppose I'll ever be blessed with that again. Well, I don't really belive in Christmas any longer, any road. Really, I'm just going through the motions...but it is nice to have lights on, because I still haven't fully adjusted to being alone on that particular holiday, I suppose.

But, tonight, I have to come to grips with the fact that there's naught I can do, until Monday morning. It's not going to be a peaceful, nor restful week, leading up to Thanksgiving...but at least I'm warm for now, have food on my table, my cats to love me, and my friends far away, who so kindly have kept me in their thoughts, though all the rubbish and the few good times, as well, bless. So, I reckon it's churlish of me to complain, is it not? And, I won't any more...at least, not for the rest of the weekend...not even about these bloomin' noisy neighbours--the drunken hillbilly's across the hall (the one's who shout, even when they're speaking normally), and the drunken teenagers and their barbie-girls upstairs over my head--no, no complaints for the rest of the weekend. I won't say I'll be thinking good thoughts...'cos I'd be hard pressed to do so, but, I will say that I will being thinking of nicer things: my friends, Dr Who, and happy memories of holidays past.

Bad Southern Piano music on a Saturday night:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

French dark hot chocolate, that you make with milk, not the instant "Swiss Miss" crap, that tastes like watered down chemicals.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Wrap them!

"Santa" used to very cafeully wrap those puppies and put them under the tree on Christmas eve morning.

Now...it's just me and the cats, so why bother? I just give the cats their prezzies--tho' this year they get a stocking again, after a few years without one.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

A mix of all blue lights and all white.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No, I think there's a rule that old maid's have to stay away from mistletoe.

5. When do you put your decorations up?

Around the first week of December, usually--tho' last year didn't do it until a few days before. Back when mum was alive, I wasn't allow to do it, until the weekend after Thanksgiving, at the very earliest. Mum had a thing for jumping the Christmas starting gun.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

We never had anything specific for Christmas day dinner, unless company was coming over--which was quite rare...then we'd have either baked ham (gammon) or roast turkey. In later years, when mum moved in with me, if it was just the two of us, I usually made roast chicken with my homemade sage and onion stuffing, which mum liked, or maybe I'd make a couple of glazed roast cornish hens, instead. Our big thing was to go to a local Greek diner for late supper, after church on Christmas eve...that was quite enjoyable.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?

Gosh, I'm not sure. Probably the year I thought I was going to get my first two-wheel bike, and it wasn't there, and I was sooo-disappointed...and then mum told me to sit down and she would check the garage, to see if Santa left it there, and bustled into the kitchen and out the kitchen door to the garage--and sure enough, with a big grin on her face, she wheeled that little red bike through from the kitchen into the living room, a few minutes later. I so rarely was given genuine surprises--this was totally out of character for my family, my dad and sis not being real big fans of the holiday--so yeah, it is a rather special memory for me.

But, I suppose I also love remembering sitting on the floor by the tree, ripping open the packages--oh, what a delicious feeling that truly was!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

What do you mean? Don't tell me that you believe in that whole "Santa's not real," myth! He is, too! So there.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

Yes, we began opening one gift at midnight at some point in my youth--think it was my late teens--but somehow, by the time I was in my 30's we'd open our prezzies after we'd got home from church/the diner, and had sat down to some eggnog or hot chocolate, and then about an hour later, opened the prezzies--all but one, which was saved for Christmas morning.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?

Very carefully. That's a mum thing, again. She used to "direct" me--a bit off-putting, truth to tell, 'cos mum had this totally infuriating habit of waiting 'till I'd got up off the floor, or got away from an awkward position--like adjusting the tree stand, or decorating the back of the tree--to tell me that the tree was crooked, or that I had a bare spot...teeth gritted, I would thank her politely and just get the whole bloomin' thing over with. Oh, and LOVED it, when I'd just finished stringing the stinking lights, and she'd say..."oh, you've got some bulbs out..." Grrr. Thanks, mum.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it, adore it, snow on Christmas eve? Fantastic.

12. Can you ice skate?

Can you stick your head up your bottom and still whistle "Dixie?" Well, I couldn't skate, either...not even with those dorky "special" double-bladed trainer skates, when mum took us skating at Little's Lakem up the hill from our house.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Yes, as a surprise, my parents up and decided that I could have a used western saddle for my 16th Christmas present, AND a pair of snowshoes. Dad got a good bonus that year...the stable up the road only had English (hunt seat) saddles, so to take western lessons, I had to have my own saddle. We went to a local ranch that hired out horses, and picked out a junky old saddle for, I think, 50 dollars--it wasn't anything much, but it was good enough for me. I was thrilled. I was overjoyed to get the snowshoes, as well--even if they were cheap dorky plastic one's and not real wooden snowshoes...mum got me real one's the next Christmas. I got not one, but two things I desperately wanted that year...cool.

14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?

Well, now that I spend holidays alone, I just want a holiday with no massive issues...no worries about having my electric/gas shut off, or being evicted from my apartment, or laid off work, for the new year. I may have just done to myself again, this weekend...we'll see.

Used to be, for me, the most important thing, was spending Christmas eve and/or Christmas Day with my mum and/or my family.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

I really don't have one...we never had any "special" treats for christmas, in my home.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

Used to be, going to church Christmas eve, supper at a diner, then sitting in the living room, in the light of the tree, listening to carols on the radio or record player, and talking and drinking eggnog or whatever, until the time came to open our gifts.

I no longer have any "traditons."

17. What tops your tree?

A cheezy little angel from Family Dollar

18.Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?

Oh gosh, I used to be so into giving people prezzies, that was the BEST!

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?

I don't know. I used to be such a sap for singing carols--not anymore, though. That said, I like Coventry Carol or O' Come, O' Come Emmunel, relgiously, and Sleigh Ride and Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer, secularly speaking. Now? meh.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?

Depends on the candy cane--love the new flavoured one's..especially the Life Saver variet...yum!

21. Hypothetically speaking, you have an uncle (or aunt) who are stinking rich. They ask you to give them a wish list for this Christmas with six items on it. You can ask for anything at all, as long as it's only for yourself. What are you going to wish for?

NOTE: This is just hypothetical, of course. I don't actually have a "wish list," this year.

1. a pair of long johns (thermal underwear)

2. Something to do with Dr Who

3. Something horsey

4. a phone card

5. a model train set

6. a gift certificate to Borders

22. What's Your Last Favorite Holiday Memory?

Christmas of 2003, dad, mum and I, went to my sister's erm--rustic, caravan in the vermont woods (she was with a different partner, back then), and for the first time in over 2 decades, we had a family Christmas all together. It was to be my second-to-last-Christmas with my dad, and mum followed him nearly 2 years later...so, a very special Christmas memory--it was our first in over 20 years, and sadly, our very last "family" Christmas.

I have to do Google images, 'cos I don't have a clue how to transfer pics from Flicker...it's taking forever to come up on my screen.

The questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you?
12. Your Flickr name?

1. Erm...okay. I put in my full name...and came up with a pic of a cousin's dog...alriiigty, then.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

or:

or:

8.

9.

or

10.

11.

12 (blog name, since I don't do flicker)