"Wal-Mart Time" and Crazy Slang

You know, doing telemarketing long enough, and sooner or later, you will get someone who's truly, genuinely, totally, bonkers--I mean sectioned-city.

The Door is open but nobody's home, a few fries short of a Happy Meal, Several bricks short of a load, the lift doesn't go all the way to the top, jumping without a parachute, his/her racket's un-strung, The tyres are spinning but the car's not moving, bowling without a ball, several eggs short of a dozen, the road doesn't go all the way to the end, a few swallows less than a pint, one beer short of a six-pack, not playing with a full deck, A few slices short of a loaf, all frosting and no cake, the train didn't quite make it to the station, the stuffing is missing from the pillow, golfing without clubs, his/her book is missing some pages, the ocean doesn't reach the shore, not all the nuts are in the candy bar, fruiter than a fruitcake, fiddling without a bow, squirrel food, his/her bucket's got a hole in it, some of the animals are missing from the zoo...go ahead, pitch in at any time...

I got this woman on the phone tonight--asked for some guy--and the lady starts bawling her eyes out! I thought okaayy...now what? Then she, between sobs, says that I have a wrong number, and I apologize, but before I can ask if she's okay, She says, crying harder, can she ask me a favour--well, I'm thinking she wants me to ring an ambulance or the police, right? Wrong. She wants to know if I'd mind telling her, if I'd "accepted Jesus." Huh???

Okaaay--then. "Erm--yeah, I guess I have." Is all I think I managed sputter out--well, I was bracing myself to spring into action, had my pen out, and was already madly scribbling down her name, address and telephone number, so the boss could ring the police...wasn't quite expecting the conversation to swing in a religious direction, was I?

So, after more crying and some more rather incoherent praising of Jesus, I finally managed to end the call--almost.

I thank her and bid her a good night, when she blurts out--and I'm NOT making this up--"It's 8:14, Wal-Mart time, thank you for calling."

Er?

Am I missing something? Has Wal-Mart's become so big, that they have their own time-zone now? Now, when you enter a Wal-Mart, do you have to re-set your wrist watch?

Will K-Mart, Sears, Target and Asda all have their own in-store time zones now?

Man, like I said,

The ski-lift doesn't go all the way up the mountain, only rowing with one oar in the water, a few chips short of a chippy, the gun is missing some bullets, mad as a March hare, crazy as a loon, too many nuts in his/her nutloaf, the gourd is missing some seeds, fell off the 'tater wagon, the driveway doesn't go all the way to the road, bats in the old belfry, half a bubble off plumb, a few fish shy of a full string, a sandwich short of a picnic, odder than a three-dollar bill, knitting with only one needle, playing basketball without a basket, driving without a steering wheel, his/her barn door is un-hinged, only 13 lines in his/her sonnet, the boat's got no tiller, got a hole in his/her bag of marbles, got a few toys in the old attic, sewing without a needle and thread, waltzing without an orchestra, the cupboard is empty, not enough apples left on the tree....