Late night dinner and "Five O'Clock Charlie"

Since doing the night shift, my poor old stomach's time-table is all confused. I've had today off, for the holiday, but my stomach's not buying it. So, as per when I am working nights, had lunch at 3pm, and am only now just making dinner, at nearly 10 at night.

I was going to do a pot roast, as I got a cheap thick and fatty chuck steak the other day, but am putting it off till tomorrow. I use mum's recipe to braise the meat: water, apple cider vinegar, sugar, cloves, bay leaf, sliced onions and carrots, and a dash Worcestershire sauce.

Instead, I'm keeping it simple tonight: a box of Zatarain's Jambalaya rice mix, some tinned corn and some sliced smoked sausage. Mix it all together, put it on the boil, and voila! Dinner. Not fancy, but rather tasty and no fussing about in the kitchen.

I was feeling a bit...bleh, today, not sure why. Had a headache (not helped by having marching bands, pipe bands and rock music blaring on the street this morning) since I woke up. Still have it. Not prone to headaches, so I guess I'm not complaining--there's folks I know who get migraines all the time, so I guess I can live with a headache for one day, ey?

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I have to finish my resume, deal with the lawsuit, write that letter to Social Security, Write a letter to my congresswoman, attempt to ring up Social Security, AND do the dreaded laundry!

I am all too well aware of the fact that there's folks worse off than me out there. But still, I don't know. My life seems so utterly useless. I wish someone would magically come along and say, "I need you," and mean it. But wishes are for children and the rich. Not for me. I am too, too aware of the fact, that no one is ever going to need me again.

I remember mum reading me this story--used to be one of my favourites, as a child. It was a book called, "Five O'Clock Charlie." It was about this old work horse. His owner decided he's useless as he's very old, so he puts Charlie out in this pasture full of weeds, and Charlie is bored out of his mind. I feel like that. Just like that. I'm in my mid-forties and that's how I feel: old and useless. And what's worse, I just am so out of steam, I can't seem to budge myself from this feeling. I'm so very tired, these days. I'm too young to feel this way, but..I just do.