I Ain't Afraid of No Daleks

I will likely keep this one a wee breif, as I am so tired that if someone were to touch me, I'd likely keel right over.

Walked about a mile and a half with a bag of dirty laundry. Left about 5 am---the stars in the pre-dawn sky were gorgeous! So close, it seemed, you could almost reach right out and touch them.

Before I went to the laundromat, I stopped at the only place open at 6am--McDonald's..Yech! Double yech, because the Lake George, NY McDonald's is very literally one of the worst on the entire eastern U.S. seaboard---lousy service with a bad attitude, and food that makes you quite ill--as I could attest to later on that morning---in the cold, wet woods (turns out the laundromat has no public loo). All I had was a small Coke and a breakfast sandwich...this chain has a bad rep of making people sick--even some of the employees, two of whom also happen to work with me,at the motel. I would have eaten some corn flakes or something, before leaving home, but I can't eat breakfast sometimes when I first wake up, sometimes I don't even feel like my tea. Anyhow, so I took the chance at the local Mickey-dee's, like a total idiot. Total being the watchword here.

So, get finished with the laundry and walk up to a small store nearby to buy a cheap dozen eggs to take home with me later. The town's running trolley buses on Sat. and Sun. 'till next week--waited over 45 minutes! One dollar to go a half-mile and wait 50 minutes for the privilege! Don't I just love public transport in America--North country transport is run by bueracratic chimps with tiny little brains. The signs at the bus stops clearly state that a trolley will be by "every 20 minutes." Ha! What wild optimist dreamed that one up? Well, at least I didn't have to carry the laundry that extra half-mile, ey?

And, as a bonus, on my way to the bus stop, I passed by a yard sale--and found a slightly used--but not abused--pair of leather Nike hiking boots--in my size. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Only around 50P (one dollar)...did I mention, yeah! ( Estatically tries them on in the living room--they fit! Boogies to "Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight...") I've been longing for a pair of decent hiking boots for ages. Haven't bought new shoes in over 2 years--and got a used pair of Sketchers boots--sort of like a hiking boot, but not the real deal--at a used clothing store last fall. I haven't had anything like a decent shoe in such a long time, my feet may go into shock! And, don't they look just great? Oh yes, they are "me." (Dances around my office) "get down tonight, get down tonight..."

Anyway....moving on,

I've been trying to make heads or tails of my late mum's genealogy papers---ouch! What a mess this is going to be! Picture this: hundreds and hundreds of pages of handwritten notes and note cards..not a single one in any kind of order. Over 20 years of genealogy notes.

My mother's family has been here in the states for over 300 years....that's a lotta' notes, and add to that notes for Ireland, England, Netherlands, and Germany...whoa...big task facing me here...I am honestly a bit daunted...and it takes a lot to daunt me, these days, let me tell you.

I used to be an ametuer historian. (Excuse the lousy spelling and grammar--gave up editing my blogs ages ago.) So, I was a bit of local historian, so I'm used to unraveling paperwork and trying to make connections...but this, this is really, really going to be hard...doubly so, as mum's no longer here for me to ask, "so, who is so and so?"

I never was hugely into the genealogy, not like she was, but it has it's moments. We had someone at Jamestown Settlement, the Mayflower, the first person to settle in Wayne County, NY (in the western part of the state) was a direct ancestor of mine. I'm directly decended from a state govenor and from the American novelest, James Fennimore Cooper (Last of the Mohicans, Drums Along the Mowhawk, etc)...both of whom have towns named for them. I'm also a decendant of 19th century American landscape artist, Thomas Cole. That's one of his paintings, below:

Another decendant from that same branch of mum's family--albeit a very, very distant one--was shipwrecked while serving on a whaler and died--and his mates had him for teatime. Yes, one of my ancestors was eaten. No, really. It's a matter of public record.

But mum found out some facinating stuff. Like for instance, my mum never lived in the village I grew up in, until she married my dad in 1950. Yet, she found out that her dad, who was from Hudson--a good 45 miles downriver from my hometown--when young,(1900's) had worked and lived just a short distance from the very street where I grew up on! Virtually within sight--from a long distance--from the house I grew up in. And she never knew. I later went to the village hall and looked up the house address--long gone. But I went into the woodlot that stands there now, and actually found the foundation wall of the house. I kind of thought that was sort of neat.

And, when I left common school to go on to senior high school, I could have chosen (due to the size of our village, students had to be bussed out to other cities and towns to finish the last four years) from 4 or 5 different high shcools...I choose one way out in the country--a 45 minute bus ride away. Turns out, the town where my high school was--just a little hamlet--was where some of my ancestors had lived 200 years before--and their farm was where my shcool's tennis court now stands! I didn't find that out until after I'd graduated in '79, but still...I think that's pretty interesting.

She found out that her family was very influetial and quite well-to-do..even hobnobbing with U.S. presidents and such. One was even a personal friend of Arron Burr.

She looked up what some of my later ancestor's did and where they had lived---blacksmith, canal boatman, butcher, pressman...too many depressions in the 19th century and family deaths--the money just disapeared.

Some of my acestors fought..the anti-rent wars against the last patroon (dutch lords) system in America. One was with Morgan's rifelmen at the battles of Saratoga. One was a tory--who got converted to a patriot by a pitchfork in a very tender spot, whilst he was hiding from his angry neighbours in the hayloft.

