I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

Well, it was an unhappy day.

I was awake until 5am coughing, then woken at 11am by someone upstairs shifting furniture about. Then I turned on the new computer to find it was messed up already--I think I'm just going to pay my friend and cut my losses...this doesn't seem to be meant to be any longer...a home computer, I mean. It saddens me, but I've had so very many losses, I think I'm just numb now.

So, I'm stuck here at work. My throat once again feels as if it is afire, and I know that my cough will start again tonight, as right lung feels a bit rubbish.

I'm stuck next to the two chav teens, who spend much of their time at work texting, checking their makeup and putting on lotion and doing their nails--and they both STINK of perfume..to the point that I have to hold my nose when they walk by.

And, the woman behind me, who talks like she's deaf (you know, deaf people have a tendency to SHOUT OUT LOUD when they're in normal conversation...actually, that seems to be the thing for this area, as my neighbour across the hall's sister is ALWAYS shouting no matter what the reason)..anyway, loud lady is also humming...tunelessly. Arrrgh. Like Chinese water torture, that...like those men that walk around the supermarket or shot, whistling loudly and very annoyingly. Or am I the only one who finds that annoying?

I have to pitch up and find all my spare change that's lying about tomorrow. I found a crumpled dollar in one of my jeans pockets. I'll spend it on a bus ride to the Price Chopper, which has a Coin-star machine, that counts your change and then spits out a receipt that you can cash at the supermarket till for dollar bills. I am low on TP and out of eggs amd I think I can scrape up maybe 5 or 6 dollars out of my loose change, perhaps more, who knows?

Well, back to work. My thoat feels like hell. this should be fun. Thank goodness I'm doing collections and not sales--collection is good, 'cos it's a short script and I don't have to talk as much, to pitch for a sale.

Okay, so the resolution on my computer is comepletely craped out, NOW, Firefox has crashed!

I think I'm going to go get ready for work and just skip the computer for the rest of the day. Screw this.

1. When was the last time you shaved
your legs?
About two weeks ago (what can I say, I need new razors, only the medical people ever see my legs and it's too cold for shorts or swimsuits, so..who cares?)

2. What were you doing this morning at
8am?
sleeping.

3. What did you have to eat today?

So far, a bowl of honey-nut tastee-o's serial with whole milk. And for dinner, breaded fish sticks with tartar sauce, buttered peas and sweet potato pancakes.

4. How many different beverages have
you drank today?

A cup of hot peppermint tea, and a can of diet orange soda.

5. What’s one thing you wish to change
about your self?

Less negativity, maybe?

6. What do you wish for?
I don't even bother with wishes anymore, but I'd like not to be trapped, I'd wish for a "normal" life--a career, some friends around me, getting to go out once or twice a month, that sort of thing.

7. When was the last time you got really hurt?

People have so often been naturally mean to me, so it's a come and go type of thing.

8. Any plans for Friday night?
No.

9. Something you are excited about?
Not today.

10. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Coffee

11. Describe your key-chains:
I use two key chains per set of keys, as a safety measure in case one breaks.

One is little medallian that has the name and official seal of my last college which I attended in Vermont, and an advert for the now-defunct Saratoga Equine Sports Center.

The other is a miniature metal Coldstream Guard in his scarlet uniform and bearskin hat, and a red telephone box.

12. What are you going to watch tonight?

Dr Who or a Thin Man film, probably, on my portable DVD player

_________________________________

Part III

Name 7 things in your bag/wallet/
pocket:
1. New York State driver's license
2. Southern Adirondack Library System library card
3. My card key to get into my office building downtown
4. My food stamp card
5. My Social Security card
6. My medicare insurance card
7. My prescription insurance card

Name 6 things you do when you’re
really stressed:
1. Lay in bed
2. cuddle the cats
3. blog
4. snack
5. cry
6. try to read to take my mind off of things
7. pace back and forth thinking of a solution for my stress

Name 5 favorite fruits:
1. Apples
2. tinned peaches
3. Oranges (sometimes)
4. pineapples (rarely)
5. wild strawberries (very rarely)

Name 3 things you are wearing right now
1. black stretch trousers
2. Lake George tee shirt
3. blue socks

Name 2 things hanging on the walls of the room you are in

1. my college diploma
2. an antique Victorian black and white lithograph of three white stallions known as "Pharoah's Horses" in a round antique wooden frame

Name one place you'd most like to be right now?

