I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

Well, that's it then. I'm done. Now the computer is refusing to let me download or start any software that might get rid of this bug.

It's freezing constantly, and often won't let me start or turn off my computer properly.

I don't know who put this crap on my computer, but knowing there's human rubbish like that out there, really makes it hard for me to have good feelings about the human race, some days.

The thought of being not only physically alone, but now also without the connection of words on a page, is like how a prisoner must have felt, hearing himself being condemned to hang. That's a pretty good analogy, 'cos that really is how I feel, right now.

Last night, I could run my Realplayer, now I can't do that, even. Just now, I put my card game programme up...and it did run normally, but when I closed it---there was no longer any "start" button or bottom toolbar on my monitor. They vanished.

I don't like quitting but I supppose this is just a lost cause. I wish I were someone else, somewhere else. You have no idea how awful I feel right now. The prison walls that are my life, just got that much smaller. I'm about to be shoved into solitary confinement. Life sucks, and then if you're really lukcy, you just die already.

To make me feel better about myself, Is a complete makeover by Carson Kressley of Queer Eye.

I may not be a guy, I may not be gay, but you have to admit I can be a very queer egg, at times.

Okay, I'd be way too poor, rustic, fat, ugly and uncool for even him to makeover, but I'd probably be his first virgin.

While I haven't completely given up the ghost yet, it's looking rather bleak, as far as my computer is concerned.

I've a feeling it's on the verge of crashing. And once it's gone, it's gone forever. There'll be no getting a new one. Not ever. Not unless the impossible happens, and I suddenly become rich....which is not on life's agenda, alas. I'm living at the poverty level, and will likely die at or below poverty level. That's just the way things are.

So, if you want to write me the old fashioned way, I suggest you put in a request for my address as soon as possible. I won't have access to my e-mails once this computer is gone. I won't have much computer time at work like before, either.

If you send me a message on this blog, I'll answer. I won't promise to give out my addresss to anyone who asks--I would have to know you, before I do that, I won't give it out to someone who I don't know anything about, that wouldn't be very safe, I don't guess. But, as long as we've "talked" before, you're fine.

I've got two or more things to try, but it's looking grim. My computer is getting harder and harder to start and make function. I can no longer do a system restore--that's gone, just like my ability to listen to audio on the 'net.

This Generic32 error, the loss of my radio/youtube, and everything else, is killing me. It's got me so distraught, I don't want to be alone again. And, that's what being without a computer is for me: a condemnation to days and weeks and months completely alone. With little or no communcation with anyone.

If there was a devil, I really would sell my soul to him, just to get me the hell out of this life. That's how rotten this is making me feel.

So, I got a snarly e-mail about one of my posts in the Roasting David (Tennant) group. Seems I'm being targeted by DT fan-girls...yikes. After the actor was stalked by some nutjob in Stafford Upon Avon earlier this year (sending him sketches of the two of them having sex in the Tardis, telling everyone she left her hubby for DT, moving into an apartment across from the Courtyard Theatre, and writing Hamlet-based fan-fiction, where he's the Doctor/Hamlet, and she's Orphelia...)

And...I think I'm getting the overflow of these types of "fans."

Well, here's the post I did on Roasting David (Tennant) that seems to have sparked these...strange...reactions:

It is being speculated, that actor David Tennant, didn't get his--erm--"sexy" look from out of nowhere, but in fact has copied his trademark hairstyle and pop-eyed excited expression from his favourite cartoon character, as seen above.

Here's the e-mail response: (I assume they're getting my address from my profile, so I'm thinking of changing that.)

"How David chooses to dress and wear his hair is none of your f_cking buisness! If you don't like the way David looks, then maybe you should not look at him. We all think he's fit and gorgeous, so f_ck off!"

Mind you, it might not be from a fan-girl, maybe David Tennant's got a really big ego, to go along with his really crap haircut. Oh, did I say "crap" I meant "cool", no, really....what are you doing standing outside my shower stall, young lady? Put that knife down...

(incidentally, neither of these..fans...gave a real e-mail address...both came back as "undeliverable.")

And here's what "MAZ" wrote on my group comments:

"To be honest, I don't think so; I mean I think part of his dress sense and style is inspired Jamie Oliver. Yeah, once you've finished laughing I'll explain...Okay, well the 10th Doctor's appearence is a tight suit and converse, on the Parkinson show David explains that the Doctor Who crew where trying to come up with the new style of the doctor, they then turned the TV on and Jamie Oliver was on the Parkinson show dresses in a tight suit and a pair of converse. And i think that David's style is baised on the Doctor's. And as for his hair, he's always had his hair jelled up; for instance in Blackpool, his hair was jelled up and that was in 2004 and before that in less popular shoes. His hair was jelled up in a panto in 1999 before Mat Growing even invented Futurama.