But, there's a few mysteries that have yet to be solved. Like the mysterous gravestone in one of the family plots in Albany Rural Cemetery...it's the only time the name appears in the family line. "McLeod." Mum never could get the straight of it. She was stumped. She never could figure out this person is an actual relative, or was a family friend or what. No information, other than what was on the card in the cemetery office, as to who this McLeod person--I think it was a woman--might be.

So, the mystery remains unsolved--are we related to this McLeod, and if so, how? Or is it a close friend of the family, or what?

And finally, every American genealogist's nightmare--the name change...mum sometimes could not entirely get sorted out whether her family name was indeed "Featherly" or, Vedderly--a Dutch spelling...or even, Vedder. That's because the further back she went, the more muddled the name became.

So, to change the subject completely...

I apologize for my last post...I was wet, cold, sick and tired...and my guard was down--yes, I was seriously depressed yesterday. Sorry for the doom and gloom of that post--but that was what I was thinking and feeling, at the time. I'm a bit cheerier, today, ta, even though I feel totally lousy, physically. And, I have it to do all over again tommorrow--the long walk to work, I mean...may chance the trolley..but the schedlues are so bleedin' iffy..don't want to be late for work, either. The walk wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the dadblasted hills. I hate hills! No, really. I grew up on a hill--you haven't lived 'till you've had to run down your street and up a long steep hill after a schoolbus first thing in the morning when it's 2 degrees outside (farenheight)! Oh yeah, that was fun for the better half of the first 14 years of my life. (I wasn't the most athletic kid around, either.)

And, I have been puzzling for a while about a Doctor Who mystery...in the beginning of the Chistmas Invasion episode, the Doctor emits some glowing energy stuff that goes up into space...accompanied by music and some very hard to discern--nearly impossibly so--words. Anyway, a fellow fan claims that the words involve a race called...I think...the "Mysterions" or something like that...what's with that, ey? I've given a bit of a listen, and can't quite make it out. Hmmm---very interesting...and mysterous..ooooaahhh--ha-ha-ha! (Insert mildly creepy music here.)

Can't sleep. My mind is racing like an out of control freight train. I have to face reality. There's just no way I'm going to make the rent in October..no, way, no way. I'm stuck.

I still owe the security deposit on this place...no where to move to, won't be able to take most of my possessions with me...either my sister will take them..or, I don't know. I don't even know how the hell I'm going to move, without transport. The Salvation Army can't help me, until I'm actually out on the streets...and by late October, the streets will be damned cold.

God only knows what I'll do about the cats---that's really breaking my heart. I'm trying hard to keep my sense of balance and sense of humour..but tonight...even though I just wrote some humourous stuff for the Teaspoon website...I did it more out of sheer boredom, than for any other reason. I love my cats so much, and they will be scared. What will likely happen is that the dog warden will come and take them to the shelter to be put down.

People tell me, "things will get better someday." I don't believe it, anymore. How can I? Hope and faith are dead things to me, now. All I can do is try to survive here, for as long as I can. It won't be a very happy birthday for me, though. Not by a long chalk. Last year was a terrible birthday..mum was dying. This year promises to be not much better. I will never celebrate my birthday--or any other holiday ever again...not worth it. Just not.

Sorry this blog is so depressing...but, I'm just very depressed.

And I'm still getting stupid e-mails from that fake reporter. He told me a couple of e's ago, that he was with some paper called, Daily Star. Checked with the paper...no. Or at least, they've not anwsered me, which tells me the guy's phony as a three dollar bill. So, besides the ersatz David Tennant...oh yeah, he's baaack. And more annoying than ever. I sent him one last e-mail saying I know he's not DT and that he should get some therapy and I don't read his e-mails but automatically delete them. Now I'm thinking that the phoney "reporter" and the fake DT are likely the same person...different addresses..but same providers. It's not really that big a deal..I get stupid e-mails constantly...but it is rather annoying, and I could do with one less problem, however minor and insignificant.

Gah. All I wanted was something...productive to do with my life. Well...I wanted a decent-paying career...or just a career...but now..I just want to work and survive..but it's not really working out that way, is it? I keep lowering my standards and lowering my standards, and still, I'm at the bottom and sinking deeper every day. It's beyond fustrating...It's...impossible.

Well, was going to go to bed early, but forgot to do something, and now it's nearly eight..also forgot to have supper, and if I don't, I'll just wake up in the wee hours of the morning with hunger pains. So, put on some soup that I just bought at the market.

Something funny just happened. My little calico cat, Miss Kitty, was asleep in my lap. I had to move her so I could type, so I put her on top of the desk, near the corner. She never woke up! Not only that...but she was so out if it...open mouth and all, that she just fell off the desk...the look on her face! Just was soooo--relaxed, that she fell off the desk in slow motion. She does that a lot. When she sleeps..it's totally lights out. She sleeps sitting straight up, sometimes even. She's dumber than the rug she walks on, but I love her. She's a good "mum" to the younger cats, and a sweet-tempered little thing.

Still have some sorting for the yard sale tommorrow, but too tired tonight. Will get up early. The backyard farmers across the street were setting up tongight. I don't have enough stuff to bother..and anyway, with all my years of experience with doing flea markets--and garage sales--set up for me is a whiz-bang affair. Piece of cake. Hope the rain holds off though, at least for a bit. I can always set up things in the vestibule, but people tend to stop more when the table's right under their noses--in this case, right out on Route 9.