How 'bout in Cardiff looking at the Dr Who exhibit there?

I still--sort of, can write--but, everything being out of proportion, I can't use my whole screen.

Anyway, I had this meme saved in my hotmail. It's a three-parter, that I don't think I ever posted to this blog--if I'm wrong, sorry.

_________________________________________

1.Do you talk to yourself?
Yeah, but it's just thinking aloud...a bad habit I developed in my late teens, when hanging out in the woods--think it started as me talking to my dog, Shamrock, really. Now, I do it probably 'cos I'm alone so much...but I don't hear voices or anything, I swear! Somehow thinking aloud occasionally helps me to reason better, dunno' why.

2.Who do you think of the most when
you are alone?
Doctor Who. I'm kidding. I dunno', my friends, sometimes my late mum, or more rarely, my dad.

3. When it is a rainy night, what do
you do most of the time?
Listen to music, maybe blog or read or just look out the windows.

4.What do you do when you see a full
moon?
Admire it

5.Are you brand conscious?
Rarely, but that said, there are one or two brands I'm fond of...but definitely not for trendy reasons.

6.Things you spent a lot of your money
on?
Laundry, food, medical care, cab fare, pet stuff.

7.Is there anything that you are
craving for right now?
Yeah, a soft warm bed, a bottle of cough syrup and lots of sleep. Unfortunately, I have to leave for work in exactly an hour and a half.

8.Do you prank call people?
Not since I was around 10 or 11 years old..tho' as a telemarketer, I have to say there's some people I'd love to prank call, ha-ha.

9.Last person on your missed call list?
North Country Imaging.

10.What was the last text message you
received?
I don't do texting.

11.All-time favorite song?
Hard to say. I love lots of songs, but I don't have a one all-time fav, really, maybe Joy to the World by Three Dog Night? Or Rhymes and Reasons by John Denver, or (I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles or maybe Ashoken Farewell by Jay Unger?

12.High school you attended? Grammar School?
Guilderland Central
Menands Common (now Menands Elementary) School

13.Can you play snooker (pool)?
I've been fiddling with since I was in my early teens, but..meh--if it happens to go in a pocket it's mere chance. I used to sometimes go to the Lake George billiard pallor to mess about, a few years back, but stopped when some of the "men" there started snickering at me and making cutting remarks to my face.

14.Can you swim?
Erm--only on my back, does that count?

15.Would you rather swim in the lake
or dive in the ocean?
I've not swum in the ocean but once in my life, but grew up swimming in lakes, so definitely lakes.

16.Single or taken?
Old maid

17.Do you have a crush?
Nah, haven't had a crush in years and years.

18.Last celebrity crush?
Parker Stevenson back in the 70's,(tho' I sort of briefly had a thing for Richard Dean Anderson when he was playing MacGyver).

19.Happy with your life?
Erm--that would be a big fat no.

20.What’s in your mind now?

I suck.

The person on this other website I sometimes use, who told me (in light of my continuing computer woes) to "pray to Jesus" for a resolution, sure picked the wrong day to tell me that!

Until today, I believed in God. I didn't see him as some magic genie that could grant wishes if you only prayed hard enough and had faith. I saw Him as..well, I don't know exactly how I saw him in my late middle age, truth to tell. But, I realized a while back that praying was good for making you feel better, but...that's all. God--well, if there was a God, isn't some omnipotent fruit machine or a cape and tights wearing super-hero, for pity's sake.

I've decided not to waste my time or emotions believing in God any longer. I have no faith in some being that has put me into the world I'm living in. I put myself into this life I'm in, I'm stuck here, I am what I am, and that's that. No eternal being is out there in the..well, wherever omnipotent beings dwell, looking down on me.

