I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

I mean it.

He regenerated and David Tennant LIED, the little creep.

So much for me thinking he was a nice guy.

Screw this show and it's dirty little secrets.

I don't like being LIED to.

I don't like bad surprises. Haven't I had enough of that cr*p in my life?

THIS SUCKS. I QUIT. No more crushing news. I'm sick of this.

Up yours, David and Russll. You stinking, lying bastards.

Oh, I just read that the Doctor's going to regenerate. Now, I don't object to actor's leaving the show, they have their life.

But, David Tennant has PUBLICALLY said that he's going to be filming the four Dr Who specials next year---so did he lie?

And if he did--that was a really low-brow thing, and I would be so disgusted with this type of ploy, that no matter how much I love the show (and I do love it, with all my heart) I would STOP watching the new series.

Doctor Who has been one of the few things that's kept me going, these past two years. As life has continually dragged me through hell, the one bright spot (aside from my friends--I'm not so shallow as to put them second to a television programme), the one shining light for me, has been Dr Who.

Time after time, it's take me away from things that came near to driving me into, quite frankly, ending it all.

The last thing I need is to shattered by a bald-faced lie. That would be a scummy thing to do to the fans. Staging a secret regeneration, merely for shock value.

I think Tennant is the best actor to have bring the character of the Doctor to life, but certainly would NEVER begrudge him leaving...he has a life of his own and a mind of his own, and by gosh, that's certainly his right to make that decision.

I hope this is only a teaser, to get keep us all on pins and needles until Christmas of 2008. I hope it is. I don't think I can take any more disappointments or shocks...even from a TV show.

A short while ago, out of curiosity I checked my visitor stats--not pageviews, but visits--it was just over 900 visitors so far today--"Whoa," I thought, "that's quite a lot, isn't it?"

But, apparently not. In the last 20 minutes, my stats went to 2000+ visitors. WHAT THE ____???

Anybody else seen their stats suddenly go flipping wild today? Very strange! It's not like I'm writing anything riveting or scandalous! Weird, weird.

It looks as if there may be a storm moving in--it's clouding up and the breeze is freshing, and there's that pre-storm feel to the air...that ominous electrical feeling anyone who's spent a lot of time outdoors (such as moi) knows quite well.

Flame is such a clever, clever little girl-cat. If she feels that I'm not paying enough attention to her while I'm keyboarding away, she starts getting all cute, waving her paw at me, or making chirrping noises...NOW she's figured out that if she plonks her arse directly in front of the monitor screen, I HAVE to notice her! She's a pain in the bottom some times, but I do love her...she's quite the character. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I was supposed to make up some hours at work today, but around quarter to noon, I almost passed out getting up from my chair so opted to sit a while....going to the health center in a bit to get checked out--might need a blood transfusion, or it might only be my wonky blood sugar again (I'm out of testing strips for my glucose monitor, so I don't know. so I'm sitting with my feet up, waiting it out to I feel well enough to grab a cab to go see the nurse.

Wow, man. This isn't one of my pranks, by the way, this is a perfectly serious post.

I said the other day, that I genuinely feel sorry for the gentleman, what with all the overly-entusiastic girls hounding his every step--I mean, how insane must it be for him?

The man probably can't even go out with his mates to the pub, or shopping in public any longer, without getting mobbed--and it must be especially awkward, knowing the age of some of his younger admirers.

I've repeatedly read where the actor is very kind and gracious towards his fans, which under the circumstances is really is something I genuinely find both amazing and admirable about the gent. My thought is that Mr. Tennant must be a good man to be able to still do that, and not get jaded by all the craziness and intense attention, or angry or frustrated...tho' I'm sure sometimes he must feel at least a little that way, somewhere deep down. He's just a regular bloke--albeit a highly talented one-- after all, and not an all-knowing, powerful alien, like his character, the Doctor.

Now, I make my jokes and stuff quite frequently about David T. on here, but not out of obsession (I haven't been a "fan-girl" in 25 or 30 years), I merely have a laugh at him, because the man's just so...expressive.

He makes it easy to have an innocent laugh at his expense. Like making "stupid" jokes about Bush is easy, so is making "sex-fiend" jokes about Mr. Tennant.

