Thanks for the words of advice.
I DON'T want to put my cats down!
It's just that NO ONE will take them! No one. I've called, to date, 7 animal shelters--rescue shelters, county shelters, Humane Society, ASPCA, the dog warden, pet shops...NO ONE. The problem is, is that local cities and towns are rounding up ferals and strays, and people are also dropping off unwanted cats, faster than they can be adopted. There's literally no more room at the inn. And, I've run out of shelters to call--I even phoned a shelter in southern Vermont, some 75 miles away!
And even if by some miracle, I do find a place, this time I cannot take them all with me! That's what got me evicted in the first place---the shelters were just as full in March as they are now, and no one would take ANY cats...so I was forced to literally smuggle 5 cats into my flat--and finally, the landlord found out (illegally snooping around while the plumber was here) and he blew a gasket--even tho' they've caused no damage.
I just am at a loss over what to do...one no-kill shelter agreed to take up to five cats---if, they had all their shots and the documents to prove it (no documents) and if I give the shelter 70 dollar donation per cat! (70 dollars = around 35 pounds). Yeah, for that kind of "donation," I don't wonder they're the only one's taking strays. I'm on the waiting list at two shelters--one is 5 weeks, one, 10 weeks or more.
So you see my dilemia?
As for not being "normal," I'm not. I seldom tell anyone this, and hesitate to admit this now--but...I'm bipolar. And believe me--considering all the...stuff I've had--virtully continously--over the lasst year, I don't think suicidal thoughts are all that unusual---I'm trying to avoid thinking like that--but the suicide thing is NOT an attention getter, as you seem to think! It was a sincere natural reaction---how the hell would you like to spend a day at work, thinking things are getting better and everything is actually going back to someplace closer to "normal," only to get off the bus--after a 15 hour day---and be confronted by a pissed off landlord, screamed at to get you and your cats out in 20 days or else--how the hell--and you with only---very, very very--literally 4 dollars (2 pounds) to your name? And no one (locally) to turn to...it's late, no one is up, you are totally alone in the dark of night, confronted with the reality...you have no money. YOu have no car. You have to get rid of your pets. you are about to lose the only roof over your head that you have....
I can't help but wonder, GH, what your reaction would be? You have a home, you have a husband, you have security and likely, family somewhere that cares about you...how can you know what this kind of pain is, or what your reaction would be in these circumstances? I like you, GH, and am sorry to lose your friendship over this.
So maybe I was right, about suffering in silence?
It was never my intent to hurt anyone. I didn't mean to be so thoughtless regarding the feelings of others...but I'm just a tad overwhelmed at the moment, and maybe I'm not thinking right--I'm also still dealing with this blasted PCS, and my head isn't 100% right yet--a lady screamed at the top of her
lungs in my ear today, and I had to disconnect her, because the noise made me dizzy for a moment.
Oksy, now you know world. I'm NOT nomal--reading my blogs should have given you a clue, but hey...so if my having a mental illness, or I'm freaking out over a serious crisis, or just saying something that makes you uncomfortable to know me---okay. Fine. I'm used to that--all the way. I'm sorry that me being me makes people uncomfortable. I would lie if I said it didn't make me sad, but...it's like being alone...it's part of my life, like breathing. So, if you are discomforted by my blog--sorry. This is me. This is my life. I'm not pretty, and it's not always pretty. It is, what...it is.
If more people feel that I should quit this blog stuff...okay, let me know...and I will stop. I have a secondary blog which only a handful of people know about, so no shirt off my back, if I don't use this blog. I don't use this blog for any other purpose than a personal journal/diary...I can drift off to my other, much more obscure blog, no probs, just say the word.
GilraenH
Pro 
Maybe I should have made no comments at all, like the rest of your blog friends apart from one.
I was only trying to help, I see now that I only pissed you off.
Good luck for the future and I hope things get better for you.