I don't feel very good about myself today, and the last thing I need is for someone telling me I have to depend on some... mythical being to make my life better.

I don't know what to do. My computer is broken already. I can't get into add/remove programmes without a "hardware wizard" popping up, telling me to uninstall stuff or trouble shoot--and I don't have a clue what to do! I just don't.

My screen is ten times bigger than normal...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Someone on another website snidely told me to pray, but here and now I have decided that there can't possibly be a god, 'cos no almighty being can be this cruel.

40 percent chance of snow tomorrow--last I read, on Saturday, we were to get the snow Thursday, but it's already raining heavily out in the western part of New York, and the temperature is dropping and it's won't get into the mid-40's (7 C) even, on Wednesday.

Brrr! I do believe we northeasterner's are in for a long and very cold winter...last winter, the snow and cold lasted from just before Christmas, until mid-April...this year methinks it will be one of those winters like when I was wee, that lasted from mid-November to April. Maybe I should take a cab to the used sporting goods shop, and buy a used pair of snowshoes and harness, I used to be quite the snowshoer in my teens, ya'know. (Cos' dad was too cheap to buy me a set of cross-country skis and boots, so I could go skiing with my friends, truth to tell. I wound up snowshoeing through our woods and field with only our two dogs for company...still, it gave me a greater appreciatin of serenity...and a sprained ankle when snowshoes slipped on some ice as I was going down a ravine...do you KNOW how embarrassing it is to tell people you had a snowshoeing accident?)

Maybe I can look up my former classmate up Warrensburg way, whom, like Sarah Palin's hubby, ran the Iditarod dog sled race--(only my former classmate had run it half a dozen times), and borrow his sled dogs...MUSH you beautiful huskies you!

...and may never want to see him again, actually.

I've been reading the help and bug blogs...LOTS of bloggers are unhappy about losing all their widgets, and I'm sure it must be driving the guys over in Germany mad by now, trying to reassure us and fix things. I will say that this time they seem to be very responsive and if any of you haven't checked the help or bug blogs, BCUK says they will fix the problem today--hoo-ray! Thank you bcuk!

Oh, and tell them to bring the padded jacket and the truck, ey?

Here is is twenty past three in the morning, and I'm still blogging! Well, actually, I can't sleep 'cos I've just developed a dry cough that refuses to go away.

This darn cold has gone through so many stages...last night, it was my sinuses, tonight, I had a powerful sore throat again, and was sneezing..then, after walking home from work in the damp night air, the dry cough started for the first time...at least my congestion seems to be finally clearing...thank heavens! I was running out of tissues, ha-ha.

But, I'm tapped out until Friday, so I will just have to live with the cough until I can cash my cheque...thankfully there's a drug store in the supermarket, so I don't have to traispe all over town.

I've been sitting up blogging recipes, reading, poking fun at Mr. David Tennant...anything to take my mind off of coughing...it's sort of working. When I sit up in bed, the minute I close my eyes, it seems I get this subconcious urge to hack away...but then if I read a book, or blog or something, I cough a lot less. Mind over matter, ha-ha.

I'm working on my new Dr Who story, and messing about with one I started back in early summer. I may post a chapter when and if I manage to get one completed. Right now it's mostly cobbled together notes...I had a chapter started on paper, but...gah! Boring! Too much exposition...I firmly believe that a good Dr Who story...or western or adventure or whatever, should start off with a bang...ideally, grab the reader from the first page--I mean, that's how I decide if i want to read a book, lots of times--not always, but say, if I'm browsing the stacks at the library or books store, if I am pulled in by the first few paragraphs of that first chapter, then I know that 8 times out of ten, I'll enjoy the book. Also, in that same vein, I think nearly every chapter should end on some kind of cliff-hanger, something to drive you or your readers to turning that page to the next chapter. I try to write my Who-fic like that...sometimes...more often than I would comfortably admit, I don't quite manage it, but that's why I'm a blogger and a fan-fiction writer and a really horrid playwright, and don't write for a living..it don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that swing...and talent, one mustn't forget that...and a 4 or 8 year college education in English grammar and writing skills doesn't hurt, as well...and I never quite managed that...as Agent 86, Maxwell Smart (Get Smart TV show) used to say..."missed it by THAT much."