Still, I suppose that it would happen sooner or later, that a nutter would fly out of the woodwork, and begin stalking the man. A fellow fan-fic writer at that. She's giving the rest of us SERIOUS fan fiction writers a bad name, and I wish she'd get some therapy and leave the poor man to get on with his life.

Here's the scoop:

Doctor Who star David Tennant has a stalker that writes sci-fi versions of Shakespeare plays.

"Sadly, the only thing she and Ophelia have in common is their madness. And David is afraid, very afraid."

Ahem--drawings of them "being friendly in the Tardis?" Ewww--I'm trying not to picture what that REALLY means.

Story taken from another website (sorry, forgot the name) and attributed to the Daily Star. Great nostril shot, by the way. Glad to see he clips his nose hair--now if he'd just wax those legs.

You know, I've often found that it's the simple things, that truly matter most in this life.

I mean, I've had my moments in the sun, been truly blessed with some fabulous experiences and truly memorable adventures. Things that some people never get to have, in all of their life times. And I do appreciate that, really I do.

But, strangely enough, I've found that its those little, simple, totally insignificant moments, those memories of everyday things--that meant absolutely nothing to me, when they were happening..just perfectly ordinary days in an ordinary life....those are the things now, that spring into my memories, as I lay awake at night, thinking about home and love and family.

Things like: shopping with my mum, growing up. Going somewhere in the car with my parents, hanging out at Little's Lake up the road with the the other kids on our street, mum treating me to an ice cream sundae at Woolworth's lunch counter, riding my bike, the village's annual (volunteer) fireman's picnic every summer, sitting in the shade of the two enormous hackberry trees in our front yard on a hot summer's day listening to the leaves blowing in the wind, mowing the lawn, teaching my half-collie shamrock a new trick, mum and I ordering pizza or a bucket of spaghetti from Papa's Corner Restaurant and watching The Rockford Files and Quincy on TV every Friday night, the first time I ever danced with a boy in high school, walking in the woods with the dogs, lying on my bed in the room I grew up in listening to the radio, helping mum at the library....things I always took for granted, never thought twice about.

These little mental snapshots of my past, that never thought a thing about, have become more special to me, than any overseas trip, or award or graduation or dream come true.

Perhaps, it is because I lost my home--twice? Perhaps when dad and mum died, when all of my aunts and uncles died, and my sister distanced herself from me and my parents, in the late 70's (long story--but, we love each other, and care about each other--yet, we're really more like strangers, sometimes).

Anyway, once you lost--truly lost for all time--and all of the ties that bind you to your past are completely severed, when you know with a bitter finality, that you can never touch those moments--those feelings, ever again. That the people and the interactions of those moments are now only pictures in your mind, emotions in your heart, that they are no longer real...maybe then the "simple" things we always took for granted, become more valuable to us than any all of the grander moments, put together.

I don't know. It's just the way I feel. I don't even know if what I wrote here, even makes sense to anyone else.

My mum and my dog Shamrock, in our driveway, August 1979. (click to see larger pic)

Since the neo-cons have won their huge victory over their right to bare arms (personally I don't think the sleeveless look is all that attractive), the producers of Doctor Who have decided to do a strictly American version of the show, adding scenes of gratuitous sex and violence to replace any meaningful dialog, and also replacing the Doctor's sonic screwdriver with an automatic rifle.

Members of the National Rifle Association, the far-right conservatives, Evangelical Christians, and 80 percent of the American population--those that could actually comment coherently without dribbling drool down their chins, applaud the change, and welcome the "New, New" Doctor Who, with open (locked an loaded) arms.

I need to take my mind off of things this morning, so I'm off to do yet another meme. Thought I'd give poor wee David Tennant a break today...well, at least for this morning, as I posted a DT teaser last night before bedtime.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Don't own a car since August 2006, but when I was in college, it was mostly textbooks and the usual rubbish a continual commuter often accrues. Post-college, usually nothing but maybe an extra jacket and my cowboy hat, in case it rained or snowed, and my tape recorder and mix tapes, so I could play music when my wonky car radio decided not to work.

2. When was the last time you threw up?

I had a stomach virus last week.

