Well, didn't Nancy have a rough day, yesterday?

On top of getting ten more of those rather unpleasant US govt. collection notices, being too sick to work, being told that I may--or may not---be going into kidney failure (ever so nice of the doc to clarify that, ey?), spending over an hour trying to figure out how to make just under 40 dollars stretch 5 days (sounds like a lot but with the cost of things these days???), then...everyone telling me that the Doctor regenerated and DT was outta' there---like I said, it wasn't so much him regenerating, it was that I wasn't prepared for it----

---Am I the only one who thinks this little cute stunt on the part of RTD might just backfire on the BBC---I know they lost or nearly lost, some very loyal viewers yesterday, including me...and not all because of DT leaving, but because of the dirty way this was handled.

I'm just furious that RTD was so disrepectful of us long-time fans that he felt he had to leave with this cheap parting shot. I thought he was a much better person than that. I'm really, really disappointed in the pair of them--both DT and RTD. I understand that Tennant was just a pawn, a dupe in Davies' petty little game with us fans, but I definitely have a somewhat lower opinion of him as well, now.

I was never--and I cannot stress this enough--a David Tennant "fan-girl." I didn't pitch a fit because David was gone--I knew that would someday happen. I was upset because my trust was torn apart. I am very anti-spoiler....I mean, I KNEW about the Doctor getting zapped by the Dalek since oh, April, when a friend in a letter told me about it. But I said not a word to anyone, did I?

But, Davies did a reveal about the Sontarans, he revealed about the companions...then, there was the regen scene. What kind of BS is that?

I'd like to tell RTD to his face, that this was really not funny. I'd like to tell him that if he was a decent, intelligent, civilized human being, he should apologize, because he HURT a lot of us, last night. He broke our trust, he stomped all over our faith in Doctor Who---and for what? Why did he do this lousy thing?

Of course, I doubt the man cares. He's leaving, what does he care? What would David Tennant care, if I'm upset? I'm nobody. No, honestly. I have lost every one of my illusions about myself a few yeas back. I'm nothing, and even if I could tell them to their faces, how terrible was the thing they did to me, they wouldn't give a damn. I'm not British (but I'm open for being adopted, ha-ha), I can't afford to get Sci-fi, or to buy the books or DVD's or CD's or toys. What do they care? I am, if nothing else, realistic about my standing in the world, and also my ranking in the sphere of Doctor Who fans. No, what they put me through last night...counts for naught in reality-land.

Well, the nurse admonished me to rest today. Have to go for another Procrit shot tomorrow morning. Hopefully, the antibiotics will help the infection, as well. Seems no one has ever caught this infection, they believe I've had it awhile, and that it may--or may not--have damaged my kidneys.

It's been over a year, this nonsense has been going on. A year ago, I was at work and suddenly felt inexplicably sleepy and weak. Went to the ER--was told that my blood count was so low, that if I hadn't come in, and it had dropped even one or two fractions more, my body would'a crashed and well...bye-bye Nancy. So after an operation and several transfusions, they sent me on my way.

Since then, it's been all downhill from there...and no one yet has been able to completely discover why. Since last June, my diabetes got worse, and my immune system is turning into rubbish, and...no one seems to have a clue.

I count this as having begun when I slipped on the wet kitchen floor and blew out my right foot, tore it to shreds. Before that March day in 2007, I easily walked miles without bother--used to walk 3 miles (partly uphill) to my then-summer job at the Travelodge every day. Carried up to 30 pounds of shopping a half-mile uphill...I was fit, I was healthy...heck, back in May of 2006, I'd sprained/fractured my ankle, and was back at work two days later, on one crutch, cleaning the offices--walking all over the big complex at the harness track/casino. But something about last year's fall was different. Well, for one thing--it wasn't the type of injury that was ever going to heal, that was ever going to stop hurting....I think maybe--and this is only a guess mind you, that perhaps last year's injury was as much physological, as physical.

For the first time in my life, I was made utterly helpless for almost a week--imagine being completely alone, with no one there, and being totally crippled by a horrendously bruised and swollen foot, and in constant, intense pain. I was 100% alone and barely able to move, and had to fend for myself--and the cats, and I'd never had to deal with that before. In hindsight, I think that sudden realization of my own vulnerablity really shook me to the core. It changed me. Before for that injury, I seldom needed a doctor--since then...I've been getting sicker and weaker.

Ah well.

The humidity of last night--gosh, it was awful last night. It was so humid, you could almost cut the air with a knife, and there was no breeze0--my bedroom was 88 F all night. I woke this morning with my hair all wet, like I'd just blinking washed it! Gosh, I do miss my air conditioner, some days.

Well, it's half-past three and I've barely eaten anything all day. Last night really threw me. I still was so upset, that I didn't feel like eating, this morning. All because of some television programme.

I think maybe this is a wakeup call. I have to cut back my interest in Doctor Who. It's just a TV show, for pity's sake! I know it's been a lifeline for me, the only thing I've really had to hold on to, and look forward to, throughout these dark times for the past two years or so.

But...maybe, after 25 years of fandom...maybe it's time I moved on? I try to picture my days without Dr Who, and it's hard. It's not like I have money or transport to find a replacement hobby or interest. Still, I don't like what that little stunt of RTD's and David "sex-god" Tennant did to me, last night.

I will have to reflect a bit on this, methinks.

Well, gotta' toss some hot dogs on the cooker and have some lunch. Cheers. Nancy G.