Here we see David Tennant sporting his new walking toadstool look, as he recites "I'm a little teapot" for his friends...of course he adds that the spout on HIS kettle is in reality, quite large...

Some pics of October in my part of the planet...enjoy:

MY FAVOURITE KIND OF ROAD:

ONE OF THE DAIRIES THAT SUPPLIES CREAM TO BEN AND JERRY'S, WHOSE ICE CREAM PLANT IS JUST ACROSS THE BORDER IN VERMONT'S "NORTHEAST KINGDOM."

THIS WAS TAKEN ABOUT 20 MILES FROM WHERE MY SISTER LIVES, IN SOUTHERN VERMONT

Gosh, I do miss living in the country sometimes.

So, I've got Windows 2000...and it absolutely will not play DVD's. Oh, I can LISTEN to the DVD's, I just can't watch them...I had WinDVD 4 that came with the computer, and Windows Media Player--I tried to install RealPlayer 7 but it was way too small (1 inch screen???) and didn't want to work, either.

Any suggestions? Or, does Windows 2000 just not play DVD's? I don't know anything. I've been using Windows XP for years, so this is all new to me.

Thought I'd celebrate having a computer back, with a meme--don't think I've ever seen this one.

Do you eat a lot of fast food?
I adore fast-food, I grew up on it: White Tower hamburgers, Carroll's, McDonald's, Burger King, Hoffman's snack bar, New Way Lunch on Congress street in Troy, NY, Hot Dog Charlies, Ted's Fish Fry, Galligher's Fish Fry, Arthur Treacher's Fish & Chips, A&W drive-in, Mr B's Best, Mike's Neba Sub and Roast beef, pizza joints, KFC, Mid-City Woolworth's soda fountain..well, you get the picture.

How many people have you kissed in 2008?
A total sum of zero. I do give a my cats a quick peck on the head sometimes, though...those furballs can be a bit of a bother, however.

Have you ever streaked?
Erm--not on purpose. (Don't ask)

Are you an understanding person?
I'd like to think so, I try anyway.

What was the last movie you saw in the cinema?
Passenger 57

What did you last get upset about?
I only got $33 in my pay check this Friday (due to my being too ill to work), and someone stole my change purse with my last $10 in it--that made me cry, that did (not in public, though).

Do you eat sweets on a daily basis?
I can't, I'm a diabetic...just once or twice a week, if even that. I had my last Starbucks frozen frappachino bar last night, that I've been hoarding for weeks.

Does it make you happy to get letters?
Oh yes, I love it! Mind you, that only happens about three or four times a year, if at all, so it is a pretty special occasion anyway. Mostly all I get is junk mail and lots and lots of bills.

Who was the last person to text you?
No one's ever texted me...there's no one to text me..and, well, texting costs extra...and I don't have a clue how to text, anyway.

What are you looking forward to this summer?
Summer's gone--and I'd hoped to get out more and do things as I was too ill and too broke to do anything last year, but only sort of got my wish..I went swimming once, and played crazy golf once, and rode the trolley for some soft ice cream at the lake front a few times.

Who was the last person you ate with?
The Thanksgiving holiday after I moved in, Nov. of 2006, I ate at the community dinner at the Presbyterian church a couple of streets down from me. I may have eaten with some co-workers in the lunch room, but that doesn't really count, cos there's no where else to eat, so it wasn't by choice.

Do raisins belong in cookies?
Oatmeal cookies, most definitely.

Walking into a party, what's the first thing you notice?
I haven't been to a party in years and years, so I don't remember. I probably guess I'd look for some familiar or at least friendly, faces.