3. Whats your favorite curse word?

Not that I don't, but I honestly don't like cursing. If I had to say, it would probably be "shit."

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?

I haven't seen any people yet today, and have not got 'round to checking my PM's or e-mail's yet. However, the three cats made me smile when I woke--they always are happy to greet me when I wake in the morning.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
I was in the loo...erm....

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Opening my mail.

7. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Once. Some girls at the office (back when I was 25) talking me into going to see the Chippendale (male) dancers. It was....okay, but not my idea of a good time...quite frankly, I only remember getting a headache from listening to all the drunk, screaming women.

8. What is the last thing you said aloud?

"What the hell??!!?? I don't believe this!!!

9. When is your birthday?

October

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?

Starbucks's coffee-fudge swirl

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Diet orange soda pop

12. What are you wearing right now?

my holey old Vermont Symphony Orchestra tee shirt, and my pyjama bottoms.

13. What is the last thing you ate?

Cold slice of pepperoni pizza.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

With an 85 dollar pay check? What, are you mad?

15. When was the last time you ran?

Since I blew out my right foot, it's no longer physically possible for me to run--however, I did "jog-hop" to catch the bus, the other day.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?

I don't get tele, but watched golf on the tele in the ER's waiting room, last week.

17. What's the last sport you played?

Horsehoe pitching. I had a home-made horseshoe pitch when I owned my trailer--that would be in 2005.

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
I'm on myspace, but never actually used it. Decided it was just a wee bit too public for my taste--and had too many shallow people on there, quite frankly (sorry if any of you are on Myspace--I'm referring to other people, ha-ha)

19. Ever go camping?

Quite a few times growing up---strictly in the back yard. Once in Wyoming wilderness when I was 19, once in the Adirondacks (decades before I lived here) when I was about 13 years old.

20.Do you have a tan?

Not since I worked as a groom and/or flea market vendor--the early 90's...tho', I used to be in the car so much, back when I was commuting to school in Vermont and chauffering my sick mum around, that my left arm (which hangs out the open driver's side window) did actually develop "driver's tan."

21.Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?

A quarter.

22.What is your guilty pleasure?

Coffee and a donut.

23.Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

(Snort.)

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?

Only when it comes in a take-away cup.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?

Don't know, probably very little.

28. Where is your mom right now?

In an unmarked grave in Albany Rural Cemetery.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?

My computer tower, two speakers, and a mini model horse wearing a miniature horse rug and halter.

30. What color is your watch?

Haven't carried a watch on me in ages.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Sydney Opera House, Outback, Aussie saddles.

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?

Twice. A kiddie coaster when I was a child, and the Steamin' Demon at the Great Escape.

33. What is your birthstone?

No idea.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

Both (if in a cab, usually the drive-through, to avoid having to pay for "wait time")

35. What is your favorite number?

don't have one

36. Do you have a dog?

Yes and no. I adopted a chow mix that had been abandoned at the shelter where I was working, in order to re-condition her to a home surrounding again (She'd been trumatised and was scared of people)...technically, I'm still listed as her owner--because..well it was about the rules regarding fostering/adoptions and was complicated.

I eventually turned her over to a friend of my mum's-- whom had five acres of land, another dog, and kids. I'm pleased to say that "Spooky," is a happy, well-adjusted dog, these days. She's still always thrilled to see her original "mum" though, the few times I've been able to visit her.

From my teens to early 20's, my best friend was my half-collie Shamrock, whom even 25 years later, I still very much miss and grieve for. She was a very special animal, and I'll never see her like again.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?

Virgin mobile, two days ago, trying to sell me something.

38. Have you met anyone famous?

Talked to Al Pacino on the phone (what a JERK!), gave directions to Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood, walked by Paul Newman in the local shop (but didn't bother him), Met the woman who played Urhura on Star Trek, Shook hands with the guy that played C-threepio (can you tell I used to go to sci-fi conventions), met Ian Marter from Dr Who, and some famous rapper with a ridiculous name rode my ride that I was operating back when I worked at Great Escape. (I'm really not into the whole celebrities thing, by the way.)

39. Any plans today?

Laundromat in another hour and get my medicines from the pharmacy, then off to work for two hours.

