Monday. My "day off." Yeah, right. I'm so incredibly down today. All I want to do, is lie in bed and sleep--or just not do anything. I am so frightened about what's going to happen to me--I'm in such an incredibly bad place right now--I am struggling just to help myself--I don't want to do anything but find a hole, crawl in and shut the cover for good.
I hate feeling that way.
Got a call from my only real close "local" friend, and she seemed agitated with me, for seeming so down--of course, I didn't tell her what was making me seem down--she is very, very uncomfortable with the notion of depression--and she rang off with a terse, "I'll call you some time, maybe."
I miss my mum. I miss having someone around--anyone. But, maybe it's for the best. Who wants to be around a depressed person? Anybody? No.
I've a lot to do, today, but no ambition to do it. Oh, I'll do it--some of it--anyhow, but..don't want do. I want desperately to quit and give up--but I won't. Too stupid to know when to just hang it up and let reality steam roll me and get it over with.
I wish I had something to hope for, to hold on to...but...I don't. I've got a few good friends overseas, and my Dr. Who, and the cat's...and nothing else. It will have to be enough. But, sadly, right now, it's not. There's a great whooping space in my life, and I can't fill it. I don't think I ever will.
sb0070
Please bear in mind that these are only my opinions and how I choose to cope, I'm not an expert:
There's plenty of things that you could do to make you feel that your life was more worthwhile. I haven't had the easiest of lives, but I know that good things can come out of every situation. It's your life and it's your choice if you want to live it happily or let it get you down.
You have to aim for things, keep motivated and not give up until you get what you want. I have nights where I feel like shit, but then the next morning I'll get up and do something about it.
I was so depressed last summer, I had absolutely nothing to live for. Nobody would have cared if I was alive or not. I'd just moved out of my boyfriend's 3 days after he told me it was over. Although he kept using me as a sex toy until December when he met someone else; who wasn't even half as attractive as me and everything that I would hate to be.
I'm so much happier now, I decided to go to college and I'm now set to get good marks in my exams and I've had an offer from a uni!
Anyway. Enough about me, your friends will get tired of comforting you all the time, the trick is to have fun with your friends when you do see them so they enjoy spending time with them. Go bowling, swimming, anything with them.. Keep yourself busy and do things you enjoy and life will be a lot more fun.