I've just been asked to translate some text speak posted in a previous post about the genocide of the English Language.

Rather that re-post in that post, I will add this as a fresh post here.

What if Shakespeare wrote in text-speak?

What if we turned these lines:

"O! What a rouge and a peasant slave am I!
Is is not monsterous that this player here
But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,
That, from her working, all his vissage waned,
Tears in his eyes, distraction in's aspect,
A broken voice and his whole function suiting
With forms to his conceit?

To:

O! I M A SMF N ACORN!
4COL, ITS A BAMF, 4 ME
AFAICS, ITS AN AFJ, FUBAR
IMAO, I M A FUM

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TRANSLATION from text-speak: *

Oh! I am a stupid motherfucker, and a compltely obsessive really nutty person!
For crying out loud, it's a bad ass motherfucker, for me
As far as I can see, it's an April Fool's joke, fucked up beyond belief
In my arrogant opinion, I'm a fucked up mess.

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*(translated into modern English--taking into account that I'm not an English major or a Shakespearan scholar--in fact my sum total of learning anything Shakespeare in 14 years of passing through New York state schools, and in 5 years of community and state college, is a total of one 1970's film of Romeo and Juilet in my 9th year, and 2 weeks of studying Hamlet in college back in 2004...so if I totally got this interrperation Hamlet's meaning wrong, sorry, I'm just a stupid American, what do I know from Shakespeare?):