40. How many provinces have you lived in?

State of Wyoming for 3 months. "Lived" in a dorm in Friesland province for two weeks, Central/western NY (outside Syracuse) for 6 months--northeastern New York (Upper Hudson Vally and souther Adirondacks) the rest of the time.

41. Ever go to college?

yes. Horsemanship/stable management 1979/80 (college drop-out, much to my ever-lasting shame).

I graduated from the local 2-year community college here with a AA degree in Liberal Arts/Humanities, in 2003 (talk about a useless degree), then transferred to a college in Vermont for my 4-year degree in theater management (but changed to communications major when theater classes became grossly over booked).

Forced to drop out for financial and personal reasons (Bush's college funding cuts and mum's sudden death), one year shy of getting my BA in communications. (can you tell I'm still mildly bitter, ha-ha?)

I also hold a certificate in Culinary Arts I, and have taken Heavy (construction) equipment operation and horticulture/floral design courses.

42. Where are you right now?

In my front room.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

The ten bills the US department of education just sent me--again.

44. Last song listened to?

Kaiser Chief's "Angry Mob."

46. Are you allergic to anything?

Vicodin, certain theatrical make-up, certain perfumes and (very mildly) pine dust/pollen.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My brown Ariat Jameson boots

48. Taste in your mouth right now?

Bleh.

49. Are you jealous of anyone?

Every single person who works on Dr Who, ha-ha.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?

You've got to be kidding!

51. Do you love anyone?

Never been in love, but I love my cats, I love my sister/nephew, and I love my friends...and I know he's not real, but I do love the Doctor...who wouldn't, he's one cool dude (the character, I mean)

52. Do any of your friends have children?

Yes, one does.

53. Do you eat healthy?

Meh--healthier than I used to, since becoming ill last year, surely. But, I don't--and never will, obsess about it.

54. What do you usually do during the day?

Since becoming ill, rest a lot. Go out to work telemarketing. Do odd chores around the apartment, listen to music, blog, write fan-fic, watch Dr Who and/or old flims, play card games on the 'puter. That's about it, really.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?

The US Department of Education...and always, George W. Bush.

58. Do you own any big sunglasses?
No. my old eyeglasses have transition lenses--darken on their own in high light conditions.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

shit. I used to work there.

60. How did you get one of your scars?

Flipped over the handlebars of my ten-speed bike, flew across the street and landed on my face (mouth).

MISSED THESE ONE'S:

25. Last time you travelled by bus?
Last night to the store. Or, if you mean "traveled" like in a holiday, last month by coach to downtown Saratoga Springs for the afternoon.

26. What do you never leave the house without?
Clean underwear--always wear clean underwear--trust me, mum's advice was quite good about that...you never know when you'll be sprawled out on an ER gurney with nothing but that and a flimsy gown that's guarenteed to expose your backsides to the entire world, the minute you stand up.

clothing, of course. And, the keys to my apartment.

I don't believe this!!!!

First, the US Department of Education sends me TEN bills yesterday--today they sent me TEN more. That's over 2500 dollars of bills in two flipping days!

I wish I was dead, then I wouldn't have to deal with horrible crap any longer.

Bush has taken away any protections I might have....I'm literally being stalked via post by my own government. This is insane!

It's not like I don't want to re-pay my student loans, it that I CANNOT repay my student loans--not without living on the street, or losing my life because I can no longer afford to care for myself (which I only am just barely managing to do, now).

Sometimes I am glad I don't own a gun--seriously, it does sometimes feel like death would be a wonderful release from all this misery and pain.

I'm NOT suicidal, okay? I'm just expressing how it feels for me, when I have to deal with this stuff.

It's knowing that I'm going to be in debt until my death--and even after my death, that I'm always, always, going to live under the constant threat by my own government, of utterly losing what little I've managed to still hold on to...why bother?

I went back to college to make my life better, to give myself a chance to finally find my dreams, to give myself an actual future--and yet, by doing so, I've dragged myself down to a dark, black hole, a shuddering horror, a pit of abject despair that I can never-ever pull myself out of.

Being bi-polar sucks, being depressed sucks, being poor sucks, having no future sucks, working in a totally dead-end benefit-less job sucks, being sick and not being able to see a real doctor and get all the medical care I truly need sucks, living under the continual threat of homelessness really, really sucks.