I'm trying real, real hard not to think about October. I'm just trying to live for one day at a time...if I think too much about the sorry state of my affairs, I think it would be a very bad thing, indeed.

So, I try to keep up my sense of humour...a sense of humour is my ultimate survival weapon. My friends have helped Immensely--my blog friends here (you know who you are, certainly) and my friends, Pilotfish, TLC, Ness, Seb, Matt and others who've helped me through this trying time, bless them.

I did it..with the help of a neighbour I didn't know I had.

I managed to lug over 20lbs of groceries home, most of a half-mile uphill...and not get a heart attack. Although my heart's beating the rhumba, right now. A woman, who, it turns out, lives just up the way from me, gave me a lift the last 1/8th of a mile up the hill...huge help...without her I'd still be walking right now...man, am I outta' shape!

I managed to get cat litter and food, and a few groceries for me. The litter alone weighed over 10 lbs. Heavy, dude! My gosh, I'm getting old. Used to do this sort of thing all the time, when I was younger...miss having a backpack, though. Used to have a mountain bike with a basket attached to the handle bars...very convenient...till someone stole it.

This chest cold's getting to me, a bit, though...sometimes breathing is a bit of a challenge..found an old bottle of cough medicine from back in the spring, in the sock drawer (???), so that helps.

Tried going on a chat room...was too sick last nite to chat. Tonight was okay, except half the time I don't know what everyone is talking about...they're tons more technologically advanced that I, or they talk about stuff only someone British would know...current tv shows (not Dr. Who) and schools and things (U.K. schools much different than U.S.) So, sometimes I feel a bit awkward..and sometimes I just sit there waiting for something to come up that I can join in with. But, mostly...chat rooms make me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like a jerk, 'cause I'm a newbie and all. Sometimes people talk to me, and sometimes these same people totally ignore me...it's never going to be a comfortable situation for me, chat rooms. But, it's mostly the only outside contact I have.

So, A good many of my posts have been quite depressing of late, so, I try to balance my blog with Doctor Who commentary, humour and odd and ends of trivial thoughts.

I often spend so many hours alone that the boredom sometimes gets to me a little. I am at the point, where, if I don't die of a heart attack from walking miles a day (besides being mildly disabled, I'm just a tad overweight), or die of pneumonia if I walk in the rain with this chest cold, I will likely die of sheer boredom. Trapped in my flat (albeit, I love my little flat) with nothing to do, but the same things over and over every day and night. What to do?

Make my own kinds of fun. In this case, find something funny to share with others. At least, I hope others find it funny.

I live in the Adirondack montains of New York...where, besides loads of tourists from Quebec, New Jersy and NYC and thereabouts, we have a plethora of genuine rednecks--NY does indeed have real live hillbillys--I've lived in the same apartment building with them...and it's 100% true, that yes, some of them really are inbred...but still okay people, once you get to know them...well, most of them.

The big hobbies of the average Adirondacker: hunting, beer, country music, listening to police/fire scanners, watching tele, NASCAR racing, bingo, working on old trucks and cars, fishing, shooting anything that moves, beer, riding ATV's, beer and snowmobiling.

Here's some popular redneck jokes that I like.

A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.

"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"

"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."

"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the ladies.

So he goes back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again," he says, "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl."

"Okay," says the Frenchman, "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way."

"Thanks!" says the guy, and runs off to the store. He buys the potato, puts it in the swimsuit, and marches up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walks, but the women will hardly even look at him. After half an hour he can't take it anymore and goes back to the Frenchman.

"Look," he says, "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach-- and still nothing! What more can I do?"

"Well," says the Frenchman, "maybe I can help you a leetle beet. Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?"

And this one's really popular around here:

Two redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their pickemup truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the lone hunter left, the two rednecks decided to give it a try. A little while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the truck...."

Redneck Police Car:

In news, you have something called a "lead." Now, personally, as a writer (okay, still not a pro, but..I like to pretend that I"m actually a writer),anyway, as I was saying: as a writer, I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with leads.

What a lead is, is the first line of a news story...otherwise known as the "lead in." It's meant to grab the reader and pull him or her in, in just a few short words. And for me, it's hell to write. I love the challenge...but hate trying to come up with an attention-getting lead. It's a bit like the titles we put on our blogs, I suppose. Trying to come up with a title that will get people interested enough to read the rest of what you've written.

Which is all well and good in a blog--but, when you've got some really dry story to write for a paper...say, a really dull school board meeting...it can be hell. And, you may think you've come up with a great lead, only to have your editor totally re-write it.

Some leads should be edited, but aren't. And some headlines, as well. Take this headline, which I saw tonight, on Yahoo News: "Bush urges bickering allies on Terroism" Now, is it me, or does the writer make it sound like Bush is urging U.S. allies to squabble a bit more about terrorism? Not a good headline. Headlines are even tougher, because you have to say a lot with only a handful of words.

Here's some more examples of bad editing: (From actual newspaper headlines over the years)

REALLY STUPID HEADLINES:

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely!

And the classified adverts department have terrible editors:

For sale: lee majors (6 million dollar man)$50

FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.

Publicity stills released by the Beeb this summer, show David Tennant in an entirely new wardrobe. Seems he's in his blue period in this shot, taken with new companion Freema Agyeman.

