I suppose I went on a bit of a whinge, last night. Yes, I'm depressed. Cabin fever--I seriously need a diversion, but none are forthcoming. Tho', I did go to the laundromat today--and got a great deal on some laundry powder at the Family Dollar store, whoo-hoo! :)

So, I'm sitting here, post work, sipping my now cold peppermint tea, and trying to think of something witty to say---sorry, not feeling very witty, tonight. People were so awful to me tonight--they were screaming, and slamming phones and playing radios loud in my ear--BEFORE I got the blinking chance to even say "hello.." Life sucks and then you die. Telemarketing is very, very bad for self-esteem, when one suffers from depression, I'll have you know.

Someone told me I need to change jobs--I suppose I could also get a frontal lobotomy, or jump into the path of an oncoming freight train. That would stop this hell from happening every stinking night, as well. Ah well, it could be worse. I could be working at McDonald's. ;)

I do try not to dwell too much on the fact that I'm in the one place I've tried for the past 30 some-odd years to avoid being in. Knowing that my life has become everything that I've never wanted it to be--and looks to always be that way, has been rather hard to deal with, to be quite honest. But, at least I tried--and tried and tried...to avoid this, over the years. Not just by going back to college, but in other ways, as well. Maybe that's why I've come to a full stop. Can't see the point of trying, any longer. Every thing just comes to naught, in the end, and I've formed the definite conclusion that I'm not going to succeed, no matter what. That's just my lot, in this life.

Oh dear, I'm on a whinge again, aren't I? Sorry.

So, besides the laundry today, I picked up the bedroom and wrote a few lines in one of my Doctor Who stories. I guess my biggest regret, is that I'm not a good enough writer to do it for a living (or trendy enough, or have the conncections) I'm sorry that I never got to finish my college writing courses, to get my minor in writing. It's like my life got just so far, and then I turned 45, and everything suddenly came to a full stop, and reversed, and stopped, and reversed again...etc, etc.

Well, I'm feeling a tad off, tonight. I developed a new symptom of my kidney failure (or, at least it was on the list that the hospital gave me) today. The eye is still slightly off, but seems a bit better today--though it could be that I'm just getting used to it.

Being arthritic since my late teens, (helped on by a lot of time in the cold and rain and snow, out of doors when I was younger), I've found one gets used to varying degrees of pain. I'd fractured my right knee at 20, and it still hurts, but outside of the occaisional unladylike word, now and again, when it grinds together and catches, suddenly, I barely even notice it. So, what I'm saying is, meh--I'll live. I don't want to give the impression that I always go about complaining of my varous aches and illnesses. I don't, really.

I wish I could see the new Dr Who series, when it comes out (in April?). However, I'm still enjoying watching my DVD's, each day. I'm a bit sick of playing cribbage and euchre on the computer, by now, though. And I do miss my internet radio...all those great artists that I've only recently discovered (see past posts..."what I'm listening to, today" from fall-December). I'm not even getting any interesting junk mail, these days. Ah well. spring's still a good month or two away, sadly.

Well, this is a boring post, is it not?

I have most of tomorrow off--just coming in for an hour, to make up some time I missed. So, off home, in the cold---supposed to snow again, bleh---to three cats, Dr Who, and a bacon, lettuce and mayonnaise sandwich and some crisps. Have a good night all, and a wonderful weekend, as well.

Here's some pics of places I'd rather be, right now: