I think things are starting to get to me, mentally.

I don't think, after all the continual troubles, these past couple of years, that I'll ever be the same again. But, lately, I am starting to feel just a teensy bit paranoid.

On Wednesday night, I had a passel of vivid dreams--mostly good dreams, I suppose. I dreamed that my mum was stll alive, and had come to visit me--don't remember the details, other than it seemed a long dream. Then, I dreamed I owned a horse--even can remember what it looked like.

No big deal, right? Good dreams are nice. However, I still woke mildly disturbed, after the dream of my mum. It sounds weird, but inside, it almost felt like she really was visiting me (in my dream). I can't explain the sensation, other than to say that it left me somewhat puzzled, for no reason I could fathom.

Then, last night--virtually all night--I had equally vivid nightmares. This time I woke at 5am, in a cold sweat, and was so frightened and upset, that I couldn't get back to sleep. I have these particular dreams--a tornado, if you must know, every once in a while. They began shortly before my parent's messy divorce, back when I was in my early 20's. I am NOT making this up, okay? I've had these dreams for over 20 years, and every single time, the tornado dreams seem to foreshadow some sort of disaster: either finacial, physical or emotional. It has never failed...of course, I'm often on the brink of heartache and ruin, so maybe it's just me.

But, now I'm sweating, mentally looking over my shoulder, wondering when the life's monsters will come for me again.

Some people dream of being famous. Some dream of winning the lottery. Some dream of a career they enjoy, or a home and family, or, I suppose, of love. Me, I just want to be flippin' NORMAL, okay? I just want to spend the rest of my life, not tossing and turning, not crying from fear and depression, not looking over my stinking shoulder, all of the time, worrying over what the hell else is going to happen to me.

Yeah, good luck with that, ey?

Well, it's Friday. Spent most of the day, just trying to get to Aldi's. I hailed a cab, waiting 25 minutes for it. Okay, not too bad, I suppose. Then, I got driven around hither and yon, for over 30 minutes, while the cabbie picked up and dropped off other fares. Then, I FINALLY get to my first stop (I needed to cash my pay check before shopping), and the cab company has the nerve to try and charge me an extra dollar, because I went TWO MINUTES over the 5 minute "free" wait time. The creeps.

I've not shopped at Aldi's since before mum died, in '05. Wow, their prices went way up--but it still was cheaper than Price Chopper, Wal-Marts, K-Marts and Hannaford supermarkets. The only other grocery store cheaper, in this area, is Price-Rite, which is cut rate--but the quality of the food is usually rather poor, so you basically get what you pay for...maybe

So, needed something to occupy me, this weekend, so I started a new Dr Who story. Decided to try writing a whole story, start to finish, over the course of one weekend. Figured if I could do 100 stories in 100 days, I could do this...we'll see. No more month and a half 65+ page Dr Who stories, I think. That got a bit tedious, at times...but, it kept me busy.

It snowed here, today. Six inches of heavy, wet snow. The calendar may say "Spring," but it's very much still winter, here.

I'm a bit tired...something's going on with my health, but it will be a bit longer until I can see a doctor. Doubt if it's serious. Think I simply have some kind of internal infection. My immune system is toast, these days, it seems. Well, went over 40 years without a serious illness, so I can't complain, can I?

We were offered--finally, health insurance here at work--unfortunately, you have to work 28 hours or more, to get it, and, due to my health, I'm no longer doing my 39 1/2 hours a week (that's the max number of hours considered part-time employment, here in the US). So, I'm back to searching for affordable health insurance...ha! good luck nancy. But, even if I were eligible, it's over 100 dollars per month, even with employer contributions, that's taken from your check each week--and then, you STILL have to pay up to half the doctor's fee.

Well, I've some folks to write. Hope you all have a good weekend. Take care, my friends, and thanks for putting up with me, for all these months. Cheers, Nancy.