And if that still hasn't changed your mind, no one really comes up with their own style. It is always inspired by different styles of different people to make their own - like fashion."

A whole two dollars and six cents!

Medicare reimbursment.

That's about one pound, three pence, I think, in the UK.

Well, that's bus fare to and from someplace, at any rate.

Firefox has screwed up ALL my plug in's--I've tried updating them, re-installing them, EVERYTHING!

I installed Firefox 3.1 Wednesday, and out the window when ALL my ability to play radio and/or Youtube. No more audio on the internet!

I got disgusted and switched to Opera, but STILL have no audio at all.

And, Firefox DENIES any responsibility for this, telling me to go complain to Realplayer, etc... the

I'm going to complain alright--to the New York State Attorney General's Office! Albeit, nothing will probably happen, but these internet people need to be held more accountable for the screw-ups, and the only way that will happen is if enough people tell the government about it.

And please, don't say something I HATE hearing, like "MINE WORKS FINE. That's nice, but is that really helpful in this type of situation?

Sorry, but that's a pet peeve of mine. I cannot tell you how much it really really IRKS me, when I or someone else has a problem, and there's always a person who pipes ups and says, "Well, mine works just fine..." Yeah, that's NOT helpful, okay? It's just...terribly annoying.

So, there's nothing wrong with the plug in's themselves, but somehow Firefox 3.1 has cocked up my internet, to the point where it doesn't recognize the plug ins.

And, I still have this Windows Generic 32 service error popping up, and MS is still refusing to let me use the fix, telling me that I don't have IE 5 or later, when I did in fact install it yesterday!

I am so diheartened and discouraged, that I would love to just go jump in the lake and never come out again...I won't of course. I'll go cash my check and do my shopping and all that other crap, and just be flipping depressed and hate my life. This is never going to end. My life is going to be just one f_ck up after another, with no way out, till the day I die.

God, I never really cared about wealth or stuff like that before, but by God, I would sell my soul to the devil for wealth right now...I could get the hell out of this situation...or at the very least, pay someone to fix my flippin' computer....stupid, I suppose, wanting that which one can never have. I've given up on love, my dreams, my future, now I'm about to give up on blogging, writing, Dr Who, everthing. I'm tired. I'm just very, very tired.

Well, it's my day off, but not my day off...have to go pick up my pay check, cash it, pay my National Grid bill, do some quick shopping, come home and do some more things, then go to the laundromat early in the evening. Typical day off, really.

Gawd, I could use a holday--not going to get one, mind you. The only holidays I get are when I'm too sick or injured to work. But, at least I get two days a week off, now. Not together any longer, but even so, at least I'm not working 6 or 7 days, and no split shifts--both day and night shifts--5 hours on, couple hours off, then four hours on, like I was before. So, I guess it's churlish of me to complain.

Well, sitting here isn't getting the sheep sheared. Hope you all have a good Friday--overcast and chilly, on my side of the pond. Looks like a rainy day ahead, later. Cheers.

I'm pleased to say that most DT fan-girls I know, tho' a bit more enthusiastic about the actor than myself, are very nice young ladies and women.

But some of them...ai-yi-yi! Carumba!!!

I just was checking out my Roasting David Tennant group--which has right on top of the page, the (what I thought was obvious) fact, that this was a humour group, that its sole purpose was to (in a lighthearted, totally non-malicious manner) poke fun at Tennant's sexy image, and other things.

But, someone named "Maz" posted two minor diatribes about how SHE viewed Tennant.... under two FAKE posts that I wrote. Wow. Fake, as in I just made them up, imaginary, not real, PRETEND.

The woman--or man, I suppose, didn't even bother reading what the group was about, before launching into a railing defense for her/his "hero."

Jaysus!!!!

David Tennant fans---and I know this may sound ironic, coming from a manic-depressive, but you kids really, seriously, need to get some therapy.

I like the man, think he's one of the better actors out there today, but....get a grip, girls. Learn to differentiate between humour and reality--or at least, learn to THINK! This may come as a shock to you, but there is a whole world out there, outside of David Tennant. Wow, man...and I thought I was a bit freaky...

Sheesh!

Well, matey's a scan found over 700 infected files. I ran two more scans (three different scans altogether), and the last two came up clean. And, that stupid pop-up that was freezing and freaking out my computer seems to have stopped.

