I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

put a widget in your header? BCUK for some reason, has decided NOT to explain anything with their "wizard, but have left it up to those of us who aren't computer nerds to figure out for ourselves...well...I'm not. I DO NOT see how or where I am supposed to get my widgets into my header---is this supposed to be a secret?

Also, what's with the yellow type on a white blog? Is there any way to change that...seems dumb putting yellow type on a white background...no one can see it..might as well be blinking invisible...grumble, grouch, moan...I hate computer stuff....

Now that I'm backing away from Doctor Who, I realize that I desperately will need something to take its place. But what?

I don't live in the country any longer, so there's no place for me to go. I'm NOT a city person...the idea of wasting my life away in some dull tavern, listening to a bunch of loud, drunks trying to be heard over some sporting event, blaring from an equally loud big-screen television, just isn't my idea of fun. We don't have pub quizzes here..just...dunks and loud music and/or tele. Ah well, pubs are mostly pretty boring when your on your own--and don't drink-- anyway, let's face it.

About as much fun as sun-bathing...which I will NEVER get the point of, I don't suppose. How can just lying in a chair all day doing zilch, baking like an un-jacketed potato, be fun? Beyond me.

Without a car--more importantly, without money to spend, I can't go anywhere, really.

I could pick up writing plays again...but my plays are even more horrible than my Doctor Who stories.

Got books? Oh yes, I have over 150 of them in my home library...classics, mysteries, westerns, a few sci-fi and fantasy, one or two modern novels, some non fiction in the way of history, horses, plays, poetry and odds and ends of various sorts....but I've read and re-read the over three quarters of them, in several cases literally over a dozen times.

Dunno'. I have to find something to replace Doctor Who, but I'm absolutely stymied. Without cash, a car, any mates or belonging to something (can't afford membership fees, and many groups around here are intolerably snobby towards us chav-types).

I could start going back to church...the Presbyterian church is literally right within sight of me...yet, chruch--next to being in hospital, is such a lonely place for me, since I've been on my own. It was nice, years ago, when I still had friends and family around me...but on my own...feel so lost and alone, inside the church.

So...I don't know. I'm not giving up Doctor Who--but I've been engrossed in it, literally every single day for the past 2 plus years...it's been a wonderful ride, but I've come to the startling revelation that I need to get off, and stretch my legs in another direction for a bit.

I just don't know where. I'm standing on life's street corner, waiting for a bus that isn't coming by.

Ugh--work is rough today. Got the usual "f_ck off, bye!" a bit ago.

I couldn't eat much this morning, and now I'm feeling it. Had a Glucerna bar to tide me over until 5pm, when I can make dinner.

Didn't have my steak dinner last night--or any dinner. Even when I'm hungry, I don't want to eat. Well, that's one way to lose weight, I suppose. I'll try and have the steak tonight. Should be hungry enough to eat it.

Made only one sale so far...gah--the day is draaaaggging! Is it 4pm yet?

I think Flame is hungry. She just started chewing on my finger. Better go check her food dish, ey?

I was amazed at the selfish rude behaviour from otherwise "normal" human beings, yesterday.

The shop where I bought my groceries was closing early for the holiday...to allow employees to go home and enjoy the rest of the day with their families...and rightly so.

Yet, there was these well-dressed, intelligent seeming people, insisting that THEY should let them in the door, because they only have a few things they need...yeah, and if these "few" things are so important to them...why did they wait all day to go shopping? I mean, some of these customers got so incensed because the shop was being shut. It's a national holiday! No one wants to consider, that these people who've come in on a holiday to serve them, and who've worked hard all day, would like to go home and enjoy the holiday themselves.

We humans are a bunch of selfish prats sometimes, are we not?

"Aye, I'm such a manly Scottish sex-machine, I'm even sexy when I pick ma'nose."

I'm not upset about the regeneration, I'm upset that Tennant basically lied, and that Davies felt the need to go out with a "bang" by pulling this cheezy stunt.

I'm not quitting the show, I'm just not going to be so...enthusiastic about it. And, the way I let myself get upset about it, really unsettled me. I let Russell's little stunt upset me terribly--at a time when that's the last thing I need, with the possibility of dealing with a potentially fatal illness hanging over my head, and, always...the threat of homelessness lurking in the dark recesses of my life as well.