However, scuttlebut is that he's still retaining his old wardrobe...for at least the Christmas Special and the first few episodes that are being filmed, even as I write this.

So what gives with the new rags? Dunno'. But the outfit is coming in to some very mixed reviews...there's even been one comment by a fan that someone should "Fire the (costume) designer." Along with the blue suit, which is similar in cut to the old one, in the photo, the Doctor's sporting new red trainers--which some fans really like and others seem to detest even more than the suit.

Yours truly thinks both costumes look just fine...it's the actor inside that matters, ey? Although costume has always been an intregal part of the series.

Not sure what all the fuss is about. Do you know, authors on the fan fiction site, Teaspoon and and Open Mind, have even written stories against the new suit. I've read two so far...one where the Tardis and Rose (long story) both hate the Doctor's new rags.

It's not as if Tennant hasn't had slight wardrobe changes before, you know. In series two, he frequently changed his tie and shirts, as well as his trainers. Some people just don't like change I guess.

Me, change has become a part of my life, so if I don't like something in the show (disliked Love and Monsters, the soap opera storylines, mickey---and several other things in the show...but, I got over it. I just enjoy it. And, if I don't like something, I either ignore it or simply skip over it. But, I have to say, some people are really taking the new companion/wardrobe change, rather personally, which is okay, I suppose. Just seems a shame to let something so trivial ruin your enjoyment of some good entertainment. But, that's fandumb for you, ey? Whoops...I mean, fandom, ha-ha.

My boss stopped by on her way up to Warrensburg, figured she'd save me a trip, since she had to come by my place...think she just wanted to see where I lived.

Hope she doesn't start talking to my landlady...what a disaster that'd be...if those people knew how on the edge I was...they'd not hesitate to evict me in a heartbeat--they're already evicting the guy who rents the back room downstairs.

Anyway, Got my payslip...after I pay what I owe on the rent, I'll have exactly 7 dollars and fifty-four cents--about a tad over 3 pounds.

I'll be able to get cat litter and cat food, at any rate, but that's all.

She also cleaned out the motel caf and brought over some leftover food--bread, semi-expired milk, cornflakes and a big frozen bag of chicken and dumplings. I've two cans of beans up in the cupboard, and one pork chop. So, menu for the week is: one pork chop with canned yams, chicken & dumplings (lots of chicken and dumplings) with bread and butter, and 2 meals of beans on toast. Oh, and peanut butter and jelly--(did I mention that I detest peanut butter?). Not great, but..it'll keep the wolf from my door for a bit longer, anyhow, ey?

I'm screwed because they repossed my car last night. There's NO public transport and I don't even own a bicycle...and I'm a tad lame, so this could get interesting, to say the least.

The timing was perfect, as usual. I was going to cash my paycheck today, pay the rest of the rent, do laundry and go to the food pantry.

I'll have to walk the 2 or 3 miles or whatever to the motel for my cheque, walk back a few more miles to the grocers to cash the cheque...lug home 10 or 15 lbs. of cat litter, milk, etc., about another half-mile, then sit home and vegitate.

Oh...gee...I'm really looking forward to the rest of my life, aren't I?

They weren't supposed to do this till around October first. Last time I checked, it was still September...isn't it? Dunno', don't have a calendar.

Couldn't happen when I had at least 16 dollars for one-way cab fare, could it? Couldn't happen on a Thursday, after payday, could it? Couldn't happen after I did the laundry and all that, could it? Nope.

And this is EXACTLY how my year has been going....if timing is everything, then my time is over, becasue I have NOTHING.

I'm so damn tired...I'm too tired to cry or scream or anything. On top of everything else, I'm getting a chest cold.

Don't take offence anyone, when I say this...but right now, I wish I hadn't been talked out of suicide...don't worry. I won't. But I'm just so damn tired of all of this. I'm so tired.

I mean, when's it going to stop? (Write on one side of the paper only.)

I read somewhere where they aren't doing the alien planet thing because the computerized cgi stuff is "too expensive."

Also that they don't want to do the alien landscape in a quarry or forest because it's not well-recieved by critics/fans, and that it's too star-trekky. Too star-trekky? Excuse me, but isn't this really a sci-fi series?

So, what I think is, is that since the advent of the internet and computerized images...humans are losing their suspension of disbelief..and their imaginations. I mean, yeah, with computer imaging, you can imagine anything..make anything possible--but where is the real imagination? Ey? The one we had as kids, when we picked up a dustbin lid and a broom handle and imagined we were knigts in armor? Oh yeah, they have video games now..no need to pretend, ey? When I see a quarry on Doctor Who, or a cave or whatever...I see an alien spaceship, a cavern, a rocky desolate planet. I don't think, "oh gee, this is too star-trekky" or "gee, where's all the fancy special effects?" I just enjoy the programme. Because without good writing and acting, all the cgi in the world won't help Doctor Who be truly great.

That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. So there. :p

Well, it's off to bed for me. Gotta' pound the pavement and look for more jobs tommorrow morning.

Has anyone seen my life? If you have, I'd like it back please. Can't offer a monetary award, but I make a mean batch of real Cowboy chilli. Or, you can snog me if you like. If you find it, call me...or leave a message on my e-mail, ha-ha.