Weather this is just temporary, or permanent, we'll see tomorrow, I suppose. I still have no audio. I shall try installing quicktime and see if that helps. Apparently it IS an issue with some installations of Firefox--Firefox no longer recognizes my Realplayer plug in---it USED to, but I've been through FF Vers. 3.1, 3.0, and 2.16, and still have no audio on Youtube and Pandora, nor do I have it on BBC or Virgin radio. My speakers work fine. I can play CD's and DVD's...(I'd lost my ability to play DVD's on my computer back in December, but found a fix just a couple of months ago, and now it's working again...maybe that will happen with this problem, who knows?)

I wrote a few more lines in my play, preparing to introduce the third character. Haven't had dinner--filled up on ice cream, I suppose, and now I'm debating whether to bother or not. It's late, so I think I might settle for some cheddar-flavoured cheese-in-a-can, squirted onto a slice of onion-rye toast, and a glass of cranberry juice.

Or, maybe I'll just go to bed, I'm wrung out and quite sleepy, besides. Have a good Friday all--it's my day off from now on, so I get to sleep in tomorrow, whoo-hoo! Well, probably only an extra hour, but even that's a treat, as far as I'm concerned.

In typical fashion, there's a 70% chance of violent thunderstorms tomorrow. Oh well. Tomorrow, I've housework, bill paying, shopping and laundry on the agenda. That's another reason I hopped it to Lake George tonight...the only R & R I'm going to get this week...summer's flying by, and I've hardly done a darn thing! I was going to go to the amusement park, and go for a carriage ride, and play crazy golf, and haven't done anything of the sort...just an old stick in the mud, that's me.

That's right! Now, with no money down, and as little as 1,00042,654 Interstellar Credits a month--or 50 Pence if you're from Scotland, you can own your very own time traveling machine!

Three models to choose from! (See below)

To test-drive a Tardis today, contact Murry at the snooker table, in the rear of the Cock and Bull Pub, after the footie match on Sundays.

So, it's nearly half-past 9pm...2100, I think that is? Heaven only knows when my computer will freeze up again and become nothing more than a very heavy paperweight for my desk.

It's even making it hard for me to use my Realplayer or MS Word programme, as sometimes, besides freezing the entire computer to a standstill, also, the tool bar with my START button disappears! Meaning I can't diddle with any plays, poetry or Dr Who fiction, nor can I use my Realplayer to watch some of my DVD's (that won't play on my portable DVD player...including quite a few Dr Who DVD's, and one of my CD's). Nor will I be able to play any card games, either.

Bummer.

I'd planned on diddling around with my latest play tonight, before bedtime, but I guess that's not an option, now.

This stupid "program error" Generic whatever windows error notice is driving me NUTS! And, what's worse, apparently it can't be gotten rid of...and of course, Microsoft is worthless at helping you. All I keep getting from them, is a message that they'll e-mail me in 24 hurs--that was over 24 hours ago, mind you!

So, without a functioning computer, this is my life:

No e-mails or PM's from friends, no reading online newspapers, magazines and books, no surfing the net, no reading my friend's blogs, no blogging, no watching Dr Who, no playwrighting (no big loss there), no cribbage, gin rummy, euchre or poker. No radio, no Youtube. Just me, my same old books, and the three cats for entertainment. It really does suck to be me.

I took the little red trolley bus to the lake, bought an ice cream, sat on the concrete wall along the boardwalk, watching the sunset, the big cruise boats coming and going, the carriage horses trotting by, the tourists and their families. There were three lady ducks swimming beneath my feet, moooching for a bit of my cone. I obliged. One was rather bossy, and I think that was the "matron," the other two were smaller, and one especially caught my eye, she was a bit cheeky.

I sat near the little fireworks barge--a converted WWII US beach landing craft, that had actually seen action. Now it sees far different, much more benevolent explosions, of course. I don't know...I found watching the three guys packing and setting up the fireworks much more interesting than watching fireworks. Am I firework jaded? I didn't stay to watch. I had my ice cream, admired the view and the sunset...and the lady ducks--wonder where their drake got himself off to? Usually the guy ducks are very protective of their little harems.

Still upset about the computer. I am feeling really sorry for myself tonight.

I meant what I said about repelling people---the bus was packed with people going back to their motels after a day at Six Flags amusement park, and also of course, people taking their families to see the fireworks. Yet, I sat alone for most of the trip, people choose to stand rather than sit next to me....and it's been a lifelong phenomona with me. I really do give off something (yes, I showered and used deodorant today)...negative body language? My ugliness? My attire? I don't know. I'm not afraid to talk to strangers, but strangers seem often times, to be wary of talking to me. So, why bother? As much as it hurts on some occaisions, I know in my heart of hearts that I truly am meant to be alone.