The fact that, with all these serious, life-changing issues continually hanging over my head 24/7, I let some television programme rattle my cage. Now, yes, Doctor Who saw me through some very bad times--but at the end of the day...it's just a TV show. I let a TV show disturb me and make me cry--and, I have to tell you, that really bothers me a lot more than the Doctor's regeneration.

So, so what if Tennant is gone? Don't let the door hit you on the way out, boy. He's a splendid actor, and possibly the best actor to ever perform the character, but...life goes on.

I don't want to write Who fan-fiction any longer. It's suddenly become pointless to me. I'm not going to cut the programme out of my life forever...just halve my enjoyment a little, and try to find other things to occupy me.

Fact is, I could care less if Tennant regenerates or not. Who cares? Regeneration is part of the programme...I just wish they'd not been so underhanded about it. The underlying message I got from Davies after episode 12, is that my 25 years of genuine love for the programme is really rubbish, at the end of the day. It counts for nothing with these people. It is worthless. I already feel pretty damn worthless...now the one bright spot in my life has made me feel even more so...time to get rid of it then. He just wrote this because he wanted to flip us the bird and scandalize us, he didn't give a damn who he hurt.

What do you do, when someone genuinely hurts you? You WALK AWAY. And, like Martha Jones, this is me, walking away...and, like Martha Jones, I may be back. A separation, not a divorce.

I will probably be deleting my new Dr Who fiction wordpress blog some time this week, when I can find the time. Writing fan-fic, like watching Who DVD's, helped me through some really bad times--it's not always easy being physcially alone every day, with no one but the cats to talk to, and these things helped me through it. It was something to hold on to, but now it's time to let it go.

So, I decided that it's not worth caring about Doctor Who, if it's gonna' upset me like this. That's the bottom line. I'm turning in my anorak.

Well, I'm here. Sort of.

I'm so bleary eyed I literally can hardly see the screen, so pardon any typos.

Have to work today, plunging into the depths of telemarketer's hell, as I ring people up to try and sell them stuff they mostly don't want, on a holiday weekend. Fun-fun-fun. This is where my acting skills come in people, as I sound warm and friendly when I really just want these rude, obnoxious people to go climb a tree. (I'm being polite.)

Anyway, not as tired as I was, but still sick...rough night. More tests probably next week. Gah--they've been testing me for over a year now, and they STILL haven't a clue...but then, the only time I see an actual REAL doctor, is when I go into the ER. These little doctor juniors, the PA's are rubbish. I always am happier when I get a nurse. The nurses are traditionally more on the ball that these "physician's assistants." My PA STILL hasn't gotten back to me about what the hell I'm supposed to do about my Procrit injuections.

Here I have these little vials of liquid medicine...which incidentally, cost over $500 dollars just for one prescription bottle containing roughly 6 doses (which medicare paid most of the tab for, thank god), And I CAN'T take them, because I don't have a needle (thank goodness for that, 'cos I HATE sticking myself with needles...worst part of being diabetic isn't the illness, it's having to stick myself in the bloody finger all the time, when I need to test my blood sugar--ugh! I'm getting used to it, but I really, really don't like it--I'm such a big baby when it comes to needles.)

Anyway, I can't give myself these shots, and, it turns out, except for an emergency situation...like I had two weeks ago, THEY aren't allowed to give me the shot, either! What's with that? I know Procrit can be harmful if not carefully monitored, but these are medical professionals, for pity's sake. Well, my PA was supposed to call me to tell me what to do...not happened yet. In fact, she usually contacts me throrough the post! She might try to reach me once, but she NEVER tries to ring me back...and when I try to call her, neither she, the nurse or anyone else, is ever available....so, I have this little bottle of $500+ worth of medicine, sitting in my 'fridge gathering mold. American health care sucks.

Nice firework's show last night...well, what I could see of it...there sort of was this big tree in the way...but, what I could see through the leaves looked nice...and even tho' the park's an eighth of a mile away, I could even make out the symphony music, when no cars were passing by. Judging by the way I'm feeling today, it's just as well I didn't go out last night, I think. I try not to think about kidney failure, but hell, after watching mum go through it, up close and very personal, for years, it's impossible not to.