But, being poor and a US citizen, with far fewer legal protections then my wealthier neighbours --that's grounds for a plea to another country for asylum.

I'm kidding about that last line, of course---well, mostly.

I don't know. I really have a hard time trying to find a reason for my existence, some days. By that I mean, I feel utterly useless--like I'm just taking up space. I mean, look at me! I have no family to speak of, no partner, no useful job, no useful...anything. What am I good for, these days? Let's face it, to the world around me, I am nobody--which is fine, someone has to be nobody, might as well be me. But, it's knowing that I have no place in life, any longer, no genuine value to anyone--except to my far-off friends, bless them. But here, now, right in this tiny little northern New York city, tucked away in the Adirondack foothills, I am nothing to no one. I'm here, I'm not here--the only one's who'd notice would be my cats. That's simply---and literally--the truth. It's really hard, some days, not to feel like a total loser, really it is.

Well, never mind. Who cares? People have their own issues to deal with, and I don't suppose my whigning about my petty problems is going to help, or change the way things are.

I can wish all I want for change, for something to happen to turn me around enough so I can look forward to living again, so I can feel useful and purposeful again...but, who am I kidding? It's in my make-up. It's my destiny to be like this. Oh, I've had some success in life, some wonderful things happen. But, I have to face facts. And that is, that, ultimately, my very reality, my mental weaknesses and emotional instability, dictate that I will always fail, in whatever I try. No one will ever magically come charging up on a white steed, to prop me up and help me stand firmly on even ground. I alone am responsible for the way I am, for what happens to me, for my own uselessness, no one else. I accept that.

I am depressed, and all I can do is just try to roll with the punches right now, to keep from being flattened. I want to go to bed and stay there--but that's not my style. I know I just have to suck it up and keep going, pretend to the "outside" world that I'm fine. But, some days, that's much easier said than done.

End of a rotten day.

First I woke up feeling weak and shaky.

Then the 85 dollar pay check--my sole funds at the moment, which have to last 6 days (Thanks to the huge jump in food prices, I just spent 50 of it on my weekly shopping--even with the sales), and I still, as of yet, haven't done the laundromat thing, or bought my medicine.

THEN, I get no less than TEN identical collection notices in my post, from the US Dept. of Education....all telling me to pony up $132+ EACH--that's over 1300 dollars...more than my monthly income...AND sternly threatening me with legal action, and listing all the bad things they're going to do to me.

So, yeah. If I was depressed before, I've got even more reason to be, now.

I am watching Doctor Who. It's not prescribed by a physician, but I gotta' say, that watching the Doctor, is one heck of an antidepressant.

It seems that students and parents attending a high school graduation ceremony at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center in Saratoga Springs, NY, got more than they bargained for. The ceremony came balls up during the commencement, Thursday morning. While while Saratoga public (state) school district officials were busy handing out diplomas, an anonymous person dressed in a costume representing male genetailia--okay, let's cut to the chase:

A guy dressed as a giant balls and penis ran across the stage in front of 5000 students and family members.

Now there's one graduation photo I'm sure the grandparent's will be proud to show off. And now, the class of 2008 will be remembered as the "streaking penis class," I reckon.

The penis guy was a captured a short time later, after he tripped over the costume's..erm--"balls", while trying to exit the building (YES--I'm serious).

The perp was reveled to be a former student from a local trailer park, whom graduated from the school just the year before, in 2007. The former student, known by his nickname, "C-money"--supposedly because of his fondness for comics, was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, and then was released pending a court appearance.

Saratoga Springs City Police Sergent, Sean Briscoe, said that the giant, inflatable penis was being held..., erm-- for evidence. (as reported in the Post-Star by THOMAS DIMOPOULOS)

I'm sure C-Money's mum and dad must be so proud of him.

So many people have been sending me quizzes lately I thought I'd just make up my own original one, and answer it myself.

I tag no one--you are free to copy and paste this to your heart's content, if you so desire.

Nancy's 10 questions meme:

Probably that would be both "A" and "D". I mean, stuff happens, but...Do you KNOW how expensive silk tops are, these days?