It's dark this morning, darker than usual...the sky is low and heavily overcast, no sign of the sunrise, just a slight lightening of the sky, a lighter shade of blue-grey.
It's apropo, I guess, as that's the way I'm feeling, as well--a slightly lighter shade of grey. I dunno', there's this little niggling impending sense of doom, hovering about in the back of my mind. Can't say why.
Yeah, I'm scared. I'm always scared. I don't want to end up in a cardboard box, freezing to death alone some night. There's hardly any want ads in the paper--all of about a page and a half, and not many of the jobs ones I can do...farm mechanics, truck drivers, nurses, spanish language teachers, people who know fancy-smancy computer programmes, like Quark Xpress and Peachtree. There's all of two jobs I qualify for (maybe)...one sounds a tad suspicious (345 to 545 dollars a week to start, no experience needed? Yeah, right, but I'll look into it, anyway--sounds a bit like one of those deals where you have to invest money to get the job) and the other is only part-time, four days a week.
I had some weird and bad dreams last night--one a real bad one. I dreamed I was at home (where I grew up) during a violent windstorm, and a huge tree was falling on me. I dreamed I was employed as a singer and everyone hated me (no surprise there), and I dreamed I was about to be struck by lightining. Very strange dreams.
I have a real bad tooth...my entire right side of my face is sore and swollen, but I can't see a dentist right now. Totally out of the question, so I will have to just live on aspirin for the time being. Today I have to have a big breakfast because I have to skip lunch to go to the bank to get the statement for the social services people..and I have to work late to make up my hours that I missed yesterday because I went home sick--still am a bit feverish, but just can't miss any more time off, so I have to go in today, like it or not.
I wish I could find something cheerful or lighthearted to say, but...sorry. Not in the mood, I'm afraid. You'll just have to take me as I am today, grouchy as an old bear. The cats are being cute, at any rate--Flame is chasing a ball, and hiding under the bed and pouncing at my feet everytime I walk by, and boots is sitting up proudly in the living room waste basket, terribly pleased with himself for some reason known only to him. He barely fits in there, by the way.