Actually, I think I could deal with that, far better than anything else, I suppose...it's this NOT knowing, that's getting to me. They keep fussing over my heart (due to the potential for congestive heart failure), but my heart's proved to be fine. I just wish I could feel well again, and not be so tired and weak, all the time, to the point that just a trip to the shop or laundromat, exhausts me. I really dread working today, 'cos I know how knackered I'll be by late this afternoon...but I desperately need the funds my job brings in, so it's not like I really have a choice.

Well, not a cheery post this morning, is it? I have to go eat something..last thing in the world I want to do, though. My appetite is so gone, it's a wonder I've not dropped a stone or two. Only lost 1 pound, though. I wouldn't want to lose too much weight (or gain it), 'cos then my clothes wouldn't fit, and then I'd really be up poo creek without a canoe.

At least the weather's still nice. Loads of foreign tourists from New York City and New Jersey up here this weekends...mostly Latinos and Indians, with a few Russians and Japanese thrown in for good measure. Makes a change from the usual people you see 'round these parts.

Some of these tourists are rather rude, tho'. Watched some poshly dressed lady chewing out the poor till clerk, 'cos she didn't get that you were required (at this particular shop) to either supply your own shopping bags, or buy them from the shop. Poor clerk was only doing her job, but this woman was actually screeching at her, because she was too cheap to pay 10 cents for a bag! I mean, really! The woman can afford to go on holiday, but fusses over 10 cents for a shopping bag? Whoa, man. Sometimes people are a head trip, aren't they?

So, have a good day, all. I'm off in a bit. Cheers.

I've just come to the conclusion that I will not be finishing Dark Holiday, after all. In fact, I've decided never to write fan fiction again.

I'm tired and fed up, and...this whole Doctor Who thing was a good thing, for the last two years...at times it literally gave me something to live for. Geez, does that sound as pathetic as I think it does?

Anyway, I was going to push myself to finish this final story...but...the glow is gone.

I don't hate Doctor Who, I don't think that's possible. But...I am grossly disappointed in it, and in the people who are involved in it, for pulling this stupid stunt.

I mean, what's next, another "Dallas," where the Doctor will wake up to find all of Series 4 was just a dream? After Stolen Earth, I wouldn't put it past Davies to do such a moronic stunt just for kicks.

Personally, I've read better fan fiction, than what Davies cranked out of episode 12...Some of it just wasn't really needed...like bringing back Harriet Jones--it was nice to see her, but we really didn't need to resolve her character, did we? Or, maybe we did--I don't know any longer.

Doctor Who used to be so dependable, an old and trusted friend...now, it's become a stranger to me. I feel that while a complete divorce wouldn't be right for me, a definite separation is required...a little space.

So, I'm quitting fan-fiction.

I haven't decided whether or not to delete my two wordpress blogs (nbgwho.wordpress.com and davidtennantsdoctor.wordpress.com), but that decision can wait for a few days--I don't exactly get a lot of traffic to that blog, anyway...if fact no traffic at all today, so I don't suppose the world will stop turning if I dump my fan-fic stories.

I was just reading a blurb about how David Tennant has canceled almost all of his personal appearances for the next year.

Of course, it's his life, and that's his right...but it does seem curious.

Maybe he's backing off from Doctor Who? Or, perhaps he's just totally engrossed with Hamlet and doesn't want Doctor Who intruding on that. Maybe he's just sick of it all, and wants to give himself a break. Who knows...literally. But, he does seem to be suddenly distancing himself from Who...but I suppose Mr. Tennant will keep his own council on that.

Not that it's any of my business. Just bored and wanted something to write about. But...this regeneration thing...yeah, the man lied just a wee bit...I mean, look at the photo below and tell me that man in that picture is all sweetness and light...no freaking way.

By his silence, by leading us fans down the garden path by publicly announcing his return next year, Tennant essentially LIED. I won't call him a rude word, because, quite frankly, I still (sort of) like the man...his efforts to be involved in certain charities, and his commitment to the environment--that I've read? I think that's what I've read about him...anyway, he seems like a good person, deep down...but maybe he's a bit more shallow than I thought. I don't know. I'm sure he would give a flying fig what someone like me thinks, anyway.

Wow, I'm getting a version of a scene straight out of Streetcar Named Desire..."HEY STELLA!!!"

