So, just want to take a moment to thank all my friends and fellow bloggers for their support (except for my little rugrat "visitor", but he hardly counts, anyway). I thank you for believeing in me, when I have so little faith in myself.
Despite feeling ill and completely dazed, I'm doing my best to still function normally. Doing my job, trying to eat and sleep. I am even looking at an apartment Sunday (I hope).
You've helped me keep up my spirits, even though I know I must be trying--at least for some of you--your patience, which would be understandable, given my recent past history.
I haven't a clue how do deal with the cats--if anyone out there knows of a humane way for me to put them to sleep on my own, without them suffering, I'm open to suggestions, as none of the local shelters are taking on anymore cats right now.
It's quarter to six in the morning and I must get ready for work. Today is payday, so that's something anyway--though I've no clue what my first 2 pay cheques will be. The state and federal governments have to have their chunks taken out, as well.
My life is still up in the air, but life continues as normal...I make myself eat, do my job, go to the library and read..even got acosted by a drunken rodeo cowboy last night, and dealt with him (the eastern division professional rodeo finals are in town for the weekend) so I guess that's not a bad thing. My stomach is still in knots, I took 6 asprin yesterday and still had a headache and I still have moments--when I know I'm alone---where I just stare at the ceiling in a blue funk---but, I'm still here, and maybe, in a very small way, that counts for something, ey?
GilraenH
Pro 
Good. Although, to be honest, and I am sure I am not alone in suggesting that you should see someone face to face about your problems, and I don't just mean the money problems. Blogging, whilst therapy, is not going to help in the long term. You need to sort it out now.
And for heaven's sake stop going on about putting your cats to sleep, we all know that's not going to happen. I have two cats and don't want to read things like that. You're blowing up every problem into a disaster - just because you MAY not be able to live with your cats any more, does NOT mean they have to die. OK???
This is probably going to be my last comment as, even though I enjoy your blog, I'm finding it hard to read these things. It's not normal to talk about killing yourself to strangers, and I do find it upsetting, wondering - 'oh, if I don't comment will she kill herself because I haven't commented and then she'll think no-one cares?'. Enough.
I hope it all works out for you - take one day at a time and keep going. You have lots of friends and support it seems, so don't forget that.
Gil. x