They're both stupid, and they've been around forever.

In the news today: Scientists have discovered that flies with lower intelligence (flies have brains? Who knew?) live longer.

Which is probably why George Bush will live to be 120.

And, someone sent me my horoscope in my in-box. Now, how this person--whom I barely even know--knows that I'm a scorpio, I've no idea.

My late-mum used to semi-believe in this stuff---and twice in my life (just only twice, mind you) the prediction was quite accurate, in amazing detail--which I did find a bit startling. But, the other 98% percent of the time, it was pure rubbish.

Anyway, this is my horoscope that "Marycanary1271" sent me, I believe, from Town and Country magazine, my mum's old favourite, oddly enough.

What do YOU think? Is this an accurate depiction of the "real" me? Or is it all rubbish?

You’re not looking particularly bothered or harassed as this New Year dawns, and why should you? Scorpios possess an amazing capacity to surf the turbulent waters of change without losing their cool—or their grip. And though 2007 was full of gigantic breakers and the undertow was often ferocious, you simply fixed your gaze on the shoreline, held steady and rode the turbulence out.

Impressive? Very. And perhaps the reason your friends and acquaintances admire and respect you so much is that whatever you’re faced with, your prickly pride rarely permits you to run and hide but demands that you just get on with it. You’re unnervingly honest, as well, often to the point that makes others blush. Right now you should be able to truthfully say that you’re feeling more or less on top of things. A lot of intriguing possibilities are crowding your horizons, and you’re eager to test them out.

What 2008 has in store for Scorpios may not be terribly exciting or dramatic but more along the lines of satisfying and seamlessly smooth. Not that there won’t be moments of uncertainty and suspense to spice up the plot. But for the most part, now that Saturn has migrated into the sensible sign of Virgo, you’ll focus on consolidating your position, efficiently reformatting your plans and cementing favorable agreements and business relationships.

Whatever may have occurred in 2007, when Saturn completed its two-year trek through your career angle, you’re bound to be far more streamlined and realistic now than you were when this transit kicked in. Whether you plunged into ambitious new projects, took on particularly weighty responsibilities or changed jobs, you braved your way through the stormy seas and emerged victoriously intact. In 2008, seeing new ventures and plans through, however, isn’t simply a matter of being consistent. With Saturn in Virgo, you’ll be called upon to carefully analyze current trends and conditions and to make highly discriminating choices—especially about recently forged contacts and associations. But since Scorpios are normally astute judges of character, you shouldn’t have a problem separating the gold from the dross. Any business you’re conducting at a distance will demand a great deal of fine-tuning, particularly when tempestuous aspects involving Pluto appear in early March, mid-August and late December.

Sage Jupiter in your communications angle indicates that you’ll be two steps ahead of everyone else in whatever you’re doing or pursuing this year and skillfully molding events to your own design. And with Jupiter spectacularly aspected in late March, late May, early September and late November, you can expect to be closing in on your goals with gratifying ease.

You’ll cover a lot of ground this year as well, both literally and figuratively. Intellectual pursuits of all kinds will pique your interest, and travel will provide you with lots of frisky breaks. Indeed, exotic locales are likely to lure you far from home, especially in early July. Life-changing moves are on your horizon this year, and many Scorpios will head to where the grass looks greener and check out their options. Favorable real-estate transactions are also in the offing, particularly in early March and mid-September. And with Jupiter heading into your domestic angle in 2009, that dream house by the sea or mountaintop retreat is only a heartbeat away.

Speaking of hearts, what’s going on in yours this year? Will those deep scorpionic passions lie dormant, or will they be stirred to some new, exalted heights? With Venus beautifully aspected in your relationship angle from mid-April to early May, 2008 certainly won’t be devoid of romance or moments of bliss. Close relationships promise to flourish under Jupiter’s rays, and if you’re on your own, love and companionship won’t elude you for long.

PEAKS & VALLEYS Public Life/Career: 3/29, 11/21; 6/21, 7/10. Love: 5/4, 10/1; 8/13, 8/29.

What a bunch of blather!

I especially like the one about "Exotic locales" in July--what? Am I going to prison? 'Cos it's a sure bet I won't be getting out of upstate New York, any time soon!

I "won't be devoid of romance????" Honey, I've been devoid of romance for 47 years, I don't think 2008's going to be any different!

"Your dream house on the mountaintop or by the sea, only a heartbeat away?" My income is around $100 over poverty-level, and I'm so in debt, that it would literally take two lifetimes--or a significant lottery win-- to pay everything off--dream home? I don't think so.

I'm going to close in on my goals? I don't have any "goals" any longer--well, aside from not being homeless, I suppose.

"Not bothered or harassed as the New Year dawns??" Yeah, let's see, on New Year's eve I got hit on the head by a wood bookcase full of books, I lost my internet, couldn't pay my rent or electric, was in horrible pain from an abscess--one so bad it wound up putting me in hospital, I was warned by a doctor to cut my work hours in half or I would kick off--that's the job that was my sole income in the world, mind you..."not bothered or harassed"? Donkey poo! I was crying myself to sleep at night, for pity's sake.

What a bunch of malarkey! Does anyone really buy this stuff--and sorry if you do, I'm not trying to insult you, honestly. It's just...wow. Hard to wrap my head around the fact that a bunch of stars in the sky, can actually tell you anything about yourself--they're just lumps of gaseous rocks, for pity's sake.