Only it's a redneck under my window (wrong window ar_ehole) screaming up, "HEY LAURIE!!" Repeatedly...And, I do believe he's just a wee bit intoxicated.

src="
" alt="" title="" />

Wow, the post-fireworks tailback is STILL going on, 45 minutes after the show! All southbound traffic headed towards downtown Glens Falls is backed up for miles. Why don't these daft people just go around??? There's like, dozens of side streets, but nope. They all insist on staying on the main road.

Okay, this, people, is why ol' Nancy here always made a habit of taking the long way home. Okay, that, and I like looking at different scenery. But, thing is...if, even only once in a while, you take a different way, you may discover a good short-cut, or at least, be moving instead of sitting looking at the bumper sticker in front of you that reads, "Honk if you're horny," for the next three hours.

I could get all zen-transcendentalist on you about driving/thinking outside the box, but...nah.

Not used to a holiday on Friday...feels like blinking Saturday...now my wonky brain will really be confused for the whole weekend, ha-ha.

I was toying with the idea of going down to the park to listen to the symphony and watch the fireworks, but..meh. Maybe I can see some of the fireworks from my balcony--well, doubt it, what with the angle of this building, and the trees, and the buildings...but, worth a look, at any rate.

I got some good buys at the store...I went to a store sort of like Aldi's but even less posh than that. Got a small steak for around 3 dollars, some potatoes and a zucchini (green) squash for my 4th of July "picnic." 'Course, I'll have to make it in the cooker, instead of a grill. I'm having the seasoned steak with thinly sliced zucchini sauteed in garlic-butter, and some mashed potatoes. First decent meal I've had in 2 weeks...well, it's the first time in 2 weeks I've actually felt like having a proper dinner anyway, so I guess that's a good sign, ey?

Wasn't able to afford a lot of meat, but also managed to get some Polish sausage--good ol' sausage and pierogi, and also some cubed pork tenderloins, to make pork and veggie stew with, and some sliced turkey cold cuts for sandwiches. And NO hot dogs, hoo-ray. Really, I've been reduced to eating hot dogs every day since Monday. Bleh! I actually like hot dogs, sort of..but not a steady diet of them!

Kept within budget, which puts a smile on my face--with prices going through the roof for food, you really never know how to do a budget any longer...you just cross your fingers and pray when you get to the till. Didn't have to put anything back this week, so that's a real, genuine blessing. I hate having to decide at the till, in front of strangers, what I really can't do without, and what I sort of can. Sometimes the cashiers are lovely about it, and sometimes they...aren't so nice.

Still have to buy cat food and milk, but overall, didn't do half bad.

Wow! What a terrific sunset we're having! The sky is all lavender and pink and blue...oh, wish I owned a camera! just...lovely. Sometimes the best things in life, really are free, ya'know? Wish I had someone to share it with, but...I just have to admire this living, ever-changing natural work of art, on my own. Sometimes, I can really relate to the character of the Doctor, not wanting to see the wonders of the universe by himself. These things really are better, when shared.

It's sort of like this, only lighter, with more rose and blue and lavender:

Tired from shopping. Laudromat will have to wait till Sunday. I've one last clean pair of jeans for tomorrow.

Need to chill.

What I'm listening to:

SONG/ARTIST

Hold my Hand/Hootie and the Blowfish
So Far Away/Dire Straights
Ol' '55/The Eagles
Day Tripper/The Beatles
Going Missing/Maximo Park
Tyical/Mute Man
It's Only Divine Right/The New Pornographers
Read My Mind/Killers
Over/The La's
Murder (or a heart attack)/Old 97's
Strawberries are Growing in my Garden/The Dentists
In the Future when All's Well/Morrisey
Talk/Coldplay
Nothing Left to Lose/Matt Kearney
Miss Teenwordpower/The New Pornographers
Shambala/Three Dog Night
We're an American Band/Grand Funk Railroad
Hurts So Good/John Melancamp
Letter from America/The Proclaimers
Little Bit of Soul/Magic Explosion
Joy to the World/Three Dog Night
Gloria (G-L-O-R-I-A)/Van Morrison
The New Medicine/The New Pornographers
Happy Kid/Nada Surf
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother/The Housemartins
Dreams/The Cranberries
Up Around the Bend/CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
Already Gone/The Eagles
Canada/Runrig
Toy Soldiers/Carbon Leaf
Then I Met You/The Proclaimers

IN HONOUR OF OUR NATIONAL HOLIDAY (Independence Day):