Kiss on the first date?
Stopped dating in 1997, but...probably not..unless we REALLY hit it off, then I reckon a peck on the cheek would be okay--but, I've never been kissed so I don't know.

Would you rather have chicken or steak?
Steak...chicken is cheap and steak is a treat for me.

What's one thing you've learned from a relationship gone bad?
I've never had a relationship, I'm an old maid.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I don't remember. The cats, I guess. I've not had a camera in years.

Would you ever donate blood?
I am not allowed to, as I have chronic anemia...I used to, though, as I have a rare blood type.

Have you ever felt replaced?
I've been replaced, sure. I used to be a crackerjack file clerk and a pretty good receptionist, but now everything is software this and software that, and I'm useless.

Are there deerheads covering any walls in your house?
I only live in redneck land, I haven't regressed that far yet.

Have you ever been asked out?
That would be a no.

Are you good at telling jokes?
I suck like a Hoover

Have you ever driven without a license?
Nope

Do you wish you had smaller feet?
Well, sometimes--I wear the most common size shoe, so it's hard to find a pair when there's sales on.

When ordering sushi, what do you get?
I would rather eat leaves and twigs than sushi

Do you write in cursive or in print?
I have DCD and two misshapen fingers, so I am physically unable to write cursive, so I have to print always.

Who was the last person you sat next to?
A co-worker named Walter

What were you doing at 10 am?
Waiting for the postman or washing dishes.

Are you different now than you were six months ago?
Nope, still a loser in Glens frickin' Falls.

What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Not a clue

How old will you be in 10 months?
48

Do you think you'll be married by then?

Only if there's a shotgun involved.

Was yesterday better than today?
Yes, I got the new hard drive my friend sent to me, bless her, and I'm back online again, doing these stupid meme's.

What month is your birthday in?
October

Can you live a day without tv?
I haven't had television since 2005.

When was the last time you saw your dad?
About 11am in the morning, December the 30th, 2003, about three hours before my departure to Egypt, that was the last time I ever saw dad alive.

How many pets do you have?
Three cats.

Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Socks in fall-winter, bare feet spring-summer

Available?
I suppose, but...who the hell would be stupid enough, or desperate enough to want me???

What is your favorite colour?
I lean towards royal or navy blue, but also go for brown or burgundy

What are you doing for your next birthday?
Sticking a frozen Hawaiian pizza in the oven, watching Dr Who on YouTube and blogging.

Do you like coffee?
I'm picky about my coffee, really depends on the brand--favour Green Mountain and Paul DeLima coffees.

Do you like iced tea?
Yes, if it's sweet but not overly so.

What are you listening to?
The New Pornographers "Electric Version."

Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
I prefer sleeping on my left side, but usually have to sleep on my right, 'cos of an old hip injury.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I would be pretty enough for people to like me more--and I would have sit up straighter as a kid, like mum bagered me to, so I wouldn't be so stoop shouldered now.

Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, but only play either on the computer, or for pennies or matchsticks.

What are you thinking about right now?
God, my throat hurts, wonder if I have any throat drops left?

Any plans for next weekend?
Pay the other half of the electric bill and shop for cat food and the usual basics on Friday, work Saturday, do housework and relax on Sunday.

What were you doing at 12 last night?
sleeping

Do you smile a lot?
I've got crap teeth, and not much to smile about, but I like a good laugh though.

Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?
I had a life-threatening illness last year, but other then nearly winding up in a wheel chair after that horse ran over me, thankfully most of injuries have been relatively minor.

Do you like flying or driving?
I enjoy driving a great deal--but I like flying too, especially in a small plane, that's very cool.

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
toss up between books, Dr Who, and anything horsey.

Do you wear any jewelry daily?
Sometimes my necklace, a filigree silver heart with a round blue shell in the centre, either that or the antique horse bridle ornament, that was made into a pin. Those are the only two pieces of jewelry I wear on a semi-regular basis.

Who got you the jewelry you are currently wearing?
Mum. The necklace I got as a surprise gift--just because, and the pin was the last birthday gift I got from her, for my 44th birthday.