Gah! I'm bored outta' my gourd! I'm almost regretting my decision to stop writing fiction. I'm sooo--sick of playing card games on the computer. I've all these board games sitting in a box in a corner of my office...well, no one to play with, so guess what? Garage sale time! (Well, in this case, a yard sale, as I don't have a garage.)

Well, I came from a middle class family...was homeless for a very short time and impoverished, in the mid-90's...wound up co-owning a very large modern caravan, going to college---to get out of the cycle of poverty--traveling to other countries...now...I'm dead broke...have been working dead-end low wage jobs--and will be laid off shortly, and may very well lose my home for the second time in a year---what the hell happened??!!?? Talk about your life going backwards...mine's gone backwards and plum disapeared back into the womb, feels like. Ah, well, such is life, ey? Guess not everyone's meant to be successful. It's just the way it is, and I have t accept that...but it's going down like a big swallow of ginger beer, uh-yuh.

Anyway, more news on the Doctor Who front: I hear Executive Producer Julie Gardner has been promoted to Controller. Good for her, she likely deserves it. And, she'll keep her other duties, as well. In other words, she's my opposite: I can't get a job, she's got loads of jobs, ha-ha. (And that was meant as a joke.) No really, though. I'm quite pleased. She seems like a very capaple, intelligent and caring lady, and I wish her nothing but success in her new role.

Okay, yeah. It's true. I admit it freely. Yes. I've never been snogged. Oh, been kissed by my mum, my sister, my cats, my dog, my auntie, a Dutch friend (they do that kiss on the cheek thing there..we yanks just shake hands), and...once by a horse I was caring for when I was a stablehand. But, no. Never been snogged. Peck on the cheek goodnight, yes. Properly snogged, no. Never been in love. Have to be in love to be properly snogged...don't you? Or don't you? How the heck should I know? I'm an old maid, remember?

Yes, it seems my favourite series has turned into a snogfest. Let's break out the tambourines and all sing "Get down tonight." Is the Tardis turning into the Love Boat? Should the Doctor begin wearing a captian's hat and start serving drinks?

Well, just read a newspaper article that claims ("claims" mind you, not heard it from the horse's mouth, so to speak) that the new companion, Freema Ageyman, has had snogging the Doctor written into her conract!

Methinks kissing the Doctor is the latest party game in the Tardis, ey? Well...suppose they have to do something while they're in the Space-Time vortex, ey?

Me...I've never been kissed. (No, really, I haven't.) But...I suppose if someone like the Doctor came along...

So, I went for a bit of walkies down to the pier and gardens and along the shoreline for a bit. Surprised at the crowds...well, crowds for this time of year, anyway..and on a Tuesday afternoon, too. Huh.

Watched the cruise boats come and go...the Horicon going down the Narrows, the big old Lac Du Saint Sacrement coming in to dock. The Horicon belongs to the boat company, who's boat, the Ethan Allen, flipped over and killed 20 elderly tourists in the lake, last October. They pulled her sister boat...I think it was the Algonquin...but still have Horicon, Adirondac and one other smaller boat in service. Horicon is the second boat of the name. And here's the tiny bit of irony: The original Horicon, a lake steamer in the 1900's, also had a sister boat, the Sagamore. The Sagamore ran aground and sank, killing some people, back about 100 years ago. That's definately an odd coincidence, or is it just me who thinks so?

Anyway, the day was lovely. Nearly ran into God and her husband...that's why she wasn't there to give me my paycheck, she was on a lake cruise. Managed to avoid her. That's because I felt my face might have looked a tad sad--and I wasn't up to an interrogation about how i was doing...and what I was doing...and how I was doing it, and what was I going to do..etcetera, etcetera...

I guess I was feeling sorry for myself, today. It's not easy, being alone, watching couples walking: some hand in hand, some not. Some talking, some not. But...together. I'm used to being alone, but some days...what I wouldn't give for just a simple casual conversation. Oh, I talk to the cats..even to myself, sometimes (no, I don't hear voices--yet. Ha-ha) and that's okay, usually. But I sometimes miss the sound of a human voice, talking to me--not at me, to me. I guess that must be difficult for most people to understand. It's not like a want a boyfriend or anything...heck no. It's just...I dunno', As awkard as I feel conversing, I do miss it. Used to be, back years ago, when I still dated, that a good date to me, was often simply a pleasant conversation over a good cup of coffee, or while walking or driving somewhere.

Well, yours truly seems to be getting a bit of a cold. Had a headache for two days..now a sore throat. Funny, didn't think I'd been anywhere to pick up a cold...maybe picked up from the dirty laundry I handle...and, yours truly woke up freezing the other night...left my bedroom window open...it's right over my bed, you'd think I'd notice...espcially with English Brook babbling away down there below me, and with the noise of the trucks on the interstate highway up the road...but, nope. I was truly in la-la land. Must've been all that sleep I missed earlier on...my body must be trying to catch up.

Watching Girl in the Fireplace again...hey, it's that good. Love the acting. And, losing yet another game of cribbage with the daft old computer. Gah! I'm so bored! But, I try to remind myself that at least I'm still in my flat, surround by my cats and my belongings, and not stuck in some dirty old welfare motel...which is very much the situation I may be in soon...no lie. Being stuck alone at home...is still 100 times preferable than being stuck alone in a welfare motel--trust me, I know 110% of what I'm talking about here.