Who is the funniest person you know?
I really don't know anyone funny, though there's a guy named Chuck at work, that sometimes makes me laugh.

How often do you remember your dreams?
pretty often, I guess, at least for the first few minutes after I wake.

What is your ringtone?
Can't afford a ringtone, but if I did, it'd be the Dr Who theme or the Magnificent Seven theme.

Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?
Whole or semi-skimmed

Are you mad about anything?
Sarah f'in Palin and all her little bigoted, intellectually limited and culturally stifled friends

What time did you go to sleep last night?
About 11.30

Where did you last sleep besides your own bed?
In a hospital room at Glens Falls Hospital a while back.

I've not been able to write my thoughts down in a while, and that is hard. I guess one of the most human things about us, it our thoughts. Animals think to an extent, but only on the most basic level--the same I suppose, as any human infant perhaps.

Americans as a whole, in this day and age, are not taught to think abstractly--at least, not at most state-funded schools. It is not until one steps through the portals of a college or university, usually, that one is challenged to go outside oneself, to turn inward with one's thoughts, and outward with one's eyes and soul. American schools are set up for students to pass. That's it. Pass the tests, get passing grades, show basic knowledge of the principals one is taught, and your in the gravy. Master computer software and you have it made--but abstract thinking? Not a salable commodity in America, any longer.

An American, two centuries ago, made his or her own tools and clothing, grew the food they ate, built their barns and pasture fences and homes themselves...and they did it with pride, and imagination and flare! Those old-time pioneer women, they had to do with hard-packed dirt floors, until the wood planks for their homes that hubby had cut and fashioned, has seasoned outdoors enough, to be put down. (Fresh cut, or "green" wood--whether for indoor use or firewood, must be left to dry out, before it can be used.) So, what did these women do? They took sharp stick, and etched out patterns on their floors, so simulate the fanciful patterns of a carpet. Before there were those now familiar weather vanes on the tops of buildings as we have now (we even had one on the cupola on top of our garage, when I was wee), farmers often fashioned hay cocks---figures made of straw, resembling birds, animals and even the head of George Washington, to tell them which way the wind was blowing.

These people toiled from dark to dark--often working by moonlight, as their eyesight was better than ours, due to them being used to the dim light of candles---yet, they found time to read. These rough and ready folks read newspapers, classic literature, poetry and the bible. They thought nothing of walking or riding ten or twenty, or even thirty miles, just to hear a politician, minister or other educated man, lecture on some popular subject...and they considered it an honour to hear him speak. A man who did not know his politics and at least some poetry, was not well thought of, and even those who could not read, learned by listening and asking questions.

Today? Well, many Americans can't even walk through a Wal-marts without looking like a zombie...totally unaware of his or her surroundings. They'll walk up to a snack bar, look right at the beverage menu on the wall, then ask, "what kind of soda do you got?" They're told that Obama is a terrorist, and believe it. They're told that there's WMD's in Iraq, and believe it. They're told that they only way to keep their country safe, it by hating and making war on, anyone different from themselves.

More and more every year, Americans are spoon-fed what to know, what to think, how to behave, how to look and all that...and they like it that way...cos thinking takes effort. Thinking is SCARY. Thinking and asking questions, and seeing the whole picture--or conversely, seeing a minute and intimate portrait of the whole picture...well, it can be upsetting. It can make you angry. It can make you feel small and helpless sometimes--which in itself is a mistake, if nothing else, than thinking makes you stronger, not weaker..even though it can be difficult seeing an injustice, seeing through lies and propaganda, and knowing that millions of others believe the propaganda.

I used to wonder how the Germans and the Russians and the Chinese let things get so out of control--with the unjust imprisonment of innocents, and the mass murders and the extreme hate towards those who do not fall into the party mould. But now, since 9/11, I see the hate that has been pushed and pushed into the country's thinking, the extreme--bordering mindless--patriotism, the literally dumbing down of a once-great nation with hate and petty meaness and isolationism, selfishness and greed...and I could weep with the shame of it all.