My day so far has sort of been like Dr. Who and a Dalek---bit of zap and a bang.

The zap: my electric installment plan is reinstated...I'll owe on 7th of October, 89 dollars as opposed to 724 dollars.

Couldn't get my cheque or the food or anything, because the boss isn't in today, like she'd said she'd be. Try again tommorrow, I guess.

And for the bang: the hotel job may have been a bit of a bust---I apply for a full-time position, get offered (MAYBE) a part-time position, a few days a week--not good. Will know more tommorrrow afternoon, but I'd say Hamption Inn for me, is likely a Hampton Out. Not many places left to apply to, now the season's nearly done. I'm going to try just two more places--tried everyone else.

So, while the Dalek of life that was menacing my electrical service got zapped...

...yours truly is about to get sucked into the big old VOID of unemployment and homelessness...and there's no Doctor or Pete or anti-gravity thingys to grab onto...just have to bow my head down and hope for the best...keep slugging away with the applications and hope for an honest-to-God miracle...and, as I've mentioned previously..I don't believe in miracles.

Sooo--anyhow, think I need some more fresh air. I believe in a little while, I'll head down to the cruise boat dock down to town and go for a walk along the waterfront...they've a nice little garden all tucked away near there, quiet spot, where I can go and look at the flowers and maybe forget my troubles for a bit...the healing power of nature is a very real and tangible thing, you know...even if it's only for a little bit. Between my new-found friends, nature and Dr. Who, maybe I can find a way of wading throught the quicksand that's my life.

Well, watched more Dr. Who last night. Guess I've watched everything by now at least 3 or 4 times...good thing, if I ever find myself in a New Series trivia contest, ey? Watched Empty Child and Girl in the Fireplace back-to-back. Great scripts...and wonderful acting. DT was brill in the Fireplace bit..especially at the end.

So, it's 10 am here in the states...five hours behind, that'd make it..oh, what do I know about GMT or whatever it's called over there---late afternoon, I guess. Someone over there is going to have to sort me out about European time. We go from 12 noon to 12 midnight...then start at 1am and go to 12 noon again...if that makes sense to anyone, please let me know. I hate daylight savings time...and it's put in a very illogical place--it was started in WWII...1 hour forward in spring, and 1 hour back in fall. The thing that makes least sense, is the one hour back begins just before the Halloween holiday, when all the kids are going around to people's houses in their fancy dress, trick-or-treating for candy...you'd think the idiot's in Washington, would wait 'till after the holiday, so the kid's wouldn't be going 'round in the dark...but, that would be logical, and heaven forbid that the politicians in Washington who set up this little scheme all those decades ago, ever do anything that's actually logical, ey? Weird thing is, until last year, the state of Misouri didn't acknowlege DST at all--which must have made things rather interesting when watching tele...everyone else in the country being an hour ahead or behind the people of Misouri.

Ohhh--so that's what sunshine looks like! Hey, an actual nice, sunny day...almost forgot what that looked like. Hope it stays this way for the huge town-wide yards sales. Could use a break, maybe finally get that old Super Nintendo out of the flat, some of this other junk that's taking up space.

So, I'm to ring up the hotel later this afternoon, to hear whether I might have the job or not. Really tense. I don't get this, I'm in serious trouble very soon. I'll have no income whatsoever. None. I'm trying not to let my mind go there...that's what nearly caused me to..well, you know. Still haven't had a call from the utility company either, will try them back later, as well. Hey, nobody said life was fun..but they didn't tell me what a hell it would be, either.

What's on second? I dunno'. ---Third Base!

Well, I gotta' tell 'ya...trying to download and read the Doctor Who E-book online, "Nightshade," by Mark Gatiss--is a bit like trying to follow the classic old Abbot and Costello routine. (One of my all-time fav routines, by the way.)

First, it took forever--nearly 10 minutes, to download--then I get it--can't read the darn thing...the print's way too small and not dark enough. May be okay for a 10 year old with perfect eyesight, but I'm an middleaged near-sighted old fart. So....

Guess I either don't read the book, or develop one heckuva bad case of eyestrain.

I'm giving up writing for a bit, and I can't read this darn book, guess I just have'ta stick to this blog, DWO, doctor who series I/II, my records and online cribbage for my entertainment, ey?

So, it's exactly 2 am---that's 7 uk time...and I'm wide awake. My office light just went on the fritz and I can't see my keyboard, as I have a just a little touch of nightblindness--barely...but enough to make dim lighting conditions a teensy bit of a challenge. You know how they say in theater to "break a leg?" I nearly did once, in a college play, when the director decided to raise the stage--painted black, of course, by several inches. And did this--a few hours before final rehearsal! But that's not all he utterly--and totally-- forgot to tell us!

So, someone was late for rehersal, it was the first scene and I was told to stand in--I made the proper entrance, was looking towards my mark, and, more importantly, simply couldn't see the stage in the dim lighting..tripped on that totally unexpected rise in height, and took a header into the lead actor--if he'd not been there, I would have fallen clean off of the bleedin' stage down into the pit! ]

That's the self same director who made me positively hate acting. He's the same one who, all of 30 minutes into opening night, totally changed the final scene (a pantomime)--and, of course, totally threw most of the already slightly nervous actors off. What a nightmare! Every rehersal--every one--my lines would change, my accent would change, my marks would change...my very first play--and my last. From that point on, I stuck with running sound and stuff. I'm not stage shy...but I like knowing what the hell I'm doing...and if I mess up backstage...no one can see me. Anyway...I didn't mind the acting stuff (Liberal Arts majors had to choose a minor--I just sort of fell into theater for scheduling reasons..can't act worth a darn--I mean I totally suck.) I enjoyed theater classes though...helped me grow as a person, gave me self-confidance I never had before...and I adored playwriting..now that was fun! Directing class was hard, but it was also kind of neat, too. Anyway, got a bit off the beaten path, haven't I?

So, yeah, I don't see quite as well as I used to. Seems I have something called retinitis pigmintosa--but it's dormant, and only in one eye. Still, my Polish gran was in an accident as a little girl, and couldn't speak or hear--and raised something like 7 kids alone during the Great Depression...so, who am I to complain about being a four-eyes, ey?

There were a lot of birds around work today...blue jay's, robins, sparrows, mourning doves. They were eating the berries that are ripe. Some friends of mine are going apple picking next weekend...hope the weather holds out. Been a bit filthy, this year...but when it's been nice, it's been super-nice, mostly. Sunday, early afternoon, you couldn't see the lake or mountains through the clouds and mist...by mid-afternoon..the view were simply splendid. Could see for miles. September weather can be a bit off and on over here in the Adirondacks.

Maybe next I'll get an e-mail from the Dalek Emperor, the Cyberleader or Russel T. Davies, ey?

So, here it is, after 10pm...wee hours in the morning for my UK friends...and I'm browsing through my e-mails one last time...eye-yi-yi! Some good ones from my friends..and, oh yes--I mean, oh no. More nutters again!

Got yet another e-mail regarding my blog. It's gotta' be bogus. five quid for me to tell how Dr. Who fans (and others) saved me from offing myself? Come on, do I really seem that much of an idiot? (Don't answer that.)

Anyway, instead of deleting the message this time, I e'd the person back (big hint that's it's a fake e-mail: no name given or name of publication) and told him--or her, to please go bother someone else, as I'm not in the proper mood for pranks right now. Hopefully, the kid (at least, I'd like to think it's not an adult) will go away.

Yeah, like I'm going to embarrass myself in a public newspaper--blog yes, newspaper, no. A gal's gotta' draw her lines somewhere. Not that I beleive for a second that this is a real reporter. I've worked press--real reporters don't work that way...the wording was very...unprofessional, and certainly, a reporter would leave contact info. That I know, as I've done a bit of reporting (in a small way) myself. Besides, who'd want to read a story like that? It's not news. Not in the sense that I'd call news, anyway. Kids!

Speaking of fake e-mails--got yet another e-mail that I've won a million..hey, at this rate, I can buy George Bush. No, really. Getting tired of the fake lottery e-mails. Wish these idiots would go dunk their lazy little minds in a bucket of dead herring. I mean, I must get two dozen a week--every week--since I've first gotten online. Forget about buying Dubya--I could buy the planet--the universe, even, by now.

Yeah, and an e-mail telling me I'll win a free draft horse size western saddle, if I do their survey--yeah, and the fine print: "must complete other offers on this site." Yeah, after I buy a couple of hundred dollars worth of useless junk...I get a "free" saddle. How stupid is that? For the same amount of stuff I'd spend on the "offers," I could probably buy a good used saddle at the local horse auction!

Anyway, I was reading the odd blog here and there, found a few that were quite entertaining. I especially liked an older brit blog, called: East End Life. Made me laugh. Almost makes me wish I was a gay man, ha-ha.

There's a lot of good blogs out there, especially my friend's blogs--whom I don't read enough of, I"m a bad girl. Found some good Dr. Who blogs and a nice horsey blog that was quite nice.

So, I'm off. I'm going to read that online Dr. Who book I downloaded a few weeks ago. Seems I have time now, to pursue it. Decided to give up writing for a bit...wait until I'm feeling better. It's not that my work would be any different, I've written under all sorts of conditions--last year, had to write a 5 page essay for college--all the while, while my mum was in major surgery for hours on end.

Ahhh! Bootsie (my large ginger tom) has decided to sit on the back of my chair..and plunked his big fat arse on top of my head, instead! Kind of hard to type with a cat's arse on one's head. Hope his fleas are all gone, ey?

Monday...I hate Mondays...Sundays are nice..no workmen downstairs banging on the walls all day (the landlord's are totally remodeling the downstairs for their grandson to live in...for the last 6 months), no bill collectors calling every five minutes (which is why I hate answering the phone), Sundays usually mean I work my longest hours of the week (only 4 this week, instead of the usual 8 to 10 during the summer), no pressures, no calling utilities,or the bank to straighten out problems.

I still haven't found out if they've reinstated my installment plan at the electric company. I can't get hold of them...was on hold twenty minutes Friday. Told to try late afternoon on Monday, so I will. Keep our fingers crossed, ey? No electric in an Adirondack winter is not a good thing.

Well, dolled myself all up for the interview this morning...housekeeping at a major chain motel. Very lovely people--not my ideal job, and the pay won't entirely support me, but...the only thing I'm going to get in this one-horse town, off-season. Walking to works going to be a right bother, though. It's definately going to hurt--physically hurt...but, nothing I can do but keep going. No choice. None.

Well, a tiny bit of good news: the boss lady is closing the motel cafe this week, asked the employees if they want any food...of course I said yes, I'm no dummy. The old cupboard's looking a bit thin, right now. Also, she said that cheques would be in on Tuesday this week, for some reason the company got them done early--less employees, likely. So, that's also a bit of good news. Tommorrow I'll go into the city to the food pantry...there's two, maybe I can find the other one, and that would be good. The one pantry gives away free bread, which would be great, as bread here in town costs over 2 dollars a loaf!

Guess I'll be eating a lot of boxed macaroni and cheese and eggs and stuff. That's okay, better than going hungry. Not the first time, won't be the last.

Man, I'm so in debt, I'm never getting out from under. It's not like in the U.K., where there's protections for debters...the republicans under Bush have increasingly made it harder for those in debt--harder and harder. Sometimes I don't think they'll be satisfied till they have us all in concentration camps. For a party that touts God and country as it's theme, they sure do have a lot of greed and hardness in their hearts, when it comes to their own people. I'm serious.

But, enough of the dark stuff.

My interview went pretty good...think I may have the job, but won't know for another day or so, yet.

Really hurt like you wouldn't believe, when I had to turn down that job selling saddles. It honestly was like life was giving me the old two finger salute.

When I first started looking for a full-time job last year, at first I began with jobs I wanted...library clerk, customer service rep, receptionist (I just happen to be fantastic on phones), newspapers, etc. Then, after about 3 weeks of no luck, and getting desperate for a job, I began lowering my standards: better retail outlets, asst. mgr. trainee at resturants and retail stores, car salesperson, hospital aide, etc. Another two weeks and lowered my standards way down..I was getting really desperate: dishwasher, commercial laundry, inventory control, home aide, anything and everything..over 250 applications in a bit over two months!

When I first began looking, I was full of confidance...I'd never had problems finding a job before, figured it'd be a cinch to get one now...ha! As the rejections grew, my confidance gradually shrank. Often, I would drive 50 miles to an interview..only to be greeting by skepticism or sarcasim or both. It hurt me...it really did. Made me feel more and more like garbage. I go to the bother of driving a long distance for their lousy interview, and they treat me like dirt when I get there...how would you feel? Is it any wonder I"m not crazy about my country, on occasision? We treat each other like crap..and then why are we so shocked when foreigners treat us that way? World's a nutso place, sometimes, ain't it?

Anyway, I did finally land a job, as the sole office cleaner at a harness racing track/casino in Saratoga, a bit over 30 miles from here. It was a tough, dirty, thankless, and (almost literally) back-breaking low wage job--but, it was a job..and I sometimes didn't have enough to eat, but was able to pay the rent and utilities at least. Then, my car's transmission began acting up...traveling 30 miles with it, was no longer an option...and no money to fix it.

But, through all this, I continued to job hunt..month after month, persuing either jobs that I felt I'd enjoy, or simply jobs that paid a higher wage. I applied for tests for the postal service, civil service, etc. No go. I even applied to be a cleaner at my former college--twice. Twice they rejected me. So much for the old Alma Mater, ey? Fat lot of help they ever were--take your tuition money and run with it...eh, don't get me started with them, now.

So, anyway. Finally. I job offer to do what I love to do best--hang out with horses, saddles--used to be an antique saddle collector, I can name any part of a saddle you point to, and I can design a saddle--not make one--right off the top of my head. (okay, well, I love writing best, but not very good at it...at least not good enough to be employeed in that capacity--too much able competition). Well, here it is...my "dream" job..after 9 months of diligent searching and hoping...and, I have to turn it down for lack of transport. Excuse me while I go find something hard to bang my head against.

Sorry this blog is so depressing...didn't start out that way...let me change the mood a bit

Oh, yeah. Since starting blogging, I've had some real great e-mails and messages...but also a few weird one's.

Here's a small sample of some of the weirder things I've gotten:

Well, I've mentioned the ersatz "David Tennant" who was writing me long nasty notes about my comments about him--which was really weird, as I hadn't said anything bad, that I could recall--was only repeating some things other people were writing to me about...i've no beef with DT whatsoever. Seems like a nice man--but, that didn't deter this psuedo actor...oh well, he did stop, eventually.

And there was the guy who tried to buy a dalek from me.

More recently, there's the guy who started vomiting scripture at me and banging me mentally over the head with his bible...ranting about how I should accept Jesus--didn't know I hadn't...news to me. Managed to block him from sending anything more. Wow! What a trip he was. He was enough to make one become an athiest, just to get away from him.

Oh, here's a good one, made me laugh--before I deleted it. Some person claiming to be from some U.K. newspaper actually offered me a whole five pounds to give him the story of how "Doctor Who Saved my Life." Seems he read my blog headline or something...can you believe that? Wow! Where do these nutters come from? Like some newspaper's going around reading peopple's blogs..yeah, right. And I've a 40 million acre state park I can sell you, too.

I like the guy who tried to sell me contraband Doctor Who videos...yikes! Or how 'bout the guy from Turkey or India or whereever, who actually wants to come over here so I can marry him and make him a legal resident of the U.S...okay, now that's a bit scary.

So, while I adore all my blog friends...some of these others are...making life rather....interesting. Not easily shocked...but some of these nuttier people actually make me feel...normal.